3 Powerful Brain Rewiring Hacks That Help You Deal With Failure

We all fail with women… just keep ploughing bro!

Failing is inevitable.

But it sucks.

Knowing that we will fail a lot with women whilst learning about game, can actually put a lot of guys off and slow them down… you know procrastinate, because you don’t want that feeling of disappointment time and time again.

Not only will you fail when approaching, but you’re going to fail on the open, when building rapport and yes you guessed it… even when closing. [Read more…]

The 10 Habits Of Highly Successful Seducers… That You Need To Adopt

This couldn’t be more true.

With every successful seducer… player… ladies man, whatever you want to call them, you’ll notice a bunch of habits each of these guys have.

Now these habits have been formed by straight up hard work. I’m talking grinding in the streets, clubs, busy bars, parties… every possible place you can imagine.

But as a guy just starting out in game, it’s very easy to get confused, over analyse every situation and second guess yourself until you’re at the point of frustration which leads to giving up. [Read more…]

7 Simple Things You Must Do To Get Over Approach Anxiety

The route cause of your approach anxiety.

Approach anxiety is a killer.

In fact more PUA’s are killed each year as a result of this terrible disease than any other… OK I’m joking, but it does suck and is a very serious issue.

It’s the single biggest problem every guy has and can be the defining factor that will pretty much destroy your chances of getting good with women, if you don’t put a stop to it that is.

What is approach anxiety exactly?

Approach anxiety is a fear of approaching women you are attracted too. It stops you talking to women by filling your mind with excuses, extreme levels of fear and pointless chatter. [Read more…]

How To Boost Your Self Confidence And Develop Bullet-Proof Inner Game

“First you do the thing you’re scared of… then you get the courage.”

When I hear people say that they wish they had more confidence, it genuinely makes me angry.

Why? Because it’s not something that just falls out of the sky or you stumble across one day, so saying that you wish you had more confidence is a dumb thing to say.

But here’s the thing… if you actually work on building your confidence (using proven techniques) and do things that naturally have a positive effect on your self-esteem, you have something that most don’t, which gives you an advantage in life. [Read more…]

How To Make A Woman Orgasm Fast… With These 3 Killer Sex Positions


Make her squirm with delight!

Ok, let’s be serious for a minute, I want you to answer the following questions…

1. Are you amazing in the sack?

2. Can you give any woman mind blowing… pillow biting… toe curling orgasms on demand?

If you said yes to both of those questions, then you can leave dude because it’s obvious that you’re a boss.

But if you said no and bowed your head in shame like a lost little puppy who fumbles his way through the bedroom during nookie, then you’re going to LOVE what I’m about to teach you. [Read more…]

The Pussy Magnet

Dearly beloved,

It’s been a while since my last post, so for this one I would like to talk about a topic close to my heart: Polarity. More specifically, sexual polarity.

You see, one of the commonest sticking points I see with students, is the inability to comfortably behave as the alpha male. You know, the guy who leads the girl, has a commanding presence, lives by his own rules and is not one to fuck with. [Read more…]

Want a rock star lifestyle? Nope, me neither.

Hey guys

A lot of the pick up world seems to focus on getting rock star lifestyle. Rocking up to some high end club with 20 girls in tow, sitting at a private table, drinking champagne and having an after party until the wee hours at some penthouse apartment.

This sounds lovely, but I have found that a lot of men, including myself, have absolutely no desire to live this kind of lifestyle.

So what happens to us regular dudes who just want to meet a nice girl and have a relationship? Are we boring? If so will learning game help or hinder our success with finding a girl whom we are compatible with? [Read more…]

There is absolutely no substitute for putting in effort and taking action

Hey guys

Thanks for all the emails and comments about the previous blogs.

Today’s blog is all about taking action and quitting your bullshit whining. This blog is going to have some basic common sense tips. If you like follow them and you are likely to get results. Alternatively you can carry on reading theory and making up pointless and ever increasing in size excuses to why you are not taking action.

As men, we don’t like making mistakes especially in front of other people or in a scenario where we could face our ultimate fear, being rejected by a girl we like. This is why only a very small percentage of people who ever get into game will actually go out and apply what they know in field. It is likely that he only time these people will ever try stuff out is when they are a bootcamp or seminar and an instructor is making them do it. [Read more…]

Life is fair, so Stop Whining and Start Winning!

Hey guys

I like the idea of fairness in life. People tend to put themselves into one of two categories; those who are unhappy and think that the world is unfair, and those who happy and think they are fortunate. What I find interesting is that it isn’t material possessions, status or wealth that determines what side of the coin you live on, it is your attitude.

When I am working with clients I have to make one thing extremely clear right from the start. If people cannot grasp and accept this concept then I am not able to help them.

The concept I introduce to people is “you are responsible for your own happiness and successes, regardless of what you have been through”. It may not be your fault what has happened to you in the past, however if you are ever going to get the results out of life you want than you have to own your actions and learn to be self disciplined. [Read more…]

Self esteem. What is it and how to get it?

 Hey guys

I find the subject of self esteem fascinating. It is often talked about, usually in the sense of either ‘having low self esteem’ or ‘how to raise your self esteem’. I have worked with a massive amount of clients with self esteem issues. In this post I am going to try and give tips and pointers that you can incorporate into your own life.

Firstly let’s define what self esteem actually is. Wikipedia’s description is “Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth”. The term esteem is described as “To regard with respect” in the dictionary. Self esteem can be simply put as liking yourself (high self esteem) or not liking yourself (low self esteem).

A quick search on the internet for what other terms people use for self-esteem and I found;




Sense of worth








Inner game

So how do you go about raising your own self esteem? Why do some people have high self esteem while other people have low self esteem? Does self esteem really exist? I am a worthy person? These are all questions that I wanted to answer.

From all the research I have done over the years, I have come to somewhat of a conclusion. I believe that self esteem is earned and it takes time and effort. It is not something you get from dreaming big, from walking on hot coals or repeating lies (aka affirmations) to yourself on a daily basis. I also believe that self esteem is not a constant and varies in regards to your environment and surroundings. 

I get bombarded with emails from around the world on a daily basis. Guys (and girls) want to know how to increase their self esteem. They want the magic pill (anti depressants is something I will come onto later) or something that will make them love or even just themselves. Not liking yourself must be horrible because you tend to be you all your life. If you don’t like yourself then you should work on the reasons and do things that will cause you to like yourself. Wallowing in a well of self pity won’t help anyone. I always reply to people with some simple steps to take which I know will “increase” their self esteem. Will they do it? I doubt it. As what I tell them requires them to put in effort, most people want the results of change without having to make the changes. Or as I like to call it, being delusional.

I was with someone the other day who told me he suffered from low self esteem. Firstly you can not suffer from low self esteem, it isn’t something like a virus (unless it is a medically diagnosed condition). I asked him what he meant when he said that and he replied that his life was shit and he is going to the doctors as he wants to be put on anti depressants. He is 32, lives at home with his parents (which he hates and they don’t want him there), he is unemployed, very overweight, messy un-kept hair, poor personal hygiene, wears old baggy clothes, has no friends and spends all his time in his room watching DVDs and playing computer games. He has no goals in life and no motivation. He also has a younger brother who is married with 3 children. He also has a great job, is slim and enjoys a great social life. He constantly compares his life to his brothers, and so do his parents. This guy was also bullied at school as he had a speech problem (now fine). It isn’t hard to see why he doesn’t have high self esteem now.

This guy wants to now be put onto anti-depressants which I fully understand. However his aim is to feel better about himself, not actually make real world changes. I spoke at length with a GP the other day (I will hopefully be posting an interview here in the near future) about prescribing anti-depressants and how they help. In the case of this guy, it might make his life more tolerable, but it isn’t likely to change what he is doing. Anti-depressants are not side effect free, and if he has no plan on how to use the medication to achieve goals (by this I mean get a job, lose weight, form a social circle) then he will be adding another problem into his already problematic life.

The doctor I was talking to said that anti-depressants are most effective when they are to either help with endogenous depression (this is when the depression is not dependant on lifestyle, but a medical issue) and those who are going through a sudden change and need help getting through it. Sudden changes include bereavement, redundancy, having a baby, moving house/job/country etc. If however people just want to feel better about themselves without any plans to make lifestyle changes, then this is where they can become a crutch.

I spent a few hours with the guy with low self esteem and gave him some pointers on how to naturally raise self esteem. I am sure there are plenty more and please feel free to comment and post your own. The below tips are in no particular order.

* Taking responsibility. Where you are in life now may not be your fault, however if you want to see results then you need to take responsibility for your life. You can never control things 100%, but you can do a hell of a lot to make things better. This is your life and you are responsible for it. You are so incredibly lucky to even be alive and you can change your lifestyle.

*Drug and alcohol use. Drugs are bad mkay, and carry a lot of health risks. They change the natural flow of chemicals in your brain and make you feel like utter crap for days afterwards. Using drugs for special occasions I am sure is fine (please check with GP, who will obviously say they are not) but consistent and long term use may cause depression. The same with alcohol. Don’t believe me, don’t drink or do drugs for a month and see how you feel.

 *Exercise. Doing regular exercise is so good for you both mentally and physically. You should plan and stick to taking regular exercise. When I work with clients they often say that they do not have the time. Not interested. I can only advise people what to do, not run their lives for them. People will say it is too cold, dark, they don’t have anyone to go with etc etc etc. Then I simply reply “don’t do it then”. This puts the responsibility back on the client. I always make it clear with my clients that they can choose to follow my advice or not, I can only tell them what I have found to work for others.

 *Get off the computer. Humans are social animals. Computers are not people. Those who are the loneliest are usually those who spend the most time alone. I am not saying not to use computers, but realise that Facebook and other things like that is NOT being social. For every hour you spend alone on a computer (doing whatever) try to spend at least an hour with real people.

 *Put the conspiracy shit away. Listen, the world is not going to end in 2012. There is no illuminatii who are trying to put you into death camps and the government is not keeping you asleep in some hypnotic trance. I have not yet found a conspiracy theory that can not be explained with critical thinking. Stop scaring the shit out of yourself with this fantasy rubbish. A lot of people make a lot of money out of scaring you. Notice how all the conspiracy gurus (if that is the correct term) always have books, events, products or just need donations. 

 *Be a nice person. I can not tell you how nice it is to be nice. I am not getting into the whole “nice guy” thing, I am talking about just being a nice and considerate person. Every day I do things that I consider to be nice and kind, sometimes they are small and sometimes big. I use the tube most days and I always help to carry prams up and down the stairs. I spend time with service staff and treat them nicely and tip well. I buy people drinks. I love taking people out to dinner. The other day I helped an old lady cross the road (so cliché). I always ask people if they need help if they are looking at a map. I let other people on/off the bus and tube before me. I buy stupid little presents for people without reason. I stay behind for hours after I am being paid on the PUA Training bootcamps to help the students and answer their questions. I write these articles for free!!! Every day I make sure I do nice things, not because I have to but because I want to. It makes you feel great about yourself, try it!

*Eat well. Like with exercise, eating right is both vital for mental and physical health. There is no excuse for not eating correctly, you are an adult you need to learn how to feed yourself.

*Spend time with those you love. Take a look at who you spend time with, do you actually like them? You become your peer group, so be careful who you hang around with. I always want to be with those who are better than me, rather than those who hold me back. One amazing resource for meeting new people is www.meetup.com it is free and I use it all the time.

*Have fun experiences. What is the point of living if you don’t have fun? The other day I was speaking to one of my closest friends and she said she wanted to see more live shows in London. I was online after then and I came across a show called “La Soiree”. My friend is broke at the moment but I said I would treat her (overlaps with being nice). We went to the show and then we went out for dinner. It was one of the best nights of my life. Plan fun things and do them. It doesn’t always have to cost money, later this week I am taking another of my friends to feed the ducks at Alexandra Palace. It will also be a great laugh.

*Create something valuable. People talk about being high value, but what value do they really have to offer? I have found that by creating something that people want it makes you feel amazing. When I was younger I used to run live band nights in Manchester. This made me high value without even realising what value was. I then moved onto running business networking events, every month I would have 100 people in my offices. Now I am in London I have finally got round to creating my new thing of value, Interesting Talks! I love public speaking and I know loads of great speakers and trainers. I have started a meetup group http://www.meetup.com/interesting-talks-london which will be a monthly event. All the proceeds are going to charity and it will be fantastic to run and be involved with. By giving your time and resources to help create something valuable will sky rocket your self esteem.

*Do things you like. I always believe in treating yourself well. Lots of people try to punish themselves, instead I work on a reward basis. By filling my week with things I like doing, it makes me like my life. Some things are I like are eating out, going to the cinema, spending time with friends, having deep tissue massages, going to the pub, writing articles and blogs, buying clothes, eating sweets, going to parks, cooking and going to random London events. I always have things planned in my diary each week that I enjoy doing and I stick to them!

*Plan your life. One amazing resource I use is Google Calendars. It is totally free and it helps me to run and organise my life. I have three colours on my calendars, blue for work, red for financial and important things, orange for fun and leisure. I can see exactly what I am doing all week and if I am doing enough fun things or not. I like to plan things out and then do them. I take as much time planning and living my social life as I do my work life. If you spend just a few minutes a day planning your social life rather than reacting to other people’s plan, then you will really see the difference. Those who don’t plan what to do on the evenings and weekends usually up doing nothing! The more you plan the more you do!

*Get enough sleep. Sleep is so important to maintaining a healthy and positive outlook on life. I advise that for the last 30 minutes before you go to bed you disconnect from all technology. No TV, internet or computer games. Allow your brain to wind down and make your room relaxing. I am all for scented oils and candles. Try to get to bed before midnight and get at least 7 hours of sleep per night. If you have problems getting to sleep then use hypnosis downloads and remember to unplug from technology for 30 minutes to relax.

*Dress well. There is a strong psychological link between looking good and feeling good. If you wear old crappy clothes and don’t take care of your appearance, then you will not generate a good reaction from others. If you dress well and take pride in your appearance, then this will shine through and you will get much better reactions from people. Looking good does not have to cost a lot, it is about knowing how to shop for your body type. Dress as the person who you want to become, not who you are now!

*Get on with things. I am not a religious person and I have no interest in trying to change or alter anyone’s believes. However until someone can show me undeniable evidence that there is an afterlife, I am assuming we just have our short time on this side of eternity. Find out what things you actually want to do and then get on it. Stop trying to motivate yourself before you take any action steps. Once you start to take action you will develop motivation and passion. There is never a right time to do anything, so you might as well start now. Choose one thing that you have been putting off or never got round to doing and just get on with it. This is why I started my meetup group, I had been thinking about it for a few months. Now it is up and running I feel great about it.

*Expect everyone else to be a muppet. One thing I have found is that I can’t really rely on anyone else and shit happens all the time. I assume the worse will happen every day and then plan for if it does. By planning for the worst I am actually constantly surprised by the world. If I need to get into town I will always give myself twice as long as I should need. I have been let down by public transport so many times that I now just assume it will happen. Now I am always early and I spend my time having a nice coffee and reading a book. I expect the best from people and situations but prepare for the worst. I live in a world where I accept things go wrong, so when they do I am not very bothered. When they go right I am always happy.

*Make specific goals. Goal setting is an interesting topic, once which I am very interested in. In the self help world they tell you that you can have anything you desire just by thinking about it. Bullshit! Also most people make intangible goals such as “I want to be happy”, “I want a good social life”, “I want abundance”, “I want to enjoy my life”, “I want to fulfil my potential” and loads of other tree hugging hippy crap. You need to make your goals tangible, if not how can you test and measure it? Ask yourself, if you did have a good social life what would you be doing? This could break down to going out 3 times a week, once for a meal, once to the pub and once to an event. You now have tangible things to work on. If a goal isn’t tangible then it is just a pointless fantasy.

*Keep a record of your fun times in photos. I think photos are a great way of recording memories. Take lots of photos of you and your friends doing the things you enjoy. Then make sure that you display them where you can see them all the time. If you are ever feeling down then you can look at these pictures to remind you of what great things you have already done. Printing out digital photos cost pennies, put them all over your walls.

*Stop comparing yourself to others. Your success should only be judged by your success, not those of other people. Facebook is the ultimate place to show off and basically lie about your life. This is why I keep off it as I really don’t care about what other people are doing. Never compare yourself to others as it will end in disaster.

*Evaluate your surrounds. If you room/house is dirty, dark, messy and gloomy then you will probably feel down. Make sure you take care of the fundamentals such as having a nice clean house and try to get as much light and colour in there as possible. Our surrounding have a massive effect on our mood and it is something we can easily control. By having a clean room, filled with nice things (candles, oil burners etc) and lots of pictures of you and your friends on the wall will make you feel better about yourself.

*Aim low. This now goes against all the self help crap out there. I am sick of hearing about having to make massive goals to motivate yourself. The bigger the goal, the less likely you will ever achieve it. When you don’t achieve a goal it makes you feel crap about yourself. When you achieve and surpass a goal it makes you feel amazing. For example with this first meetup for Interesting Talks I am organising I was hoping to raise £50 for charity and have 15 people attend. So far I have raised £90 and have had over 70 people join the group, 18 of which have confirmed. Another 15 or so have confirmed via email. I still have over a week to go before the event so I assume the figures will go up even more. I am motivated by achieving and surpassing small goals rather than never achieving large ones.

*Taking criticism and advice. I always have a lot of people giving me criticism and advice. Some of it is friendly and helpful, some of it is because the person is trying to put me down. Whenever someone gives me criticism or advice I always thank them and say they are probably right. I think why they are giving this to me and can I actually use it. I frequently get hypnotists telling me how to advertise and market my services. It only takes a little checking to see that I am making much more money than them. I never take advice from someone doing worse than me.

*Take time to fully relax. We live in a crazy world and our mind and bodies are not yet fully adapted to this way of living. This is why it is so important to take time out to fully relax. I suggest that for one day a week you refuse to do any work and not reply to any emails or take any phone calls. I write down important numbers, I then leave my phone at home. It is such an amazing and freeing feeling and allows you to really recharge your batteries.

The above tips are in no particular order and I do not expect you to do all of them. But read through them and see if you can incorporate any of them into your life and see what results you get. Self esteem in a state/mood and it is generated and maintained by the things you do. Stop sitting about feeling sorry for yourself and wish you had high self esteem and get out there and do the things that generate it.

I have high self esteem because I enjoy my life and do the things that cause me to feel good about myself. I do this through planning and hard work. I do not sit at home “wishing things were better”. I just get on with things, yes it sometimes hurts but that is life. If you want to have high self esteem or like yourself, then you have to give yourself the reasons to do so. Self esteem is earned through application, not by just wanting it.

 Of course please feel free to ignore all of the above and use “The Law of Attraction” to manifest amazing things into your life.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)