httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKBz-V4igl4
Here is a video where i went out for the afternoon wearing nothing but a bin bag, a pair of shoes and a little bag… The point of this exercise was to help my student become more confident at approaching. Mission acomplished!
What is confidence in approaching and dating really beautiful women and what do women mean when they say they like a guy who has confidence?
Confidence is made up of a whole lot of different things to produce a feeling in you that enables you to do things that “Confident,” people do. It is just a feeling made up of a number of thoughts desires and needs. If you can develop this state of confidence you success with women will sky rocket. You will be natural, you won’t care what women or people think because you will be self confident. When you become confident you won’t rely on the validation of others to feel that you are a good, cool and worthy person… you will know that you are a god person, cool, fun, happy etc.
As you might have seen on everyone of my Approaching videos where i walk up to random women that are extremely attractive I have ZERO! Approaching fear… nothing! No nervous ticks, no hesitation, no weakness. I demonstrate to women that I am the prize, that i am in control, that i am more attractive and that my value is higher than theirs. Women play by my rules and that is the only game that we play… MY RULES! I am not interested in any other scenarios.
This feeling i have is incredible and it can be learned, in fact, i started Approaching women with more fear, nervousness and insecurities than any other person i have ever met. I had just arrived in a new country after fleeing Africa, i ran for my life! I arrived in the UK on a very cold february morning and within a few days i was approaching women with the intention of getting laid. I was in a sad way but my needs were extreme at that stage of my life. I had no friends or family and i just wanted some companionship and i believed that if i can sleep with hot girls then I was validated… I was a worthy and good person. Thats another topic coming soon, back to Confidence and how you are going to become an extremely outgoing and confident person.
Fast forward a few years and I am approached by people who have seen my confidence in Action! Yes people have seen my videos were the emotion of “Confidence,” is propelling me to meet hot women, attract them, make them laugh, get their phone numbers and meet them on dates (When i have the time). My game has gotten to such a tight level that i don’t even take women’s numbers anymore… they take mine!
You might be confident in other areas of life, maybe in banking, driving cars, horse riding, sky diving or any number of things and the way you become confident at those things was a similar process to how i became confident at approaching really Attractive women.
Do you want to know the simpilest and quickest way to become confident at approaching women?
For example, Someone who is confident in investing money on the stockmarket might not be Confident at approaching and meeting hot women.The main difference is that the stockmarket investor has asigned his time to learning and understanding how the stockmarket works and therefore developed confidence there. Should this stockmarket investor want to develop confidence in the area of meeting and dating hot women he would have to go throught a very similar process that he went through to become a confident investor…
Lets have a look at the process he will have gone through. It might have consisted of
A lot of time commitment
A lot of repitition of desired skills, ie, practice
Trial and error
Reading a lot of books
Learning advanced calculations
Attending a lot of classes
Paying extra money for personal tuition
Learning to trust his gut feeling
Overcoming the fear of loosing money
Knowing what kind of money he wants to accumulate
Setting goals and targets to work towards
So these are just a few things I thought up quickly. I’m sure there is a lot more to it that I have absolutely no idead about but the list of things are very similar to the things a guy can and should do to improve his Approaching Stunning babes skills.
Lets disect the state of Confidence a little closer
Is a Confident guy always Confident or does he rely on chance and other things?
Well, you don’t need to be feeling very confident to be able to meet really hot women when you see them walking down the street or in other places. You just need to know that you can do it! How do you get this knowledge? By trying over and over and over and then doing less of the stuff that doesn’t work and more of the stuff that does work. Please read my other articles on what to do and what not to do when meeting women
Confidence is doing what you wish you could do, saying what you mean and being unapologetic about who you are. Doing what you wish you could do… Nike said it first ‘Just do it.’ This attitude of just doing it is attractive. Unfortunately you may have some emotions that hold you back from ‘just doing it.’ You might be afraid of rejection? Without rejection there is no success so the key to success is rejection! The fear of rejection is only an emotion that you cause yourself to experience and the easiest way to get rid of the fear is to ‘just do the thing that you fear.’ You will have to do it more than once, more than 10 times and probably more than 100 times depending on your beliefs and sensitivity amongst other things.
Personally, i removed the emotion of fear of rejection by being reject over and over again until my brian realized that rejection didn’t equal anything harmful. In fact I anchored rejection to positivity and happiness which really baffled women. If I made an approach that didn’t go well, instead of looking sad and miserable I would jump up punching my fist into the air and scream “YES! Yeah!!! THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, HOO RA!” And i would say this in a very excited and energetic way which would make me laugh. In effect what i was doing was pumping my own state or re fueling for the next approach i was about to do. The next set i approached were amazed at my energy, humor, and lack of caring what they thought and by doing this over and over I became the most skilled PUA around at approaching women!
Once i had removed the fear of approaching I was able to approach and be myself. By being myself i mean talk with women the way i would talk to them if i had known them for years, and talk to them the same way i would talk to my guy friends. This means having neutral vocal tonality and being open and transparent, friendly and smooth in movement, thought and conversation. If your not shy around your friends then dont be shy around women. Before an approach pretend these girls are people you have known for years, convince yourself of that and your approach will be more effective! Visualize the approach going really well and see the girls liking you, smiling, asking you questions and giggling.
Confidence comes with time and practice, it can be learnt and if you really want to learn to be a Confident guy you will learn it…guaranteed!
Knowing your outcome and knowing it in detail breads confidence. Knowing what you need to do will give you confidence. Knowing that you have the ability to achieve your goal is the final level and that is confidence. The way you get to know you have the ability is by doing research on how to start conversations with women and then going out and practicing. Keep practicing, you will get success and eventually you will know that you have the ability to do that which you wish you could do.
Determination is another emotion that is can be attributed to the success of many of my approaches. When you want to do something it often won’t get done but if you need something and you are determined to get it you often will get that which you are going after. Be more determined to get this area of your life handled! Be determined to go out today and speak to 20 women you have never met before. ANd when you are first Approaching women you want to Approach in a friendly manner with the intention to mae them laugh and improve their day… forget about Seducing them! If you are a newbie and you approach women with the idea that you are going to score you will A. Put to much pressure on yourself and B. Telegraph way to much interest which are both ingredients to Approaching FAILURE! Don’t do it. APproaching with a happy and friendly energy.
Say what you mean! There isn’t a need to memorize lengthy openers that you read in a book or in some forum. There are many different ways of Starting conversations. Want some ideas? Want to see how it’s done by an MPUG? Then log into the Vault and watch my approaches… I used to call myself Richard Foxstar but now i just go by my real name Richard Macilwaine. Watch my videos and see how it’s done. You can read as much material as you like but if you can’t see how to do it you will often misinterpret the writers meaning.
Image style and identity
This is underrated in the community. The way you look, the way you think you look and the way the clothes make you feel is extremely important to raising your value. To many guys just put on the basics and take very little in developing a personal style that is cool and different to everyone else.You want to be different! You can be different without looking like a clown… I am not talking about peacocking as that often tends to bring up images of make up, painting your nails, wearing to much jewelry etc. What i want you to start to realise is that the next time you see a really hot girl with her boyfriend, look at what he is wearing. Most likely he will be wearing something stylish and cool.
Tyler Durden in the movie fight club had some stylish outfits, watch movies like these with cool role models and start to find clothes of that style. It’s not complicated! Otherwise get some girl friends and tell them you want to go shopping and can they help you pimp out your wardrobe. Give it a try ;)
To sum up the Art of becoming confidence… 1. Get some private coaching from any instructor who can prove that he can approach hot women successfully as there a number of people who talk a good game but when it comes to it… they can’t demo. Be careful! Find someone who walks the walk and doesn’t just talk the talk.
The next thing you want is to spend time out on your own Approach women, this is the way i did it and this is the medicine i prescribe! It is effective and it will get you to be confident around women!
Keep Approaching!
While I love this article, what if you had a lot of back hair, would you have gone out there with your shirt off? Like most women find that to be a turn-off. If you had something like that that was a turn off, would you do what you did in that video?
If you got something you feel like a turn off, and you either can't or don't want to get rid of it, then I think the best thing would be to just experiment. Try:
1) Shoving it boldly in front of people, pointing it out and commenting upon it, showing you're not ashamed of it and generally acting as if it should actually be a turn on
2) Just not mentioning it and gaming as normal
3) Hiding it as effectively as possible
This method also helps with your AA because you're just approaching with the aim of finding out what reactions will be like; you can't actually fail, since getting blown out will only contribute to improving your game.
that jut seems to me to be the wisest option. Hope it helped.
Gabriel
This is an interesting post. This is what all PUAs always seem to talk about, confidence. Girls are like sharks in the sea, they smell weakness.
"Confidence is doing what you wish you could do, saying what you mean and being unapologetic about who you are. Doing what you wish you could do… Nike said it first ‘Just do it.’"
so this is pretty big. Dressing up like retards and not letting it affect you is a big step. Hypnotica talks about this a lot in his videos/teachings. He suggests to walk around Wal-Mart with your finger in your nose, asking people where products are. It doesnt matter if they are women or not.
The whole idea is to get into your head that it desn't matter what other people think…. guys, old people, your neighbors, your enemies.. or beautiful women! Just do what you want to do, and this seems to give you that glow/aura of someone with lots of confidence/experience in the world.
This is a problem i'm working on now!
My biggest problem when I started to pick-up women, was that I had NO CONFIDENCE at all. And it wasn't only in the Game, but in my everyday life too. I have read a lot of books and a half year later from where I started I've godt 300% more confidence. I think that it is one of the most important things which you need to master to be a great pua.
Great article by the way. Looking forward to read more from you.
great stuff rich. shows that the most important DHV is really just to have fun.
This is a really cool idea!
Watching this video made me realise a crucial element to Game and to why people that learn it versus those that dont or don't need it. The fact that the natural social butterflys are the ones that are confident enough to be themselves, which to me is the key to being good generally at pick up and it's true…
The one thing i realised a lot of naturals do who have awesome social lives is that they put their personality on the line and don't care about what people think. And it's that reason that ironically makes them likeable.
A very zen like thing when you think about it because as AFC's, we think the transverse of that needs to be done, that we need to act like someone else in order for people to like us more, when in fact being yourself is the key 'cos it makes you comfortable and as a result, makes the people around you comfortable as well.
This video is a perfect example of how nothing matters. If you are genuinely comfortable in your own skin. Even wearing a bin liner will make people comfortable around you…
Awesome video!
this article is good.
I personally suffer massive aa or social confidence issues have read several pua book, but always find an excuse to not give it ago.
To be honest I think noel's feedback has hit it on the head a secret excuse not feeling fit enough or a spot or something.
I personally am working on these issues but relise i still need to be starting to play the game if im going to get anywhere.
Next time I see a girl im going to enter the race fuck it if I come last place at least I would have entered.
p.s. Noels posting shuld be in the running for the prize its definatley hit the 'spot' with me
This video on building Confidence is outrageous! If I seen someone running around town willy-nilly like this, I think I would have two responses. Run or just start laughing uncontrollably. It appears from the video that the second was the most likely choice. If I had the dingle berries to do this I'm sure my game would be elevated to limits I could never imagine! AA would be a thing of the past and a smile would be there to last. Unfortunately I will probably continue the night out being a keyboard jockey, watching puatraining have all the fun!
I am very glad that I didn't have to go through this in order to better my Inner Game. I spent a year after my LTR ended to become the man that I have wanted to be. I am very glad that instead of wearing crazy outfits, I wrote down all of the attributes that I thought a Man, not neccessarily a PUA, should have. The list was at least a mile long! I then wrote down all of my characteristics, good and bad. Every day, I would wake up, look at the two lists, compare them, and work on one characteristic. After over a year of working on them, my Game has gone to new levels just because of my Inner Game. Kinda a long reply, but just wanted to let people know that there are other ways to build confidence other than dressing up all crazy!
Im pretty new to PUA and all that it entails, but I kinda feel that as soon as I learn something in the field, that I ready to pass on to others who are just starting out. Im sure those of us that are somewhat down our PUA paths will have all experienced that ‘Fuck it’ moment when we first started out trying to chat to women. I know when I did it, I immediately awkwardly marched over to a set and opened them (and surprisingly despite my insecure boldness managed to get into conversation). When I first said ‘fuck it’ to the AFC inside me I was still really scared of the outcome because if they did anything other than worship me by the time I left them then I would feel I had failed, and obviosuly this isn’t a healthy view to have. Therefore I think Richard is onto something in this article with the idea of speaking to 20 women you don’t know with the simple intention of making them smile. I tried this myself- I was in my local high street the other day after having had a pretty poor night PUA wise the night before, so I thought to myself ‘the next girl I see I’le compliment and move on before she has time to reply’ (I’m not reccommending this as an opener or anything though). Anyways I saw a girl and just said ‘Hey, I love your jeans- you’ve got great taste’. ‘Er..thanks’ she said, kinda confused about why I had just obviously walked over the street just to say that, but the point is she smiled and I like to think it helped make her day (or at least her afternoon). It helped me so much just to approach and not stay in conversation or anything, of course there is plenty of potential to start conversations in the street, but for those starting out like me I think the advice of approaching without the intention or expectation of anything (and I mean anything, even a response) is a healthy way to begin practising approaches. And you’le be surprised how damn lovely some girls are when you approach and compliment them, they will start a conversation with you…and then just roll with it, see where you can take it.
I have just started dealing with this aspect of my life. I would not say that I am a total novice with girls and I “got lucky” like most other guys. I have recently moved to the UK, leaving my friends and social circle behind. It is now that I have moved out of my social circle that I realised I need to spend some time on my social skills and personal development.
Initially I thought that the problem was self confidence and I read many books on the subject, some even came with cd’s that you have to listen to! Needles to say, none of them really helped for my problem. This made me even more depressed and seemed to destroy what little self confidence I had. I know, it is crazy, the medicine that what supposed to make it better, made it worse.
I thought that because I had no confidence with woman, that I had no confidence at all. It is only after reading Richard’s book and spending some time analyzing the problem with a trainer that I realised that I do have self confidence, I was just so hung up on confidence in this one area of my life that I missed to spot the areas where I do have confidence. I now know that I am extremely confident in certain areas of my life. I mean super confident. I have done some amazing things professionally and in other aspects of my life and I am finally starting to see the wood for the trees. Just because you lack confidence in one aspect of your life does not mean that you don’t have confidence. You just need to develop it and as you keep pushing yourself to move out of your comfort zone into that area where you don’t feel confident, you will see that your confidence grows so that soon, your comfort zone has now increased to include that area where you were once uncomfortable in.
For me, my journey has just started and I have recently spent two hours with one of the trainers identifying problem areas and what needs work. There is a lot to be done, but I am excited and can’t wait to get this aspect of my life handled. I would like to thank Richard and everyone at PUA for sharing their experiences and knowledge with me and others like me. It is good to know that my problem is not unique!
I've done stuff such as this in the past, throughout high school I would sometimes come in wearing a Pooh Bear costume, and would just have fun with it through out the day slide on the floors with the stuffed belly and whats not, it got a lot of kicks and laughs but not much attention from women.
I have lost a lot of my confidence since then and wouldn't be caught dead doing anything like this, tough I wish I could, Its just something I have trouble doing now, I am however working on getting this level of confidence back and This post/video will help me on my way to accomplishing that goal.
Thanks guys Keep up the great posts.
This is an awsome article and really hits home! Approaching is a skill,like riding a bike and it can be learned, as shown above! But I am going to suggest something here that I believe would maximise Approach Success.
Having studied the game for a while now, I am aware that guys usually have a secret excuse for NOT approaching, this could be their weight, body shape/height, looks, fear of rejection and so on.
Then these guys try to approach, they get shot down, and their secret excuse is amplified.
93 percent of communication is non verbal. Think about a 1 year old baby, who can’t say a word, but yet we know when they are happy,upset or shocked even though they don’t speak a language. This proves communication is mostly non verbal
My point here is, if you have a “secret excuse” and dont verbally communicate this, a Woman will still know your not confident! Just as if you’re scratching your arm a woman can tell you have an itch lol, also if you have a worry of some sort,this will be non verbally communicated to the woman. If the woman can sense you dont have your life together, your chances of a successfull approach are minimised,
The common belief among PUA’s is to make people realise that their “secret excuse” is just something your brain has blown out of proportion. While the PUA’s are right in a way here, I think peoples excuses for “not approaching!, no matter how silly, are VALID in their reality, but not for someone looking in. So, if you have a reason for not approaching girls, what should you do?
Two schools of thought
1. Say Fuck it!!, The feeling my secret excuse is giving me is just a release of neurotransmitters and chemicals in my body causing an emotion,its not important so I am just going to approach anyway! (QUICK FIX)
2. My school of thought is that you should look your secret excuses in the face, and do what ever it has you have to do so thats it not a problem. If its Fashion, see a consultant, if its physical confidence, go to the gym,groom diet etc. If its your voice, book vocal lessons etc. This method is a lot longer than the first, but let me explain why I think its better.
You will gain SO MUCH confidence by facing your problem, and dealing with it. You have conquered your problem! Now you have confidence flowing through your sub concious, and back to the 93 percent communication factor. The woman can sense this inner confidence non verbally from you, as you will be smiling more, your heads held higher, the tone of your voice is calm and not nervous, now your a guy who she would want to keep around!
No matter how stupid your secret excuse is, if its holding you back, then its not stupid, its a REAL problem!Deal with it as you should.
Now you have no excuses for not approaching, you will have an inner calm. What do you do now? Go out and approach,brush up on your PUA skills and as Richard says in the article, try and learn from the best. Follow his advice, sit back and enjoy lol
ps I am sure you guys recieved an email from Gambler about this Blog, and how theres a competition going on for the bootcamp.
The competition is one week long, so I recomend to you guys to enter in it and post comments here on the Blog. As I say its one week long, so use THIS week to really brush up on your PUA skills. Posting on the Blog will keep your PUA brain sharpe, and the material will be great for us all to learn!
I hope my article helped, and if anyone has any thoughts on it your welcome to email me.
Noel
herby_80@hotmail.com
That is so coool. There is nobody going halfnaked on the street and daygame like this.
But you succed and you got ladies. You did fail but you got success on some sets. That gives confidence :D
I wished I got this awsome results from my daygame seminar with the coach. But
I did lost my fear of approach and rejection after 200 sets of women.
I love this post, everything you said ir really useful, i also love the intent and motivation to use natural game, i don´t really like use can openers and rutines, i mean, with the time your own stories can become a routine, but is part of you, stuff that happened to you, and i think confidence is actually the most important think for a PUA to have, nice job listing what people have to do to got heir inner game to the roof, however i have some coments on this, first:
Be constant:
If you practice very often, your game will improve, and i think you should try to do it as often as posible, i know you mentioned in the article when you say “put a goal, approach 20 girls at least in a friendly way” that´s pretty good, now i have an example of what happens if you don´t do this, I started to develop a pretty good game i think at the poing i was confident, always came out of the club with at least 5 numbers, at least, a crash? very very rare, then i got this reaaally absorbet job that took all my time away, so i stop practicing, i was too tired to go clubbing and not even think about day game, i was in the office, then i started to make some time to go out, what happened? more crashes, fewer numbers, and stuff, so… yeah, to be constant and practice is really important, as this is a very important part of my life i quit that job and im in the market again LOL, developing my game.
2- Repetition:
You know? i think this can backfire to you, if you let it of course, im gonna put an example in another area, i looove bungy jump, the first time i just did it LOL, like the first time you open, then i did it again, and again, and again, every time was easier to jump… BUT every time i was more worried about the rope to broke, LOL, i was like “i had survived like 30 times by now, so maybe im pushing my luck too far” and something similar happens to me in pick up, when im like the whole week without a crash, lots of kisses, numbers, lays and stuff, im like “man, what if this or that girls crashes me now?” and start to feel the fear again, of course here is not luck, it lies on you habilities, but just something that happens to me, tell me what you think about.
And the video… AMAZING!!! love it LOL, i can´t wait to do that myself some time, i bet that boost your confidence to the roof, great work, congrats, we´ll be talking!
POKER
Though I think that this is a good article — especially it’s advice on developing a more confident persona while being yourself — I think it presents a glaring error. The video at the start — as other posts have said — is a tad over bored.
Anyone can be confident if they are put in a strange or unusual situation; though walking around in a silly costume may get you noticed, it’s not developing your skills! Imagine being more confident in a bin bag that in a nice suit. Surely that would indicate that something has gone very wrong? Confidence is about becoming comfortable in your own skin.
I have a couple of (very) basic tips on developing a confident approach:
1. Stand tall and smile — there is nothing worse that a bent person walking up to you with the face of a Hobgoblin. It is so natural to smile; however, we often forget to do it when under pressure. Next time you approach, make eye contact and smile. Don’t smile state away, instead let a slow smile come over your face. We don’t want you looking like someone who is going to bloody eat her. Stand tall, posture is everything. Look in the mirror, if you approach hunched up you feel bad to start with. Stand tall and feel proud to be you.
2. Pretend to be someone your not — this sounds really stupid but it works. Richard has already pointed out that it helps to model your self after someone. Do it! Be that calm confident person that you want to be, pretend to be Tyler stand tall and self assured. Once you start to think like YOU think someone else would think (Yeah, that is hard to say) — you will start to bring that into your own way of thinking.
3. If all else fails run around in a bin bag — No I’m just kidding. When all else fails just keep approaching. Approaching takes practice, we all freeze and get tongue tied. The art of approaching is learning how to deal with these situations when they happen!
Good luck with your future approaches guys.
Regards,
JonDoe.
P.s. Thanks for the great post Richard, the advice was great. I’m just not sure about the bin bags!
This video is really great, that had to take some balls to do that. Is there actual live feed of you doing your approaches in those get ups?
In general, if you want to lose approach anxiety, you have to just lose yourself. you can't worry about other people and just have good, raw, determination.
some good ways to be motivated: look at successful PUA's and their success, read about success stories of PUA's, consult a MPUG, make concrete goals and outlines. also, what always helps me to get motivated is to just think about all the people that put me down and how much of a loser I have been and that helps fuel my fire to get better.
Ha ha reminds me of the time I ran in the park wearing nothing but booty shorts and hello kitty inflatable wrist bands! Nice
lol yeah joe i feel you . i've had fun experiences too. when i was younger i was a rebel, i wasn't the coolest kid but i still had fun. i ran around in a club streaking. so many girls wanted me after that day. lol
my thoughts on the post:
hahaha! great way to get rid of approach anxiety you got there. that looks fun! i wish i was that good to not care about stuff. one day.. i’m trying so hard.
also, it’s cool how you say you have to desensitize yourself to hot girls and just go out and “just do it” like the nike phrase.
that confidence thing is cool too, how you say that confidence is important and to just not care what anyone thinks. if you screw up, you scream like your happy and it refuels your state.. good idea too.. really cool man. acting like you knew the girls for years is smart too, it seems like it’d gain comfort fast. visualization like you said seems like it would be effective. being visual about the girls liking you and laughing will help you say things with more confidence it seems.
approaching with a friendly attitude sounds smart too, if you do and don’t think about getting laid, it will be a more achievable goal but it will also raise your state and get you more motivated.
that’s smart how you say to wear something cool. and i did notice that guys with hot girlfriends are always dressed pretty well or are wearing something stylish. i like the idea you brought up about getting ideas from pimp people in movies . i personally think that’s the most ideal bit of information for style. it’d definitely change your state to look a bit better and make you more confident.
all in all your article was very useful. confidence seems to be the most important aspect for your game.
some good ways to get rid of approach anxiety and gain confidence to meet women and eventually seduce them:
-your idea of walking around almost naked. looks like it got some quality smiles, kiss closes, and friends too, haha.
1.)wear something you would never wear in public! something that really embarrasses you! if your fat, take off your shirt and go approach girls at the beach, or take off your shirt and go buy some food and strike convos with girls. if your skinny/scrawny wear a muscle shirt and go to a gym and try to pick up total hotties. basically dress like you normally wouldn’t and meet girls in an adverse location.
2.)write as many embarrassing things as you can on index cards about yourself. things that would REALLY get to you if a girl made fun of you because of it. then put them in envelopes so you don’t know which ones you’re handing out. then ask girls to read what’s in the envelope out loud. after they read it, try to keep the conversation going. some good tips for this one is to write each embarrassing thing 10 times so you will have to be exposed to it many times. (some good examples of things to write down: ‘i have a small dick’, ‘i’ve never had a girlfriend’, ‘i have a unibrow’, ‘i’m overweight and never go to the gym’, ‘i’m a virgin’, ‘i’m short’.. go with it) it may be embarrassing but it will build up your tolerance like hell!
3.) every day for 1 hour, approach every female you see, it doesn’t matter who they are, how old they are, if they are married or with their boyfriend, as long as they are female.
There were really 4 snippets of this blog that caught my eye, and the first one was something I was thinking when I started reading the article:
1) “You might be confident in other areas of life, maybe in banking, driving cars, horse riding, sky diving or any number of things and the way you become confident at those things was a similar process to how i became confident at approaching really Attractive women.”
I thought to myself, “exactly!” What I try to do is keep in mind things I do well, things that I know if the woman knew, she’d want to get there, such as my sexual prowess. I’m not here to brag about it, but I’m naturally “endowed” and have learned endurance through sexual experience. I know if I can get a woman from opening TO the bed at some point, she is going to be VERY happy. It’s all about what happens in between or you’ll never get there! Whatever your own personal confidence-booster is, the point is you keep it sorta in the front of your mind and you draw strength and confidence from that.
2) “Confidence is doing what you wish you could do, saying what you mean and being unapologetic about who you are.”
This is quite true as well. I’m naturally a bit of a funny man, sarcastic but in a playful way with women. If you apply the “don’t care” attitude along with that, for instance, actually being rejected can HELP BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE – if you have the right frame of mind about it. Since I’m sarcastic, if I meet an “ice queen” who can’t be opened by anyone but the most skilled PUA, in my mind I’m thinking “ok, this ain’t gonna work, but who cares? There’s millions more out there.” If she’s putting me down in public, I’ll laugh and come back with sarcasm and wit, and I usually win. Therefore, the more she tries to get my goat, the more I’m back in her face giving her both barrels – and making others laugh WITH me not AT me in the process – then others will see that I really DON’T care what this particular woman thinks, and makes it easier to approach OTHER women in the area. In fact, they’ll often approach ME and talk.
3) “when you are first Approaching women you want to Approach in a friendly manner with the intention to make them laugh and improve their day… forget about Seducing them!” – Again, yes, I agree. Approach them as if you’ve known them for years. Often I’ll do so by making a humorous observation about something in the area as an icebreaker. She’ll laugh (usually) as long as it’s not lame, and often open up, and this itself helps improve your confidence.
4) “…Otherwise get some girl friends and tell them you want to go shopping and can they help you pimp out your wardrobe.”
This, I don’t get at all. I thought the whole point of this blog was to NOT care what you look like? If those thing blue bags are your idea of “A new wardrobe,” then uhm….I’ll pass, thanks!
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basically, for confidence, you just have to know who you are, what you stand for, and know that you are attractive. know that you can get the girl and if you don’t it DOES NOT MATTER. look at the girl as just a stepping stone to your progress of getting the girl of your dreams. put the negative emotions aside, don’t think about them! only think about the positive! example: if I approach this girl, i might be made fun of and be embarassed . (WRONG ATTITUDE) – if I approach this girl,she will be attracted to me, i won’t mess up my game. (RIGHT ATTITUDE) and if for some reason you do mess up your game, it does not matter, desensitize yourself so you can get good at this.
start with small steps, but get in there! in the beginning you have to start small, just saying hi to strangers, then being friendly, then building conversation, then building attraction, then seducing.. it’s a long process if your at the bottom!
Confidence needs to overcome the fear of rejection and other negative emotions. you may feel that if you approach many negative, depressing things could happen! but that’s not important. do you want to live your life in a depressing manner? here’s the thing! you can either stay the way you are right now, today as a lame excuse who can’t get girls and have those fears and negative emotions forever, or you can go out there and get some experience, get some confidence and get rid of those negative emotions and get the hottest girl you’ve ever seen in bed. those negative emotions will always be there unless you make a huge effort to remove them.
if you are confidence girls will sense that and they will see you as a strong man. if you’re a strong man you are attractive to them. you will be acting like a man, and not a woman. if you really want to pick up girls, you will see that if you are more confident, you will in time lose those negative emotions. it’s a fact, you will get better at this.
when a girl is approached by someone without confidence, she believes the person shes talking to is not only a wimp but also she won’t feel comfortable talking to you because she will think you are trying to manipulate her. if you believe what you say and you get out there and be confident about it and know you are the prize, you will do much better.
some GREAT steps for building confidence:
first you have to know how to be confident. you have to be ‘self-confident’. confident in yourself. you need to be determined to be confident.
if you edit the way you perceive yourself, change self-talk, and change the things you say – your confidence will improve greatly. for example: tell yourself you are sexy, you are the prize. perceive yourself to be a guy with lots of girls. also – speak like you are confident – keep your voice up, make eye-contact, and speak in a positive way. if you speak of life, yes you love life! would you want to be around a downer? not only will it make you seem more attractive but it will brighten up your attitude.
you can be more confident if you adjust your body language too! don’t have a closed posture/behavior.. dont keep your arms crossed like a tough guy, be open and fun. be open postured, smile and make eye contact.
change your VOCAL TONE AND PROJECTION. record your voice and see what improvements you can make. listen to people with effective, sexy, or fun voices and edit/train your voice.
practice confidence a lot and put yourself in situations where you must be confident, even if it’s difficult.
There so many great answers here on the blog about how to build your confidence up and how to get rid of AA. All I think are great and have their own merits.
I think the key here is that there is more that one way to build up a persons confidence. So the Key is to find one that will work for them.
So, for example the approach IN bin bags is a TOTAL EXTREME. Some guys will prefer to throw themselves in at the deep end because thats what works for them!
On the other hand, there will be guys who will put there heads down, work away, and take a lot of baby steps into the level of PU they want to be at. The extreme approach would not suit these guys.
I really believe that one method of building confidence DOESN’T suit all!heres why, and bare with me
Alex feurgoson, Uniteds boss has a job as a manager/coach. His job includes to make his players feel confident!! He got asked how he does this and he said two ways, that some players need to be loved and told that they are doing great and to keep up the hard work (Ronaldo and Cantona) etc. He said some players need to be shouted at (an extreme) and given a real kick up the ass for them to perform better. Now whats the take home message here
That fergie uses a range of methods to make his players feel confident, theres no magic recipie.
a good PU coach will realise what will work for you and what wont. This is why I think there is more than one way to build confidence.
Now on to a slightly differnt topic
Advice from the blog mentions using your body language, voice tone and projection to come across as more confident. Now why do we do this? The answer is Non verbal communication! I am going to break this topic down for you here using REAL numerical figures!!
Non verbal communication counts for 93 percent of what we communicate to a girl. Only 7 percent are counted in words. Here are the figures of how we communicate
38 percent by voice quality
55 percent by the nonverbal communication.
7 percent by words.
Now the 38 percent by voice quality is still non verbal . It includes things like,
Voice projection,
pitch,
emphasis on words,
tonality,
Loudness,
emotion
So theoretically, you could have a phonecall with a stranger and if they have low tonality,tone, monotone and don’t projet their voice well we could ASSUME they have low confidence.(only an assumption,always exceptions to the rule) So these are the things you should work on your voice to help you communicate confidence to a girl!
55 percent by non verbal communication. This covers appearence,style,body fitness, use of hand gestures, use of facial gestures,shifting of body weight etc. This is why we must become stylish,talk with our hands and use facial gestures. Think about it, you could use a facial gesture,and not open your mouth, and people will know what your feeling.
7 percent words… What you say counts only 7 percent. This is probably why a guy can say something reallly cheeky, but if he uses the correct facial gestures as in “its a joke” type thing,he can get away with it!!
This has put mathamatical figures as to why we need to work on things like voice tone and body language in pick up. I hope guys realise how important it is! If we work on these factors,voice recorders,in the mirrors etc so that when we go into the field we will PROJECT confidence to the female!
Hope this helps,
Noel
Hi there guys,
Aiming for confidence is a slow way to get there. Confidence is an inherant ability within all of us, it is not a new skill we have to learn.
The point about the baby above is a good one, but it goes deeper; is a baby confident? How often do you find a baby breaking eye contact? do baby’s worry about doing things in public in front of other people?
Does a baby care what it is wearing.
Clearly confidence is our underlying, natural state, and lack-of confidence is the learned trait.
To access you natural confidence, aim for a goal that is higher than simply getting action- aim for paradise.
What does your paradise look like? And how are the people in paradise?
Focus your energy on showing those around you the path to paradise, and let them follow your lead.
Understand what the perfect world would be like, and wish it- desire it deeply for all the people you come into contact with, then lead them in that direction.
Aim higher than being confident, the universe will arrange itself to allow your confidence to manifest easily and without effort, because it is your natural state.
Your goal above all other goals is to find the ultimate picture of a perfect reality within your creative spirit, and allow the universe to bring it into exsistance.
Hi everybody,
I love this discussion about self confidence, since all the approaches here talk about practical issues vs. sitting at home telling yourself you are confident over and over again, while this little voice in your head says BS.
Self confidence in my opinion is this feeling of absolute certainty beyond the shadow of doubt, that you will achieve a specific goal. Besides the so much discussed topic how to gain self confidence another important question is what self confidence is really based on.
I mean a lot of the guys in the clubs, playing the pimp, believe or pretend to believe they are self confident since they do crazy things in public or come with real hard core verbal approaches (only to hear piss off- which doesn’t bother them since she wasn’t good enough for them anyway). Superficially this could be regarded as self confidence while in my opinion this is only self delusion and interestingly enough immediately recognised by women. They do it because they are self confident that this kind of behaviour comes with a certain reputation and respect within their male peer group. But regarding women they are not self confident, since although you can lie to others you can’t lie to yourself.
On the other hand think about other areas of your life which you might consider insignificant. Maybe you’re good with computers and somebody asks you to fix their computer. Would you be afraid to be ridiculed in front of your friend? Would your hands tremble at the keyboard? Hell no. Why? Because your reference experience tells you that computers work based on certain principles, you have already mastered. So there is only one possible outcome – you fix the problem. And what if you can’t fix the computer? Will you hide inside your room telling yourself that you are a failure because your buddy says so. No. You did everything right. Maybe you did not achieve the desired outcome. But it doesn’t mean you are failure. (Basically similar to Richard’s the stock market example but I like to point out that even in everyday experiences, where nobody thinks about self confidence, your behaviour, your body language, the way you react, what you accept from others and what you don’t accept are based on feelings such as self confidence.)
The same applies to approaching women. And again it’s great pointing out that there is a way to learn that. A process you can go through. Remember all the natural self confident guys, went through a similar set of experience when they were young. They did something, which showed results most of the time so there subconscious mind gives them the feeling of confidence since it knows all the necessary steps even if the guys couldn’t name them consciously.
Although I know this stuff intellectually I will have a long way to imbed it as a feeling of confidence. But I’ll gladly walk this way, since I had a glimpse of this state and wonder it will work so I know it is really worth it. So guys please stop sitting at home using affirmations all day. Although it might help as a tool nothing can replace going out and finding your reference experiences to build your self confidence.
Yeah, picking up women is a lot like selling yourself, in a figurative way. A good salesman in the business world knows his product and knows how to overcome objections, and knows how to keep control of the conversation. All of these things apply when talking to a woman. You’re trying to “sell yourself” in that you’re trying to show her through words and actions that you are a worthy person for her while trying to be somewhat subtle about it.
- “knowing yourself” – know your strengths, and just as importantly, your weaknesses. Try to keep your strengths front and center while minimizing exposure to your weaknesses, at least early on in a relationship.
- “overcome objections” – if you approach enough women, you’ll find that there are a handful of objections they can give you, with different spins. But they’ll all boil down to the same or similar 5 or 6 things. Know what these are, and plan accordingly.
- “keep control of the conversation” – with a woman in a pub (as my English bretheren call them) is probably the most difficult thing, since women generally tend to be more talkative than men. However, if she’s talking a good bit, then you know she feels comfortable with you, which in turn should bolster your confidence with her. You need to be able to be subtle and steer the conversation the way you want it.
There’s no easy way out..
You literally have to train as hard as you can to reach confidence to get rid of those negative internal problems.
You want to prepare your-self for success. There’s a quote that goes, “Failing to prepare, is planning to fail.” It’s not about the moment of pick-up it’s about all the changes you’ve made and all the confidence boosting exercises you’ve part-taken in.
If you lack self-confidence it is impossible for you to be successful with women unless you want a woman that controls your ass. You need to be self-confident to get any type of extremely attractive woman.
I listed some great ways to be confident but some more ways are: don’t be apologetic unless necessary – if your always apologizing your going to look like a homo, speak clearly – if you speak clearly you can persuade people easier, don’t fumble – don’t fumble around with your voice or body language or you’ll look like a nervous homo that has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about. If you are confident yourself your peer group, the people you talk to will be inspired and will be more confident themselves. We are making the world a better place here guys, haha.
Look at how you speak, how your body language is, what you speak, your internal and external behavior.
If you are confident you do what you believe in and you say what you think regardless of the cost. If you possess self-confidence you are willing to take risks because you are comfortable with yourself. If your self-confident you are willing to work hard for what you want. If you are self-confident you are not going to be destroyed by your mistakes, you will just learn from them because you are confident in your abilities.
If your confident you will be willing to accept compliments from others about your accomplishments.
Don’t jump ahead of yourself – you don’t want to be so booming with confidence you get shot in the head. You need to find a medium. If you are over confident you will look like a twat. If you are under confident you will look like a bigger twat.
At the medium level, if you take a risk it will be calculated to a degree, if you make a mistake apologize and learn from the mistake, and if someone compliments your abilities give a medium thank you.
Being confident in yourself is not the simplest and quickest achievement out there.. it will take time.
Some good tips on how to achieve confidence are:
-Make business journal and map of the future & the things you want to achieve. This is a tool, the more you utilize it the more useful it will be to you. Basically figure out strengths and weaknesses. Then make a plan, then stick to it. It won’t happen overnight so be patient with yourself. (some examples of possible goals: speak clearer, keep your shoulders confident)
-In your planning for the future you want to set smaller goals to reach the bigger goals. And make sure you actually complete the goals!
-Don’t be afraid to completely change and skew yourself. That’s how the change will come.
All and all you are trying to edit your life and make your life better so make time for confidence to be built.
Haha, looks like great fun.
Me and my friend used to get over that whole unconfidence rejection thing by doing challenge approaches. He would give me some sort of lewd, embarassing opener, I would give him one, and we would get rejected for the first 3 sets in the night, but after that everything was EASY.
When my wing approached with the line "I want to stick my penis in your mouth" and later on made out with that girl, it was a beautiful thing.
Great video!
One of the biggest problems that we have is that we all care what others think of us. Only recently, I heard my friends daughter tell her dad that she didn’t want to be in a school play because she was afraid the other kids would laugh at her. This idea of caring what other people think is perfectly natural. There is a scale in society that ranges from duller than toast, to normal, to a bit quirky, to eccentric and right the way up to outright mental. If not our survival, then our quality of life is, to some degree, dependent upon how ‘normal’ we are and thus the degree to which we are accepted by others.
The problem with this however, is that it can hold us back. At a concert last week everyone was seated but you could see everyone enjoying themselves, tapping their feet and nodding their heads to the music. When the singer on stage invited everyone to get up and start dancing the first thing everyone did was look around to see if anyone else was dancing. Two brave souls got up and before you know it, the whole venue was up and dancing having a great time. I wonder if the night would’ve been as good if these two people hadn’t gotten up and given everyone ‘permission’ to dance.
I’ll bet walking around naked save for a plastic bag is a great way to confront this head on!
Having said that though, I do wonder if the girls in the video were genuinely happy and having fun or did they just feel awkward and embarrassed? Smiling big and being agreeable are great defence mechanisms, particulary for women, who are less inclined to be confrontational.
I agree that confidence is key to attracting women. You can read a million books, know a million routines but if you don’t have the confidence, or ‘cojones, as Gordon Ramsay would say, to go and approach a woman then you’re walking round with a loaded gun with no trigger.
My biggest problem is that some people associate being fearless with being confident. I think this is false and potentially damaging.
Fear is a perfectly natural response to a situation. It isn’t something we create. It’s already there inside of us. One of the most intimidating and fearsome boxers the world has ever seen, Mike Tyson, used to cry before a lot of his fights. In his early contests, his trainers would have to literally drag him from his changing room to the ring because he was so scared! This certainly didn’t make him less of a boxer though! And that’s my point. The difference between those who are confident and those who arent, is that confident people feel the fear and do it anyway. They don’t allow their bodies natural responses to prevent them from doing the things they want to do.
As far as approaching women goes, accept that fear is part of the game and it will lose it’s power over you.
Guys, you must try this exercise.
I spent months and months trying to get numbers from the cold approach, without a single success. Then within 2 day of trying this, I effortlessly got numbers, kisses and instant dates, with hotties.
I went out to leicester square on a cold day with gambler and kezia, dressed as a woman. For the first minute I was terrified. I remember my nervous laughter and not being able to look people in the eye. But then almost instantly I stopped being conscious about my appearance, and was amazed by how fast that nervous anxiety died down.
I then proceeded to tell random girls I loved them. The majority of girls laughed and walked on. But some sets hooked quite easily.
I guess my subconscious mind realised I could be a complete weirdo and girls didn't care, often finding it very amusing. I now felt as though I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do, say what I wanted to say and be unapologetic about it.
With this new found confidence, after the exercise, my social interactions were infinitely more comfortable. This enabled a much more positive vibe, and deeper connection.
I remember at the Bootcamp, one of Gambler's nuggets of gold was "Girls don't reject you. They reject your energy levels". So true… I'd read Strauss who said that girls reject your approach but it's not that, cause it doesn't matter what you say.. as Gambler demonstrated on the BC.
Strauss = PUA 1.0
Gambler = PUA 2.0
LoL
I remember at the Bootcamp, one of Gambler's nuggets of gold was "Girls don't reject you. They reject your energy levels". So true… I'd read Strauss who said that girls reject your approach but it's not that, cause it doesn't matter what you say.. as Gambler demonstrated on the BC.
Strauss = PUA 1.0
Gambler = PUA 2.0
Haha!
I think is not as much that girls reject you or your energy levels, you can go to a set without much of energy, i have done it succesfully, they reject you if they feel you have nothing better to offer than whatever they doing in that precise moment, for example, one i wenti into a bar, that was totaly empty, desert like, and i went to the prettiest girl there (there only were like 5 LOL) and asked for her number, create a little rapport and attraction, not big deal, but the place was dead! she actually didn´t have anything better to do, and i was giving her interesting conversation and actually something to focus in, but my energy levels were actually low, it wasnt necessary to get them up, just enough, so… you should be convinced that you are the best thing that could be happening to that girl in that moment, and in any moment for that matters.
POKER
Coming in with more energy with the group or equal energy is a fundamental rule in PU.
As with almost everything in PU there are exceptions to the rule, and poker proves that here!lol Good work
Cheers, Noel
unfortunately the video is no longer available.