I don’t mean HOW to have s*x. There are books you can read about that. I’m talking about how to take things to a sexual level. Get the idea?
Let’s set the scene with a couple of examples. Girl one: you’ve managed to get her number, you’ve met her for a date or two and it’s going well. Girl two: there’s someone in your social circle who you’re interested in. There’s something linking both situations and both girls – you want to get them into bed. How do you do that? That’s a really important question, because if you don’t move things to the next stage you are going to find yourself in the worst place known to man: the Friend Zone.
We’ve all been there, and it sucks. Without sexual tension, all your careful preparation is going to be worth nothing – the girl will see you as a friend or, worse, a provider, rather than a lover.
To move things onto a sexual footing with the girl, you need to move smoothly. But what does that mean? Don’t suddenly lunge in for a kiss or a grope. I’ve perfected my technique for doing this and I’m going to give you a flavour of it today. Here’s how I escalate things smoothly:
1. Don’t Talk To Her Like She’s Your Friend
If you talk to her about petty problems or just stick to fluff and small talk, you won’t give yourself any way to introduce sexual tension. You create sexual tension by using conversations which challenge or tease her or makes her feel emotions. It’s a really good tip to challenge her to prove herself to you – you want to put yourself into the frame of being the prize, and requiring her to jump through your hoops rather than the other way around. She should feel that she should be trying to win your approval.
Teasing her is a great way to escalate things to a sexual plateau. Anything where she is playfully hitting you and laughing at the same time is excellent – a very strong sign. And make her feel emotions. Make her talk about her passions, things she desires, and times when she’s been in love.
2. Touch Her In The Right Way
Touching is a PUA’s secret weapon. It’s lethal and you need to know how to use it appropriately. You need to know how to use it properly, too – a friend will touch her on the arm when they are talking, she’ll hug her, she’ll kiss on the cheek when they meet.
If you do these things and expect to make her feel something it probably isn’t going to work. You need to touch her in a different way. There are two ways to escalate touching – sexual touching and playful touching. Playful touching includes things like tickling her, poking her, play-fighting, picking her up, and bumping against her as you walk. She will feel pretty safe with this but it will still creates some sexual tension.
Sexual escalation is more effective because it is less ambiguous: hold her hand (use an excuse of looking at her rings or bracelets or nails if you need to); put your arm around her, touch her hair (likewise, use an excuse). These things are things that lovers do, and friends don’t. You’ll need to use a combination of these
touches to shift out of the friend zone.
3. Be Seductive
By now you should know what to talk about and how to touch her, but you’re missing an important piece of the puzzle. You need to act in a seductive manner. Someone acting like her friend won’t be able to encourage her to think sexual thoughts. You need to prompt her. The elements to focus on are:
- You need to hold strong eye contact.
- You should slow down your speech and deepen your voice.
- You should look at her like you want her.
- Look at her lips and leave pauses where you just look at each other. If she’s comfortable with that or if she looks at you in a seductive fashion, it’s on! Go for it.
If you remember to follow this advice you’ll ensure that the girl you are targeting she’s you as a sexual person. You’ll have a much better idea of when you can kiss a girl and let her know that you are interested. Most importantly, you’ll know how to avoid the Friend Zone. To SEE me escalate with a hot girl, check out Stealth Attraction, which is part of the Best Deal Ever that you can see HERE.
Hi Gambler,
I was looking at your HB gallery and I just have to say that’s amazing. Well done. But I have two questions for you:
-Does the fact that your have become a celebrity helps you to pick-up more HB or increase your chances of success. It is well know that HB will be attracted by status, and Celebrity is a good one.
-What is the importance of having long hair? I noticed that men with long air are usually more seductive, at least they tend to send the signal that they are “available for big time”…
Your comments will be much appreciated.
Alex
Great article!!
I know exactly what you mean by the Friend zone, i’m like that with a friend but I realised it would have been different if the situation we met was also different.
I know it probably does but just wanted to ask you what you opinion is on personal outlook, and how you look the part to work the part? (if you know what I mean)
Jason
Hi Gambler,
Awsome note!
You’re the only pua who has actually improved my game through just E-mail alone.
All your aritcles are perfectly what i neeed to know and more.
Thanks alot man!
Peace
Thanks Gambler ,your tips are the only ones that work for me!
Hi Gambler,
Thank you for your damn bloody good advice.
It all makes sense and seems pretty straightforward except for the fact that my scenario involves a chic who has a boyfriend and she is in my social circle. How then should this approach be different?
My idea is to maintain a friendship/comfort yet give hints of my possible interest in her. Good thing is, we have had 2 recent one to one occasions alone where we spent numerous hours together with good conversations/drinking/clubbing, while her bf is based in another country. Also, we have talked about sex and other hot women quite a fair bit and she has the impression that I have high standards on my choice of women. She seems like the moral/loyal kind who is unlikely to break up with the dude for another guy. There were situations where I could have tried sexual escalation on a club dance floor but realized it was not worth the risk. Her bf is definitely not in her league and is the possessive kind.
Your words of wisdom will be really appreciated.
cheers man
mike
keep it up man
great post
Keep up the interesting posts. I love to see keen bloggers!
I suddenly remember a girl I knew from the internet for ages and whom I met for the first time in Hyderabad (India) after 6 years of knowing each other on the internet only.
She was a muslim girl and although on the net she’d flirt with me I sort of thought she was too conservative to either marry me, a white non-muslim, either even just have sex with me and later marry a muslim. I was a complete novice to this PUA stuff and did all the usual AFC mistakes. Still we met twice (after I thought the first meeting was a total screw up) and it was a very rainy day. She wanted to have a long walk in the rain. She was the one who took the initiative to hold my hand and so we walked hand in hand. She took me to a place where if I had been a girl I would have felt totally scared to be there with a stranger I’d have just met. So I projected in the place of the girl and felt scared that she would feel uncomfortable. You know girls are often told by others to never go to a secluded place with a guy they aren’t yet intimate with or otherwise trust. The place in question was a little abandoned house, uphill a small hill. Little puppies attracted her attention and from then on I thought I’d screwed up again. I’ve always been left wondering: was she waiting for me to finally kiss her or was she really totally crazy and unconscious of having gone there with a stranger? Anyway we left the little house. She said she had to go home. I thought it was really the last opportunity to go for a kiss and tried to kiss her (but this time near Hussain Sagar Lake, a rather crowded place) She withdrew and I knew I had no chance. As the AFC I am I assumed she was never attracted at all but I’m still wondering today whether she wanted me to kiss her in the little house.
I remember checking the internet forum where we often chatted and she posted a message asking for advice how to tell a guy whom she thinks is attracted to her that she does not feel likewise. I was so heartbroken. :-(
I think it deals with these ideas of sexual and continually stressed will arrive in one day to become a firm conviction that gay, might turn from hunter snared to what you think of this
mike:
I think all of us have experienced the situation you’re in or have at least seen it. We’re all familiar with it at the very least as it’s a very popular plot line in romantic movies (comedy or drama).
I don’t at all profess to be good at PU, but my advice — as is the advice of others whom I have talked to who have been in this situation AND GOT THE GIRL — would be to NOT do anything to try to “steal” this girl. Keep being a good friend to her as well as flirty and all that but don’t try to convince her you’re right for each other or that her boyfriend is wrong for her and whatever. Basically, do everything it says in the blog above that you can without crossing the line.
I’d also be real careful about showing how much you’re interested in her, otherwise you may make her feel uncomfortable, like hanging around with you would be betraying her boyfriend. You’re more likely to get a girl who feels comfortable around you than uncomfortable, and if you come out and directly try to convince her to pick you over her boyfriend (saying you’re meant to be together, she’d be so much happier with you, her boyfriend doesn’t deserve her, etc.) she’s going to get defensive, because honestly, how many people are going to say, “Yeah, you’re right, (insert boyfriend/girlfriend) shouldn’t be together”? It applies to both men and women. People are with the person they’re with because they feel it’s right, even if they’re wrong or if deep down they know they’re wrong. Trying to “steal” a girl by trying to convince her to leave her boyfriend might work but you’re running the bigger risk of her getting defensive, because honestly, who’s going to want to admit to the fact that the person they’re with is “under their league”, etc.? They’re not. They’re going to want to think they’re right in being with that person.
Anyway, there’s no guarantees but I think if you just keep being a really good friend but also following the blog’s advice to stay out of the Friend Zone you’ll have a better shot at getting her. You never know, she may realize one day she likes you a lot more than her boyfriend; she may realize what she’s missing in a really good relationship and how she’s been wasting her time with her current boyfriend.
If all this and whatever else you try fails, then I think that makes HER “under YOUR league”, and you should just move on to someone who’s not as dense, naive or deluded as her. (This is assuming, of course, that all of what you said about her and her boyfriend are true, and that you’re better than him.)
Good luck.
Fred:
So sorry to hear that! That really blows, man. God, that’s like the worst thing that could happen (not counting cheating or getting dumped for someone else). Who knows what may have happened had you been better at PU. I couldn’t say going just by what you wrote. I hope you get over her and find someone you don’t have to talk to on the internet for 6 years and who will like you despite any awkwardness you may have. (Who knows? Some girls actually like that kind of awkwardness — but I’d still work on my PU just to be safe. ;) )
On a lighter note, how stupid was it of her to post that stuff on a forum where she and you would chat? Anyone with common sense would have realized the other person might read it. She should have at least used another user name. Then again, at least her carelessness allowed you to find out how she feels.
Good luck.
@varg
I’m already over her because I’ve had another girl in the mean-time and she is the one I miss now as she dumped me over the phone. :-(
I’m now into the “How To Get Your Ex Back” material.
BTW, is “Ex Squared System” really effective?
As for the other girl’s carelessness, I think it was intentional so she wouldn’t have to tell me straight in the face.
Fred:
Damn, you seem to have bad luck. Why do you want her back though if she dumped you over the phone? That’s really cold.
I don’t even know what the “Ex Squared System” is, so I couldn’t tell you.
As for the other girl, well, that’s cold too. If you’re not interested in someone, you should just tell them. It hurts their feelings even more when you’re underhanded or indirect about it. They deserve to know straight up.
@varg
Bah you know ultimately there is no nice and bad way to get dumped or rejected. It always hurts very badly.
That’s why I hope to improve my PUA skills because I gotta admit that lots of my “bad luck” was due to very bad game, inner & outer.
Fred:
I completely disagree. Getting dumped sucks no matter what but there are certainly more proper ways of dumpING someone. Your PU, or should I say, lack of, had nothing to do with those girls mishandling how they told you they weren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with you. That was all them. You might be better off without them in that sense if what you’re looking for is someone very honest and forthright. I’m a very direct and honest person, so I hold everyone else to those same standards.
@varg
I agree that it lacked class but what I mean to say is that even if she had dumped me in person it wouldn’t have hurt less. In a way it was perhaps even better this way as I might have lost my composure in front of her, beg on all fours, cry, etc.
@varg
Forgot to add: Suppose she would have wanted to meet me in person to dump me then she would have had to call me anyway first and I would already have known her intention beforehand because I was already in the “need time & space” zone fearing these words “We need to talk”, which in this case she did not even need to say at all.
Fred:
Doesn’t really matter. There’s a proper way to do things and then there’s a million wrong ways. I disagree with what your justifcations of it. It’s just bad manners to dump someone on the phone or internet. She should have just come over to your place unannounced if you didn’t want to know what was coming beforehand.
@varg
If she had come to my place I wouldn’t have been home that time. When I picked up that call I was on the underground.
I remember how I had to fight my tears until I got home.
In fact when she dumped me I left the vehicle I was in, got to the other side, and went back home. Then I cried like a baby without milk, on all fours.
Fred:
Jesus, man. Will you quit nitpicking? “I wouldn’t have been home at that time.” Quite irrelevant. You get the general idea: Break up with people in person. So what if you felt like crying? You couldn’t think of a reason to leave? Give me a break.
Hey man, your stuff is awesome. I completely agree with your methods of increasing sexual tension.
However i have an issue, i’ll get straight to the point, i am already in the friends zone with a girl who i get along very well with. We have been this close as friends for about 8 months or so, but i really wanna take this further. I’m just scared that she might not respond well to these techniques and might be stand-offish. Is it possible to get someone sexually attracted to me who is pretty much one of my best friends? If so should i approach the situation slightly differently, or slightly alter these techniques, etc.?
If you could get back to me that would be sweet.
Thanks mate.
Dan.
Dan:
Just so you know, there is a video on this somewhere in the “blog” tab.
If you ask me though, I honestly think you could apply these techniques here. Just start real slow by keeping things subtle so she doesn’t get weirded out by you. Increase it if things start to go well. May work. Worth a shot. Thing is if you take it easy at first and she reacts negatively, you can always scale back without doing any real damage or making her suspicious. I’m not an expert but that’s my advice. Good luck.
I like for the questions Alex asked to be answered:
Hi Gambler,
I was looking at your HB gallery and I just have to say that’s amazing. Well done. But I have two questions for you:
-Does the fact that your have become a celebrity helps you to pick-up more HB or increase your chances of success. It is well know that HB will be attracted by status, and Celebrity is a good one.
-What is the importance of having long hair? I noticed that men with long air are usually more seductive, at least they tend to send the signal that they are “available for big time”…
Your comments will be much appreciated.
These sound interesting and it is someting that I have wonder about as well before when thinking about male attraction attributes.
@Alex and Ytrail
Gambler gives the advice to go to an expensive salon and ask what hair style fits best with your facial shape and then go have a cheap salon do the cut.
Men with long hair *who look good with long hair* can pull off being seductive. There are some guys who just look hideous with long hair, and then there’s also the type of hair you have. If your hair is excessively wavy or something you can’t really pull off Gambler’s look without a lot of work with a blow dryer, etc.
I believe the long hair thing comes from rock bands and musicians. Musicians typically have long hair and a lot of girls find musicians attractive, thus the correlation. Of course, there could be some anthropological reasons as well. Back in cave man days there weren’t beauty salons where men could have their hair styled/cut etc.
I would tend to agree with Mr. Foxwalk (although I wouldn’t say that guys with long hair tend to be more seductive as Ytrail claims). I myself have long hair — much longer than Gambler’s — and I do get complimented on it. However, this is usually by older women, 40′s and up — and, most unfortunately, not the “cougar” kind either. So far I haven’t run into any single, younger girls around my age who find it “seductive” or anything like that. :( Oh, well, I suppose there’s still hope….
that means nothing else other than lust & instead a true african decent woman just run away from you. quite good
thanks man…where’s the paris hilton story?
Would the sexual escalation really pull you out of the friend-zone? Surely if you start taking her hand, playing with her hair, etc it would freak her out?! Especially if you dont do it with absolute 100% confidence?