In my last LR I talked about the benefits of social circle game which I truly feel is the best way to go about things.  However I wanted to cover the other end of the spectrum namely being SNL (same night lays).  While there’s nothing wrong with it I’ve never been a huge fan for a few reasons.  The quality of girls you get are usually not as good, there’s no real connection which makes the sex kind of meaningless (at least to me), and if this is what the majority of your game consists of you’ll need to go out hunting every night and busting your ass to make it happen no matter how good you get.

This night started with me doing a one on one with my student.  While doing a bootcamp I always demo of course but never long enough or seriously enough to get a girl all the way into bed because it’d take to much time away from helping my student’s game.  However once the bootcamp work is officially done it becomes another matter and then Psych can go to town.  I decided to stay out with my student this night and just wing him to see what would happen.  We go out to a popular lounge in the area where I meet up with a good friend of mine who’s actually an instructor for another company and specializes in SNL game.  I figure “when in rome” and the hunt begins for which girl I’ll be taking home with me tonight. 

Now the first thing to realize when it comes to SNL game is that it kind of takes a “PUA radar”.  The thing is that not every girl, regardless of how good your game is, will be the kind to sleep with you that night.  Even if she is often times logistics wont allow it.  What this means is that you need a radar to quickly determine which girl seems like a SNL girl and then quickly figuring out logistics to see if they can be handled in set otherwise you waste your time.  At first it didn’t seem like there were any real possibilities, it was a small bar lounge with only about 50 people and only half being women.  However when the other guys began giving up it only motivated me more to make something happen.  As I’m making my rounds I’m keeping an eye out for two things, somewhat buzzed and sexual.  I see a large set with giggling girls who are slightly high energy, probably buzzed so one out of two is there.  I go open the set and immediately one of the girls touches my chest and gets close to my face when talking to me…bingo on the sexuality.

Once you spot your SNL girl there’s a few things that always need to happen.  The sexual tension must be built really high, strong frame control needs to take place, you MUST know exactly how to lead the set and handle all obstacles and logistics to get her to your place, and also have the ability to handle any shit/congruence tests she throws at you. 

As soon as she touches my chest and gets close my hands go around her waist and I bring her in close to show dominance.  I begin using AFC Adam’s formula of comfort and breaking rapport while keeping my nonverbals (such as eye contact) extremely sexual.  What resulted was fluff talk with slight sexual innuendos to break rapport and physical take aways and turns.  However my hands never left her side.  I then began leading the pick up by isolating her to get a drink of water with me.  This is what I call a visual isolation since the group can still see where you both are, from here I told her we should sit somewhere to drink since my feet hurt and brought her into full isolation away from the friends. 

Once seated the qualification and sexual escalation begins.  The kino is massively turned up with my arm wrapped around her while I stroke her leg and thigh qualifying her on topics that are either sexual in nature or lead to sexual frames (for example being fun and wild).  From here I go for the kiss and get it and from experience I’m pretty sure that I can close as long as logistics can be handled.  However it’s always around this point that the shit tests begin to come.  With this particular set I handled the logistics by being completely unnreactive and extremely ballsy/confident with my sexuality.  For example at one point the girl said “I think I’m going to have to go back with my friends tonight” which implies she IS thinking of a SNL so I respond “And I think that you’re going to have to come home with me so I can ravage that body of yours”.  The shit tests comes again with “Hahahaha no I don’t think so…”  which I reply “We’ll see…before this night is done I’m going to be fucking the shit out of you.”  Her face was priceless here and she was literally speechless but eventually just settled for a disbelieving smile. 

As the night progressed I’d amp up sexuality in more ways by grabbing her breasts, kissing her neck, and anything else that went with the moment.  It became to much for her though and she went to the bathroom.  While doing that I opened her group of friends and began winning them over so that when she came back she saw me in set with them.  Not knowing what to do she eventually grabbed one of her girlfriends and went over to the bar.  Eventually her other friends joined her and I was left chilling with my student.  What then took place was a huge test…who would break first me or her?  Often a massive hidden test that needs to be placed is the girl seeing that you have the ability to walk away and when this test is given it’s usually the last one.  I remained with my student until finally the girls friend came over to tell me my girl wanted me to come over there.  Many community guys I know would mess up here as well and refuse in order to stay “alpha” but the act of her sending her friend over already means I won…I just need to accept her invitation. 

I go over and join her and flirt some more.  She brings up the fact that she has to leave with her friends so I tell her that she’s an adult and can do whatever she’d like.  I flat out refused to be needy or try and manipulate her into coming with me.  I knew she wanted me and all I had to do was make sure I didn’t chase in the slightest, just keep her being aroused and let it be her choice what she wants to do.  I saw the raging battle inside her head and figured she might need SOME plausible deniability to not feel like a slut.  Because of this I suggested we instead just go get something to eat and her friends could even come to (if they don’t perfect and if they do I can always bounce her to my place after).  Her friends weren’t hungry so this was a no go.  Sometimes things don’t work out though and that’s when you need a plan B.  I tell her that my friend’s place (the student’s) has an amazing view and she should come see which she agrees to along with her cousin.  I pull up my car and take her, her cousin, and my student to the student’s apartment.  Once we get in there sex is just implied.  Everyone gets some water, I tell the girl “hey come check out my room”, and then throw her on the bed.  I always tell people this but just like some PUAs assume attraction I assume sex.  The clothes come off easily and she begins giving me head.  From there I put on a condom and get on top of her to close the deal.  I was told later that my student was talking to the cousin and heard the banging of the bed against the wall.  When the cousin asked what it was he replied…must be construction work.

One of the greatest realizations I’ve ever had in game was realizing that 90% of my game was to try and impress the girl.  Whether it was being interesting, trying to find ways to DHV, act alpha, be funny, cold read and role play, or a myriad of other things…it all was to impress.  Logically this makes sense though.  We want the girl to like us, so by impressing her and showing her how high value we are then voila, she likes us!  Unfortunately while this makes sense on paper it rarely makes sense in the field.  Lets look at some of the reasons why…

*When we try and impress it means we want validation and approval from the other person implying they’re of a higher status then us

*Trying to impress leads to chasing and needy behaviors

*When we try and impress we have to “sell” an idea (in this case attraction) which puts us in a dancing monkey or entertainer role

*Wanting to impress leads to the possibility of failure which in turn leads to unattractive qualities such as nervousness, frusteration, resentment, insecurity, and of course anxiety

*It immediately puts the girl as the prize

The list goes on….

Instead though what if we gamed in a way that focused on making opportunities for the girl to impress us instead?  Then everything I just mentioned earlier is now flipped.  When the girl begins attempting to impress us she begins chasing us which then causes her to become deeply attracted.  We all value that which we work for and which is hard to get.  The problems most guys have is that they want soooooooo bad to convince the girl that they’re high value they do the exact opposite.  High value guys don’t brag or try and impress, they simply assume everyone knows they are high value.  Instead of trying to DHV truly high value guys will instead offer tests and get to know someone to see if THEY match up to HIM.  The act of seeing if a girl is worthy of you without trying to impress her creates tremendous attraction. 

With this new mindset in place my game has drastically changed.  At this point it rarely looks like I’m really gaming or doing much of anything anymore.  The vast majority of my game is really finding ways for the girl to game me.  I want HER DHV stories, I want HER busting out routines to keep me interested, I want to be entertained by HER, and I can take it as far as finding ways for the girl to even sexually escalate on me. 

By showing and adding value (as opposed to trying to DHV or brag),  by interacting with the girl in a way where you truly are not trying to impress her, by leading the interaction and helping her find ways to game you, as well as showing a strong comfortability and confidence (especially when it comes to sexuality)…I promise you’ll have the girl finding all sorts of ways to impress you.

Hope this helps,

Psych

(To read more about me visit my web page at www.puatraining.com/psych and to contact me for any one on one work or bootcamps email me at psych@puatraining.com)

Here’s the latest video response to the question about how to go indirect on a two set.

As always if you have any questions, or would like to add anything further please use the comments section below!

How to approach a 2 set

Hey guys,

Have a look at the video and give me some openers :-)  Please note that I want all different kinds of openers, serious, funny, direct, indirect, etc. However, I will not use any that are derogatory to women, so be creative but be considerate guys.

Stay kool and keep gaming.

Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam

So the feedback for the “get your questions personally answered” has been pretty good. At least good enough to make a second one.

This one is all about the best way to sleep at a girls place rather than getting her to sleep at yours. Very useful if you still live at home, or with annoying flatmates, or if you don’t clean or if you have a massive toy figure collection….(not that I’m admiting to any of these you understand)

Ahem…

Here’s the video!

How to Crash at hers

Remember use the comments section to ask your own questions!

Hey guys,

Its your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam here

Firstly, apologies for not posting much on the blog, been working on loads of different things recently, like my daygame tour which is on the website, working on some advanced techniques and filming live in-field videos (Watch this space

Right, my life revolves around my work, my work revolves around understanding what women want in a man…..Now I asked one question to ten of my hottest, highest value female friends (ranging from model in Zoo magazine to the girl next door who has been my friend for seven years). The question was as follows: WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

They all replied differently, but one quality was mentioned unanimously by all of them: CONFIDENCE.

Confidence, one quality that all women want - now I want to break this down, what is it?

Well according to the dictionary definition it is ‘full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing’

But what does this actually mean? Is it full trust that you can potentially close any woman you approach? Is it belief that you’re a great pua when you go in to set? Or is it trusting you are the high value prize and she wants you? None of these would be incorrect, although this week’s residential student really summed up confidence down to a tee in one instance when out with me.

Picture the scene if you will: We are in Revolutions Bar and he approaches a three set he really likes, engages them for the best part of ten minutes and walks away with some smiles and a name and a handshake.

I asked him to run me through it from the top, he begins by saying he opened with ‘Hey guys my friend went on a date with a girl and he didn’t hold the door open for her so she got offended. Do you think in this day and age a guy should still hold the door open for a woman?’     I stopped him right there and asked why he said that, when we agreed prior to opening that he would go direct as we were literally on our way out to a club. He said he got nervous, but wished he didn’t as they turned out to be the coolest chicks he’d spoken to all day and would’ve like to have just said hello and got to know them as people, not the answer to his question. So I turn to him and say ‘Tell them’   Nervous, yet excited to see what would happen, he walks back to the three women and says ‘Hey I just want to apologise as I asked you guys a question which isn’t important to me, I don’t have a friend with a girl upset he didn’t hold a door open, truth is I just wanted to say hello as you seemed friendly and wanted to get to know you, but got a little nervous and used some canned line, I apologise, and I think you guys are coolest chicks I’ve spoken to all day’.   The reaction on the women’s faces was one of amazement, they replied with ‘Oh my god, that’s amazing you are so CONFIDENT, thank you’

 A demonstration of true confidence, standing in front of women and being able to openly mention you get nervous, you are human and have emotions.

I hope this helps. If anyone can reply with moments they feel they displayed real confidence I would luv to hear them.

Thanks for reading guys, hope you’ve enjoyed.

Until next time, stay kool and keep gaming.

Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam

So I’ve been wanting to do some kind of Regular Q and A help service for the PUAtraining Blog for a while now, and I think I’ve found a simple and easy way to keep it current and uploaded regularly.

I’ve recently been banned from using facebook chat for helping so many people and I wanted to come up with a way that would not only help people out regularly, but also give people a chance to learn from others questions. So here it is.

Direct vs Indirect

Write up any question you like as a comment to this video and I’ll choose the best one and use it as a question for the next Video.

AFC Adam,

Many guys in this community have limited themselves to cold approach, which in all honesty is a great skill to have but should not be the end all be all.  Most naturals get many women and of higher quality by playing social circle game and this is something I hope for everyone to achieve.  Alright on to the LR….

I met this girl a while back at a christmas party.  For the christmas party I wanted to add value to everyone’s night while at the same time staying in the spotlight and generating social proof, what was the answer?…a santa suit.

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c109/jlsstud13/n599291058_1575031_2324.jpg

The whole night I remained the life of the party bouncing from one girl to the next.  Whether it was taking pictures, getting the girls to come outside with me singing christmas carols, playing with the whip, or a billion roleplays of me as santa and them as naughty elves I kept the fun level up the entire time.  The best thing was that most of the guys there did the typical “act cool” approach which blew them out of the water. 

Now when I looked around I spotted my target and she was easily the hottest girl there.  Lets call her HBSC (SC for social circle). I knew that the best way to play this would be to encorprate her into my social circle (and since we’re at a party together we have common friends by proxy).  So the entire night I would focus the majority of my time on the girls I already knew and then encorprate her as an after thought.  I made sure to get her number on a high note and ended it there. 

Over the next few months I would basically hang out with her in a big group setting and then with every outing dwindle the numbers down until it was natural for just me and her to hang out.  When it comes to social circle game a big thing to be aware of also is the sexual tension.  To much sexual tension and you become the creepy guy in the circle who’s always trying to get with the HB.  To little and you become just another good friend.  The trick is to break rapport slightly while hanging out but in sexual ways.  For example when HBSC was taking forever walking up the stairs at one point I remember telling her to hurry up while laughing and giving her a playful tap on the butt.  Also when playing flip cup I’d come up behind her to see how she was doing and squeeze her sides.  Finally we made a bet on something and I made sure the bet was that the winner gets a lap dance from the other person.  Funny enough I lost the bet but that’s irrelevant, the sexual frame is now already there.

One day I get a text from her saying that she’s bored late at night, this immediately translates to me as a booty call and all I need to do now is close the deal without messing things up.  Logistics are set since we both live at the college campus all I have to do is provide a reason to be in one of our rooms and some plausible deniability for the hook up.  The solution is probably the best end game routine for anyone who goes to college…power hour  :D.

Power hour for those who don’t know is when each person takes a shot of beer every minute for an hour.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal but it definately does the trick.  She agrees to this so I end up going to her place with the beers.  We begin the game and just vibe at first to generate some comfort.  I look at pictures of her and her family, have her play some music for me…ect ect.  Then bit by bit I begin to set the mood.  I say it’s really bright in here and put on her lamp and turn off the main lights, then I get some fast paced songs going and begin dancing with her in her room.  She reminds me that I owe her a lap dance so I oblige and give a funny one.  Then I tell her that she needs to show me how to do it right.  She begins giving me a lap dance and I immediately begin getting very sexual with her.  Biting her neck, rubbing over her pants, running my hands up and down her body ect.  I then tell her that it’s good but to do it right she’d need to lose the pants and immediately begin undoing them for her and pull them off.  Right there is something key for end game…I assume sex.  I don’t ask her to take it off, I take it off for her and lead the whole time.  Also there’s never any awkward hesitation, you have to be dominant about it.  From there I get her shirt off by saying “if you want to be a PRO…” lol.  After that it was pretty much over.  I just caveman and throw her on the bed and then begin fingering her from behind.  She turns over and pulls me on top and then I simply get out my condom and close.

Here’s a picture of the girl.

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c109/jlsstud13/n1100430159_30029884_9634.jpg

This is a bit of fun.

Was teaching a student on sunday, and I’d previously told him that I’d gotten a couple of street kisses before and he really wanted me to demo it.

It told him that it wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I’d try my best (i’m always up for a challenge). Also the last girl he tried to open had headphones on and he failed to make her stop, so this was a sticking point at the moment and also wanted me to demo stopping a girl with headphones on. And as luck would have it the next hot girl we saw had headphones on.

So in I go (direct as usual!)

She stops, and we get into a fun interaction.

I do a little bit of kino by highfiving her at a highpoint in the conversation and spinning her round, but apart from that I didn’t really escalate at all. I was just getting to know her and qualifying her a bit. But after a few minutes I wanna start seeing if there was any way I could get that kiss…

The battery in my phone is off, so I get her to save my number in her phone.

She says “What shall I save you as… Andy what?”

I tell her “Andy Good Kisser”

She agrees, with a smile, and saves my number.

Then I get a bit closer and tell her I have to go meet my friend, and it was awesome meeting her.

I tell her “Give me a kiss on the cheek”

She complies. It’s a soft kiss, near my lips. *green light*

I point to my other cheek.

Another soft kiss, near my lips. *green light*

As she pulls away from the third kiss, I stay close, then pulling her into me, kiss her.

I pull away with a smile, with strong eye contact, then go in for a second kiss.

Probably the best demo I’ve ever done  ;D - I’ve gotta point out that this is only the 3rd of 4th time I’ve kissed a girl on the street like this - I’m not some kind of street kiss close pimp. This probably won’t happen again for a long time!

Good fun anyway

My last two posts here emphasized just how important it is to be deprogrammed.  It’s time to now abandon scientific or structured game as well as “natural” game that really isn’t natural as much as just chaotic with no real instruction.  In it’s place I’d like everyone to learn social game.  Social game is based on the idea of being normal, stresses the importance of calibration, always includes a larger perspective of game (involving meta game, social circle game, and lifestyle), and stresses an important mindshift from being a pick up artist to simply a social artist.  I’d honestly have rather been ranked as “The Best New Social Artist” then “The Best New PUA” if given the choice…but oh well.

The very first step to my deprograming project is to first define what game actually is.  What I mean is what is the goal of game?  What are we trying to learn and accomplish? Many guys are confused on this and look to old school community teachings that mess them up.  They may look at game as manipulation, trying to prove your a high value guy, trying to lower a girls value or self esteem, being a bad boy, trying to impress the girl…the list goes on.  All of these are really bad mindsets to have and with them you’re bound to fail because you’re developing your game in the wrong way.  IMHO game is only three things and I’ll list them in the order of importance.

1. Likeability

To get the girl the most important thing by far and the first thing that needs to be accomplished is to be liked.  Whether it’s sex or just having a conversation if the girl doesn’t like you why would she do anything with you?  Likeability comes from many things.  Connecting on mutual interests, adding value to the girl in some way (as opposed to demonstrating value which I’ll cover in a future post), being normal and well calibrated, building comfort with her in the form of trust and rapport, as well as the ability to be social (for example getting along with her friends or introducing her to people).  Being a likeable person in general is the single most important trait that you can improve on. 

Now lets take a look at an old school community teaching that falls into this category and the exact problem it causes.  Being a high value guy would make us likeable.  There’s no doubt about this.  Then the question becomes how do we act high value?  Well having really interesting DHV stories for one, knowing cool magic tricks and routines would get people liking us, and of course doing things like cold reading and roleplaying are great.  However the community made a huge error here.  Instead of trying to be likeable they narrowed it to trying to be high value.  When you change the ultimate goal of anything it makes a HUGE difference.  Here are the main differences that this change has caused. 

By focusing on being high value and demonstrating those traits they throw away other likeable traits because they don’t fit into the high value frame.  In addition since their ultimate goal is being high value and not likeable they used flawed logic to show why some likeable traits are bad for game when it’s actually the opposite.  The most obvious example of this would be basic manners and politeness.  Many community guys cringe when I say phrases like “excuse me”, “dont mean to bother you”, or “I don’t mean to be rude”.  However this is often simply good manners that make us more likeable.  This same high value logic will sometimes also make guys act weird (such as peacocking) or serious.  To be likeable it’s best to be normal and fun/playful.  Now it’s important not to think of being high value as bad.  If done right it DOES make us likeable.  Also things like roleplaying and games you can play in set can be great if done the right way.  The trick is to always keep in mind that being high value is just a way to be likeable not the goal itself.  If you’re ever doing something that raises your value but makes you less likeable then you’re doing something wrong.  Also keep in mind that the opposite of being likeable isn’t being hated, it’s indifference.  Sometimes it’s fun and useful to have challenging frames where the girl acts like she hates us or there’s teasing involved.  When this is done though it should always be obvious that the girl does actually like you though.

2. Persuasiveness

Once we are likeable the next step is to make sure we can be persuasive.  In every pick up we need to get compliance, need to lead the interaction, and need to generate attraction.  However persuasion is NOT manipulation.  Manipulation is trying to trick someone into doing something they don’t want to do or wouldn’t have liked.  Persuasion is getting someone to see things from your perspective and being convincing enough to have them make the choice themselves that falls in your favor.  The best book out there for this is Robert Cialdini’s book called “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.”  Here he lists 6 persuasion tactics being likeability (no shocker here), commitment, social proof, authority, reciprocation, and scarcity.  Also generating attraction falls under persuasion because we are persuading the girl to become attracted to us.  However many people go about this the wrong way, with the most common mistake being trying to impress.  This topic however warrants it’s own seperate post though.  Finally when it comes to attraction the goal that makes the most sense IMO comes from AFC Adam and that is to get investment from the girl.

3. Sexuality

You might wonder why I put this last since it seems like such an important topic.  There’s only one reason really.  Up until now you can game anyone and I mean just that…anyone.  From ugly girls and guys to children and old men, you’ll also always increase your skills by doing so.  The difference is game up till now only consists of likeability and persuasion, the only time we use sexuality is with a girl that we want.  The importance of sexuality is obvious, without it the interaction can never lead to sex.  We have to show that we’ll be more then a friend, create arousal from the girl, and be comfortable being sexual and know how to properly sexually escalate. Often though the community either heavily shys away from this in order “to preserve value and not show interest” or else over compensates by stressing how important “sexual intent” is and making guys sleezy.  Simply just be comfortable being sexual and use calibration to know when are good times to show it. 

For now try and see if you can format your normal game under these principles and under this order of importance.  This is the first step to being deprogrammed and everything I teach will either make you more likeable, persuasive, or sexual.  In future posts I’ll also be going over the difference between Value game and Investment game, The “trying to impress” mindset, the 3 levels of social skills and why most community guys don’t get results including how to immediately fix this, as well as much more including endless step by step comparisons of old style game to how I see it now.  As always I welcome all questions and comments.

Hope this helps,

Psych

 (To read more about me visit my web page at www.puatraining.com/psych and to contact me for any one on one work or bootcamps email me at psych@puatraining.com)