Rapport, bonding and making an emotional connection with her
What is Rapport?
Rapport is what will get you laid!
You need to be a master of rapport if you want to get anywhere with girls. If you click, it’s on, if you don’t click… GAME OVER! How are you able to bond quickly with a girl so she feels really nice and comfortable around you?
Your intentions are the underlying factor which govern your behaviour, what you say, how you move, when you kino her etc. It’s all about what you think about yourself and what your intensions are.
Women are all different and they are all looking for different things, some are looking for an adventurous bad boy while others are looking for a friendly chilled out guy and some… in fact most are looking for a guy who is a combination of the two. You have to be able to understand the feedback she gives you when you approach and then keep changing your approach untill you do or say something that she likes. If you approach with a direct opener and see that she is slightly shy the you will need to change your strategy QIUCKLY or she will be gone and you will have to find a new target.
Rapport is the main ingredient for girls to want to hang out with you and be nice around you. If you are uncalebrated… ie, you say something that isn’t true She WILL PICK IT UP… GAME OVER. Be honest at all times and try to tell stories from your own life and most importantly be interested in who she is and what she says to you. Far to many guys out there are caught up in thinking about what they are going to say next… This is no good.
When you’re hanging out with your guy friends chatting about sport or whatever else you chat about, do you think of what to say to your friends next so they think you are a cool guy? I DOUBT IT. If so then you definitly need to get out and do about 100 approaches every day for a few months. Aim to make those approaches last as long as 5 minutes.
Rapport happens when people share similar thoughts, similar beliefs, similar style of dressing, similar music, similar places they live in… basically when people have things in common there will be rapport and thats it! Having things in common with a hot girl will make her feel more comfortable arond you.
So what you have to do is become agreeable with hot babes, become more understanding, be more agreeable and show them that somehow you understand them and you sympithise with them and watch how they like you a lot more. They will give their time to you and let you escalate the relationship… they will alow themselves to be taken by you!
For example, if you were on holiday in a totaly different country where there werent many people from your country ever and you just happended to meet someone else from your country maybe down at a beach or maybe in a bar. So you get talking to this person from your country and they tell yoy a story about their city… WHAT? They actually live in your city… the rapport deepens, you feel more conected with this person. So you ask where about in the City are they from… WOW they are from the same area as you. Which street do they live on they ask you. They live at the top of your road. They know all the same places as you do and they even know some of the same people you know. THIS IS RAPPORT. You are so deeply connected now. You will feel comfortable with this person because they are so much like yourself.
Isn’t that interesting… we like people who are like ourselves. To some up how you can build rapport with anyone from anywhere in the world you need to listen closely to what they say and try to connect on some of the words they use. Try to bond somehow or show that you know a little about their world and their experience.
In my live Approaching videos I demonstrate how to get rapport with really Attractive girls. I hope you have time to check them out as they will really help your game. You will be able to see exactly what I’m talking about when i say build rapport by having things in common and sometimes the things I have in common are really simple things but they are enough to make a connection with a girl. I get phone numbers and go on dates all the time with beautiful women who like me because I learnt how to connect with them emotionally using the techniques of rapport.
all the best
Richard Macilwaine
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You can also build rapport by talking about past and childhood. People will often share similar experiences with you about when they were children.
“Yeah, I remember when I was in school I wanted to date the teacher too ;-)”
Cheers,
Tiamat
Hey, Loving the blog.
I think its worth saying that rapport can be built as much from disagreeing about stuff than about comonalities. Also it opens up some fun teasing and banter.
Does this make sense looking at the definition of raport? No, but it seems to make sense in field for me, so I could be wrong…
Also, as a note, I think you meant 10 approaches a day, 100 approaches albeit ambitious might be a bit OTT.
Nice post- That intention thing is really powerful- it seems like intentions, much more than anything you say or do, is what affects your interactions with women. Perhaps the key is to have a higher intention- higher than simply to get laid.
Many people talk about having a different intention like ‘just make her smile’ – fine, but wont this wind up with a lot of smiling girls, and not much sex?
Intend for you to have sex, but make it for a greater purpose. Sex is one of the deepest bonds you can form with someone; intend to have sex, so that you can bond on a deeper level with the girl your talking to. She will feel your intention, and she’ll be receptive to it… this builds a special, sexual rapport, which is deeper than rapport you get with guys. Thats my experience, anyone else felt this?
This was an interesting post that caught my attention! Nice work!
It kind of got me thinking that how the goal of building Rapport is to make a girl feel comfortable with us. Yet there is another “stage” in PU called COMFORT!!! Weird, no? Well I guess they both Overlap!
“Rapport happens when people share similar thoughts, similar beliefs, similar style of dressing, similar music, similar places they live in… basically when people have things in common there will be rapport and thats it! Having things in common with a hot girl will make her feel more comfortable around you.”
This is a paragraph from the original post, and I think its great.
However I think that its also possible to build rapport with a girl whom you have nothing in common with!! Bold statement? Heres why
we need to have a skill in PU called EMPATHY! I guess the most simple definition of this is to be able to take their experiences and imagine what it felt like for them.
Now I think that if a man and a woman have similar beieifs and styles, then Great..GAME ON. But obviously this isn’t always the case, so what do we need to do when we meet someone with nothing in common with us?.
Lets take an example of when a man and a woman meet for the FIRST time..
A female who is an academic meets a guy who is the opposite, a real hard worker who likes to get his hands dirty and thinks education is for bums who are afraid of a job.lol
Now its clear these two don’t have similar beliefs, but heres what I think the guy can do to build rapport on this topic and
it evolves trying to understand why she is an academic ie EMPATHISE
“Ohhh, your a university lecturer in Psychology. That must be a rewarding and interesting job, you know, to guide younger people and advise them on their career paths at a young age, help motivate them to pass exams and put them on the road to better lives, that would make me feel great. Psychology seems to be such a complex process also, I bet you look at every day life a lot differently to other people”
Now these two people remember had completely different backrounds (the guy disagreed with academia) but he still managed to build rapport via empathy. Therefore its not neccessary to have similar beliefs to build rapport, but it helps haha
Hope this helps
Cheers, Noel
I just want to make a quick comment on mirroring techniques which is something that is often discussed when talking about rapport.
Have you noticed how when couples are sitting at a table over a glass of wine, they will often have similar body postures. It is because they have such strong rapport that they are mirroring eachothers body posture, and they do it subconsciously- it’s something that feels natural.
Building on that idea, try this as a way to build rapport with the girl before approaching her. By the way, this is all based in NLP, something which is yet to really be proved as a theory, but just accept it as a ‘theory’ and enjoy.
If, for example, you are at a party sitting and chatting to a friend and you suddenly notice a girl sitting over the other side of the room. Don’t look at her, but watch her out of the corner of your eye and mirror her motions and movements. Don’t copy everything she does to the tee but subtlely mirror her movements;for example if she sips her drink, sip yours, if she leans back then lean back in your chair. Try and let your body move to the same rhythm as hers.
Then to test whether the rapport is working- take the lead, sip out of your glass and see if she sips out of hers. The idea here is to see if she has sub-consciously responded to your movements.(Note- it’s not a case of you playing a game and seeing if she wants to join in, at least not on a conscious level).
Try this but do it with ease and a sense of naturalness, not with stiff motions and obviousness. Later on in the evening when you approach her, she should seem immediately warm to you or she may even approach you because she feels you and her have a certain ’sameness’.
Another graet post.. But where can I see some of your videos??
man, way to keep it fresh on a subject thats been hammered at by the community for so long. and good eye to noel for extending this topic. this blog is quickly becoming a well oiled machine.
do you have any field excercises to build this muscle for puas? i catch what you’re saying, but its always tough, when I’m learning anything, to go from o to 60 without some intermident steps. when i worked with the guys at the Art of Charm they had a great excercise that helped you make a connection no matter if you didnt know the slightest about wat the girl was talking about. how?
it wasn’t based on building rappore based on some shared experiences, but just on emotion.
the idea was that we all share the same core emotions, and emotions are something you can connect with anyone on. even if you’re gaming a saigon hooker with a limp (god forbid) there’s always some emotion that the two of you have shared along your twisted path (in this case, hers bein a bit more twisted then yours).
so the excercise? its simple and can be done by yourself. take two objects, ideas, things, people watev, and create an emotional connection between the two and convince yourself or others that they are the same.
here’s an example. college and an oak tree. The roots of college is your entire life thats led up to your first day of class, like the earth around the base of a sapling, and like the earth, its often composed of everything else the world has offered the tree, most of it out of its direct control. and like your entry into adulthood, the sprouting of the oak tree is its moment of truth, to no longer be unproven potential balled up in a seed, but rather to show the world, and itself, what its capable of.
i promise. give it a try, start getting good at it and it will build your rappore game.
that’s just my opinion.
Hey man, I think your exercise is awsome. Really helps with conversational skills also.
Can you do me a favour and PLEASE elaborate on it and give me a different example, when you have time of course. Just so I can get it into my thick head lol
Cheers Buddy
Noel
An exercise I know (credit to the PUA training guys) is that take a list of random professions
Doctor, scientist, book maker, architect, train spotter etc. it can be anything.
Pick one of these, and talk for 30-45 seconds on each one using the emapthy skill and really imagine why they do their jobs and why it makes them happy. The more you do this, the more your brain is trained to emapthise.
I don’t think this exercise is as good as yours but it helps!
ha, this “spam protection” system just layed the law down on my elementary math skills, so this
ll be me trying to rewrite this post. f my rudamentary life.
preciate it noel, and that’s the best example i have. just taking two ideas and connecting them through emotions and NOT physical facts or figures is the goal. the idea is to break from our masculine/rational brain and, for lack of a better phrase, connect with our femanine side. like, instead of talking about how bicycles are the most efficient means of human transport down the road, ruminate on the roll that the road plays as the safe haven for a bike, each designed to accentuate the best characteristics of the other, pressing against eachother seemlessly.
i just whipped that one out of the ass, but i think you got me.
and i like the empathy excersise. tony robbins will talk about how its not that everyone enjoys everything they do, but we all do what we do to fufill our basic needs: certainty, uncertainty, significance, and connection.
maybe your empathy excercise can tie into discovering which of those needs a person needs? idunno, ill try it out
Good Topic, Rapport is very important, in fact it was the part of my game that i was failing on, so i took a trip inside my own life to make it better cause i knew that if i could make the rapport in a better way, my game were gonna improve in an amazing way, and it did, first of all, yes, you are totally right, one of the best things you can do to build rapport is to show the girl you have some things in common with her, but careful here, you don´t wanna look like all the wussy guys that say to her “yes, i like that too”, or “yeah, you are right, you are right in everything you say” this is just too needy and won´t get you anywere, you should try to start a conversation with her and take hints about his likes and dislikes, for example, if she tells you something like;
“Well, im studing education, so i wanna become a teacher”
then you can assume she likes kids, you could be wrong and she wants to be a College profesor, but is most unlikely, so, later you can say something like ;
“Yeah, so i took my nephew to the park and it was great, we had a great time, i love that kid, do you like kids?”
And she goes “Of course, they are so cute bla bla bla…” it seems you are just clicking, you had a conection, but is not too obvious, other way to create rapport is by touching her, but not in a creepy way, gently and in a non sexual way at the begining you´ll start scalating later, she gotta be confortable with you touching her like that to be comfortable with you touching her in the bedroom later, and another way is to be a leader, make her see that you are in control with the situation, take her hand, move her from one place to another in the bar, so she sees that is safe with you even if you take her some place else, and well, it goes on and on…
Finally i wanna coment on this, i have two female roomates, i was chatting with one of them in our living room, so i asked her how should be a guy if he wanted to pick her up in a bar or something, she is an HB8 probably, she said “I don´t date guys that i meet in bars, you know that” and i said “well, what if the guy is a swimer or something?” ( she is into sinchronized swiming) and she said “well… that´s different, that would be interesting”
So… as you see, what she said here, without saying it is… “RAPPORT WORKS”
See you people! keep with the great job!
POKER
Great topic and great comments from all you guys!! Keep it up! Rapport is important we can all agree to that. I’m not gonna talk about what rapport is or how you can build it. I’ll just talk from my experience.
Rapport isn’t just something that will ‘get you laid’. It’s much more than that. I might sound as a hopeless romantic but I’ll say it anyway. Recently I started going out in the field more and getting good at this. Something else happened recently as well. I moved to a new country. When my course started I met some girls who happened to come from the same country. As a social being, I got their numbers. Now, imagine this.. What do we have in common? We were born at the same place and we all moved to a new country to study the same thing. These were obvious from the moment we said hi.
Getting numbers from the field we all know that when you’re starting out is not that easy to arrange day 2’s from each and every one of them. Some might not even reply. With these girls I don’t have to worry about that. I know that I’ll get an immediate reply. (Does that ring a bell about the reason for flaking?? More comfort guys..) I often arrange outings with many of them or even with one of them and we’re both comfortable.. No need to worry that much about what the other person thinks. Especially one of them has an excellent sense of humor and we have quite a few laughs all the time. (This is not a one-itis by the way and I’m not saying it to ask for the usual advice ‘there is this girl.. What can I do now?’) She’s not that hot although she is cute but automatically has an advantage over other girls because I know that we’re having fun together and she has an awesome personality.
What is my point? The importance of rapport.
I meet new people almost every day. I get their numbers. But I don’t have this kind of relationship with them right away. I’d spend more time with these girls instead of an HB9 (not sure about an HB10 though haha) that I met that moment. Because we share things. I don’t mind if I lose a set. But I would mind if I lost this particular set though. There are people who you’d like to have in your life and people that you’re not so sure about. Any person that you meet can transition to someone you’d like to be a part of your life. But it takes time. It takes time to build that rapport. I want these people in my life because I’ve invested too much in this relationship and they did too. This is the key.
I shared this story to make a point across and emphasize the importance of rapport. This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to the field and I’m not sarging. I do and I will keep on doing it. I’m just saying that when I’m out with these people they are more important to me than any other cold approach I’ll do that day. We keep on saying how important rapport is for the girl and how it makes them feel. I don’t know how it makes them feel. I know how it makes ME feel. It’s similar to them. I’ll keep on going to the field until I find someone who’s hot and I have that kind of connection with. It’s not about us being from the same country.. We have so much in common that it’s inevitable feeling that way. I understand what Gambler said to one of his posts that he prefers a girlfriend over a one night stand. There are some people that you want in your life. Beware though!! You want them in your life not because you need them to make you happy. You are happy already and let them CONTRIBUTE to your happiness. And on your part give value to their lives. Now, that’s rapport..
Rapport is huge. I arrived at an intermediate salsa class, and a girl I barely new slapped me on the wrist and said ‘you were supposed to be in the beginners class, thats naughty,’ and gave me a gentle slap on the wrist. I instantly felt a lot more attraction for her, since she was so comfortable in my presence and cared about where I was. It felt as though she was a family member or an ex girlfriend or something, so I felt much closer to her.
I have always found several times that just hanging out with a girl long enough as the main man in her life she will eventually become attracted… lead her on a bit of an emotional adventure – explore places, mix ordinary conversation with subtle sexual body language like strong eye contact…
Great blog man, good material