how to get her to do whatever you want

One the most popular ideas was that of flipping buts, so, I thought I’d share you this simple pattern for dealing with resistance which you can use for pick-up, business, in fact, any area of your life where you are communicating with people and want particular results.

Imagine someone saying:

• Well, I’d like to meet up but I don’t know you that well
• I really like the product but it’s too expensive
• I want to talk to new people but I don’t feel confident

What if you had a simple way of completely changing the emphasis on what the person says?

And, if you could actually acknowledge their ‘resistance’ so they feel completely understood and still change the meaning of what they’re saying?

When someone uses the word ‘But’ it tends to have the effect of negating whatever comes before or (or significantly diminishing the power of it). People tend to forget what came before the BUT and focus on the final part of the sentence. When the boss says “The job was OK BUT I’m unhappy with the way you went about it” you probably forget that the job was OK and might not feel great.

When someone says “I really like the product BUT it’s too expensive” you know they’re probably not going to buy.

Flipping buts involves keeping everything in the sentence and just changing the order round i.e. flipping the 2 things either side of the BUT.

Consider the following reply: “OK, so it’s too expensive BUT you really like the product“.

This does 2 things:

1.) It paces their reality and acknowledges their objection

2.) It leads them to think differently by placing the emphasis on “you really like the product”

“Well, I’d like to meet up but I don’t know you that well”

“OK, so you don’t know me that well, BUT, you’d like to meet up………. so let’s do it so we can get to know each other better…..etc.. (there are obviously multiple options here)

I was working with a student the other days and he said “I want to talk to new people but I don’t feel confident” so I replied “OK, so you don’t feel that confident BUT you want to talk to new people“. He said, “Yeah, I do” as his whole physiology lifted.

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