Comments on: Is it better to focus on the girl or on your own development as a pua? http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/ The Most Active Pick Up Artist Seduction Blog on the Planet Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:33:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: NLP Ben http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-1140 NLP Ben Sun, 07 Dec 2008 22:22:49 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-1140 Hey Joker, Great comment. An inspiration for everyone. Ben Hey Joker,

Great comment. An inspiration for everyone.

Ben

]]> By: Joker http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-1125 Joker Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:05:24 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-1125 I completely agree Ben. I used to be B with women. Now I am A, and as a reflection, my interactions are starting to be on fire. On an interesting side note...a few years ago, I badly damaged both of my wrists to the point where I had very little function of my hands left. Obviously, I responded by falling into a deep depression - everything I tried to do made things worse, and I would spend days on end just lying around, doing nothing, wondering what it was all for. I just wanted to get away from the pain and misery it was causing in my life. The problem was, I was coming from an "away from" mindset, so getting away from the pain and misery was my goal. After nearly a year of little improvement, I finally made a choice: live the rest of my life this way, or do something positive and active about bettering my situation. I wrote out a mantra that "so long as I'm still breathing, I can be improving". I took out a pen (when I could), and wrote out positive affirmations, focusing on the idea that I can improve, and that I can choose the way I want to live. What really happened behind this was that I had simply shifted from an "away from" to a "towards" mindset. Within about 2 months, my wrists were almost completely pain free, fully recovered, and stronger than they were before I had injured them. Until then, I had always been sceptical about the true power the mind has over our lives, but this was all the proof I needed to convince me that changes can always happen. Maybe others can begin to realise how this principle can work to their advantage in their own lives too! I completely agree Ben. I used to be B with women. Now I am A, and as a reflection, my interactions are starting to be on fire.

On an interesting side note…a few years ago, I badly damaged both of my wrists to the point where I had very little function of my hands left. Obviously, I responded by falling into a deep depression – everything I tried to do made things worse, and I would spend days on end just lying around, doing nothing, wondering what it was all for. I just wanted to get away from the pain and misery it was causing in my life. The problem was, I was coming from an “away from” mindset, so getting away from the pain and misery was my goal.

After nearly a year of little improvement, I finally made a choice: live the rest of my life this way, or do something positive and active about bettering my situation. I wrote out a mantra that “so long as I’m still breathing, I can be improving”. I took out a pen (when I could), and wrote out positive affirmations, focusing on the idea that I can improve, and that I can choose the way I want to live. What really happened behind this was that I had simply shifted from an “away from” to a “towards” mindset.

Within about 2 months, my wrists were almost completely pain free, fully recovered, and stronger than they were before I had injured them. Until then, I had always been sceptical about the true power the mind has over our lives, but this was all the proof I needed to convince me that changes can always happen.

Maybe others can begin to realise how this principle can work to their advantage in their own lives too!

]]> By: Noel http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-720 Noel Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:21:05 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-720 Man, you are a typical psychologist lol. I think people somtimes lose the ability to simplify things. So in answer the original question, “Is it better to focus on the girl or on your own development as a pua?” The answer HAS to be to focus on your own development, and the girl will come as a byproduct of your hard work. Simple cause and effect. Why does this answer hold true If you focused more on the girl, and she left you via work, commitments abroad etc, you couldn't get another girl because you haven't developed yourself. YOU are the most important person in the relationship, you have the control! Develop yourself, value yourself, and women will respect that! Although B is focusing more on what others think and not to make himself happy is wrong, he needs to work on that. Noel Man, you are a typical psychologist lol. I think people somtimes lose the ability to simplify things.

So in answer the original question, “Is it better to focus on the girl or on your own development as a pua?”

The answer HAS to be to focus on your own development, and the girl will come as a byproduct of your hard work. Simple cause and effect. Why does this answer hold true

If you focused more on the girl, and she left you via work, commitments abroad etc, you couldn’t get another girl because you haven’t developed yourself. YOU are the most important person in the relationship, you have the control! Develop yourself, value yourself, and women will respect that!

Although B is focusing more on what others think and not to make himself happy is wrong, he needs to work on that.

Noel

]]> By: Erik http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-717 Erik Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:15:06 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-717 This stuff is the basis from which you can build up your game, no wait a better life. If you don't have your goals sorted out than your life will bounce around and only sometimes something good comes out of it. When you focus and start working for a well formulated goal you will go in a more like straight line towards your goal. There will be better and more results. Like ozyrich said ('So If he frames his answer in a positive light') you will be able to have a positive inner self, you will be confident and you will be able to reach more in life. I read some stuff about inner self and this is what helped me the most up until now. I build a lot of confidence and have almost always a positive view on life, on my life. Thanks Ben. -Erik Ps. do have question, but not topic related. I don't know where to post this so I'll just try here and if this is not the appropriated place then please say so. I want to build up game and need some tips on books. There are a lot of books but I need basic books with concrete information. Thanks in advance. This stuff is the basis from which you can build up your game, no wait a better life. If you don’t have your goals sorted out than your life will bounce around and only sometimes something good comes out of it. When you focus and start working for a well formulated goal you will go in a more like straight line towards your goal. There will be better and more results.
Like ozyrich said (‘So If he frames his answer in a positive light’) you will be able to have a positive inner self, you will be confident and you will be able to reach more in life. I read some stuff about inner self and this is what helped me the most up until now. I build a lot of confidence and have almost always a positive view on life, on my life.
Thanks Ben.
-Erik

Ps. do have question, but not topic related. I don’t know where to post this so I’ll just try here and if this is not the appropriated place then please say so. I want to build up game and need some tips on books. There are a lot of books but I need basic books with concrete information. Thanks in advance.

]]> By: ozyrich http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-714 ozyrich Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:54:39 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-714 Thanks Ben, a lot of lessons to be learnt here. I think for guys with a mindset like guy B it can be looked at from another perspective: The mind doesnt understand the negative term“I WONT feel lonely or anxious that people don’t like me”. The mind hears and believes LONELY, ANXIOUS, PEOPLE DONT LIKE ME is his reality. So If he frames his answer in a positive light eg. "I will feel confident, happy, and people will like me" he is creating a better reality for himself, already feeling good about the direction he is taking, and a step closer to his goal. Try and frame everything in a positive way for your own accelerated growth, but HBs are also magnetically attracted to positivity :) Hope this helps someone. Cheers, Rich Thanks Ben, a lot of lessons to be learnt here. I think for guys with a mindset like guy B it can be looked at from another perspective:
The mind doesnt understand the negative term“I WONT feel lonely or anxious that people don’t like me”. The mind hears and believes LONELY, ANXIOUS, PEOPLE DONT LIKE ME is his reality.
So If he frames his answer in a positive light eg. “I will feel confident, happy, and people will like me” he is creating a better reality for himself, already feeling good about the direction he is taking, and a step closer to his goal.
Try and frame everything in a positive way for your own accelerated growth, but HBs are also magnetically attracted to positivity :)
Hope this helps someone.
Cheers,
Rich

]]> By: JonDoe http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-700 JonDoe Sun, 12 Oct 2008 01:10:31 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-700 Nice post Ben, I think this discussion returns to the point of Why rather than How. As Richard mentions, most of the information available to the PUA is action orientated: if you do ’A’ then ’B’ will occur -- all very cause and effect. However, what we really need to work on is what is below the surface; in this case why we are trying to achieve more skilful relationships with women. Ben really got me thinking about my place in the community: for me it’s about the ’feeling’. I love the moment when you first break through another humans emotional barriers; the moment you feel truly close to another person. I’m motivated by a desire to push the boundaries of human interaction. On reflection, this is why I prefer day game: I enjoy putting myself in a new space -- a new interactive situation. From my own observations I have found that the vast majority of PUA’s just do it for the satisfaction and the feeling of acceptance. They quickly move from one woman to another in order to compensate for something that they feel is lacking in their lives. This is a shame as they will never discover this missing link: it cannot be caused, it is already inside of them. This is why using something like NLP can be so useful. I will leave you with one last piece of advice that I think Ben’s article really moves towards: “Know Your Motivations; Know Your Desires; Know Your Self” Hope your having a good weekend guys, Jonathan. Ben: how about an article about how we can break negative thought patterns, for example: “girls will never like me”. It’s something I used to have trouble with; however, if there had been someone like you to guide my thinking I would have probably moved on from this negativity much faster. Nice post Ben,

I think this discussion returns to the point of Why rather than How. As Richard mentions, most of the information available to the PUA is action orientated: if you do ’A’ then ’B’ will occur — all very cause and effect. However, what we really need to work on is what is below the surface; in this case why we are trying to achieve more skilful relationships with women.

Ben really got me thinking about my place in the community: for me it’s about the ’feeling’. I love the moment when you first break through another humans emotional barriers; the moment you feel truly close to another person. I’m motivated by a desire to push the boundaries of human interaction. On reflection, this is why I prefer day game: I enjoy putting myself in a new space — a new interactive situation.

From my own observations I have found that the vast majority of PUA’s just do it for the satisfaction and the feeling of acceptance. They quickly move from one woman to another in order to compensate for something that they feel is lacking in their lives. This is a shame as they will never discover this missing link: it cannot be caused, it is already inside of them. This is why using something like NLP can be so useful.

I will leave you with one last piece of advice that I think Ben’s article really moves towards:

“Know Your Motivations; Know Your Desires; Know Your Self”

Hope your having a good weekend guys,
Jonathan.

Ben: how about an article about how we can break negative thought patterns, for example: “girls will never like me”. It’s something I used to have trouble with; however, if there had been someone like you to guide my thinking I would have probably moved on from this negativity much faster.

]]> By: brenno http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-699 brenno Sun, 12 Oct 2008 01:06:35 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-699 whoa, this was good, i see lots of guy b stuff in me. but now i can see the power of NLP and can see how easy it would be to change. also “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. The best thing about the past is that it’s over. The best thing about the future is that it’s yet to come. The best thing about the present is that it’s here now.” this is great! now i want all the nlp knowledge i can get my hands on whoa, this was good, i see lots of guy b stuff in me. but now i can see the power of NLP and can see how easy it would be to change. also
“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. The best thing about the past is that it’s over. The best thing about the future is that it’s yet to come. The best thing about the present is that it’s here now.”
this is great! now i want all the nlp knowledge i can get my hands on

]]> By: Richard http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2008/10/is-it-better-to-focus-on-the-girl-or-on-your-own-development-as-a-pua/#comment-698 Richard Sat, 11 Oct 2008 20:48:48 +0000 http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/?p=676#comment-698 Ben, I think that's your best post yet! It is interesting that you say decide what you want and also decide why you want it, because a lot of PUA material will say 'decide what you want' but I've never seen that followed up with 'why do you want it?'. And that is an important question because if the answer is, like guy , because it will stop you from feeling lonely- then maybe what you want isn't actually the solution to preventing those feelings of loneliness. I think having this mindset should clear the pathway a bit more in terms of planning your journey as a PUA. A really important post Ben, good stuff. Ben, I think that’s your best post yet!
It is interesting that you say decide what you want and also decide why you want it, because a lot of PUA material will say ‘decide what you want’ but I’ve never seen that followed up with ‘why do you want it?’. And that is an important question because if the answer is, like guy , because it will stop you from feeling lonely- then maybe what you want isn’t actually the solution to preventing those feelings of loneliness. I think having this mindset should clear the pathway a bit more in terms of planning your journey as a PUA.
A really important post Ben, good stuff.

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