Approaching tips… feelings guide!
Approaching
Day game, Night Game, Friendly, Direct, Subtle, Drunk, DHV, Social Proof, Confident, Telegraphing interest, shy, introverted, personal, impersonal, work related, comforting, helping, complimenting and the list goes on…
Bars, clubs, streets, shopping malls, cafe’s, busses, trains, parks, grocery stores… There are billions of places and ways to approach and have great interactions with women that lead to bonding and relationships.
This is my way of meeting people… I walk up to them wherever they may be and I say or do a few things that causes them to respond to me in a positive way. They like me instantly, if they don’t then I keep changing my strategy until i do something that they do like or if I have calculated that the subject is not worth my time or that the subject is no longer worth pursuing I simply abandon that particular Approach.
I never take the Approach seriously and I always enjoy and anchor positivity to meeting new people even if they aren’t always as nice as I am. You cannot reject someone you don’t know!
If you want to become a master of getting women into your life and have the feeling every day in all places that if a woman who you like the look of and wanted to find out what she was like came into your vicinity you would know without hesitation that you could A. Approach her and B. Make her a friend and even a girlfriend if you really felt a connection with her then read on!
In my average day I usually speak to about 25 people I have never met in my life, that is a considerably smaller amount than a few years ago. I live for the Approach, I love the Approach and I want to help you love the Approach as much as I do.
What is an Approach?
An Approach is where in some way you make the effort to establish a relationship with someone. The way I usually approach is by walking up to someone and saying “Hi.” That is what is known as an opener… my style of opening is very simple and it gives me a very good indication weather the recipient of my Approach is worth another second of my time.
Hi!
Observation and monitoring are vital in the next few seconds as you are going to have to do something… depending on the way she responds you could either follow on with a sincere question, statement, story or you could ignore the recipient and carry on about your day. This is serious stuff!!! to be taken lightly
Once you have delivered your opener (there are many variations of openers) and the recipient has responded in such a way that you have decided is worthy of a few more seconds of your time you need to have something bright to say… what i mean is that you probably think she is worth your time and you best do or say something so that she enjoys the approach and reciprocates your desire to find out more about her… a twinkle in her eye and she bights her lip a little and smiles.
Yes, you are both smiling at each other whilst maintaining eye contact which neither of you want to break… you like each other. You chat for 5 minutes but she has to soon and sensing that, you come up with an exit strategy to allow her to leave feeling good about herself whilst you leave feeling equally as good and looking forward to meeting her for a second time in a few hours or possibly a few days time. This is a great feeling!
It’s doesn’t always go as smoothly as this which is why picking the right target is so important.
Sometimes it happens more smoothly with little emotional peaks and sometimes with more emotional peaks.
The most important thing in Approaching people I have to say is that you sincerely feel like meeting the girl will be fun and enjoyable. If you feel this way then you are going to love Approaching people and they are going to love being approached by you. Why? Because no woman can refuse a good feeling. What I mean is that people bounce feelings of each other all day and people will allow themselves to pick up the positive feelings from another person but rarely will they hang about for another split second if a person is going to bring them down.
The truth of the matter is that we all love feeling good inside… we all want to feel better every day in every way for as much of the day if possible. We have different ways of feeling different things which is why we do everything we do. Even negative things we do to ourselves are done to experience a positive feeling… smoking is an example.
Now that we know that we (especially women) want to feel good I will explain how Seal (the scared singer who is not rated as being attractive) was able to date and marry a woman considered to be one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world, Heidi Klum.
First let me ask if you’ve listened to that song of Seals called “Kissed by a Rose?” It’s quite a moving song isn’t it. The thing that he has that enabled him to date “such a beautiful woman” is the emotions of comfort, love, fun, joy, connection, relaxation, sincerity, caring, affection and more… much more. These are all really nice feelings and Seal has them in abundance.
Lets look a little closet at those specific sensations that Seal experiences and allows those around him to experience
1. Comfort… being comfortable within yourself is a more desirable sensation than dating a woman and women will not want to be in relationship with someone who is not comfortable with themselves. You have to be COMFORTABLE with yourself! There are no two ways about it. If you aren’t comfortable within yourself then you need to address the areas of your life that are responsible for how comfortable you feel. A few of those areas might include
A. Where and how you live
B. Bringing in enough money to survive comfortably
C. feeling happy about the direction your life is going in
D. Getting enough sleep to have enough energy to be comfortable
2. Love… hmmm this is an interesting one. You must love yourself and love people, love animals and be a lovely person. You must have the potential to love someone and that you do have in abundance so don’t worry about that one. You can express that you are a lovely person by the thoughts you have towards other people and towards yourself. Do you treat yourself well?
3. Fun… How much fun do you have in a given day? Do you enjoy your life? Are you able to have natural fun without the aid of negative substances including cigarets, alcohol or Drugs. You should be having more than enough natural fun. If you aren’t then again you need to think about readjusting your lifestyle to get things back in order
If you are approaching women hoping that they will be your source of pleasure and good feelings you are already setting yourself up for failure. If you feel the way some like Seal must have felt when he attracted his woman you will be able to achieve a similar quality result… think about it!
4. I’ll write about these ones later: joy, connection, relaxation, sincerity, caring, affection
Anyway, I’m sure you can work it out for yourself.
How to get from where you are to where you want to be?
Get yourself away from your computer, get outside and start walking up to people and saying “Hi.” Approach with the intention of making the other persons day better. You should always be thinking about the other person and how you can make their experience of life more pleasant.
Wishing you all the best
Richard Macilwaine
Approaching is becoming more fun for you right now! You are begining to see how you could enjoy it and want to do it more because you see how you could make other people feel awesome ;)
This FREE guide contains tips and strategies on how successfully to approach family, friends, and other private parties for financing. Dating Guide
So true!! Approaching people expecting nothing in return, just to bring value to their day.. Think about it, if you just make them smile you won, if you leave with a number or something more that’s above your expectations (and you should be more happy for that) and if they reject you, they just lost an opportunity to receive value in their lives!!
Tha’s a very good way to frame the approach. It’s like going to work because you love your job and you’re passionate about it rather than because of the money. You’ll get more results, you’ll love the process, you’ll become better in what you do, and as a result.. you’ll receive MORE money!! Let’s frame the approach this way guys.. It’s a win win situation and we’ll get to have more fun! Great post Richard!!
Great post Richard, I look forward to your other points.
I find that approaching has the best results when we adapt an outcome independent attitude. Richard points this out neatly by emphasising that we should be approaching everybody. Start talking to people and you will find that people want to talk to you.
When we start a conversation just for the sake of conversation something happens: it becomes natural. When we try and start conversations with routines we are acting; this is fine as a learning process, however, the aim is to able to talk naturally to people.
Lets get out and get communicating.
Have fun guys,
JonDoe.
Man, your post is really motivating, and yeah, really truth, you know, i had this friend, long time ago, he was a natural, not tall, neither atractive o with money, but he seemed to love himself, pimped his clothes and opened like crazy, and im talking that i didn´t even was into this game stuff, i don´t know, maybe he was a puta but i didn´t know, but i think he was a natural, he talked and talked and talked, and in every he said you could see his positivism, and the love for life he had, always smiling and talking to people, i think that maybe his avergare opening for day would be aruond 25 people too, the thing is that when i started in this pickup stuff i tried to do so, and i did, first around 10 persons per day, then 20 and going on, but then i had the confidence enough to take a group confidently, so, i stopped, i think that was a mistake, im starting now with a porppose to open at least 15 persons every day, then 25 and more, i have now very little aproach anxiety, but i do have some times with really atractive women, so i think if i start opening all kind of girls im gonna make an habit of this and reduce my AA to the minimum, i wanna thank you about this decision im taking, your post motivate it, i like your posts dude, keep it going!!!
POKER
A very thorough post, good stuff! Theres very little I can add, so just to say Im loving the breakdown of how to feel comfortable in your own skin. Ultimately I think this is why Im inetrested in PUA skills because most of my discomfort comes from social situations. So this post has been really interesting and useful for me.
It’s awesome to be able to watch some of your approaches in the PUAvault, it really demonstrates that you are completely comfortable with yourself and don’t have any need to use canned material. The live approach videos basically put into practise what is written about here, so I totally reccommend the guys who find this article interesting to go and watch the approach videos.
Hmm… I just had an experience with approaching I feel I should write up here. I was waiting at the bus stop when an exceptionally goodlooking girls walks buy me, and I start thinking, right, this’d be a good time to practice approaching.
I knew exactly what I was gonna say… she was carrying an instrument of some kind in a strangely shaped case, so i thought I had the exact line i’d open with: “Excuse me, sorry to bother you with something so random, but I’ve been waiting here and I can’t get this off my mind. What kind of instrument fits into a case like that?” Fairly normal stuff, but from there I could go into “what kinda music you into” “How long you been playing” “Do you play with any bands” etc.
Anyway, so I had the plan laid out, but every time I tried to say “Excuse me…” something was holding me back. It was an almost physical sensation preventing me from opening my mouth. I tried numerous times, telling myself that a failure was just as much a success in this case… the important thing is that I’m approaching people, but it just wouldn’t help. I couldn’t understand, because I am not normally a shy guy. Just later on I was outside a room where a big jazz band was rehearsing, and I was standing beside an elevator that came up. It opened, and inside were a bunch of moderately fit girls. I caught eyes with a couple of them and just decided to dance a bit, shifting my butt suggestively, gaining a few smiles before the elevator doors closed.
So why if I don’t give a care in the world about something like that can I not seem to approach a girl in ordinary conversation?
As it turned out, I did get into a conversation with her, but not entirely through my own initiation. As we both got on the same bus we stood next to each other and she apologised for the way her case was swinging around. I joked that I was feeling very insecure (it was swinging quite close to my private area) and the whole conversation was easy from thereon out. I also found out it was actually a sax in her case (I was genuinely interested, it wasn’t just meant to be an opener).
Now I’ve worked with an NLP life coach before, to help motivate me through my exams, but my dad paid for that one (he was desperate for me to get good grades and go to a good uni). Now I’m on my own, so how do I go about dealing with the beliefs that our holding me back here? Cause I’m quite aware of going in there with outcome independency, just wanting to have a good time etc, but when I actually try to do it, in the very instant I’m opening my mouth to engage, there is something holding me back. I’m alright in clubs and bars with a few drinks down me, but obviously I don’t want to rely on alcohol. I don’t want to rely on anything really but my own thoughts.
Gabriel mate, excellent comment- it’s something I go through on some days and don’t seem to even think about on other days. Sometimes I’ll see a girl and feel ready to say something, but my body won’t do anything. And yet other times I seem to approach and not even be conscious of what Im doing (which I hope is a good thing, that Im starting to naturally approach sets).
Heres some ideas that perhaps guys will find somewhat useful who also experience this sort of approach anxiety…
-Warm up. Approach older people who you wouldnt find attractive and ask for the time or other mundane things. Ease yourself into opening people with conversation. Eventually start conversations with girls around your age but keep it simple still- i.e. Do you know where starbucks is? Is there an ATM around here? etc etc. Once comfortable then use openers and situational openers.
- When gaming (especially at night, but this can work for day-game too), have a base. A base is a group of friends, not neccesarily PUAs just mates. If you do get blown out of set, then instead of walking away feeling embarassed or crap then at least you can walk back to your friends and feel ‘included’.
-From Noel’s example it kind of seems that he thought about the scenario too much, which is totally understandable- it’s only natural to want to plan out what to say and do. But remember the concept of the 3-second rule. Its there to prevent yourself from thinking too much before the approach and talking yourself out of doing it.
-Gambler says in his book, his excellent book I should say :), that after you approach about 30 sets then you’ll feel much more comfortable approaching. Remember that situational openers (like the one above with the the girl and the instrument case) are probably the most difficult ones to use. Canned material is there to help you learn approaching and conversational skills and once those are learnt- then you will be able to use situational openers naturally.
In the second to last paragraph of my comment above, it should begin ‘In Gabriel’s example…’ My aplogies.
haha I was wondering that lol
cheers
Hey man, great post, the proof that you genuinely don’t worry about everything is that I had absolutely no idea so much went on in your head. When you approach it always seems so simple. Of course it explains why you keep shagging everyone.
-D