Approach anxiety is a killer.
In fact more PUA’s are killed each year as a result of this terrible disease than any other… OK I’m joking, but it does suck and is a very serious issue.
It’s the single biggest problem every guy has and can be the defining factor that will pretty much destroy your chances of getting good with women, if you don’t put a stop to it that is.
What is approach anxiety exactly?
Approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women you are attracted too. It stops you talking to women by filling your mind with excuses, extreme levels of fear and pointless chatter.
Now before I get into the specifics of how you can work on getting rid of it, I first want to stress a few things that guys have a hard time believing for some reason.
- You will NEVER completely get rid of approach anxiety. Even the best PUA’s or seducers in the world still have this annoying evolutionary fear.
- There is no shortcut, special trick or quick fix that will get rid of this fear, only hard graft and a rock solid mindset (inner game).
- Approach anxiety is derived from your insecurities, false beliefs and assumptions… it’s not “real” but merely a psychological mechanism designed to stop you from hurting yourself in the big wide world.
Right then, now we’ve cleared that up let’s move onto the good stuff.
Here are some simple but very effective things you must do if you ever want to get over approach anxiety.
Throw away sets
A term coined in the PUA community, throw away sets are women on their own or in groups that are used purely to get in “state” or in the groove and boost your confidence instantly.
The next time you go out approach girls you aren’t interested in sexually and just use them for banter, try and keep a conversation flowing and then drop them once you feel comfortable.
You can do this with women on the street, shop assistants, waitresses… any girl really.
Approach at least 5 new girls until you feel as though any anxiety that was there is now gone, you should feel happy and energised.
Unfortunately you can’t approach just the one girl and BAM your approach anxiety is gone, it just doesn’t work like that dude.
This means that every day is a new day for approaching chicks and keeping the fear of approaching under control. The longer you leave it between the last approach, the harder it will be on the next approach.
A good thing to do also is, keep track of your progress and see how many girls you can actually approach in 1 week, 30 days or even a full year.
Think about it for a second, if you approached 2 girls every day for 1 month do you think that your fears of approaching would be very low? Absolutely.
Bet your wingman
Your wingman is your partner in crime and he will get you out of tricky situations, but another way to use your wingman is to strike a bet with him and risk some of your hard earned money.
Bet him that if you don’t approach a certain number of girls within the next hour you will have to pay him $100.
The trick is you have to get the money out and give it to him on the spot, otherwise it won’t mean anything if you just say it.
If you don’t care about money, give them something you value, which holds emotion behind it… that way you will DEFINITELY follow through.
IMPORTANT: Oh by the way, try and find a wingman who is doing something that you want to do already. In this case it’s actually approaching women. If they have done it, then they can help you do the same.
Work on your confidence
Building your confidence naturally on a daily basis requires dedication, but there are several ways in which you can do it.
The one thing you have to remember though is, confidence is not something you wish for or are granted, it comes from pushing your comfort zone, momentum and challenging yourself regularly.
Although you will feel a surge of confidence when you finish talking to one girl, that will slowly diminish throughout the evening, so you have to keep topping it up by speaking to new girls.
Hypnosis and affirmations
Ok, so some guys will turn their noses up at hypnosis or affirmations, because they definitely fall under the “crazy” category. However, if you are a suggestible person, meaning you are easily lead and open to direction subconsciously, hypnosis and affirmations will work amazingly well for you.
Here are some ways you can use both:
- Listen to hypnosis every night – Listen to some our Approaching Confidence recording on a nightly basis, you should begin to notice a difference within a few weeks… sometimes sooner.
- Record yourself – Take your iPhone or a recording device of some sort and record yourself for 2 minutes repeating positive messages of the person you want to be. This might sound cheesy, but it does the trick. Listen back to this every morning and repeat the track for 10 minutes.
- Write down your biggest sticking point – Your biggest sticking point is approaching the ladies, so write this message on a piece of paper “I find it easy to approach women”. Take that paper and put it in your pocket, look at it several times throughout the day so it sticks in your mind.
- Surround yourself with positive messages – Right, this will sound very fluffy, but it’s totally true. If you surround yourself with positive messages, you can eventually change the way you think. Put signs on your fridge, on the wall where you work and on the bathroom mirror so you see it every morning.
Be strict with yourself (rules)
You’ve heard of the 3 second rule which Mystery came out with right? It’s a great rule and it can work if you apply it to the right areas, however it’s better to come up with your own set of rules.
Rules create habits and habits create momentum in your life, once you’re in full swing with approaching, the rest is easy.
Here’s some cool guidelines for you to follow:
- When out on a lads night, approach 3 different sets of women to get warmed up.
- After the warm up sets, approach the hottest girl in the venue and speak to her for 5 minutes.
You get the idea.
State shifting is a great way to instantly get yourself in the mood and more importantly get some balls! It’s a term used in NLP and refers to using an anchor (a part of your body) to connect to an emotion (great feeling you’re having at the time).
The more you do this, the easier it will be to trigger that state on demand.
So the next time you’re feeling a rush of confidence because you’ve just gotten the number of a smoking hot chick, push your thumb and forefinger together tightly and hold it for a few seconds. Repeat that technique when you feel that same rush of confidence to reinforce the belief.
So that is it folks! Very simple but damn good ways to help you get over that dreaded approach anxiety.
If you want to learn more advanced techniques for boosting your confidence and ridding yourself of the dreaded approach anxiety, I recommend you check this guy out.
What’s the best way you’ve found to get over this fear?