Most guys will become more attracted to a girl when she plays hard to get or is difficult in some way. I’ve noticed what I do. I do honest reward and punishment. Example:
Reward: increased attachment and doing more for her.
Punishment: Think of her more casually. At the extreme end look for other women.
Example: She takes a long time to get back to you, she is often late, she goes out and gets drunk with her friend, she is inconsiderate, you do things for her and she doesn’t reciprocate when she has the chance.
Each of these thigns should result in a punishment which means you think less of her and treat the relationship more casually, even to the point where you date other girls.
When she behaves perfectly you don’t need to punish her and can reward her with increased attachment.
The actions above would get on my nerves in a girl so why should I reward them with increased attachment? This seems obvious but most guys will chase more when a girl plays games or takes away her emotion a little bit. You also don’t need to go too far the other way in being a ba£$%rd all the time.
The sincere reward is just as important. It allows to have a happy relationship. The sincere punishment just shows her that she can’t start taking the piss. It’s natural that women start to get bored if you are too nice, but they get bored and misbehave, and then you punish this and then they come back. When you are in a relationship you have more “wiggle room” or margin for error so can get away with mistakes for short time before the relationship goes wrong.
Would love to know if this strikes a chord with any guys who have had relationships go wrong!
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I agree whole-heartedly with the reward / punishment system. At heart they are still little girls trying it on with daddy. It takes reward for them to feel love and punishment (in context of course) to feel respect.
From personal experience I’ve found taking away special treatment and acting impartial to a woman will turn her around rapidly. Sulking or getting angry definitely doesn’t work – it has to be impartiality and waning interest to stimulate their fear of loss circuitry.
If a woman feels she can control you through manipulation and inappropriate behaviour be prepared for a rough ride. Setting standards and enforcing them through reward and punishment is the only way to retain your personal power. As I say to guys who ask my advice – “No matter how attractive she is, no matter how cute her tits, no matter how good she is in bed – she must always know that you are prepared to walk away”.
That´s truth, i think that works because the girl see you as a true alpha male? what is this in nature? for example, an alpha lion have i don´t know, like 20 lionesses, maybe he have his let´s say LTR lol, but he mates with the others if the first one missbehave, so, you have choices, that´s another thing why the punishment and reward system works, she realizes that you are not that attached to her, which most guys are in her own experience, she is used to have lots of guys chasing her, “what is happening now? why he is not chasing me?” the answers in his head? “He doesn´t like me, that can´t be, everybody likes me, so i gotta make him demostrate it (so she start behaving well) or “he is losing interest and maybe looking for another girl, he don´t really need me, im gonna make him need me” and all sorta things alike, when you know what you want and speak your mind that makes you dominant which is something they like i even had this girl that once asked me to borrow her some money for having her nails done, she was an LTR of course, but i just said;
Poker: No
Hb: Just like that?
Poker: Just like that
Hb: I love the confidence you have when you say “no” to me.
The same girl in our first date (day2) i gotta say this is a girl used to get guys paying for her stuff and doing whatever she wants, but now she met poker, Lol, this was in the movies:
Poker: Do you want something?
Hb; No i don´t
Poker: Ok, (to the guy in the candy shop) give me a coke and medium popcorn please.
Hb: (suddenly) and i want a chocolate icecream.
Poker: all right, buy it yourself.
Hb: what? No! (to the guy) charge him the icecream too.
Poker: No dude! im the client, that´s my bill, she´s just a crazy girl that had been following me, just the soda and popcorn.
Later…
Hb: Why you didn´t buy me the icecream?
Poker: I asked you if you wanted something, and you said no, very rude by the way, is not whenever you want.
Hb: I had never went out with a guy that didn´t want to buy me everything i said, im not gonna forget this!
Poker: that´s fine, after the movie im taking you home and never talking to you again, if you wanna keep dating me you have to change that kind of thought…
Later…inside the movie theatre
Hb: Im sorry, i do think i was rude, i like you don´t spoil me…
Poker: That´s better, let´s go for your ice cream…
So, as you see, i showed dominance, i punished her and later, reward her, in this case with an icecream but that icecream had a valua, that was the knowledge of her that she can´t do whatever she want, a plus? she payed for all her stuff later without me even asking her or anything.
POKER
I think more guys need to realise that girls love to play games. Often they don’t even realise that they are playing these games, this is because they are an integral part of human nature. When you date a woman she will test you in many ways, from shit tests to playing hard to get. The secret is being prepared, and as Gambler so rightly points out, knowing how to act.
To demonstrate I will run through a little routine I like to use for when you start dating a girl. It’s a method that is used a lot in clinical hypnosis and it’s called role reversal.
So lets say that you have started dating a girl and a number of situation start to happen,
1. She isn’t calling you back.
2. She seems aloof and sometimes almost sullen when you talk to her.
3. She cancels dates at short notice.
As Gambler points out many buys in this situation will become clingy; however, role reversal dictates that you do the opposite.
Instead of being clingy follow these steps:
1. Wait for her to call you.
2. When she calls you be courteous; however , act like you are busy.
3. Don’t make any definite arrangements.
As you can see, this is almost if not identical to the reward/punishment strategy outlined by Gambler. This is what role reversal is all about, you have taken on the girls role — she is now inside your game; you are testing her. This will show a girl that you are not needy and that you have a high value.
However, a word of warning. Don’t go to extremes, if a girl starts crying on the phone and asking why you acting funny with her, give a little. Nothing destroys a potential relationship than being a complete cock! Find a balance, give a little. Remember that the aim is to start a relationship, now a war. Have fun guys.
*Not A War* Lol, don’t go starting wars with girls; that’s never good!
Regards,
JonDoe.
Definitely strikes a chord with me. A lot of times in the past if I’ve liked a girl I’ll let her walk all over me, which always ends up doing the opposite of what I’m aiming for. My first girlfriend (of sorts) was chronically late for things and unavailable on the phone, and I’d treat her better, not worse, as a result. I suppose the mindset is: “She’s treating me badly > I must be doing something wrong > I must treat her better to stop her being like this.” It’s something I’ve worked on a bit, as it is, quite clearly, ridiculous.
Apart from the fact that you’re rewarding a bad behavior (and therefore reinforcing that behavior), increased attachement is, to put it bluntly, very unmanly, and very weak. I imagine it feels to a girl how “clingy” and emotionally-dependent girls sometimes feel to us. She wants you to be strong; let her know by your reactions that you are.
Yeah Gambler this strikes a chord with me and brings back some negative emotions, I wish I knew the stuff I know now about relationships and PU.
In a previous relationship of mine, I made two key mistakes.
The first one was Rewarding her behaviour too much! When she done nice things, I would reciprocate all the time, and sometimes a lot more than her. I over used romance, it became predictable. The best saying I have heard about romance is
Romance is like a spice, use it in small amounts. If you use it too much, you will ruin your meal!! So this was my first problem,rewarding her too much!
I think romance used in small amounts is spontaneous and exciting, if it is used all the time, it looses meaning and is predictable and boring.
The second problem I had was not punishing her for being bad to me. Not appreciating me. This one time she didn’t kiss me goodbye or walk me out to the door, and I just accepted that! I tried to get her to like me more,rather than punish her.
I met this girl maybe 14 months ago, and I had been reading PU material for two months and I told her why I think she broke up with me, like being to nice,not shouting at her when she tested me etc and to her credit she was honest with me and said I was right.This motivated me to never let this happen again. Part of her was shocked that I knew the reasons.
Knowing why a girl broke up with you is not a nice feeling. Just knowing that if I had followed some standard advice I would have kept the girl is tough to take, but I did!
I am glad I am writing this post, I am kind of proud where I am now as I know how shit that felt, yet I am here sharing my experiences and not feeling sorry for myself. This particular girl is the reason I got into game and it was a blessing in disguise.
Now I go to the gym,studying a PhD, meeting loads of new friends, getting to grip with PUA material and on a great Journey in my life. Its true when people say our experiences define who we are. This one has defined me and put me on a path to greatness.
Guys, follow Gamblers advice. It will put you on the path to greatness, any mistakes you have made previously as I have, use them as fuel and learn from them. I hope this helps
Cheers, Noel
Alpha-males don’t let anything phase them, that’s why they’re alpha, because they can handle any sort of situation. So if a girl starts being rude/un-responsive then don’t let it phase you- show her that you’re in charge.
However don’t be a complete jerk. If a girl doesn’t give you exactly what you want- you’ve still got to be a gentleman and a decent person. I feel very un-comfortable sometimes playing push/pull as I don’t like showing anything other than sincere affection because I love women. But I understand why the push/pull concept works, and I use it, but don’t become aggresive or rude- keep the situation playful but still maintain the alpha male stance.
My quick opinion on attachment. Naturals are very good at not becoming clingy because they have a long line of girls that they could call up at any time and sleep with, so if they meet a girl in a bar who doesn’t show him as much interest as he would like he can walk away without being bothered, instead of giving her too much attention and trying to qualify himself to this girl. So take on the mind-set of the natural and don’t be so bothered about making the girl love you- just enjoy the ride.
A hot female friend of mine has cheated on her boyfriend four times, but he still keeps taking her back and letting her drive about in his company car. Which implies she doesn’t really care about him at all. But then one night I was out with her and some other of my female friends, and her boyfriend had gone to some social event with his ex. Then this friend of mine couldn’t relax, was on the phone all night and quite fidgety. It was like all of a sudden she felt a lot more attraction for him, because he was no longer putting up with her poor behaviour.