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Hey guys

A super short post today!

A common issue when it comes to learning game is having too much information. When I first got into it I downloaded everything I could, watched hours of online videos and purchased a massive amount of books and DVD’s from Amazon. Added to that I paid to go on very expensive seminars and I started to read the forums, newsletters and websites. I spent hours a day reading about talking to girls, but not actually talking to any girls. Something very wrong there, and when I did talk to a girl I literally had no idea what to do. I would always think “what system should I use, should I break rapport, who is controlling the frame, what is my outcome etc”. By being so inside my own head trying to think of what to do and say, I was not paying attention to who was in front of me.

Learning about game is very addictive but putting that knowledge into practice is what will get you results. When I first started learning I made myself go out and do a certain amount of approaches but I was really bad. It wasn’t until I went out with a more experienced guy than me who pointed out some obvious mistakes I was making. Without this objective viewpoint I would have kept practicing what was wrong. Practice does NOT make perfect! Perfect practice makes perfect!

This is why I like our bootcamps. You learn about something then you go and put it into practice under the supervision of an instructor. Over one weekend you do something like 14 hours of theory and 9 hours of infield. Learning theory is great, but you learn so much more in the field especially when there are experienced people there helping and winging you.

Knowing what to do but not being able to do it is really frustrating. The other day I guy recognised me in a bar and was giving me a lecture on body language and eye movements, or something along those lines. After about 15 minutes of listening to him I told him to go and approach a seated 2 set, he literally froze. To say he was a “master” of body language he couldn’t actually apply anything. I worked with him for a while and actually got him doing some approaches and I game him feedback. He said he probably learned more about approaching and body language in half an hour in field than he has done in the last 2 months reading about it.

Ok I am going to keep this post short, although I could literally go on for hours on this subject. Instead of learning about game, start applying it. Take it one piece at a time and if possible go out with someone who is more advanced than you (or an instructor) as this will super charge your results.

Sitting at home and reading book after book is not going to help all that much.

Matt Kendall (HypnoMatt)

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Hey guys

Sorry I have not posted on here for a while, I have been majorly busy working and moving house. Thanks to all those who came to Effortless Attraction and I am working on getting some audio up on this blog ASAP. I need to speak to the technical wizards above to help me with this.

Ok the thing I want to address today is the whole “fix me” attitude that I see so many guys with. Every week I get emails from people all over the world saying that it is my responsibility for me to fix them. These are not short emails either, they are pages and pages of moaning trying to get me to understand how bad their lives are. I often write back a short email with a few simple things to implement in their lives. This is usually replied to with an email of excuses or why it won’t work for them. At this point I am not able to offer any assistance at all.

Before I started specialising in working with guys with social anxiety (or inner game as others refer to it as) I used to work from a clinic in a large gym in Manchester. Due to the venue I used to get a lot of referrals from the personal trainers to help clients with weight loss. When working with a client who wants to lose weight you need to careful explain to them that they are 100% in control of their food intake and exercise levels.

The most common excuses I got from weight loss clients were;

1. My parents over fed me
2. My partner cooks too much food for me
3. I don’t like the taste of fruit/veg/healthy food
4. The government puts too much sugar in foods
5. There isn’t enough time to cook properly
6. I don’t know how to eat healthily
7. It is to cold and dark to exercise
8. It is societies/the media’s fault
9. I have the type of body that stores food more easily
10.I have a slow metabolism

My standard responses to the above excuses are;

1. You are now an adult!
2. You eat it!
3. Then don’t eat it and carry on eating junk food. I don’t care.
4. You eat it!
5. Make time!
6. Learn!
7. You live in England, it is cold and dark most of the time. Move to Australia. I doubt things will be different.
8. But it is your responsibility!
9. Have you had this confirmed by a doctor? Anyway if this is the case what this means is that you will have to work harder than other people. Life is not fair, deal with it.
10.Again, have you had this confirmed by a doctor? I doubt you do have a metabolism problem, if you do then you need to work harder than those with a normal metabolism. Deal with it.

People love to give excuses to why what I am telling them will not work for them. Instead they want someone or something to blame instead of taking responsibility for their own life and therefore the results they get. This is exactly the same thing I get when trying to help guys with their social skills.

People are not prepared to work hard at something and instead they want results overnight. The problem is with massive change is that the person can not handle it and it often leads to more serious problems. People also make stupid and unrealistic goals. Last week I worked with a 34 year old man who weighed 25 stone, smoked heavily and practically lived of take-a-ways. His goal was to lose 12 stone and become a professional footballer with 6 months. He is living in a fantasy land. Later on he told me he had watched “The Secret” and is visualising himself as a thin and playing football at Old Trafford. More on this dangerous and idiotic film later. 

I have found that people like the idea of change, but don’t actually want to change what they are doing. Instead they want to feel better about their miserable life and give their favourite excuses to why the rules of life do not apply to them. The best way to achieve this is antidepressants, drinking or drugs. These tried and tested methods are excellent at blocking out reality and making you feel better about not getting the things out of life that you want. After all it isn’t your fault is it.

Real change takes hard work! There is no way round it. I know that a lot of self help crap just tells you to visualise stuff or even make a wish (I have actually read this in books) and everything is easy and the universe cares about you. This is pure delusion.

I have a motivational strategy that is foolproof. 

Step 1. Make a realistic goal. Break this down into very small and manageable steps.
Step 2. Get the resources, skills and training you need.
Step 3. Work with people who know what they are doing.
Step 4. Try to pre-empt issues in advance. Plan rather than react.
Step 5. Measure your progress and keep on course.

No big happy feelings, no making wishes or worst of all, asking the Universe for it. I will let you into a little secret; the Universe does not care about you! If you think the Universe is there to serve you, you are delusional.

People do not want to take ownership of their problem. Whether it be a weight issue or the fact they do not have a good life and a girlfriend. It is your responsibility, regardless of what has happened to you in the past. You are 100% responsible for your results. Life is not fair, deal with it.

I was at home the other day and I switched on the TV. It was half way through “Deal or No Deal”. The concept of the game is simple, the contestant picks a random box containing a cash value, they then chose other boxes to open and try to sell their own box to the banker. It is a game of pure chance and probability. However I was watching this and the contestants were chanting, cheering and seemingly believed that they could influence what figure are in the boxes. One lady opened her box and revealed she had a high figure (chosen at random remember), she started crying as she felt so guilty and kept apologising. It is disturbing to think that people think they can magically change a printed numerical figure in a seal box by simply wanting it to change.

Just a few words that I hate are;

Abundance
Energy
Positivity
Fate
Destiny
Universe
Karma

I know that if I am talking to someone who uses these words frequently, that they are the sort of person who gives away control of their life and won’t take responsibility. The worst offender of all the self help crap is “The Secret”. I truly believe that this film is dangerous and should be made to carry serious warning on the cover. People watch this like it is a documentary, it isn’t. Firstly the biggest fundamental error is “the law of attraction”. This is NOT a law! It is not a law in the sense of gravity or anything within the realms of science. It is pure hypothetical idealistic nonsense.

Let’s look at the steps for “The law of Attraction”

1. Be clear about what YOU want and knowing exactly what YOU really want.

2. Placing Your Order. Ask the universe for what you want. The Universe won’t ask you questions that’s why it pays to be very, VERY specific.

3. Allow the Law of Attraction to work. Fully let the law of attraction to bring it about. Don’t force your ideas of how it should happen. Let the Law of Attraction figure that out.

4. Know without doubt that what you want and have asked for will happen.
Have faith and patience that the Law of Attraction will bring it about.

5. Relax and become receptive. You have to be in a calm harmony condition to aligned to the universe and manifesting your desire.

Basically this allows you to think of what you want, ask for it and then just wait to receive it. How amazing is that? I am sure that in some occasions that this has worked, however it does not make it a reliable system. This completely gives away your personal responsibility for generating results.

I met someone the other week that runs ‘Law of Attraction workshops’. He charges £250 for a day long course where people can learn how to manifest everything they have always wanted. As you can image I had a few questions for him, the main one being “how long does it take to actually get the results?”. Of course he gave me a useless answer saying that you have to be receptive, if you are not in that state you will not get what you asked for. So when people say they are not getting results he simply tells them that they need to be more receptive. Good system this, when you do not get the results you simply keep waiting and it is your fault for not being receptive. So you either get what you want (very unlikely) or you die from waiting for it. If people get impatient then they are not in a receptive state to receive. A foolproof system that does not need to provide any evidence to the poor people who shell out £250 for this nonsense. If you are not getting results it is your own fault for not being receptive.

If you want to start getting real results then you need to take responsibility for your life and change what you are currently doing. I understand that the position you are in right now may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility. I have worked with a wide range of clients, all of whom have their own personal histories and some of the things I have heard are very disturbing. I can totally understand why they are in such a state now, however it is still the person’s responsibility to take control of their life, regardless of what they have been through.

At a recent event I did a lot of 1-2-1 work with one guy in particular. I took a shine to this guy because he told me some of the things he had been through and it wasn’t at all pleasant. He was a nice guy but he kept telling me how things were not fair and why what we teach he is not able to apply. The rules of life did not apply to him, or so he protested. I gave him a list of things to do when he got home that would have got him results, I have tried and tested this with hundreds of people. At the end of the event he thanked me and said that he hoped that it had worked for him. This is not something I wanted him to hear as straight away he moving away from responsibility.

A few weeks of I emailed the guy to see how he was. He told me how much he enjoyed coming to the event but nothing had changed. He had not taken action on any of the points I had given him. He came up with a load of excuses, all were invalid. I knew that he wanted me to say that things were alright and justify why he doesn’t need to take action. Unfortunately he is the kind of guy who will never get results out of life although he had the knowledge and potential to do so. It is extremely frustrating to work with a client like this as I have seen so many get results by applying simple principles.

So in conclusion, I want you to really analyse your life and what you are currently doing. Only by being totally honest with yourself and taking ownership of your current situation will you ever get real results. Making changes to your lifestyle does take work, but the results are worth it. I can help you and show you what to do, but I am not able to make you do it. That is your responsibility. 

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)

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The How and the Why…

Hey guys, last time I spoke about ditching your best dance moves, tricks and tactics in favour of enjoying the music and generating a positive vibe, something that most guys seem to forget the second they enter a nightclub. Just by enjoying yourself regardless of your dancing ability you may have noticed that you were getting much more positive female attention than you may have otherwise; this is due to the relief that girls experience when they are in the presence of a man that is not entirely focussed on finding out the colour of their underwear, and this comfort that is immediately established will cause the women to be drawn away from the wandering hands of other guys and congregate around you. This ability to lose inhibitions on the dance floor is vital, and a prerequisite of what I am going to take you through in this post, without it, although still useful, the structure I teach will not be as effective without the ability to generate this initial comfort, as the IOI’s you receive form the first and most important stage of dance floor game.

Phase 1: Social Proof Steps
Many PUA’s appear to view dance floor game and the rest of club game as separate entities, each with their own rules to follow. I agree with this to a certain extent, largely you should be escalating much more quickly on the dance floor than you might otherwise and talking should be kept at an absolute minimum. However, receiving more positive attention on the dance floor has exactly the same effect as it would in any other social environment, without getting too psychological, it is common knowledge that women take cues regarding male attractiveness from other women, therefore, when women are seen dancing near you, and giving you IOI’s your attractiveness will skyrocket making the rest of the steps that much easier. Additionally, many guys fear beginning the interaction with a girl on the dance floor, and are not quite sure of the best way to get her attention, to start dancing or to escalate from there. All of this is avoided by social proofing the dance floor first, when the girl you want is already looking at you, then those awkward first moments are avoided and you can move to the next step. This step is achieved simply by fully immersing yourself in the music as I stated in my last post, and not focussing on getting one particular girl, it should suit your personality (as an introvert, I prefer to keep it low key) and make sure that you are doing it for enjoyment and in no way seeking approval from anyone else.

Phase 2: Forcing the IOI
When you see the girl you want, and have built up social proof by drawing people in to your positive vibe, getting girls looking at you, with no investment on your part, (it’s not like you’re doing backflips to get attention), all you have to do is select your girl and IMMEDIATELY force an IOI from her, this could be by pointing at her, sticking your tongue out, anything that clearly acknowledges her from all of the other girls dancing close to you. This is important as all of the attention that you have gained is extended to her. Next, with the big smile you have from enjoying your dance floor experience, you hold out your hand for her to take, and all of that attention is now working in your favour to put pressure on the girl to dance with you (rather than pressure to avoid being seen dancing with a low value guy), then spin her in to you, ready for the next step.

Phase 3: Push-Pull
Another PUA term that is used most to describe emotionally distancing yourself from a woman, creating more space to pull her back in; in dance floor game, you can do this physically, by literally pushing her away from you then pulling her closer. This is the key to escalating quickly, when done right, after every time you push her away, when you pull her in you can physically escalate, for example, you are holding one hand at this stage of dance floor game – push away – pull towards and take both hands- push away – pull towards and move one hand to the small of her back – push – pull and move your hands to her waist, and so on, as fast or as slow as you wish to escalate —Disclaimer— Some Calibration Required — the reason this works is best explained looking through the eyes of a woman; almost all of the guys she has danced with have no concept of pushing the girl away, so they keep pulling and pulling, making the girl feel more and more uncomfortable until they take root and remain planted on her waist until she forcefully removes them, after this, she learns that dancing with a guy will inevitably result in uncomfortably pushing them away, however, when you are the one selecting her, and pushing her away, she does not experience that discomfort, and you show that you are not getting off on her getting close to you, that you do not need physical contact from her to validate your existence as a man. With this comes the ability to escalate much faster, without it being a big deal.
The physical push pull is where salsa steps may be useful, however they do not need to be more complicated than a simple spin towards and away from you, and gently pushing and pulling her by her hands, as long as that physical distance is created, the effect will be largely the same.

Phase 4: The close
Now, after you have danced with a girl and been doing your push-pull for a little while, you can choose to use the pre-selection you got from her to force the IOI of another girl (phase 2) and move on/bring her in, you could also go back to building your social proof in phase 1, gaining even more momentum, or you may choose to go for a close.
The best part of using push pull on the dance floor to escalate is that it smoothly works towards any of these options, particularly to a close. If you do decide to go for a close, you want to increase eye contact as you do your push pull moves, and you want to gradually increase the length of time she is pulled into you and decrease the distance she is pushed away, making the dance more and more sexual as it progresses. Ideally you will be familiar with the music you are dancing to and you will know exactly when to go for the pull into a close, (a k-close for example) it will be a time where the music cuts out, or has a pronounced beat that emphasises your movement (I will get to this in a later post) but when you go for a close, you want to pull her in closer than you have been, maintain eye contact and gently place your hand on the side of her neck and guide her as you go in for the kiss. It is that simple, again, with calibration; you will know when the best time to do this is. Then, before or after the kiss, you can continue or take her by the hand and take her off the dance floor.

There you have it, a complete structure to dance floor domination. If you want to know how it works then just think about it from a girls point of view: she notices a guy getting loads of attention from other girls ‘out of the corner of her eye’ this popular guy then selects her from all of the girls he could have (typical chick flick formula) and instead of having an uncomfortable grinding marathon, this guy is different, he leads her and constantly is mixing sexual pull towards him with fun spins and other moves (just like the movies) and shows he knows what he is doing by escalating with purpose, then slowly the room fades away as your eyes lock on until it is just the two of you sharing this moment, then the kiss is the icing on the cake.

Go out and give girls the experience they want and let me know how you get on and remember to always show respect for the girls first and foremost.

Stephen :)

P.S. I have tried to be as thorough as possible, but if you have any questions just leave me a comment. For the guys that can’t quite lose themselves in the music, I will try to get some pictures or video of me demonstrating some moves I use for low key social proofing next time.

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Hey guys, Stephen here, for those of you who don’t know I am a breakdance instructor and the dance floor game expert here at PUATraining, and I’m going to dispel a few myths about getting girls on the dance floor, and give you a general overview of what’s to come in future posts.

1. What if I can’t dance?
After speaking to a huge amount of women about why they dance with particular guys over others, a few common themes that I have found are that girls do not want to dance with an Usher tribute or Michael Jackson wannabe. These guys spend all week on youtube finding music video choreographies to take to the club and ‘show off’, and while it’s entertaining for a short while, nothing will put a guy more into the dancing monkey category than a cheap imitation of Chris Brown with Aqua’s Barbie Girl playing in the background.

My good friend Ashley at PUATraining tells guys that dancing is a way to express yourself; and this is the key to getting a good vibe going between you, your wing and the girls on the dance floor. You will notice that some girls can stay on the dance floor in sky-scraping stiletto’s and dance for hours on end, completely entranced by the music, and they are captivating to watch. This is what you need to achieve, and by expressing your interpretation of the music, you will draw other people towards you, and have them wanting to experience this with you.

Feeling the music does not mean that you are oblivious to your surroundings, we have a purpose and I will cover this in more detail in my next post, but what this ability does do for you, is demonstrate that you not there to stand at the side of the dance floor, uncomfortably shuffling your feet out of rhythm, drink at your chest checking out every short skirt that comes on your radar, (not a good image) but you are there because you love to move, generate a positive vibe, and most importantly, it is a massive indicator that you are there entirely for your self-amusement, not for the validation of others that your moonwalk is up to scratch.

2. The Salsa Solution
There is a big deal within the community that salsa lessons are the key to dance floor domination and to a certain extent, this is true. Salsa lessons teach you to be aware of your body, how to interact with and lead a woman on the dance floor, and how to quickly and smoothly lead towards a close. This is great, and I strongly suggest that you do take a couple of salsa lessons; however, this is in no way the entire picture. Like I said, salsa is great for when you are with a girl, however, inevitably there will be periods where you are not up close and personal with a girl on the dance floor, where your advanced salsa turn patterns are rendered completely useless. And this is where most guys make the mistake of reverting to the ‘wall nettle’ on the side, stinging any girl that comes your way. For me, this is where the real fun begins, this is where you can build some momentum, or capitalise on the momentum that you have gained.

The time between dancing is where you can shine more than most, and when you can emphasise your dance floor prowess over other guys simply by learning a couple of very basic steps that I use, that take 10 minutes to learn, and will automatically improve over time, with no conscious effort making you comfortable and confident during your dance floor downtime, and getting girls to copy your movements, making escalation a whole lot easier, I will get to that on my next post.

3. The Circle of Death
We have all seen the circle of death; a group of girls dancing, tightly huddled circling a handbag on occasion engaged in some ancient clubbing ritual, casting aside any poor soul that attempts to intervene. Now, while most PUA’s, dedicated to the one shot one kiss mentality are intimidated by the mere sight of this, for a true dance floor gamer, it is an opportunity to show the entire club how high value you are, by effortlessly integrating, and disbanding if necessary the newly phrased ‘winners circle’ and while I will get into the techniques I use for this at a later date, you will see that when you go and deploy the simple system of generating your own positive atmosphere and express this on the dance floor, and build this vibe using the steps I will detail, while using your pre-selection stealing salsa spins, the circle of death will often find themselves desperate to dance around you!

So guys, the techniques will be coming, but for now, go out for a couple of nights and make it your mission, maybe not to pull a girl home that night, but just to put aside the male ego for a while and enjoy your experience on the dance floor, as no girl will ever be attracted to a guy that cannot enjoy his own experiences.

Go out, dance however the music takes you, and from there we will channel that energy you will obtain and use it to create a dragnet that will effortlessly capture not one girl, but any girl that you choose to dance with.

Let me know how you get on

Go have fun

Stephen :)

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Enjoy the video guys!

And thanks to the hundreds of you who have already grabbed your copies of her new book.

If you haven’t gotten a copy yet, you can grab it here:

Kezia’s New Paper Back Book

It’s great and you’re going to love it.

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Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Note From Rich:

Guys, enjoy the videos and let me (and kezia) know what you think :-)

Also, Kezia’s new book has just been released and it’s available now on Amazon!

Grab A Copy Here

Do yourself a favour and pick up a copy of it.

It’s got my highest recommendation.

Also, everyone who grabs it in the next week will be getting a special surprise from me and Kezia!

Just found this and thought you might like to see it, it’s one of our bootcamps, filmed by Dutch TV.

It’s not the full show, so let me know in the comments if you find the full one somewhere.

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A note from Rich:

Enjoy the video guys!

Also…

If you’re looking for mentors, and you’re really serious about this all, then there’s no better place to find them than on our bootcamp training programs.

>>>UK Bootcamps

>>>US Bootcamps

Obviously, I’m biased :-)

But seriously..

Part of the reason why our programs are so effective is because of what Matt talks about in the video – mentorship. When you come on a bootcamp, you’re side by side with the people who have the success you want.

We show you what you need to do to get it (step by step) and we also steer you away from a lot of the BS that most guys are fed from people who have no business teaching this stuff.

There’s nothing more powerful than working with the people have what you want – IN PERSON.

Working with guys who had what i wanted made the biggest difference in my game, personally, and I really believe in the power of it for anyone who is learning game.

That’s why i started running these things in the first place!

-Rich (Gambler)

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