Heard that before? I have – but not for a long while. I’m not saying it’s easy to make a deep connection with a woman. Most guys lack the know-how to pull it off. But imagine the advantage you’ll have over the competition if you could forge a bond with a hot babe at the bar of your local club in less time than it’d take the chump next to her to buy her another drink. That, my friend, is PUA mastery and it’s the topic of today’s email. I really am too good to you…
Most guys don’t know their arses from their elbows when it comes to this skill. They speak logically rather than emotionally they don’t listen, and they relate everything the woman says to themselves instead of trying to be empathetic and understand things from her point of view. The consequences of this are obvious: it makes it difficult to establish a connection with her or evoke her feelings. It’s also much more difficult to make her feel like she’s had a great conversation. But fear not – there are some simple tips that will instantly make you the kind of guy she tells her friends about…
1. Relate Things To Them, Not To You Or Your Life
Guys have got to stop being so egomaniacal. For most guys, it’s all about me, me, me. Here’s an example: I was in a bar the other day winging a student. The hot babe he was talking to told him that she had just come back from Thailand. He instantly replied that he had also been to Thailand, and spent the next ten minutes going on and on about his trip. I could’ve killed him. What should he have done?
He should have tried to imagine what it was like for her, tried to evoke the memories and show interest in her amazing holiday. He shouldn’t have swept it under the table and immediately talked about himself. After a while it would have been fine to relate it to himself but not right away. (He took this on board and
kiss-closed a super hot Russian babe later on.)
2. Use What They Give You
When you are talking to someone, you should always listen to them: they will always give you information about themselves, their feelings and their lives. Chumps ignore this and talk about themselves or ask unconnected question, but they are missing opportunities to connect. PUAs don’t do that. They connect on each point before moving on to the next.
3. Be Observant
Use your eyes as well as your ears. Notice things about their appearance (clothes, accessories, hair, nails, jewellery). Women put way more effort into the way they look than guys. Have a look around your local bar: bag matches shoe; belt matches dress; earrings match handbag. Most guys don’t notice this effort, but if you’re going to be a PUA you will. Trust me, they’ll be happy and impressed when you do. Plus, jewellery and accessories also often have stories behind them or mean something to the girl – find out. It’s a great way to keep a conversation buzzing.
4. Be Empathetic
If someone has an interest, a passion, or a strong point of view you have three options: (1) say “me too”; (2) disagree; (3) show you understand why she has this passion, interest or view regardless of whether you share it. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you which one is the best. If someone likes cooking, you don’t have to like cooking too to show that you understand why she likes it. Tell her why you think cooking might be something she likes doing and give her the chance to agree or disagree with you. The conversation will keep going and you’ll get brownie points.
5. Talk About Things That Evoke Passions And Feeling
Find out the things that they are passionate about. It’s different for everyone: friends and family, travel, ballet, shopping, whatever. Connect on these points by showing you understand why they feel that way even if you don’t yourself. Don’t gloss over them, don’t say “me too”, don’t immediately change subject, don’t
talk about yourself, don’t ask another question.
These are the tools you need to master to make yourself the kind of guy who can form bonds with girls quickly and easily. You’ll be the kind of guy she will miss when you’ve gone, and the kind of guy she will think about afterwards.
There will be a spark. I have loads of techniques in my new $1 Powerpack that will show you exactly how to improve in this area. Check it out here.
Alright, dude – until next time.
Gambler.
Wise words. I've learned this hard way! Or at least I'm getting a bit better. I lost a lovely girl by being a self-absorbed twit. If it's one thing that's great about what I've learned from these sites it's that you've got to learn to genuinely love and understand women. There's no shortcut, I don't think.
Yea that is great dtuff
This kind of connection will help in buisness and in work, or other social situation also.
Keep up the great work.
Great article, one usually forgets and his ego does get in the way… but one must learn to shut up and listen more.
thank you it is very wise, very useful I'll try this tips with my Dream Girl
Very useful information. Once you have found out what they are passionate about, bring out and amplify those feelings, while adding an anchor back to yourself.
Wow, this is straight from your book, thanks man. It's great to see someone that cares enough to share this information for free.
Thanks ambler,you teh man!You've develop increadible tehnic and i try my best to achive it and i'am proude to be your student!
Sorry,wrong spell Gambler..
Yes this is one area where you can't tell if it's working off the bat, but it's working. Let it marinate and she'll have feelings she didn't even know she had. A+, this guy is awesome
Good advice Gambler. This sounds like something that a make a girl feel for a guy! ;)
Gambler, thanks for these tips. I have made the mistake of talking about myself instead of listening. You know right away you just missed an opportunity, and it can be hard to recover from. This tip is critical. The other ones could go a long way to saying how much you are paying attention to them, and you will definitely get noticed. Great insights.
You rock man, i followd everything of you and it's incredible. Gonna try this out if the occasion is there.
Thanks again man
Hey Gambler, I'm 24 y.o guy from Brazil and I've been following your posts for a little. I think you are quite right!These tips are so simple but they do a tremendous effect, after all, women are emotional! Here in Brazil we have a rising seduction community, you should invest here. Best regards!
What you say is true, needless to say , every man knows that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach or is it , who knows , but I can tell you what you say is true woman are emotional creatures , the love music and read about passion , join them in it and you might learn something about yourself .Thanks for your great advise
The key is to make her feel good about herself. Cater to her ego. Make her feel alive and attractive. lol. Even if a fat chick did this to a man, she would score him.
Sup dude gambler gotta say that's crazy stuff you'r saying but I have to admit it's quite impressing Keep up the good work and all you twits out there listern to this gambler guy you might learn something
This could be a basic of comfort part :)
Actually, I've teached my Pick-up method for my students in Korea and especailly, I've emphasized this part like you.
Anyway, I want you to understand that many guys in korea like your books and article.
Plus, when you came korea, We've met at the club 'heaven'
And you also met my friend 'Ehtan Hunt' ^^
I am a regular reader of your article. Take care!
Hey Gambler,
Thanksgiving (USA) message: I appreciate the free messages you've been sending me, I know in hope that I will buy something from you. And much has been interesting. Fair enough, good on you. Most of this advice isn't worth much to me as I recently celebrated my 85th birthday (though I'm often told I don't look a day over 65). I dress as a 'middle-aged' man would, not trying to appear youthful, nor in the 'douche-rags' many old dudes wear. If I followed your advice, I would quickly be pigeon-holed as a 'dirty old man'. Let me share a secret with you: all old men are 'dirty old men' if they are still interested in sex*. I am. I love women, more than ever. And I even like them now, even awake, not just to sleep with. Actually, the city I live in, Boston (USA) is probably the best one in the world for us DOMs. There are a quarter million college students in the metropolitan area (Harvard is famous but there are more much larger colleges. I'm not a snob, I don't discriminate against students from the lowliest schools). I avoid the types of pickup spots you talk so much about. No need to explain that. Your latest message “I Like You But There’s No Spark…” is by far the best. You may think of her as a piece of meat but if you treat her that way, you're unlikely to get too far, unless she is a 'slut' with low self esteem and I've always avoided those. So I've adopted the 'friends first' approach. If that's as far as it goes, I don't feel frustrated or cheated. I enjoy the interaction. In one case out of 40 or 50 I get lucky and I'm grateful for those. The best places to meet women I find are public transit stations or vehicles. I avoid seeming to 'pick up' a woman. By the way I don't want her phone number and never give her mine. E-mail works far better for me and leaves me in complete control of my time. I'm never at anyone's beck and call. (My mother ((yes, she lives!)) doesn't have my mobile number.) If the woman is reading a book as she commonly is at these venues, I ask "is that a good book"? They always give friendly replies to this question. Not one has replied: "No, you idiot, it's a bad book, I'm a masochist!" It gives her a chance to talk about something she's interested in. And in my advanced age, I almost always know enough about the subject to say something intelligent about it. I've noticed there is a tiny minority of women who just like men and sex and don't play the usual silly games. These women are real treasures and a joy to find. I should mention that none of the ones I've been lucky with sought out old men particularly. I guess being a horny old guy with the desire and ability to please a woman is enough for them. It is for me!
*scientific studies, in some of which I have participated, show pictures of womens' faces at different ages, and men of all ages give the highest ratings to women of about 20 plus or minus 2 years. Sorry ladies, god in her wisdom made us this way.
Yes, that´s it!i get it!When i approach a girl, i always talk about myself or ask her a few questions about her, then i number close her immediately.But, girls always blur me, because i never connected to what they were saying, because there was not enough comfort during the pick up and because solid game is more important then getting numbers.For instance, if your game is very solid and she´s giving you the green light, then you can kiss close her and that´s more important then getting her number.