“Stop talking!” has become one of my favourite sayings recently, but not my favourite. That esteemed position is held by the oft uttered (by me) “You talk too much!” I love it. It’s succinct, to the point and, more often than not, answers a common sticking point my students are dealing with.
Here’s the thing… many PUAs love to talk. It’s good to talk, right? But the problem is that you can talk too much and, at some point, there needs to be a sign that something is going on below the surface between you and the woman you are speaking to. A spark. Chemistry. Something! And no, saying “hey, we must have some kind of special connection, don’t you feel it?” simply won’t suffice if you haven’t communicated it non-verbally first. More importantly, if you have communicated it non-verbally, then you don’t need to verbalize it!
So how can we make this happen? Well, first of all let’s assume that you are the kind of guy that’s giving off good vibes. You feel good about yourself, you feel comfortable in the environment and you remain unnerved by the beautiful woman in front of you. Great! These are the strongest foundations for success with women. But where do we go from here?
Lesson 1 : SHUT UP!
That’s right. You heard me. Just shut up! For a second. Please?
Sometimes you just need to take a moment in the interaction to… well, what exactly? It can be many things. You could be taking pleasure in appreciating the beauty of the woman in front of you. You could be wondering to yourself, “She cannot be serious, can she?” after she just said something funny / ridiculous / stupid etc. In fact, it can be anything, but it has to be matched with solid eye-contact and a ‘look’ that is heavily loaded… by this, I mean it says something. Furthermore, it needs to be positive. You can still use a look to convey disapproval, but do it in a way that is subtle and playful and the result will be a positive one.
I’ve often used silence right at the beginning of a set to good effect. Done correctly, it can set the tone for the whole interaction wonderfully. I’ve walked up to the counter at Starbucks and said nothing for ages, just looking at the woman in a way that tweaks her brain and they usually love it. Also, if I get opened for directions, I’ll do a little act that involves no talking, just to really get their attention. For example, I’d act as if they’ve really offended me (by asking the way to Leicester square) or they are trying to pick me up (by asking for the time)!
The real power of it all, however, is when you are escalating with a woman and you want to kiss her. Yes, you can kiss her whilst you’re still talking, but usually it’s better to stop first. So stop. Look at her the way Mr. Completely Sexual would. Give her laser-sex-eyes. Be smooth and go for it! She’ll thank you afterwards!
So remember, “you talk too much….” and “stop talking!”
On a final note, I also like saying these same words to women… when they’re being AFC; talking their asses off trying to impress me; when I know what they really want… and I say it to them right before I kiss them. Or better yet, I’ll just motion my forefinger to my lips, as if to say “SHHHHH!”… enough said.
Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material we've got waiting for you....here
I had a 4 hour 1-on-1 with Ayman in August where he gave me this fantastic advice but with a lot more detail that can only be shown and explained face to face.
Not only did Ayman break down exactly what I was doing right and wrong in set, but as I followed his advice and SHUT UP in sets, I was able to develop a higher seductive prowess. I escalated on the dancefloor non-verbally with an absolutely beautiful girl, having her grinding on me within a minute. As I engaged her Ayman stayed right by my side to wing me, dancing with this girls friend.. I would have had no clue what to do had he not been there showing and telling me exactly what to do.
Thank you Ayman, 2 months later I’m still doing you proud!
When I met Ayman, he said he wanted to be good with women. This happened really quickly and he had loads of dates and women in his life.
Next he told me he wanted to kiss girls as quickly as possible in clubs. See, everyone has their speciality. he decided to direct all his energy at this area.
The result is that he can roll around a club and kiss all the girls, 5 in a night is no big deal for him. I’ve seen him in action and it’s very impressive. Best of all, he now teaches this game to students. So, read the above, and check out Ayman’s stuff in future, grab him at the bootcamp if you get a chance and ask him to break down how to shut up and kiss her instead of trying to talk for 3 hours!
I am quite uncomfortable with sitting there with a girl and not projecting any awkwardness onto the situations. It’s one of the reasons I’m finding it hard to cut down on smoking I think, because when you’ve got something like that in hand, you know that you can just look like you’re sitting there and enjoying the cigarette, rather than desperately thinking of something to say. It works whether you’re with a girl, or just standing on your own. It’s an insecurity I personally need addressed.
But on another note, it’s taken me so long to develop the skills to carry a conversation with a girl (and it’s still often, depending on the girl, a balancing act) that to just shut up and stand there feels like taking two steps forward and one step backward. The other night I was approached by a HB6 with massive IOIs, touching my chest, letting me touch her hair, and I noticed that while I felt confident enough that I could k-close her, I could not just stop the conversation until our lips were half an inch apart and we were going in.
As I’m writing this I’m waiting for some friends to get ready to go out, so I think I’ll try this silent treatment tonight.
Thanks for the advice, its really helping me think through my past situations.
Gabriel
Im really interested in this article as it briefly discusses dance-floor game, and that is where I really want to improve. Ayman, you mention about using non-verbal aspects of game and using ‘laser-sex-eyes’; Is it ever possible to just go onto a dance-floor, walk up to a girl with the right sort of body-language and confidence and get good results? I’ve tried it twice before but I feel like a proper twat and I think the girls kinda sense that.
Loved this entry. This was a major flaw in my PUA attempts, and just like the entry said, I didn’t even notice it! I am confident enough to keep up a conversation with just about any girl once I’m in set, and as a result I guess I got carried away with it. After reading this, I realized that a large part of my trouble escalating was due to excessive talking on my part and after simply applying the strategy of talking less, I managed to n-close and later f-close an HB7.5 the next night at a party. Thank you!
I think the key thing is comfort and being ‘interested’. If you genuinely want to know more about someone you’re talking to. The person you’re with will sense this and will want to keep up with the conversation.
The funny thing is, when you genuinely want to know about someone, topics of interests like her childhood, her clothes and her past time activities become natural conversation topics that you don’t think about but just ask because of your mindset of wanting to know more about her.
So the key lesson here is ‘mindset’. Be interested in the girl, not by how she looks…
I’m glad to find this blog. I love all of the articles I get in my email from you guys, and this is another one. It’s not a bunch of fluff, but very instructive. It has a good reflection on the company.
Now onto this article:
I was confused when I first read it, but this makes a great point. I’ve been working on these type of nonverbals lately. Different tonality and facial expressions especially. I will use the silence thing on the day2 I have this week.
PHARAOH
You guys are awesome, I really love to hear of your stuff, but, you know, you are just beginners, all this talk about k-closes, f-closes, well, thats for the lightweight gamers, i am a B-closer and thats a different game and the ultimate brown pantser.. Still, I love you guys.. Keep up the good work my fine fellows..
Well shut up!
When youre making a bored conversation making the girl feel uncomfortable. Then you can really shut up.
Great, great piece of advice, Bravo! and yeah, im gonna start sutting myself up and start kissing girls in 10 minutes, i think that could work, so im going for it, you know? this remembers me to something i talked with with my ex-boss, i used to work in a private travel agency, i was working in sales and this helped me a lot with my game, however i remember a meeting really late at night and guess which was the theme of that meeting… Shut up!
yeah, the exact same thing, he told us something like; “Yeah, you are doing your job just fine, you break the ice, create comfort on the client, show them the advantages of our program, and then give him the cost (as you see very similar to pick up structure) that´s all fine, so… why don´t you close the deal?… CAUSE YOU DON´T SHUT UP! you need to give time to the client to think, to convince himself that he or she is taking a great decition, that is a good investment, so shut up! then the deal is gonna close by itself”
I think is very similar here, we are going thru all the stages of attraction, now we need to give the time to the Hb to realize how great we are, the great guy that is in front of her at that moment, then… the deal will close itself…
great post!
POKER
Also, it’s important to know what you want prior to going for it…
What i said earlier about mindset is true. If your mindset is to kiss a girl, your body and actions will naturally follow towards that goal. Things like kino, looking at her sexually and speaking seductively will start to happen naturally.
“Emotion could be the enemy, if you give into emotion, you can lose yourself… Be at one with your emotions, because the body always follows the mind…”
This could be the most important yet under estmated part of GAME out there. Respect for noticing and writing about the topic!
Essentially, this is non verbal game. In my previous post about the guys approaching in bin bags (lol) I mention how communication is 93 percent non verbal and 7 percent verbal.
So in a way, it means the majority of game is non verbal. so why do people spend so much time learning lines when time would be much better invested in learning this non verbal stuff.
I read that a CAVEMAN (remember cavemen didn;t have a native language,they kind of grunted lol, so they communicated completely non verbally) would be better at picking up girls than only a guy who uses lines. Although this theory can’t be proven, it makes you think doesn’t it?
A caveman could out game you by use of his non verbal communication, whereas you have the benefit of speech and yet he could steal your girl? Far fetched? I’m not so sure lol
Just a little quick story from me
It was one of my first ever approaches, with three asain girls. I cant remember how I opened but things went well anyway and as the set progressed, I realised I was running out of things to say. My gut reaction was to evacuate the set because there became this awkward silence.
I didn’t follow my gut reaction and I stayed in the set, silent, just looking at them as if to say ” its your fault this conversation has gone dry and silent”. After a while, say a minute, the pressure had drifted onto the girls to fill the silence and they were asking me questions, and eventually I number closed.
What did I do here, I shut up and used my non verbal communication. Having nothing to say isn’t a bad thing if you have the confident body language and remain in set. Who says DHV stories and routines are the key to game. I used non verbal communication and number closed without the stuff!
Cheers,
Noel
Thanks for the responses guys…
John – Well done, I AM proud!!! :)
Gambler – Thanks man… I couldn’t have done it all without your help. I’ll never forget that!
Gabriel – Thanks for your honesty… sounds like you need to build comfort in your own skin. If you can be comfortable in yourself, you’re not going to worry about a bit of silence with a girl – and it will be a MASSIVE step forward, trust me! Hope you had a good night out :)
Richard – Yes, it’s very possible… that’s the whole point! ;) BUT… you can’t do it feeling like a twat, you’ve got to be totally cool with it. Otherwise, your discomfort with it will be smelt a mile off.
Extasy – Perfect… good work my friend!
Onder – did you read the post? lol
Pharoah – good stuff man, and good luck. It will be fun :-D
knight4mares – looooool I love it!
Tung – errr, I love the internet. At least knight4mares was creative.
Antonio “Poker” – very interesting and it makes absolute sense. Thanks for sharing.
Noel – Very true. Thanks for giving us your experience.
As Gambler knows I am a little different to you guys….I’ve met most of my girls online….then spoken on the phone…..
I do talk a lot,,,,but pause a lot as well,,,,,it seems to make them want to ask me what is on my mind….what I am thinking….want me to talk even more.
I have also found that considering what you say….thinking…..has a great effect. They dont think I am formulating what I am going to say….they think I am stumbling a little cos I’m shy…..they seem to love it….
Keep up good work guys…….gonna keep on looking….despite being old, fat and ugly….lol!
Onder, Noel, I’m really liking what you guys are saying, are you Londoners?
All this is great stuff, there’s a million benefits to say less, and often talking too much is just a fear thing, so it comes accross as such.
So I’m a bit of a hippy, but I think the best thing to do when you ’shut up’ is concentrate on your breathing- just place your attention on it. This allows you to meditate whilst actually engaging with a girl or group.
You don’t need to be thinking about anything, just hold your intention there- something will float into your mind which will be right for the moment, if it doesn’t then she will fill the gap.
Out of chaos inevitably comes order. The Tao Te Ching says that when we do that which takes least effort, order will prevail. If you can trust this force within an interaction then you will develope comfort, and if you introduce a sexual intention then you’ll increase sexual tension too.
Anybody have the experience of simply clearing your mind and trusting to fate? Its woked for me, anyone else?
So for example I was with a girl a few weeks back and we were not getting on, so I cleared my mind and relaxed my entire body, then sat in silence and relaxation. A few seconds later she broke the silence, which was a form of qualification, I rewarded her qualification with kino, and she qualified herself more… the seed was planted in the silence.
Any thoughts?
Hey Love plus, I like your take on concentrating on your breathing. This will surely help you relax and I think relaxation in an uncomfortable situation shows confidence and we all know girls like that.
personally I have never experienced it, not that I know of, but I want to!lol
I’ll definitely take what you said on board.
Ps I’m not a londoner, am from Northern Ireland but plan to live in London some time as I think its the best place in the UK for enhancing your skills. What about you man?
Cheers, Noel
I think this post is really great for two reasons:
(1) It goes against the grain. I mentioned in another post that in the world of seduction we are bombarded with concepts about control. However, sometimes the best thing to do is sit back. Let others do the work for once. This post emphasises this important concept.
(2) It’s a great thing to concentrate on for the fans of NLP. You will be surprised next time your in set and you find your tongue running away from you what thinking those two simple words can do. Shut Up! Stamp it onto your bloody forehead if you have to! Lol, it would be a great opener.
Have fun guys,
JonDoe.
I think the reason why this pausing strategy is so effective is because it builds up sexual tension, making you infinitely more attractive. And it adds to the number of emotions she feels when in an interaction with you. And as we all know, women love emotion roller coasters, hence why soaps are so popular. Also if she has to think how to fill in the gap, its like she’s had to work harder to get you, which will also make you more attractive.
I tried this a few weeks ago on a girl in a club. She was talking a lot upon the initial meeting, and to be honest, it was boring me. I just put my finger to her lips, pulled her in and kissed her.
Thanks Ayman!
Thanks for posting this, lifted my day.