The 10 Habits Of Highly Successful Seducers… That You Need To Adopt

This couldn’t be more true.

With every successful seducer… player… ladies man, whatever you want to call them, you’ll notice a bunch of habits each of these guys have.

Now these habits have been formed by straight up hard work. I’m talking grinding in the streets, clubs, busy bars, parties… every possible place you can imagine.

But as a guy just starting out in game, it’s very easy to get confused, over analyse every situation and second guess yourself until you’re at the point of frustration which leads to giving up. [Read more…]

7 Simple Things You Must Do To Get Over Approach Anxiety

The route cause of your approach anxiety.

Approach anxiety is a killer.

In fact more PUA’s are killed each year as a result of this terrible disease than any other… OK I’m joking, but it does suck and is a very serious issue.

It’s the single biggest problem every guy has and can be the defining factor that will pretty much destroy your chances of getting good with women, if you don’t put a stop to it that is.

What is approach anxiety exactly?

Approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women you are attracted too. It stops you talking to women by filling your mind with excuses, extreme levels of fear and pointless chatter. [Read more…]

How To Boost Your Self Confidence And Develop Bullet-Proof Inner Game

Yep… he’s got bigger balls than you.

“First you do the thing you’re scared of… then you get the courage.”

When I hear people say that they wish they had more confidence, it genuinely makes me angry.

Why? Because it’s not something that just falls out of the sky or you stumble across one day, so saying that you wish you had more confidence is a dumb thing to say.

But here’s the thing… if you actually work on building your confidence (using proven techniques) and do things that naturally have a positive effect on your self-esteem, you have something that most don’t, which gives you an advantage in life. [Read more…]

The Pussy Magnet

Dearly beloved,

It’s been a while since my last post, so for this one I would like to talk about a topic close to my heart: Polarity. More specifically, sexual polarity.

You see, one of the commonest sticking points I see with students, is the inability to comfortably behave as the alpha male. You know, the guy who leads the girl, has a commanding presence, lives by his own rules and is not one to fuck with. [Read more…]

Want a rock star lifestyle? Nope, me neither.

Hey guys

A lot of the pick up world seems to focus on getting rock star lifestyle. Rocking up to some high end club with 20 girls in tow, sitting at a private table, drinking champagne and having an after party until the wee hours at some penthouse apartment.

This sounds lovely, but I have found that a lot of men, including myself, have absolutely no desire to live this kind of lifestyle.

So what happens to us regular dudes who just want to meet a nice girl and have a relationship? Are we boring? If so will learning game help or hinder our success with finding a girl whom we are compatible with? [Read more…]

There is absolutely no substitute for putting in effort and taking action

Hey guys

Thanks for all the emails and comments about the previous blogs.

Today’s blog is all about taking action and quitting your bullshit whining. This blog is going to have some basic common sense tips. If you like follow them and you are likely to get results. Alternatively you can carry on reading theory and making up pointless and ever increasing in size excuses to why you are not taking action.

As men, we don’t like making mistakes especially in front of other people or in a scenario where we could face our ultimate fear, being rejected by a girl we like. This is why only a very small percentage of people who ever get into game will actually go out and apply what they know in field. It is likely that he only time these people will ever try stuff out is when they are a bootcamp or seminar and an instructor is making them do it. [Read more…]

Life is fair, so Stop Whining and Start Winning!

Hey guys

I like the idea of fairness in life. People tend to put themselves into one of two categories; those who are unhappy and think that the world is unfair, and those who happy and think they are fortunate. What I find interesting is that it isn’t material possessions, status or wealth that determines what side of the coin you live on, it is your attitude.

When I am working with clients I have to make one thing extremely clear right from the start. If people cannot grasp and accept this concept then I am not able to help them.

The concept I introduce to people is “you are responsible for your own happiness and successes, regardless of what you have been through”. It may not be your fault what has happened to you in the past, however if you are ever going to get the results out of life you want than you have to own your actions and learn to be self disciplined. [Read more…]

Self esteem. What is it and how to get it?

 Hey guys

I find the subject of self esteem fascinating. It is often talked about, usually in the sense of either ‘having low self esteem’ or ‘how to raise your self esteem’. I have worked with a massive amount of clients with self esteem issues. In this post I am going to try and give tips and pointers that you can incorporate into your own life.

Firstly let’s define what self esteem actually is. Wikipedia’s description is “Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth”. The term esteem is described as “To regard with respect” in the dictionary. Self esteem can be simply put as liking yourself (high self esteem) or not liking yourself (low self esteem).

A quick search on the internet for what other terms people use for self-esteem and I found;

Confidence

Self-confidence

Self-worth

Sense of worth

Self-image

Self-respect

Self-regard

Self-assurance

Pride

Value

Empowerment

Inner game

So how do you go about raising your own self esteem? Why do some people have high self esteem while other people have low self esteem? Does self esteem really exist? I am a worthy person? These are all questions that I wanted to answer.

From all the research I have done over the years, I have come to somewhat of a conclusion. I believe that self esteem is earned and it takes time and effort. It is not something you get from dreaming big, from walking on hot coals or repeating lies (aka affirmations) to yourself on a daily basis. I also believe that self esteem is not a constant and varies in regards to your environment and surroundings. 

I get bombarded with emails from around the world on a daily basis. Guys (and girls) want to know how to increase their self esteem. They want the magic pill (anti depressants is something I will come onto later) or something that will make them love or even just themselves. Not liking yourself must be horrible because you tend to be you all your life. If you don’t like yourself then you should work on the reasons and do things that will cause you to like yourself. Wallowing in a well of self pity won’t help anyone. I always reply to people with some simple steps to take which I know will “increase” their self esteem. Will they do it? I doubt it. As what I tell them requires them to put in effort, most people want the results of change without having to make the changes. Or as I like to call it, being delusional.

I was with someone the other day who told me he suffered from low self esteem. Firstly you can not suffer from low self esteem, it isn’t something like a virus (unless it is a medically diagnosed condition). I asked him what he meant when he said that and he replied that his life was shit and he is going to the doctors as he wants to be put on anti depressants. He is 32, lives at home with his parents (which he hates and they don’t want him there), he is unemployed, very overweight, messy un-kept hair, poor personal hygiene, wears old baggy clothes, has no friends and spends all his time in his room watching DVDs and playing computer games. He has no goals in life and no motivation. He also has a younger brother who is married with 3 children. He also has a great job, is slim and enjoys a great social life. He constantly compares his life to his brothers, and so do his parents. This guy was also bullied at school as he had a speech problem (now fine). It isn’t hard to see why he doesn’t have high self esteem now.

This guy wants to now be put onto anti-depressants which I fully understand. However his aim is to feel better about himself, not actually make real world changes. I spoke at length with a GP the other day (I will hopefully be posting an interview here in the near future) about prescribing anti-depressants and how they help. In the case of this guy, it might make his life more tolerable, but it isn’t likely to change what he is doing. Anti-depressants are not side effect free, and if he has no plan on how to use the medication to achieve goals (by this I mean get a job, lose weight, form a social circle) then he will be adding another problem into his already problematic life.

The doctor I was talking to said that anti-depressants are most effective when they are to either help with endogenous depression (this is when the depression is not dependant on lifestyle, but a medical issue) and those who are going through a sudden change and need help getting through it. Sudden changes include bereavement, redundancy, having a baby, moving house/job/country etc. If however people just want to feel better about themselves without any plans to make lifestyle changes, then this is where they can become a crutch.

I spent a few hours with the guy with low self esteem and gave him some pointers on how to naturally raise self esteem. I am sure there are plenty more and please feel free to comment and post your own. The below tips are in no particular order.

* Taking responsibility. Where you are in life now may not be your fault, however if you want to see results then you need to take responsibility for your life. You can never control things 100%, but you can do a hell of a lot to make things better. This is your life and you are responsible for it. You are so incredibly lucky to even be alive and you can change your lifestyle.

*Drug and alcohol use. Drugs are bad mkay, and carry a lot of health risks. They change the natural flow of chemicals in your brain and make you feel like utter crap for days afterwards. Using drugs for special occasions I am sure is fine (please check with GP, who will obviously say they are not) but consistent and long term use may cause depression. The same with alcohol. Don’t believe me, don’t drink or do drugs for a month and see how you feel.

 *Exercise. Doing regular exercise is so good for you both mentally and physically. You should plan and stick to taking regular exercise. When I work with clients they often say that they do not have the time. Not interested. I can only advise people what to do, not run their lives for them. People will say it is too cold, dark, they don’t have anyone to go with etc etc etc. Then I simply reply “don’t do it then”. This puts the responsibility back on the client. I always make it clear with my clients that they can choose to follow my advice or not, I can only tell them what I have found to work for others.

 *Get off the computer. Humans are social animals. Computers are not people. Those who are the loneliest are usually those who spend the most time alone. I am not saying not to use computers, but realise that Facebook and other things like that is NOT being social. For every hour you spend alone on a computer (doing whatever) try to spend at least an hour with real people.

 *Put the conspiracy shit away. Listen, the world is not going to end in 2012. There is no illuminatii who are trying to put you into death camps and the government is not keeping you asleep in some hypnotic trance. I have not yet found a conspiracy theory that can not be explained with critical thinking. Stop scaring the shit out of yourself with this fantasy rubbish. A lot of people make a lot of money out of scaring you. Notice how all the conspiracy gurus (if that is the correct term) always have books, events, products or just need donations. 

 *Be a nice person. I can not tell you how nice it is to be nice. I am not getting into the whole “nice guy” thing, I am talking about just being a nice and considerate person. Every day I do things that I consider to be nice and kind, sometimes they are small and sometimes big. I use the tube most days and I always help to carry prams up and down the stairs. I spend time with service staff and treat them nicely and tip well. I buy people drinks. I love taking people out to dinner. The other day I helped an old lady cross the road (so cliché). I always ask people if they need help if they are looking at a map. I let other people on/off the bus and tube before me. I buy stupid little presents for people without reason. I stay behind for hours after I am being paid on the PUA Training bootcamps to help the students and answer their questions. I write these articles for free!!! Every day I make sure I do nice things, not because I have to but because I want to. It makes you feel great about yourself, try it!

*Eat well. Like with exercise, eating right is both vital for mental and physical health. There is no excuse for not eating correctly, you are an adult you need to learn how to feed yourself.

*Spend time with those you love. Take a look at who you spend time with, do you actually like them? You become your peer group, so be careful who you hang around with. I always want to be with those who are better than me, rather than those who hold me back. One amazing resource for meeting new people is www.meetup.com it is free and I use it all the time.

*Have fun experiences. What is the point of living if you don’t have fun? The other day I was speaking to one of my closest friends and she said she wanted to see more live shows in London. I was online after then and I came across a show called “La Soiree”. My friend is broke at the moment but I said I would treat her (overlaps with being nice). We went to the show and then we went out for dinner. It was one of the best nights of my life. Plan fun things and do them. It doesn’t always have to cost money, later this week I am taking another of my friends to feed the ducks at Alexandra Palace. It will also be a great laugh.

*Create something valuable. People talk about being high value, but what value do they really have to offer? I have found that by creating something that people want it makes you feel amazing. When I was younger I used to run live band nights in Manchester. This made me high value without even realising what value was. I then moved onto running business networking events, every month I would have 100 people in my offices. Now I am in London I have finally got round to creating my new thing of value, Interesting Talks! I love public speaking and I know loads of great speakers and trainers. I have started a meetup group http://www.meetup.com/interesting-talks-london which will be a monthly event. All the proceeds are going to charity and it will be fantastic to run and be involved with. By giving your time and resources to help create something valuable will sky rocket your self esteem.

*Do things you like. I always believe in treating yourself well. Lots of people try to punish themselves, instead I work on a reward basis. By filling my week with things I like doing, it makes me like my life. Some things are I like are eating out, going to the cinema, spending time with friends, having deep tissue massages, going to the pub, writing articles and blogs, buying clothes, eating sweets, going to parks, cooking and going to random London events. I always have things planned in my diary each week that I enjoy doing and I stick to them!

*Plan your life. One amazing resource I use is Google Calendars. It is totally free and it helps me to run and organise my life. I have three colours on my calendars, blue for work, red for financial and important things, orange for fun and leisure. I can see exactly what I am doing all week and if I am doing enough fun things or not. I like to plan things out and then do them. I take as much time planning and living my social life as I do my work life. If you spend just a few minutes a day planning your social life rather than reacting to other people’s plan, then you will really see the difference. Those who don’t plan what to do on the evenings and weekends usually up doing nothing! The more you plan the more you do!

*Get enough sleep. Sleep is so important to maintaining a healthy and positive outlook on life. I advise that for the last 30 minutes before you go to bed you disconnect from all technology. No TV, internet or computer games. Allow your brain to wind down and make your room relaxing. I am all for scented oils and candles. Try to get to bed before midnight and get at least 7 hours of sleep per night. If you have problems getting to sleep then use hypnosis downloads and remember to unplug from technology for 30 minutes to relax.

*Dress well. There is a strong psychological link between looking good and feeling good. If you wear old crappy clothes and don’t take care of your appearance, then you will not generate a good reaction from others. If you dress well and take pride in your appearance, then this will shine through and you will get much better reactions from people. Looking good does not have to cost a lot, it is about knowing how to shop for your body type. Dress as the person who you want to become, not who you are now!

*Get on with things. I am not a religious person and I have no interest in trying to change or alter anyone’s believes. However until someone can show me undeniable evidence that there is an afterlife, I am assuming we just have our short time on this side of eternity. Find out what things you actually want to do and then get on it. Stop trying to motivate yourself before you take any action steps. Once you start to take action you will develop motivation and passion. There is never a right time to do anything, so you might as well start now. Choose one thing that you have been putting off or never got round to doing and just get on with it. This is why I started my meetup group, I had been thinking about it for a few months. Now it is up and running I feel great about it.

*Expect everyone else to be a muppet. One thing I have found is that I can’t really rely on anyone else and shit happens all the time. I assume the worse will happen every day and then plan for if it does. By planning for the worst I am actually constantly surprised by the world. If I need to get into town I will always give myself twice as long as I should need. I have been let down by public transport so many times that I now just assume it will happen. Now I am always early and I spend my time having a nice coffee and reading a book. I expect the best from people and situations but prepare for the worst. I live in a world where I accept things go wrong, so when they do I am not very bothered. When they go right I am always happy.

*Make specific goals. Goal setting is an interesting topic, once which I am very interested in. In the self help world they tell you that you can have anything you desire just by thinking about it. Bullshit! Also most people make intangible goals such as “I want to be happy”, “I want a good social life”, “I want abundance”, “I want to enjoy my life”, “I want to fulfil my potential” and loads of other tree hugging hippy crap. You need to make your goals tangible, if not how can you test and measure it? Ask yourself, if you did have a good social life what would you be doing? This could break down to going out 3 times a week, once for a meal, once to the pub and once to an event. You now have tangible things to work on. If a goal isn’t tangible then it is just a pointless fantasy.

*Keep a record of your fun times in photos. I think photos are a great way of recording memories. Take lots of photos of you and your friends doing the things you enjoy. Then make sure that you display them where you can see them all the time. If you are ever feeling down then you can look at these pictures to remind you of what great things you have already done. Printing out digital photos cost pennies, put them all over your walls.

*Stop comparing yourself to others. Your success should only be judged by your success, not those of other people. Facebook is the ultimate place to show off and basically lie about your life. This is why I keep off it as I really don’t care about what other people are doing. Never compare yourself to others as it will end in disaster.

*Evaluate your surrounds. If you room/house is dirty, dark, messy and gloomy then you will probably feel down. Make sure you take care of the fundamentals such as having a nice clean house and try to get as much light and colour in there as possible. Our surrounding have a massive effect on our mood and it is something we can easily control. By having a clean room, filled with nice things (candles, oil burners etc) and lots of pictures of you and your friends on the wall will make you feel better about yourself.

*Aim low. This now goes against all the self help crap out there. I am sick of hearing about having to make massive goals to motivate yourself. The bigger the goal, the less likely you will ever achieve it. When you don’t achieve a goal it makes you feel crap about yourself. When you achieve and surpass a goal it makes you feel amazing. For example with this first meetup for Interesting Talks I am organising I was hoping to raise £50 for charity and have 15 people attend. So far I have raised £90 and have had over 70 people join the group, 18 of which have confirmed. Another 15 or so have confirmed via email. I still have over a week to go before the event so I assume the figures will go up even more. I am motivated by achieving and surpassing small goals rather than never achieving large ones.

*Taking criticism and advice. I always have a lot of people giving me criticism and advice. Some of it is friendly and helpful, some of it is because the person is trying to put me down. Whenever someone gives me criticism or advice I always thank them and say they are probably right. I think why they are giving this to me and can I actually use it. I frequently get hypnotists telling me how to advertise and market my services. It only takes a little checking to see that I am making much more money than them. I never take advice from someone doing worse than me.

*Take time to fully relax. We live in a crazy world and our mind and bodies are not yet fully adapted to this way of living. This is why it is so important to take time out to fully relax. I suggest that for one day a week you refuse to do any work and not reply to any emails or take any phone calls. I write down important numbers, I then leave my phone at home. It is such an amazing and freeing feeling and allows you to really recharge your batteries.

The above tips are in no particular order and I do not expect you to do all of them. But read through them and see if you can incorporate any of them into your life and see what results you get. Self esteem in a state/mood and it is generated and maintained by the things you do. Stop sitting about feeling sorry for yourself and wish you had high self esteem and get out there and do the things that generate it.

I have high self esteem because I enjoy my life and do the things that cause me to feel good about myself. I do this through planning and hard work. I do not sit at home “wishing things were better”. I just get on with things, yes it sometimes hurts but that is life. If you want to have high self esteem or like yourself, then you have to give yourself the reasons to do so. Self esteem is earned through application, not by just wanting it.

 Of course please feel free to ignore all of the above and use “The Law of Attraction” to manifest amazing things into your life.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)

Out of a long term relationship, now what?

Hey guys

Before I start on the post I want to say a massive thank you to all of those who comment, tweet/facebook share and email me. Every day I get several emails from people all over the World who contact me about my posts. It is very humbling and I am glad that you are getting use from them.

OK so today’s post is about long term relationships and specifically what to do when you come out of them. A large proportion of the clients I work with are in this very situation. They have come out of a long term relationship or have even been married. For the last several years they have spent the majority of their time with their partner and now that bubble has burst. What are they left with? How do they go about rebuilding their life?

I know guys find out about Game through a variety of reasons and everyone has their own personal goals. A very common thing I find with guys who have come out of a LTR is that they now want to play “catch up” and have multiple partners or just sleep around. In order to do this they have gone on a bootcamp or read loads of materials and are now out there applying this stuff. A lot of people also move backwards, i.e. they contact all their old friends who they lost contact with whilst being in the relationship.

I am all about relationships and finding someone who you are really happy with. I like to think that I teach “girlfriend game” if there is such a thing, rather than constantly going out night after night trying to close girls. I personally think being with a girl who you really like, respect and want to be with is worth a hundred girls who you close in crap hole night clubs. I also would not want to be in a relationship with a girl who I kissed within hours of meeting her.

When you come out of a LTR it is time to take stock of your life. When you are with a partner for a significant amount of time them your whole life tends to revolve around them to some degree. Your social life and all your free time is usually spent with this person, so when they are gone you suddenly have a lot of free time on your hands. Many guys decide to hide from reality and take solace in computer games, drinking, drugs or other dangerous activities. Being alone can be a painful experience and people will do a range of activates to distract themselves from it. These activities are usually harmful and add to the problem over time.

So you are out of the LTR, she has moved out and you are left alone. When you try calling your old friends, who you have ignored for years, they all seem to be married off and not really up for going out to game. Your social life is now defunct as you spent most of your time with her and with people that you knew together as a couple. You look in the mirror and looking back at you is a badly dressed, un-kept and overweight version of yourself. How did you get to this state and what you can you possibly do now? Well before you crack open the whisky and sleeping tablets, let’s explore a few possibilities. 

From doing my job I get to work with a fantastic amount of people from all walks of life. The information
I am going to share with you is just what I have learned from over the years from working with such a variety of people. This is what I have found to give the best results overall if hopefully you can start to apply some of the principals.

Tip 1 – Move forward not backwards

When you come out of a LTR it is very tempting to move backwards in life. People want what they have missed out on or what they once had. If you used to go out clubbing every weekend and do a range of narcotics before you settled down, then people often crave for their old lifestyle. This lifestyle may have been fine when you were in your 20’s doing a job you didn’t really care about, but when you are in your 30’s and 40’s with a mortgage and other commitments (kids etc) then this is not very sensible.
My advice is instead of looking back in life is to look forward. Instead of calling all your old friends, start to make new ones who you are going to have things in common with now, not things you had in common 10 years ago. There are always people who are in your situation now who you will have more in common with, you just need to find them.
 

Tip 2 – Start to design your own social life

I find that a lot of people design their social life in order to meet a partner. Once they find their partner and settle down, then they stop going out and having as much interaction with people outside of their relationship. Instead of having a variety of friends and activities, they do everything with their partner, from meals out, cinema through to the endless nights of sitting in watching TV. This is putting all your eggs in one basket, or a having a single point of failure in business strategy terms.

If you look at what your social life is now, does it have much substance? By this I mean do you just go out to pubs and clubs (usually to do game etc) with the same people, or do you do a variety of activities where you meet new people all the time? Ask yourself this question, when you meet someone you really like how much will your life change?

I have found that those who are in the most successful relationships are those who are relatively independent. When I am in a relationship my life does not change all that much, of course this is always compromise but I always have my own activities and interests that I pursue regardless of if I am in a relationship or not. I am a firm believer in quality over quantity when it comes to spending time with a partner. I would rather see my girlfriend 3 times a week when we do interesting things, rather than sit in every night watching the TV.

When I work with clients I advise them to investigate 3 main activities; physical, creative and giving back.

Physical
I always tell people to have some sort of physical activity in their life. Going to the gym is OK, but again it is one of those things people do until they get a girlfriend. I much prefer it when people do a regular weekly activity especially when it is a team sport. It is never too late to take up any sport and you are practically guaranteed to make new friends through it.

Creative
We often neglect our creative side the older we get. Instead of learning fascinating new things we spend countless hours in front of the TV or playing video games. I think there is a time and a place for these activities, but they should be limited.

When you do a more creative activity then it uses different parts of your brain and makes you feel more complete. Again it also will get you interacting with a variety of new people who you have shared rapport with. I am going to do a weekend cooking course just for the sake of it, I am also thinking about doing a massage course too.  I began to learn NLP and Hypnosis purely as a hobby, now it is my living.

Think about things you want to do such as photography, music, arts, acting, starting a small business and a whole range of other things. It is really easy to find courses and activities on the internet. I use something called www.meetup.com which is fantastic for meeting new people. It is like Facebook but it is focused towards real life meet ups rather than online networking. Whatever you want to learn about or do, it is likely other people are also doing it already.

Giving back
By being involved in something were you give back to a wider audience, it is not fun and interesting but it helps enormously with self esteem. When I used to live in Manchester I used run a business networking group called “Brookfield Networking”. Each month I would host this free event with up to 100 people in attendance. It was an amazing experience and I got to meet literally hundreds of people. Off the back of these events I was invited to speak at a range of other events in Manchester and got really involved with the small business and entrepreneur scene.

How can you use your time and talents to give back to a wider audience? Now I am here in London I have organised a few free talks about anxiety and stress. Next year this is something I am going to do more of and move it to central London so more people can attend. I gave a talk the other week near where I live in Highgate, after I took 25 people to the local pub! Good times.

There are volunteer opportunities always available, you just need to look. Think about how you can offer something and what you have some sort of passion for. A lot of people involve charity work as they, or a family member, have often been touch by something like cancer. Getting involved in projects with a common goal really helps you to build solid new connections with people and gives you a fulfilling life.
 

Tip 3 – Invest in yourself

Would you date yourself? This was a brilliant question raised by one of our former trainers. If you are not willing to invest in yourself, how can you expect others to do so?

A good way to invest in yourself is having a style make over and buying a new collection of clothes. Start to get rid of old tatty clothes and start to bring in much more fitted and fashionable threads. Also start to invest in your own development, this can include courses, bootcamps and alike.

I always like to treat myself to nice things and I always invest in my therapy training. I don’t wait until I need to take action, I always like to be pre-emptive. The more you invest in yourself, the higher your value. Start to do things you enjoy (finances permitting) and enrich your life with new experiences. By investing in yourself you become more attractive to others and it helps improve self esteem.  
 

Tip 4 – Hit the gym
Hitting the gym or taking up any physical form of exercise is beneficial in several ways. Firstly by improving your physical self it has a strong psychological impact on how you feel. Exercise helps to promote the flow of serotonin in the brain (the feel good chemical) as well as improving physical shape, which makes you feel better about yourself.

Exercise also helps to clear your head. Emotional problems tend to be a right hemisphere activity and people often get lost in thought. When you are physically moving then it uses more of your brain so less focus is given to these issues. It also forces the brain to think differently if your mind should focus on your problems. The more internal you become with your emotional issues, the less you move. One of the best ways to get your brain moving again is to physically move your body. I will write an in-depth blog all about these in the near future.
 

Tip 5 – Spend time with other people, do not be alone.

Try not to be alone. Spend time with other people rather than sit at home alone. The more time you spend alone the more you think about your problems. Thinking about problems rarely has any positive impact and isolates you from the outside world.

By getting out there and spending more time with new people, it will also open up new opportunities and you will probably find someone who is much better for you anyway. I know it is very tempting to sit alone in your pit of despair and think about how bad things are, but get yourself out with new people and avoid being isolated. The longer you spend isolated and alone, the more depressed you become. The more depressed you become the more you reply on distraction activities (smoking, drinking, tv etc) the harder it is to then make changes and meet other people.
 

Conclusion

Work on yourself! Establish a life that you like living and where you are out with different groups of people on a weekly basis. The activities you do and the people you spend time with should not be dictated by weather you are in a relationship or not.

Your lifestyle and social activities should be something you do to welcome partners into, not something you do to attract someone then completely change who you are. 

The question I always get clients to ask is “would you date yourself?”. If you don’t want to date yourself, then how can you expect others to do so?

I hope that this article helps and you can start to apply some of the tips. As usual please leave comments and tweet/facebook it with the button above.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)

p.s. alternatively you can buy lots of self help books and visualise a new exciting future. Without having to put any time or effort into the process you can simply change your “mindset” and use the “Law of Attraction” to manifest your new life. I don’t see how this could possibly fail ;)

Reality Check: What do you actually want in Life people?!

Hey guys

I  am going to have a bit of a rant today. It is cold and I have drunk a lot of coffee. I hope you can take some useful tips from this post. Please leave a comment for the post and tweet or facebook it, or whatever those buttons are. I do get a lot of emails from people who read my blogs, instead of contacting me please post them here so I can reply and everyone gets the benefit of the answer. Please note that the clients who I refer to in this post have given their full permission and has approved it prior to publishing.

A client came to see me last month, he wanted motivation, self esteem, passion for life and a list of other crap he had read in self help books. He had attended a motivation seminar earlier this year, but surprising this did not have lasting results. He had even tried EFT, the practice of tapping your face and other magical energy points on your body while repeating mantras like “I fully accept myself” etc. If you think EFT will get you results then I have some magic beans you might be interested in buying. Also you can earn £10k a month just by working 2 hours a week from home. If something seems too good to be true, that is because it is. Maybe I am just cynical and should learn how to use the “Law of Attraction”, maybe not.

My first question to everyone I work with is “what do you want?” His reply was “I want my life back”. He is currently out of work and sits around all day in his little dingy bedsit, which is above a take away in a bad part of London. He does not have any friends, his family are distant and he fills his days by playing computer games, drinking and smoking a lot of weed. It is not hard to see why people get depressed, if I had his life I certainly would be too.

Although his life seems crappy now, it wasn’t always this way. 2 years ago he was a successful business man with him own company. He had a nice girlfriend, a good social circle and overall enjoyed life. Everything was fine until the recession hit and the banks overnight cut his credit limit. This had catastrophic results on his business and it imploded within a week. He lost his house, his business, his girlfriend and most important his sense of worth/motivation/self esteem/inner game/fill in the blank for yourself. For the past two years he has tried to escape his current reality with drink, drugs, computer games and anything else that takes his mind of his problems.

His aim was to get back to being the person he once was. Unfortunately I do not have a time machine so I was unable to help him with this request. This is what so many people want to achieve, they want to go back in time to when they were happy. So many of my friends reminisce and talk about the “good old days” back at uni or at school and when they had so much fun. I am having the best time of my life now, I believe it should always be that way.

The opposite to living in the past is to live in the future. People have massive delusions about what they are going to achieve, fuelled by the self help industry. People often create fantasy worlds about the future as this makes their life bearable now. The sad reality is that this is highly unlikely to ever happen and their lives are going to get progressively worse.

Getting back to my client, he is extremely bitter and a lot of this is towards his bank. He blames his current state on his bank for cutting his credit limit and therefore imploding his business, which caused him to lose his house etc etc. I asked him “do you think your bank actually cares?” he said “they should”, I said “well, they don’t”. Being angry about someone or something is not going to ever help you. You are responsible for your own happiness and success. Yes life does throw a lot of crap at you, but it is how you deal with it that really matters.

As we talked I started to find out that is wasn’t completely the banks fault. It turns out that he relied far too much on the bank and credit lines which made his business highly venerable. If I was able to put him back the person he was before the credit crunch, then he is likely to make the same mistakes again. You can not change the past, but you can learn from it.

So what do I mean by this. Well there are two sides to everything, what you are doing and responsible for and what other people do and are responsible for. A large proportion of people who are a victim of a crime at the hands of another person, are much more likely to endure the issue again, when compared to people who have never been a victim in the first place. If you have been mugged, raped, assaulted or abused then you are more likely to go through it again if you do not learn from your past and change what you are doing. The majority of all crime is circumstantial, i.e. you happen to be in a certain place or situation.

Ok let’s get into this. A guy came to see me a few weeks ago how has been mugged 3 times in the last month. Unlucky? Yes, but his actions were also contributing to these events. Every time he had been mugged he has been out drinking and walking home alone. The way he walks is past several cash machines at about 3am and is in a bad part of London. Each time the muggers had got him before the cash machines and taken him to them and withdrawn his limit. He wanted me to help him restore his confidence. If I did this then he is highly likely to be mugged again. Look at his actions and behaviours, he is out by himself, intoxicated, at a time and an area where muggers operate. If he was not drunk and near these cash machines, got a taxi or lived in a different part of London then he is not likely to be mugged. No amount of therapy is going to change the world or other people’s actions. Life isn’t fair. I was able to help him deal with the trauma of the incidents and I gave him a number of a local taxi firm. He has not been mugged since. The muggers will have mugged other people, as this is what muggers do. Instead of trying to change the behaviour of others, focus on what you are doing.

Back to the first client. He wants his old life back but he did not want to learn from what had happened. He was fully ready to set the business up again and rely on credit lines, however this is practically impossible to do in the current climate. The fact is that if he sets his business up and heavily relies on uncertain external factors, then the same thing is likely to happen again. It is only when he accepts that what he does also contributes to both the successes and failures he encounters. Begrudgingly he started to understand and is currently in talks with investors as opposed to getting credit. This is a much more stable way of setting up the business.

A few people have emailed me recently complaining that my posts are not about Game. So for those of you out there I am going to take the points from above and put it into a way that you can incorporate into your game and success with women.

I want you all to get the notion of circumstance and logistics. The guys who I know who have slept with the most women have all done it in the same way. By going to house parties! At house parties everyone is a good mood, you have shared rapport (you are all there for the same reason), it is easy to talk to people and there are bedrooms on site. A lot of the time these guys have had zero game, they just happen to be in the right place at the right time. This is exactly the reason why PUA Training has a residential flat in Leister Square, because it is so easy to bounce girls there after a night out.

If your aim is to go out and get laid, then actually have a plan put in place. If you live an hour outside of London and with your parents, then it is going to be bloody difficult. Take a leaf out of Peter Stringfellow’s book, he lives above his own strip club! Does this man deserve to sleep with all the hot women he does based on his looks, personality or game etc. No of course not. But he does anyway because he has designed things that way.

My best advice to you is to think about what your actions are and the logistics of what you are trying to achieve. Don’t try and change other people or the world, instead work with it. If bad things keep happening to you, then is highly likely to be the result of the actions you are doing.

The more time you spend with people, the better socially you become. Spending your free time reading or watching videos about game without action will not help you. Spending time on Facebook is NOT being sociable. The more time you spend with people, especially girls, the better your results will be. The guys who I know who have the best “game” have literally no idea what “game” is. Make a promise to yourself that for every hour of theory, do an hour of practice. Start to design your life and plan logistically how to get the results that you want, then do it. Yes it will hurt, it will also take time and effort. Welcome to the real world.

Learn from your past and plan for the future. Don’t rely on others for your successes in life, only yourself. The best things happen those who are in the right place at the right time, so make sure you are that person. Being at home alone whinging about how bad your life is, is not the best strategy.

Matt Kendall aka Hypnomatt

p.s. remember to leave a comment and press those nice colour buttons.