Hey guys,

Finally after months and months working long hours developing Daygame.com, we are finally live!

Daygame.com is my attempt at trying to help as many guys improve their daygame as possible by providing regularly updated videos, articles, a weekly podcast and the communities first ever seduction comic book! The really exciting thing about this site is I want it to be somewhere you can learn this stuff completely for free, as I know that money is a big issue for alot of people. If you can afford to spend money on learning social dynamics then obviously you’re going to have a much faster learning curve, but if you can’t afford it, then you won’t have access to information that could potentially change your life.

The perfectionist in me wanted to delay the launch another month or two while I perfected things, but that’s not going to do you guys any good is it? We’re not perfect yet – but with continued drive to improve and with the support and feedback from our users, we should be improving day by day.

This is what I’m doing fulltime now, so me and the Daygame crew are gonna be out on the streets of London filming new content every week, not to mention writing valuable articles and recording the world’s only podcast dedicated to Daygame.

If I can be responsible for just one guy finding his dream girlfriend, then the site has been a success.

Hope you like the site and get loads of value from it. I’m looking forward to reading everyone’s feedback, and hopefully soon, some success stories!

Speak soon,

Andy.

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Everything starts with the approach.  If you can’t figure out the approach, no matter how good the rest of your game is, you are screwed.  In this article I’m going to give you some practical and tested advice so you’ll know how to approach women anywhere.  A lot of advice is very specific to a particular location like a nightclub or the gym, but there are fundamentals that underlie any successful approach and these are what I am going to share with you.

Step 1 – Approach women with the right mindset

The first part of approaching is mindset.  Try this little exercise in your mind.  Imagine there is a beautiful girl that is your ideal type, you look at her and have a second or so of eye contact, you want to talk to her, but you don’t, you stand there frozen and the moment passes.  Think about how you would feel in that situation.  Now imagine the same situation but this time you approach and she says “sorry I’m busy” and turns away.  Think about how you’d feel here.  Would you feel good that you actually had the balls to do it?  Would you feel good that you at least found out whether it was on or not?

Now imagine you approach and everything goes perfectly and you end up getting laid or having a relationship with that girl (different strokes for different folks).  How would you feel then.  So now, imagine that you approach 100 girls and assign a likely probability of success.  In how many would you get a number?  20%?  60%?  Whatever it is, it’s likely enough to make it worth doing.  How much do you think you’d learn from 100 approaches?  So now, when you are in that situation you know that the benefit of approaching far far outweighs not approaching and you will approach just to avoid that bad feeling of being a wussy that couldn’t step up.

Step 2 – Be prepared

The second part is being prepared.  Ideally you see this amazing girl and something pops into your head and it’s the perfect thing to say for just that girl and that situation.  That’s the ideal.  Most of the time though, your mind will be “blank” or racing between different options which you discard one by one as not good enough.  So, pick one opening line that you are comfortable with, that you can use in most situations (not just at the gym when she is on the treadmill going exactly 5mph) and always have that line to fall back on.  Here are some pickup openers you can look at, pick the one you like best, and remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be good enough.

Step 3 – Your skeleton system

The third part is having the skeleton of a system in place so that you know roughly what to do.  Think about the possible responses to your opening line.  Think about how you might introduce yourself – “I’m Richard by the way” , how you might get the number “I go to some great parties with my friends, you should come sometime and check one out.  Okay cool, put your number in my phone and I’ll text you next time we go out”, and also, if it makes you feel better, a way to escape if you need it – “it’s been great speaking to you, but I need to meet some friends, what’s the best way of keeping in touch with you”.

So there you have it, 3 things you can do right away (hint – do it now!).  I hope that gives you a better idea of how to approach women anywhere.  Next we can focus more deeply on conversation skills, dates, and more advanced stuff.

Let me know your thoughts on this one, the above works for me and many other guys but you may have found your own route to successful approaching women.

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Hey Guys, I sat down and hat a chat with my friend Calum best and here’s a little clip of it.  I apologise for the sound quality, our sound recorder malfunctioned.

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Hey guys

In the pick up community there is a lot of discuss about being alpha male, status and dominant behaviour. Some gurus say that women like bad boys and that we should be dominant at all times. Guys are really worried that if they are too submissive or equal to girls, that they will fall into the friends’ zone and will not be able to break out.  But what if you are a naturally submissive person and you find it hard to be dominant. Are you banished to the friends’ zone forever?

Overall I have found that more dominant men are better with girls, but it is a blessing and a curse. Very dominant people tend to be dominant all the time with little room for flexibility. It is just as hard for a dominant person to become submissive as it is a submissive person to become dominant! Read that again. Altering your status regardless of it is up or down, moves you out of your comfort zone and is emotionally painful to do.

Within our family, social circles and work, we already have defined roles. When we have a defined role it, allows us to be that person and therefore be in the moment and spontaneous. At home you might be an older brother to a younger sister and take a dominating role, however at work you may be a junior and be subordinate to your co-workers. When in a role you no longer have to worry about what to say or do as it becomes natural.   

The most influential people I know are those who are able to shift their role from dominant, to equal right through to subordinate. Instead of just being dominant all the time to get their way, they are much more flexible in their approach and as a result much more successful in achieving their outcomes. The main point of being flexible is to avoid resistance and allow persuasion to feel natural. The more flexible you are at shifting your status, the more advantage you have over others.

By knowing a little bit about human behaviour and psychology it can help us in our attempt to influence people. One key fundamental is that as humans we have a desire to be right as when we are wrong it lowers our status. For example I was at a party the other day and one guy was talking about a film he had been to see. He said how much he enjoyed it and how he really liked one particular actor, he went on to talk about another film the actor was in. The film the guy was talking about did not star that actor, I knew this but didn’t see any point in blocking him. However another guy who was is a total film buff there picked up on this, and tried to correct him on it. Both were dominant characters and neither one wanted to back down as being incorrect, so the film buff whipped out his iPhone and did a Google search. They found the page and he showed it to the first guy and looked proud in showing him up, this of course made everyone feel tense. The film buffs need to be right in the situation lead to everyone feeling uncomfortable and eventually disbanding our little group.  

The above example happened because the film buff is a dominant character and finds it difficult to become subordinate or wrong. When he is wrong he is out of him comfort zone, much like a really nervous guy opening a 3 set of hot girls. He has blinding desire and need to be right, regardless to damage he may ensue during the process. I knew that the first guy was wrong about the film, however I did not see any need to correct him, instead I was more focused on raising his status by being interested in his story. As I am flexible in my status, I often higher the other person’s status as this creates a stronger bond between us. I can easily shift to being equal or dominant by changing my body language, eye contact, vocal tone and language.

In pick up and NLP the term rapport is often used. Often much is written about rapport but it is much understood concept. I believe that when people know their role in a situation, it is that relationship that creates rapport. There are lots of different rapport relationships for example; police and civilian, man and son, younger brother and older brother, teacher and student, even things like doctor and patient. When you are in strong rapport with someone and you are monitoring what that person is like (status, needs desires etc), then they become easily to influence. Knowing when to change status and how, are the two important components.

When in a conversation you should focus on what status the other person is presenting and then raising and lowering your own. A key tactic is the ability to raise the others persons status and you should only lower it in extreme circumstances. The gap between your status and the other persons should be minimal, if the gap is too large then the rapport can crumble under the strain.

I have used these techniques in a multitude of situations in order to achieve my outcome. When I first started experimenting with changing my status it felt very weird, however the results were fantastic. Because of my physical stature and skills I am able to shift my status quickly within a situation. I am 6’ 2” skinhead and can be very imposing, however I also have the ability to be very playful and submissive. I am constantly monitoring the status of the other person and deciding which way to take the interaction. By accessing different relationship roles, my actions, thoughts, posture, language and feelings flow naturally.    

It is true that girls like alpha men, but they don’t have to be dominant all the time. By being flexible and raising the girls status when required, you achieve amazing outcomes. When I am approaching a girl I first of all observe what her status is (this is given away by her body language, how she is interacting with others, how she is dressed etc) I then choose a position to approach her from. If I am asking for directions then I would be slightly submissive, if I am giving a direct complement then I would be more dominant. If I went in to submissive or dominant, then I would either scare her or be too needy. By approaching in one status I can then easily change to get her number or take her for a coffee etc.

Here is a typical conversation with a girl and how I would adjust my own status and hers to achieve my outcome.

A meandering tourist is studying a map looking lost

I approach slightly high status asking if she needs help

I then lower my status to match hers as we look at the map together

I increase my status by pointing out where she needs to go

I lower my status and ask why she is going there

I increase her status by listening attentively and adding value to what she says

I then increase my status to match hers and talk about things to do in London

I lower my status by asking her where she is from

I increase her status by adding value to her answer

I increase my status by qualifying her on where she comes from or her reason for being here

I then increase my status by saying I want to go for a coffee and tell her she should join me

All the time I am monitoring her reactions to my change in status. I learn how far to take it both ways in order for her to feel comfortable. If I become too dominant she may become defensive, if I becomes too submissive she won’t follow my lead.

This is just a short example of how to increase and lower your status to allow for a smooth interaction. if I went in super confident and high status, then I wouldn’t be able to get the kind of information out of her that I wanted. By lowering my status when asking a question, it increases her status so she gives a full answer. If I asked questions in a dominant position then it would be more like an interview. If I asked her to go for a coffee from a submissive point of view then I would have looked needy. The method of shifting status up and down between two people is often referred to the see saw effect, and it creates very strong rapport. Having the ability to be subordinate, equal and dominant within an interaction increases your likelihood of success.

By being aware of your status within an interaction gives you great frame control and inner game. Instead of focusing on what to say and do, focus on your status and allow the words to come naturally. This sounds weird but when you already have a relationship with someone, do you need to know what you are always going to say all the time? No it happens naturally. 

To get good at this you first should go out and observe how other people interact with others and with yourself. Look at how people change their status and the reaction it has on you and others. Then start to experiment by changing your status. This will probably feel very weird at first, this means you are doing it right. Start to see how people react to you differently when you lower or higher your status, and also higher theirs.

All the time I focus on avoiding resistance, but what happens when someone says something I know is incorrect and I foresee a problem arising if it is not addressed? A good example is the other week I was going to meet a female friend of mine to see a film. She is someone who is very dominant and always has to be right about things. She said she had booked the tickets and the film started at 8pm. I had been online before we spoke and I saw that it started at 7pm. I could have just said that it started at 7pm in a dominant way, but this would have lowered her status and possibly cause an argument. So instead I plant seeds of doubt and say “8pm” in a slightly submissive questioning tone. She then checked the tickets and said “no it’s 7pm, I read the wrong bit”. To increase her status again (as I know she likes to be dominant however I remain in control) I lower mine by saying “the print on those new cinema tickets are really hard to read, I am often late for films”. We then become equal because we both start talking about the way they print tickets.   

Above I used the technique of planting seeds of doubt, I was first introduced to this by an FBI interrogator who was a client of mine. Interrogation is all about developing a relationship and rapport to get people to open up. To do this you need to constantly change status and method (think good cop, bad cop). He said that to avoid arguments instead of confronting people about their mistakes, simply repeat what they said to you in a questioning tone. This simple act makes people think about what they said but in a non defensive way.

From this take the following. When you are with a girl know when to raise your status and lead, when to have equal status to build comfort, and when to lower your status to just shut up and listen! Let go of the need to be right, embrace the emotional discomfort of shifting your own status and allow yourself to be in the roles where actions and behaviours are natural.

Hypnomatt (Matt Kendall)

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Hey Guys, Approach Anxiety is huge and this is a great tactic for working on it in just a few minutes:

Ben is running an Inner Game Weekend in London.  It’s a MUST GO, and don’t be fooled by the cheap price, I’m trying to look after you guys here ;-)  It’s worth 10x if you want to get your inner game handled.  Sign up to the inner game weekend with Ben here.

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Hey all

Every day I get emails from guys all over the world telling me about their pick up and confidence goals. Unfortunately most people in pick up have read a lot of self help crap, so the emails I get are usually a load of “positive” and ambiguous nonsense.

Here is a selection of goals that people have sent me over the last few days;

“I want to be able to approach any girl I want and feel invincible”
“I want to be more confident”
“I want more self-esteem” 
“To smash my limits”
“I want to have abundance in my life”
“I want to feel empowered”
“To be able to live my life without fear”
“To have freedom in life”
“Once I get a girlfriend I will be happy”
“To become irresistible to girls”
“To feel happy and confident all day”
“I want to project a positive image”
“I want to have empowering self beliefs”
“I want people to like me for who I am”
“I want to believe in myself”

These are some examples of the less crazy goals I get sent. Whenever I work with a new client I get them to fill out 5 things they want to achieve or do. With every single client I have to send back their form and explain why it is a poor goal. Until someone starts being realistic and making tangible goals, there is little I can help them with.

Let’s go through some of the above goals and understand why they will never work.

“I want to be more confident”

This is probably the most common thing I get sent. The aim to be more confident, however how do you measure confidence? How do you know if you are more or less confident than you are now? With this goal I send it back and ask “if you were more confident, what would you be able to do that you can not do now?”

People seem to believe that confidence is some sort of magic fluid that flows though our veins. It isn’t, therefore it can not be measured. All that can be measured is real world actions, results are based on what you do not how you feel. I am a firm believer that confidence comes from competence. A friend of mine said to me yesterday “would you prefer the person flying your plane to be competent or confident?”

As confidence is not something that can be measured, it is a pointless goal. You are trying to achieve something that doesn’t actually exist. This in itself causes a lot of frustration as how can you tell how far you have come? What is the actual end point? How do you know when you have arrived? When you have arrived, then what?

Here is a conversation I had with a client earlier this week;

Me: How can I help you?
Client: I want to be more confident. 
Me: OK, if you were more confident what would you be able to do that you can’t do now?
Client: If I was more confident I would enjoy life more.
Me: OK, back to the question I asked.
Client: what do you mean?
Me: well what would you actually be able to do in the real world that you can not do now?
Client: I would have more confidence to do things.
Me: specifically what things?
Client: like meeting new people
Me: Ok, what people, when and where?
Client: I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it.

And there is the problem. People want to achieve this magic feeling of confidence but without any idea of what they want to be able to do. Instead of making real world logical steps, we instead create fantasies that have little basis in reality.

Instead of setting a goal around a feeling, set it around real world actions. Be specific as you can, “meeting new people” is not a goal, it is just a fantasy. Going to a new social group on Wednesday at 7pm and speaking to 5 new people, now that is a goal! That is something I can actually help people with. Wanting to “meet new people” is far too vague and ambiguous to actually do anything with.  

 “I want to have empowering self beliefs”

I HATE the words “empowering” and “beliefs”. They are the core of a lot of dangerous self help nonsense, and again, they do not exist. I usually find that people who want to adopt empowering beliefs have a poor self image and want to over compensate by feeling better about themselves. Trying to change how you feel about yourself is stupid, you can only change your actions! Your beliefs are formed because of what you do, your actions are not governed by a magical belief you either do or do not have!

I was working with a client last week who 32, he is 5 stone overweigh, wears really old crap clothes, lives at home with his parents, is currently unemployed and has really poor personal hygiene. He wanted me to help install some new empowering beliefs. He had been to a “success” seminar a few weeks earlier and felt great, but now his problems had returned. He now wanted me to help install some empowering beliefs so he can “smash his limits”, or whatever crap they were peddling at the event.

When I asked him what he thought about himself, he replied that he hated himself and thought he was a useless loser. He wanted me to help install empowering beliefs so he could feel better about himself and be more positive. He did not want to change his actions, he wanted to change how he felt about himself. I informed him that I can not help him do this, as he wants to feel better about how he is living his life now. His goals should be about real world changes, not just how he feels about himself.

More and more people are taking antidepressants to deal with the stresses of modern day life. One of the main effects of antidepressants is to help people get by; they do this by allowing people to feel OK about their problems. If not antidepressants, then people often drink or do drugs to get to a point where they like themselves. Wanting to feel empowered is the same thing, it isn’t changing what you do, it is wanting to feel OK about what you are doing now. This is not going to help you change, if anything it keeps you stuck.

Self help books and courses have what I like to call the “sun tan effect”. You feel great when you are there or reading about it, and for a few days afterwards. However once all the warm fuzzy feelings fade away you are left with your old problems. This is why people attend “success” seminars every year and read self help book after self book. It allows people to temporally escape their problems and believe they are actually making progress in their life. It is the same as overweight people reading diet books, it might feel like you are doing something but little will actually change, especially in the long term.

When I work with clients for inner game issues, I always ask what they are looking forward to. The usual answer is nothing, or they don’t know. We all have fantasy goals like being rich, moving away to live on an island or finding the perfect girlfriend, but they are just fantasies. Most people kind of know what they want, but they have no solid plans on how to get there. Or if they do have plans, they want to feel confident before taking the first step.

When you have nothing to look forward to in life, it usually causes depression. When you are depressed you tend to think that by achieving something major, like getting a girlfriend, becoming slim or winning the lottery will make you happy. If you have a crap life before the big change, then it is likely to be crap a short while after too, after the warm and fuzzy feeling fade. We are sold on the idea of instant happiness and getting overnight results. The faster you change something, the faster it will revert back. 
 
When I work with clients I help them to achieve real world goals in a methodical and logical way. I firmly believe that what you do in life is much more important than how you feel. If you are trying to chase a feeling, then it will elude you. A client yesterday told me that he is depressed and doesn’t have a social life so he spends most of his time playing games consoles at home. I had to explain to him that he is depressed and without a social life because he spends all day on the games console. Your feelings are a result of your actions.

So here are some basic steps you can take to make real world goals.

1. Pick a direction, not a destination. Some good examples are; to have a good social life, to become healthier and to live a more exciting life.

2. Pick a tangible and measurable goal. If your goal is to have a good social life, when what does this mean to you? Does it mean going out 3-4 times a week, having friends over to watch the football, going out for meals etc?

3. Now we have a solid goal, we can reverse engineer it into small milestones. Write down everything that has to happen for you to achieve this tangible goal. This process usually throws out a lot of information you didn’t originally take into consideration.

4. Make 4 – 6 milestones with all the information from the previous step. This now creates a 4-6 step process on how to achieve your goal.

5. Finally start putting some dates next to these small milestones and also allocate some rewards for achieving them. If your goal is weight loss, then if you lose 6 lbs, buy yourself a new watch etc.

6. Once you start to come close to achieving the first major milestone, repeat the above process but for the next goal. If you arrive at your goal without a direction, then we often go back the way we came. We often don’t make big changes in our life because we just don’t know how to. We perceive the first step to be a massive one, so we are reluctant to take it. We want to feel 100% confident or empowered before we embark on such a mission. We don’t want to ruin the fantasy of whatever the goal is, so this prevents us from ever taking the first step. There is always another book, course or seminar we have to take before we actually feel confident enough to execute our plans.

By wanting to feel confident before we do the real world physical action, is the same as wanting all the lights to be green before we set off on a journey. 

So in conclusion, work out what you want to do, make a plan and then get to work. Do the things that make you feel empowered and confident, don’t try to chase the feeling itself. The feeling is always the result of the real world physical actions.

If you want help planning and achieving your goals, please drop me an email at hypnomatt@puatraining.com

Hypnomatt

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About a month ago, AFC Adam put on a a secret “advanced tactics” seminar in Austin, TX.

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‘If you can conceive it you can attain it. If you believe it you can receive.’

Some powerful and inspiring words from a great man T.D Jakes.

You are all here in this world, for many different reasons but the fact that you are here, trying, allowing yourself to grow and develop means, that it can all happen. If you haven’t made a choice then don’t expect anything different but if you have then expect everything and anything.

Sometimes people are afraid of showing their true selves in many different situations and circumstances because of what unconstructive criticism they may receive from others. Let me tell you this guys if it is destructive and without love, then it is not for you to receive. You have to understand guys there is only one reason why someone would want to cut you down because they have a problem with you being up. There maybe many different motives, intentions etc because of jealousy, fear, envy, insecurity of their own etc. But at the end of the day it is their problem which they are trying to make yours. Don’t accept it!

Instead let yourself shine, be all that you can be and more. Why not? Try it, see how it goes for you. One of the best ways I have found for you to do this is to let yourself go…be free and tap into those divine powers you have within you; from God, universe or what other name you may choose.

So how do you tap into those divine powers? By understanding the vital function of them all; LOVE. Love gives all and requires nothing. So love yourself to the max and whatever you don’t need or are not happy about accept it or change it and then brush it off. From my experience when you love yourself your able to spread and give it to everyone’s lives you touch. Hence leaving someone better than you found them, adding some form of value to them.

Loving yourself what does that mean exactly? it can mean whatever you want it to mean. Everyone is different but we all understand and feel that love comprises of care, compassion and patience. It also means for me to enjoy life to the fullest. Believing in myself, having faith, being focused, being resilient and so much more and so much less because at the end of the day it is all love. We sometimes seem to have it for others but not ourselves. And when you don’t for yourself, you make it very difficult for others.

So what do you love about yourself?

Ashley Shaw

Peace, Love and Joy

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Have you found another method to break out of the friendzone? Or have a story about it to share for others to give you examples on?

Write it in the comments below

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The video above is the disk 2 from my sold out Stealth Attraction training program.

I’ve gotten TONS of great feedback – lots of guys saying it’s the best PUA material EVER (seriously) – so I figured it’s something that you’d probably want to have a look at :-)

After you watch the video, leave your comments below . I’d love to hear what you think.

Oh and rush here to get Stealth Attraction for $1 along with 3 other courses as part of my Best Deal Ever.

I read them all!

-Rich (Gambler)

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