Heya guys,
When I first started the game I had the pleasure of being able to devote all of my time to developing new ideas and theories based on my own experience in field and research which helped alter the way thousands of people around the world approached the game. Unfortunately I’ve been so busy teaching recently that I’m just not getting the time I wanted to write up all my new theories and findings. However there was a little something I’ve been researching recently which gives a slightly new perspective to an old game we’ve been playing.
Those who’ve studied with me will be aware of my method of starting from comfort and exploiting social proof for all it’s worth. Well it turns out that actually a lot of my methods are not only backed up in the psychological studies I’ve mentioned in my own works but also by numerous other studies that where to demonstrate something other than attraction, that of conformity.
This is an area I knew quite a lot about, though with my fixation on attraction I had kind of left those thoughts and ideas on a back burner whilst I concentrated on what I thought where more beneficial pursuits. However with the revamped puatraining blog it has given me an excuse to write up something which I originally put together to amuse myself. Essentially it is a re-working of Dr Robert Cialdini’s work on influence with a slight twist towards attraction. The similarities between his work and my own theories of attraction only went to further my own belief in the formula for why we get attracted to others, but also his work serves as a great lesson in teaching us how to influence the behaviour of girls we’re interested in and how to influence their decision over who they’re attracted to. Essentially it makes a great alternative to building attraction with someone.
Reciprocation
We’re brought up in a society where we believe it’s correct to give something in return for any gifts we receive. This concept of a token economy where everything is traded is almost hardwired into our brains. Doing something for someone else almost guarantees that they will feel a need to do something in return. Go out of your way to help someone and see how confused they get. They often don’t understand why you’ve done it and feel they should do something in return.
Some of the best openers involve helping girls take pictures of themselves in a nightclub, or helping someone find their way when they’re lost. Adding value in this way almost always insures an easy transition into conversation with someone. As once you’ve done something nice for them or added value in some way your target is almost assured to feel like they owe you good conversation and friendliness if nothing less.
Concession
We almost always feel bad for letting someone down. If asked to perform a large task and refused the chances that someone will accept a smaller favour has a much higher chance of being accepted. Randomly stopping a girl in the street and asking her to marry you will almost certainly get you refused. However if you then take the time to sit with her and talk instead you’re likely to find she accepts this concession as she feels bad for rejecting you in the first place.
As conversation with someone is far less of a commitment than marriage she is more willing to comply, which of course makes it easy to run your game. This principle applies to almost any area of game from suggesting a full on dinner date then reducing it to a coffee right down to a holiday away for 2 months which then reduces down to a fun weekend away.
Consistency
People like to be seen as reliable. If someone confirms they will do something they tend to follow through with it. Getting a girls phone number is one thing, getting her to reply to your messages is another. Try sending her the message in front of her whilst you’re still in set. This way she knows you’ve seen her receive it. Tell her to make sure when she replies she sends something witty as most people send you boring work texts. Once she confirms that she’ll send the message her chances of actually responding to you will sky rocket, and dramatically reduce your flake rate.
Social Validation
People follow others, countless studies have been done to show just how good humans are at conforming to a group. It’s easier to go along with a crowd than to try and stand in the way of a tide of people. If a crowd of people all began looking up at a building your urge to do the same would be directly proportional to the amount of people looking up. One person may not even get you to bat an eyelid in the direction of the rooftop, however once 100 people began doing it you’ld take the time to have a quick peek yourself.
The concept of Social proof and pre-selection couldn’t be more compounded by this fact. If you’re surrounded by beautiful women who think you’re interesting other women have no hope but to accept you must be doing something right. Therefore you must be interesting and attractive to beautiful women. Adding girls to your life will only continue to increase your attraction to the opposite s%x.
Likeability
Obviously the more someone likes you the more they are likely to… well to be honest like you. Build rapport with someone, don’t be afraid to be friendly or feel you have to be nasty to someone just because they’re hot. Once they are friends with you your ability to game them and wind them up only increases. Negging a hot girl may seem like a great idea, but if they don’t really like you you’ll only end up with them walking away. Do the same neg after they like being in your company and instead of walking away you’ll find yourself building some pretty deep attraction.
Authority
One of the biggest mistakes I hear students repeat in set is asking a girl what she wants. Whether it is asking if they would like to go back to your house, or whether they would like to give you their phone number. These kinds of questions show a lack of authority and often result in a simple no for an answer. Many studies have shown that we respond incredibly well to authority. Don’t ask her what she wants to do, tell her.
Replace would you like to give me your phone number with; just give me your phone number and I’ll send you a text. Replace would you like to come to mine with; lets go back to mine for a quick drink. By leading the situation you’re far more likely to find her conforming to your wishes.
These techniques have been taught for years as a means of influencing others decisions from sales people to politicians, however with a bit of subtle tweaking and thought it’s easy to transfer it to a simple system to breakdown how to guide your actions within the game and dramatically increase your success in areas that may have been lacking.
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Before I get into the gist of this post, I would just like to make a general comment on the state of the seduction community. I don’t know about everyone else, but I am sick of all the cultism that surrounds so many of the so called ‘pickup gurus‘. These people are great marketers who suck others in with false promises and deceptive trickery. They often just spout gibberish; however, still gain a large number of followers — I don’t know why! These people are fraudsters who play on peoples insecurity and give even more shit back!
This post demonstrates the other side of the coin. Adam acknowledges his influences and allows us to see his point without becoming as locked in as a Mormon on Christmas. This is what the seduction community needs: clarity. I think in many ways this community has shaky foundations; it’s time for us to start building a bigger, better community.
Ok, now I have made my Brave heart seduction speech it’s time to move on.
(1) Reciprocation — This is so true — I mentioned in another post how I once helped a girl out and how it benefited me. I wont discuss it again here; however, I will say that when we help another person — for completely selfless reasons — a whole new realm of reality opens up. You will find that the more you concentrate on following your own moral code the more positive outcomes your life will have. As Adam points out, this strategy is great for pickup, but it is also a good method of self actualization.
(2) Concession — This is where some NLP skills can really shine. I think this technique is sometimes called ‘double binding’. Build up, then offer something less. The woman’s mind concentrates on the two ‘bind’s’ rather than any other possible objections. This technique is also great for removing last minute resistance in a girl. However, don’t be too extreme, for example: “Lets have sex in the middle of the Piccadilly Circus! . . . No? Ok, how about the flat?”. If you can get that to work, you really are good!
(3) Consistency — Anchoring can be a great tool here. If you can make a really lasting impression and anchor this to a situation or message you will find that it is easier to make the girl respond. I once met a girl in Morison’s. I was taking a photo of a jar of pickled eggs — it’s a long story — and she asked me what I was doing (She seemed to find it funny). The next night I send her a picture of the eggs; we ended up dating for three months.
(4) Social Validation — All I’m going to say here is get some female wings! It really does make all the difference.
(5) Likeability — I like this point. It reminds me of a previous post: negging doesn’t have to be nasty!
I think all the techniques that Adam illustrates are important! These are just my take on the vast majority of them. I think that if there is one thing that psychology has taught us it’s that the human being is a pack animal — as much as we like to think otherwise. When we can be ’socially secure’ we can lead the pack!
Have fun guys,
JonDoe.
Nice post, full of lots of small things to think about.
I remember one horrible, drunken evening I asked a girl I had deep feelings for to kiss me. There was no escalation, nothing, nada. I just thought, she’s showed she’s attracted to me in the past, but I’m not sure what she’s feeling now, so I’ll just ask her to kiss me.
I look back now and realise how needy and pitiful it must have come across. How unattractive. Since I’ve moved to uni I decided to show much more authority, and my god has it shown an improvement. I haven’t managed to translate it to an f-close (had a few k- and n-close though), I’m still working on my escalation skills… but just the vibe I’m getting off girls when consciously using a more authoritative attitude is incredible.
Don’t ask. Just do.
And if you misjudged it just say sorry and persist.
Unless they really say no… then probably best to leave it unless risking prison. But thankfully haven’t got to that point yet :)
In terms of reciprocation though, I’m always a bit worried that if I go out of my way too much it’ll show I’m too invested in them and bring down my value in their eyes.
I suppose it’s all about the attitude you go about it with though. If you do them a favour, but do it while exuding an attitude of authority and outcome independence, it doesn’t matter. That’s why inner game is so important.
And the concession technique I can testify works myself. I’ve found that if you ask someone directions to somewhere very random where you know they won’t know, then the rest of the conversation they’ll spend making up to you.
But also I find even if they do do something for you succesfully they are more naturally inclined to feel better towards you than if the question was never asked at all. My theory is that subconsciously they are thinking, “hmm… I did this thing for this person, therefore I must like them, otherwise I would not have done this.” Asking people to do small favours will make them more naturally inclined to like you, even though they’re the ones doing the work.
I wouldn’t push it and ask for too much though ;)
Gabriel
This posts got me thinkin, there is a lot of usefull stuff here, some of them re-affirm what i always do and im sure that works, like the authority one, im always like “give me your number”, “come here”, go there and stuff, i only want to add here that you should be dominant, not agressive, i was watching a badboy video, and something that i really liked was the concept of being dominant and agressive,
Dominant: To be authoritary, you tell her what to do in a way she wants to do it.
Agressive:you FORCE her to do something and even use strenght.
So, lets be dominant, not agressive, other think that i liked of this post is the likeability stuff, i use a lot of negs, but almost in an unconcious way, of course there had been sometimes that i end up like “men… i maybe that was too much…” cause the girl leave.
Now i see, and get more concient that the thing was that i didn´t did enough attraction.
The reprocity thing is something i actually not use very often, or at least not by knowing it, for example, if a girl ask me to take a pic of her and her friends, or i offer myself to do it, i don´t transition from here, i don´t know, feels like cheating or something, like i didn´t open her, however i always end up feeling kinda dumb for not doing it, now i see the psychology part of it and imm gonna start doing it, thanks for that.
Lately you had been posting great advice, keep like that guys!
POKER
Heya guys,
I’m glad you like the post. Thank you so much for the feedback, I really do try and put some time and thought into the things I write, I hate the usual made up crap of listen to me I’m a guru rubbish.
The reciprocity thing is a funny one as many people believe that doing things for girls doesn’t build attraction, but really as long as you don’t do anything massively investing you’re fine.
I make a habit of giving to everyone I meet regardless of sex or beauty and find this way when I do meet a girl the generosity I show her is no more than I give to anyone else.
THis way I get the commitment from her without being too invested myself.
In essence I’m not doing things for her, I’m doing them because I always do.
AFC Adam
Really cool post.
One other thing i wanted to add about giving value and not taking value with girls is the idea that you’re not blinded or manipulated by their ’sexual power’ in order to try and get the good that they’re offering if you like.
So many girls (insecure ones especially) love male validation by being given drinks at a club, but the problem is, what this sub-communicates is, you want her attention so you can hit on her and hopefully get lucky.
But by doing it in a way where you don’t care if you get anything in return, especially from a very hot girl and willing to walk away. It confuses the heck out of them and it instantly makes you stand out next to the other hundreds of guys in the same bar out to just hit on a girl to get what he wants.
Combine that with social proof and pre selection, it’s gold dust!
The trick is is to have control of your emotions by being able to genuinely resist a hot girl’s ’sexual power’ and to just go out and have fun. In other words, treat everyone on equal terms…
Man, that’s a great post!! It is posts like this that make me forget we are talking about ‘picking-up chicks’ and make me realize it is so much more than that (That’s a compliment by the way NOT a neg!! haha). Adam certainly has a way of relating psychology to ‘pua’ and that’s something I really like.
Once again I will talk about my own stories in simple words to hopefully help more guys (myself included) to understand and absorb the value of this post.
Concession
I remember a few years ago I wanted to get a piercing. When I was about to move to uni I told my parents ”Oh, I can’t wait to move! One of the things I’ll do is to get an eyebrow piercing’ Now, that eyebrow thing caused a reaction!! They knew that I’d do it if I wanted and there was nothing they could do to stop me but it they got kind of upset. When I went to visit them after a year I showed up with an ear piercing and they were so happy to see one in my ear instead of my eyebrow!! Cause in their eyes it was not that a big deal. They were prepared to see one in my eyebrow.. I knew so many people who got negative reactions from their parents for an ear piercing. My parents were so thrilled about it!!
Social validation
Or preselection, or social proof, or guys getting their sisters to walk arm-in-arm with them to look cool!! haha.. you name it!! It’s such a popular term in the ‘community’ but have you ever thought about how it applies to other areas of our life as well? I realised that a couple of weeks ago. I went shopping and outside a store there was a bench with some people giving flyers. I didn’t pay attention.. On my way out, I saw three people asking these guys for information and two more people waiting to ask them stuff next. That got my attention! I actually took some time to go there and see what was all this about. They were advertising paintball. They were the same guys. But I didn’t even turn my head the first time cause they were just some guys with flyers, but the second time there were the same guys with validation from people.. Clear enough???
Consistency
I read a study recently where they actually proved that people are more likely to accept something if they’ve already accepted/done something smaller. I think this has to do with commitment/investment. I don’t remember all the details of this study but they were trying to make people put a sign about the environment on their roofs. The success rate was a lot bigger when they got them to sign a petition about the environment first. Or to put it in ‘pua’ terms.. they are more likely to jump through your hoops once you make them jump through ’smaller hoops’ first.
About likeability, I’m sure we all have examples when we got away with something just because we had a strong relationship with that person or when we forgave someone more easily because we were friends for long. It’s obvious and I don’t think I need to elaborate on that.
Reciprocation
Again it’s clear. Most of us would buy a drink for someone who bought the first round. Yesterday I was out with a girl. Last time we went out she paid for my drink. Yesterday I wanted to make it back to her. So I did by paying for food.
That was an excellent post and excellent comments! And Adam, you don’t have to qualify yourself to us by saying you hate talking like one of the ‘gurus’!! haha We know that you will keep up the good work and keep offering value to guys who want to learn!!!(I’m framing you to act that way right? I’m experimenting with this lately like ‘you guys are so friendly’ so I’m still learning!!! haha)
Keep up the good work!!!
Really cool to have a new post from you Adam, I really enjoyed it!
I’le try and add some ideas rather than just repeat whats already been stated…
The Reciprocation theory is very powerful. However just to add to that, I think it’s important not to expect reciprocation- even though it is likely.
Using the example of helping to take a photo of two girls, if after I had taken the pic I stand around expecting a thankyou or a ‘join us’ or something I would just look needy and awkward. Learn to be able to to transistion in those situations.
Consistency- Texting a girl almost as soon as you’ve met her is something I learnt to do very early on in my learning experience. If I had just number closed and ended a conversation with a girl, I would leave it maybe a few minutes after departing until I texted her. It’s a nice little romantic gesture of fun.
Adam’s reason for texting her whilst still in set makes a lot of sense. If you can type the message whilst the phones in your hand, but only press send when it’s in your pocket- then that will provide a kind of jokey situation.
Authority- A whole post could be written on this issue. Men have to be men and take the lead. But don’t be a jerk- if a girl says she doesn’t want to come back to yours, then don’t drag her. You’ve got to be careful and read the situation, if she’s willing to be led but not making it obvious then lead her, but on the flipside don’t force her into anything she doesn’t want to do.
Best of luck with the European Tour Adam!
Hey Adam! Your Post on conformity was great, and to be honest is one I have thought about myself but from a slightly different perspective
I think that conformity can be applied to Game, but I am not so sure about the first point on reciprocation, as I think if we continually reciprocate, we aren’t challenging the girl.
Reciprocation is doing something nice and getting rewarded for it, we hope a woman reciprocates the gesture. But there are examples in game where reciprocation is a bad thing.
e.g.
If we reciprocate every time something nice is done for us, will we fall into the trap of being a boring predictable nice guy?
OR
When a woman gets upset, we also get upset. We are meant to be different and not get affected by our surroundings. The girl’s feelings are independent of ours (to a certain extent) so here reciprocation is a bad thing if we react back.
I agree with all your post and also the reciprocation point to an extent. I just think it’s maybe a bit simplified.
I really think that SOMETIMES, its a requirement not to reciprocate.
Cheers, Noel
mmmmm i see, you know i think a good thing to considerate here is that like you say “im not doing this for them to like me, im doing it cause i always do”, i think that´s the real escense of the game , to do what you wanna do and what you really enjoy, that´s why i like Dharam´s style too, even when is not really a style that i would use, the nice guy thing, i prefer being alfa, but he does what he thinks it better for him, that´s cool, however, coming back to your point, this whole thing remember me a time a told with a pua friend, not so long ago, and he was asking me for my advide, he told me;
“Poker, i don´t know, i have this LTR, i hadn´t talk with her like a year ago, but she talked to me yesterday and i think coming back with her is not really alfa, i know this sounds really AFC, but i care about her, am sorry”
and i was like;
“Men, you sound more AFC telling all that crap, do you wanna get back with her? do it then, do what you want, that´s the real alfa thing to do, not thinking what a bunch of guys are gonna think about you, and why are you feeling sorry for? you owe me nothing, is your life, not me or anyother is gonna live it for you, so, do whatever you want, that´s why you are into this right?” anyway, i think this is a great post that is evolving into much deeper, great things, excelent post Adam, i really like your style when writting and ive heard great stuff about you, id love to see your game live, maybe sometime soon, take care all of you guys!!!
POKER
Hey guys hows it going?
As soon as I saw Adam wrote a blog, I had to read it. I’ve been waiting for when I had a bit of time, as I know how good his stuff is and wanted to take it all in.
I would say that my style of gaming has been directly influenced by Adam and what he teaches. I think everything in this blog, is worth taking note of. Gaming isn’t about intricate routines or canned internet openers, it is knowing what triggers comfort and attraction, and the most valuable thing about this Blog is that Adam tells you some of the reasoning behind this. Follow his stuff and you can’t go wrong – I do.
As always Adam, many thanks.
Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA, Dharam ;-)
I ve a problem in figuring out this:
> As conversation with someone is far less of a commitment than marriage she is more willing to >comply, which of course makes it easy to run your game.
> This principle applies to almost any area of game from suggesting a full on dinner date then
> reducing it to a coffee right down
> to a holiday away for 2 months which then reduces down to a
> fun weekend away.
the first is a clear sign of “concession” ( like asking for sex to get a simple bj)
while the second is on the bordeline of “begging”
the third is ok with “concession”