Opening and Transitioning part 1

Something that PUA trainers get asked for most by guys who are first getting into this is openers. In this post I’m going to give you one opener, but more than that I’m going to give you a structure that will make a massive difference to the way that you open and the way that you view transitioning.

There are two mistakes that people make at first:

• They want too many openers – do you forget about an opener if it doesn’t go the way you hoped once? Stick with an opener that you identify with or care about the response. If you don’t care about the response then use an opener where you do care. Ban yourself from using Wikipedia to look things up – ask girls instead!

• They want a long involved opener – the opener should just be that; a way to open the communication. Students often complain that my openers are very short – the reason for this is that the shorter the opener, the quicker that you have to transition – and transitioning is one of the most important skills to get good at. So short openers mean more practice at transitioning.

So let’s see an example – I’ve included the conversational topics that I open up in brackets and the function that each part plays.

PUA: Hey, I need to ask you something, I’ve been talking this over with my friends all day; what’s the difference between a herb and a spice?

(Topics: Herbs/Spices)(This question makes most people think; it’s a simple question that most people don’t know the answer to)

HB: Umm, I think it’s because a spice is spicey

PUA: so does that make a herb, Herbie – wasn’t that a kids film about a runaway car?

(Topics: Kids films)(I’m lightly mocking her lack of knowledge but then linking it to a fun topic- a film that she might know)

HB: yeah, I loved that film

PUA: So you answered my spicy question with a bit of a blaggers answer. If you were to cook me a posh dinner would it have baked beans and fish fingers as the main ingredients?

(Topics: Cooking)(I have returned to the original topic to show you we can further explore it. I’m inviting her to qualify her cooking skills to me)

HB: Nah, I don’t cook very much

PUA: I only date girls who can cook – or at least better than I can

(Topics: Relationships)(Again more opportunity for her to qualify herself to me but the issue of how well I can cook is raised but not answered. This will probably be her next question.)

So from four lines come four topics that we can talk about; each one bigger than the last. This is the skill of transitioning, which is the opposite of most of our normal conversations which move from general topics down to specifics. I’ll go into more details about that process in a future post.

Let’s take a quick look at the structure above

Question : Something that you care about and are looking for advice or an opinion on

Respond to her response: Anticipate the obvious responses. If she gives a silly answer, call her out on it with a smile. Consider what her response could say about her as a person – this doesn’t need to be logically correct – “I guess that makes you a pretty serious/wild/sexual/adventurous/kind/geeky girl” can work wonders here.

Transition: Move to a bigger general topic but have it relate to her

Golden rule : if she can predict what you’re going to say then why should she wait around to hear you say it – be different.

Let me know how you get on.

Gulliver