State Control – Part 2
Learning how to approach women is an amazing asset. I love seeing guys
on a boot camp become confident in approaching women they were
frightened of only a few hours ago. But there’s a recurring problem I
notice when guys get into this game. Single-mindedness, or more
accurately, pickiness. High standards are great, but limiting your
social interactions to approaching women you consider are 9 or 10s
won’t build your success quickly.
What’s important to learn is the concept of “flow”. You know the best
way to get in this state? Get chatty! With who? EVERYONE. If you want
to become a fun, sociable and ultimately attractive guy, you need to
learn to exercise your social muscles at every opportunity. Ask the
barman how his night is. Don’t feel the need to be constantly
validated by all the beautiful women you’re talking to. If a couple of
guys at the bar look friendly, have a chat. The point is: MEET PEOPLE.
Don’t do what most guys do, which is to simultaneously get on their
high horse about people they’re not into and shake in their
winklepickers over people they are into. Don’t be so discriminatory
about who you’re talking to. If there’s a friendly group of girls and
you’re not attracted to a single one of them, who cares? Not only
that, but you’ll find if you’re just in a club bouncing from group to
group, making people laugh and having a good time. You’ll get into
this STATE OF FLOW. It’s a great way to drop your inhibitions, loosen
up, and get you more comfortable in the environment you’re in. It’s
like when you first arrive at a party. When you take that first step
into a sea of guests you can feel yourself tense up a bit, but as you
work your way through the groups and know who everyone is, suddenly
you relax and enjoy yourself.
Honestly, the guys I know who go out, have the best nights, and end up
ultimately with successful love lives; they don’t spend the entire
night schmoozing beautiful women. The guys who are at the top of
everyone’s phonebook in planning a party are the ones who are fun and
playful and are interested in people. They’re the guys who people want
to introduce their friends to, because they can charm men and women
alike and make people want to get to know them better.
If you want to own a room, and draw people you’re into to you, work
the WHOLE room. Be flexible, and don’t take the issue of who you talk
to so seriously. You’re everyone’s favourite choice to be around!
Speak soon my friends!
Matthew H – Confidence Master Trainer
Also just because a girl isn’t physically attractive- I don’t think that’s any reason to immediately dismiss her. If I see a group of girls having a great time, even if they aren’t all that beautiful, then I’d make an effort to chat to them because they look like they know how to enjoy themselves and because its always a pleasure to make a new friend.
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