Comments on: Approaching tips… feelings guide!

By: Irish Dave

Irish Dave — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:50:51 +0000

Hey man, great post, the proof that you genuinely don’t worry about everything is that I had absolutely no idea so much went on in your head. When you approach it always seems so simple. Of course it explains why you keep shagging everyone.

-D

By: Noel

Noel — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:39:50 +0000

haha I was wondering that lol

cheers

By: Richard

Richard — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:05:36 +0000

In the second to last paragraph of my comment above, it should begin ‘In Gabriel’s example…’ My aplogies.

By: Richard

Richard — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:03:22 +0000

Gabriel mate, excellent comment- it’s something I go through on some days and don’t seem to even think about on other days. Sometimes I’ll see a girl and feel ready to say something, but my body won’t do anything. And yet other times I seem to approach and not even be conscious of what Im doing (which I hope is a good thing, that Im starting to naturally approach sets).

Heres some ideas that perhaps guys will find somewhat useful who also experience this sort of approach anxiety…

-Warm up. Approach older people who you wouldnt find attractive and ask for the time or other mundane things. Ease yourself into opening people with conversation. Eventually start conversations with girls around your age but keep it simple still- i.e. Do you know where starbucks is? Is there an ATM around here? etc etc. Once comfortable then use openers and situational openers.

- When gaming (especially at night, but this can work for day-game too), have a base. A base is a group of friends, not neccesarily PUAs just mates. If you do get blown out of set, then instead of walking away feeling embarassed or crap then at least you can walk back to your friends and feel ‘included’.

-From Noel’s example it kind of seems that he thought about the scenario too much, which is totally understandable- it’s only natural to want to plan out what to say and do. But remember the concept of the 3-second rule. Its there to prevent yourself from thinking too much before the approach and talking yourself out of doing it.

-Gambler says in his book, his excellent book I should say :), that after you approach about 30 sets then you’ll feel much more comfortable approaching. Remember that situational openers (like the one above with the the girl and the instrument case) are probably the most difficult ones to use. Canned material is there to help you learn approaching and conversational skills and once those are learnt- then you will be able to use situational openers naturally.

By: Gabriel

Gabriel — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:04:37 +0000

Hmm… I just had an experience with approaching I feel I should write up here. I was waiting at the bus stop when an exceptionally goodlooking girls walks buy me, and I start thinking, right, this’d be a good time to practice approaching.
I knew exactly what I was gonna say… she was carrying an instrument of some kind in a strangely shaped case, so i thought I had the exact line i’d open with: “Excuse me, sorry to bother you with something so random, but I’ve been waiting here and I can’t get this off my mind. What kind of instrument fits into a case like that?” Fairly normal stuff, but from there I could go into “what kinda music you into” “How long you been playing” “Do you play with any bands” etc.
Anyway, so I had the plan laid out, but every time I tried to say “Excuse me…” something was holding me back. It was an almost physical sensation preventing me from opening my mouth. I tried numerous times, telling myself that a failure was just as much a success in this case… the important thing is that I’m approaching people, but it just wouldn’t help. I couldn’t understand, because I am not normally a shy guy. Just later on I was outside a room where a big jazz band was rehearsing, and I was standing beside an elevator that came up. It opened, and inside were a bunch of moderately fit girls. I caught eyes with a couple of them and just decided to dance a bit, shifting my butt suggestively, gaining a few smiles before the elevator doors closed.
So why if I don’t give a care in the world about something like that can I not seem to approach a girl in ordinary conversation?

As it turned out, I did get into a conversation with her, but not entirely through my own initiation. As we both got on the same bus we stood next to each other and she apologised for the way her case was swinging around. I joked that I was feeling very insecure (it was swinging quite close to my private area) and the whole conversation was easy from thereon out. I also found out it was actually a sax in her case (I was genuinely interested, it wasn’t just meant to be an opener).
Now I’ve worked with an NLP life coach before, to help motivate me through my exams, but my dad paid for that one (he was desperate for me to get good grades and go to a good uni). Now I’m on my own, so how do I go about dealing with the beliefs that our holding me back here? Cause I’m quite aware of going in there with outcome independency, just wanting to have a good time etc, but when I actually try to do it, in the very instant I’m opening my mouth to engage, there is something holding me back. I’m alright in clubs and bars with a few drinks down me, but obviously I don’t want to rely on alcohol. I don’t want to rely on anything really but my own thoughts.

By: Richard

Richard — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:31:43 +0000

A very thorough post, good stuff! Theres very little I can add, so just to say Im loving the breakdown of how to feel comfortable in your own skin. Ultimately I think this is why Im inetrested in PUA skills because most of my discomfort comes from social situations. So this post has been really interesting and useful for me.

It’s awesome to be able to watch some of your approaches in the PUAvault, it really demonstrates that you are completely comfortable with yourself and don’t have any need to use canned material. The live approach videos basically put into practise what is written about here, so I totally reccommend the guys who find this article interesting to go and watch the approach videos.

By: Antonio "Poker"

Antonio "Poker" — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 20:09:52 +0000

Man, your post is really motivating, and yeah, really truth, you know, i had this friend, long time ago, he was a natural, not tall, neither atractive o with money, but he seemed to love himself, pimped his clothes and opened like crazy, and im talking that i didn´t even was into this game stuff, i don´t know, maybe he was a puta but i didn´t know, but i think he was a natural, he talked and talked and talked, and in every he said you could see his positivism, and the love for life he had, always smiling and talking to people, i think that maybe his avergare opening for day would be aruond 25 people too, the thing is that when i started in this pickup stuff i tried to do so, and i did, first around 10 persons per day, then 20 and going on, but then i had the confidence enough to take a group confidently, so, i stopped, i think that was a mistake, im starting now with a porppose to open at least 15 persons every day, then 25 and more, i have now very little aproach anxiety, but i do have some times with really atractive women, so i think if i start opening all kind of girls im gonna make an habit of this and reduce my AA to the minimum, i wanna thank you about this decision im taking, your post motivate it, i like your posts dude, keep it going!!!

POKER

By: JonDoe

JonDoe — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:28:29 +0000

Great post Richard, I look forward to your other points.

I find that approaching has the best results when we adapt an outcome independent attitude. Richard points this out neatly by emphasising that we should be approaching everybody. Start talking to people and you will find that people want to talk to you.

When we start a conversation just for the sake of conversation something happens: it becomes natural. When we try and start conversations with routines we are acting; this is fine as a learning process, however, the aim is to able to talk naturally to people.

Lets get out and get communicating.
Have fun guys,
JonDoe.

By: Reset

Reset — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 08:43:48 +0000

So true!! Approaching people expecting nothing in return, just to bring value to their day.. Think about it, if you just make them smile you won, if you leave with a number or something more that’s above your expectations (and you should be more happy for that) and if they reject you, they just lost an opportunity to receive value in their lives!!
Tha’s a very good way to frame the approach. It’s like going to work because you love your job and you’re passionate about it rather than because of the money. You’ll get more results, you’ll love the process, you’ll become better in what you do, and as a result.. you’ll receive MORE money!! Let’s frame the approach this way guys.. It’s a win win situation and we’ll get to have more fun! Great post Richard!!

By: Dating Guide

Dating Guide — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:56:21 +0000

This FREE guide contains tips and strategies on how successfully to approach family, friends, and other private parties for financing. Dating Guide