A lot is written in pick up about BEING authentic and true to yourself and how attractive this can be. The ‘Alpha Male’ is aligned with who he is and is secure in himself which itself is another way of thinking about authenticity. For me, authentic means being in touch with what’s true for you on the inside – your thoughts, feelings and desires – and not covering them up when you’re around other people… especially WOMEN.
When you’re being authentic it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t agree with you because it’s true for you. And, that person can’t disagree with you if you’re being authentic. They may have a different opinion or different ideas about something. If you’re being true to yourself you can even feel good about them thinking something different. They get to have their opinion and you get to have yours. I realise some of you may not agree with this– if you don’t, that’s OK, this just my opinion, it doesn’t mean it’s true.
Consider what happens when you’re being true to yourself with a woman? It means you can agree with her and you can disagree with her. You don’t have to be “nice” and agree with everything she says and you don’t have to be arrogant and disagree to make a point. If you agree then you can agree, if you disagree then you can disagree. The thing to realise is how attractive it is when a person is being authentic. How much easier is it to be confident when you’re being true to yourself?
Often guys think that if they are really themselves then they won’t be attractive to women and they think “well, if I’m being me then I won’t be liked or I won’t be attractive”. I know I used to. But, how often are you really being you? People think they have to be a certain way, and try to project something or take on some made up personality. They reproduce old habits or old responses they learnt or follow rules that some person gave them when they were young.
Maybe you want to stand out from the crowd and be noticed. The thing is, you have an advantage that other guys may not have realised. No one else can be you as well as you can. No one else has had your experiences in life, no one else has done the same things as you, no one else has the same attitudes and possibilities as you. This means you are unique – you can stand out from the crowd just by being yourself.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we don’t develop ourselves. We can all learn and grow and you have no way of knowing all the potential inside of you. Even the potential you can imagine is limited only by your ability to imagine it. Some of you may not be realising, by the way, that you can do anything you want and that anything is possible for you now – that’s OK, I’m just inviting you to consider the idea that you don’t know what is possible for you. The greatest personal limitation is to be found not in the things you want to do and can’t, but in the things you’ve never considered doing.
So, what if you begin the journey of developing yourself from a place of accepting who you are right now. The thing is, being authentic is very powerful. When you’re with someone and they are being 100% genuine it can have powerful, powerful effects. Women can sense when a guy is being authentic – and anyway, would you even want a girlfriend that you couldn’t be yourself with?
Hmmm, its an interesting post, but you don’t really specify what you mean by authenticity, I like to think im always authentic, say what I really mean and do what I mean to do etc. But im not sure thats what you’re getting at, could you enlighten me? “So, what if you begin the journey of developing yourself from a place of accepting who you are right now.” For instance isn’t really saying anything, you’ve given the what and not the how, how do I know that im not already there according to what you’re saying?
Great advice. I find that most guys (including myself formerly) had the need to inexorably agree with the girl that they were in set with, regarding personal preferences, opinions, and viewpoints on various subjects. I’ve learned since, that girls much rather prefer a novel response, as opposed to the cliche ‘nod and smile’, to her statements. I would recommend this entry to anybody who struggles with confidence in the self-worth of their true personality
I understand Matthew’s comment above- that theres no real substance to the post BUT it does raise some interesting questions. The issue of authenticity is raised but not really answered, however this is something we can probably only answer for ourselves. Surely only I can tell myself how to be authentic, I certainly wouldn’t be able to tell YOU how to be authentic would I? I don’t know you, I don’t know what your style is or beliefs are.
I know a lot of people think they have to change themselves in order to become a PUA, but it’s not about changing your core- its about improving yourself, developing your social skills and maturing many aspects of your self.
I guess it’s kind of silly to ask ‘how do I be authentic?’. In a way you’ve got to get to know yourself in order to answer this- and the journey that PU offers as you develop your skills is the perfect opporunity to learn about yourself and realise who you are, and THEN you can be authentic.
I agree totaly, if you are confident and feeling good with you you are you are gonna be authentic, why? cause you don´t wanna be any other way, you like the way you are, that reflex in your interaction with women and like you say, if you like something you say it, if you don´t like something, you say that too, that´s alpha, not arguing but not be submisive and agree with everything she or other people say.
You know? i used to think that i should change my whole personality to became a PUA and i first try imitating my natural friends and then some puas, but then even when in a certain level it worked i was like “this isn´t me, i don´t like this” and i started to develop a more natural game, that be according to who am I, and now i am a lot more cofident, have so much better results and i am a lot happier, and as a plus i feel like i have nothing to hide, cause actually i don´t, im being myself, just better!
POKER
The post is a very thought provoking one by Ben.
The post highlights the importance of your inner thoughts and how they translate to conversation, social skills and even external reality!
It is about being authentic rather than using canned DHV stories and openers or what is presumed ‘correct’.
I once heard the great Mystery say: ‘You say one thing interesting that becomes interesting, if you say several things interesting you become interesting.’
I think people admire passion and being authentic. Why be one of the sheep!
Game should be creative not just a simple process of copying, emulation and cloning !
I have learned over time and experiences that the greatest power of all lies within the authentic self.
The more we can embrace ourselves for who we truly are, the more the world will embrace us for who we really are.
‘Being true to yourself and others’or as Ali G put it ‘Keepin it real, Respek!’
Every person has a dream, a mission and a vision buried inside their heart that is waiting to be realised. This could be in terms of Game, Wealth, Career, Family, Leisure etc.
Good Luck !!! Booyakasha!
The Danger of being “Authentic”
Everyone knows that in Game, we need to be authentic, real, alpha and congruent. So in other words, we need to accept who we are and be comfortable with it. This, for me, is a dangerous dangerous concept.
Accepting who you are means accepting yourself as you are at this moment in time. If I did this, I may be happy with myself, but I MIGHT give up on trying to improve myself because “I am comfortable with who I am” and this is a bad place to be. I am neglecting the fact that I can do anything I want to do!
My reality now is that I am a guy,who is trying to improve myself, so I have accepted myself that way. Just don’t ignorantly accept yourself and forget about improving! Just Don’t say, I wear crap clothes because thats what I feel comfortable in. This is ignorant and regressive even though you may be being authentic to yourself doesn’t make it right. BE CAREFULL
Credit to NLP Ben as he mentions in his post my thoughts on the subject,and mentions to keep improving so respect!
Cheers, Noel
Noel, sorry dude, I’ve enjoyed your posts, but accepting yourself in the moment is the only route to happiness. Its the only route. There’s no other route.
So to repeat that, there is no other way to be happy… : )
Why wait to be happy? Why decide you want to be happy in the future dude? Be happy now man. If you’re waiting to be happy you’ll always be waiting. There’s two types of conscoiousness- present moment acceptance, or forward looking anticipation. The first leads to happiness, infact it is the definition of happiness. The second leads to existencial anxiety.
But this puts no pressure on you to stay the same as you are now, quite the opposite. If you can accept every moment it gives you the complete freedom to experiment with every aspect of your life, and enjoy the ongoing, flowing continuum that is the beauty of evolution.
This is an awsome post. And the question about ‘how to be authentic’ from Matthew – great point, I used to feel this way. For me at least the problem was that I was not used to self refferal.
Whenever I made a descision, pretty much any time, somewhere in my mind was the consideration ; ‘what would other people think about this’.
This is a prevalent mindset indeed- infact it is the underlieing principle behind social proof.
The key is to learn to quieten your mind, through being silent for periods of the day, and through meditation. Then you begin to listen to your heart, which will tell you the best actions to take in each moment.
Then you take this ‘self-refferal’ with you into every interaction. So when you’re talking to someone, the only guidance you follow, the only person leading you, is you, and you have no reference to what other people think. When you experience this all the time you begin to become used to the feeling of being authentic- of being the fully actualised ‘you’ at that moment in time.
I’m not saying I’m there, but I’m getting there, and I’m content with myself now, whilst still evolving eternally, infact with the frictions of other peoples beliefs removed, I’m evolving much faster than ever- and I’m really applying no effort to do so. This is available to anyone.
Noel, whats your thoughts?
Peace
Haha Man awesome post! I just think maybe I wasn’t clear in the post, or maybe you mis understood me.
My post was about how accepting yourself can be dangerous, I never meant for you to think that my opinion was to not accept yourself??
I have accepted myself , I guess what I am trying to say is that
TO SOME PEOPLE (not you or I), it can be dangerous to accept themselves, POSSIBLY they won’t keep trying to improve as they ARE happy and don’t feel they need to change???
They might be become ignorant to the fact that we can always improve.
Do you get me man?lol
I’ll try and give an example of this
An Alcoholic
An alcoholics mind frame COULD be ” I am an alcoholic, its in my genes, I love drinking, it gives me relief, I don’t care what anybody else thinks because this makes me happy, I Have ACCEPTED I am an alcoholic”
So in this persons mind they are at one with themselves as in their reality as he has accepted himself.
Outside this persons reality, He doesn’t realise his mother has stayed up worried up all night about him, hes draining the goverments money, not seeing his family as much as he should be and upsetting his friends and things like that.
Just because he has accepted himself as an alocoholic, may make him happy but it doesn’t mean its the right thing for him. He is IGNORANT to the fact he can improve himself, his fitness and family life by giving up drink.
Just as I think in PU, its also possible to accept yourself and become ignorant to the fact you can improve yourself on your journey. Its dangerous to think you don’t need to change
Make sense LP?
I have accepted myself and I am happy, I know I am on the road to greatness!
My post was about how accepting yourself can be dangerous, I never meant for you to think that my opinion was to not accept yourself??
Cheers, Noel
The attractiveness of being authentic goes without saying. How can someone trust you if you’re not being authentic. As well as it makes you more interesting, imagine how boring it would be if you had the same ideas as the girl, for her as much as you. Being authentic even represent you have the confidence to say whay you want to say, which is also attractive. How can she expect you to look after her in a relationship, and stand up to the world on her behalf if you can’t even stand up to her.