State Control -Part One
Have you ever had a night where you felt invincible?
Nights when everything that came out of your mouth was gold, where you were UNSTOPPABLE with women. We often get in this state after a really successful approach, or on birthdays, after a promotion, or a great new job opportunity, these things serve to make us feel especially high value and sky-rocket our self-esteem. You can see the change in men’s body language as they get in a state of huge confidence and certainty, when they’re feeling in such a positive place that they relish the thought set after set after set. Hell, he needs more room in his phonebook just to handle all the phone numbers he’s getting. He feels it, the girls feel it, and they react to him with attraction. He’s so busy celebrating he doesn’t; have time to get all reaction seeking and worried about women will think of him. He’s just in the moment, and if some girl gets all icy with him, psssshhh, she ain’t killing his buzz; he’s having a good time. He shrugs his shoulders and says NEXT!
And suddenly the world falls into place as it all clicks beautifully inside your head “I’ve done it! All I have to do is be like this all the time and I’m sorted. Attracting women is a piece of cake!” It’s amazing when you feel like this, because you’re in a state of momentum. One success propels you on to another, and before you know it you’re bullet proof. Problem solved. Game, set and match.
But then you go out the next night, and something happens. And it can happen so quickly.
You head in the club and buy your drink. You start to scan the territory……yep, there’s plenty of opportunity. But then it happens, you get locked in your head, and before you know it, you analyze your potential moves like a chess game, thinking about what you’ll say, thinking about how you’ll break that seemingly impenetrable barrier between you and the women in the club. Nothing about you is “in the moment”, you’ve lost the buzz and approaching women is the last thing you feel like doing in your state of mind. And it’s SO FRUSTRATING! Because you KNOW you can look back to nights when you were absolutely on FIRE! You want to scream “Why can’t I get back to how I felt THAT night when I was immortal!”
But do you see the difference here? On the second occasion, the guy is looking to women for validation. He’s letting his mood and self-esteem become entirely dependent on how women react to him. On the flip side, when we’re on fire, we go out to enjoy ourselves. This highlights a crucial point; to attract women you have to look beyond women. In other words, you should ALWAYS have something more important in your life than attracting girls in a nightclub.
Self-improvement is the ultimate long-term method for getting the women you want in your life. Have something much BIGGER to be working on, whether it’s getting your body in peak physical condition, writing a book, starting your own business, learning a new instrument or language, taking up Tae-kwon Do. Trust me, living a fulfilled and rounded life is something women can sense a mile off. Ironically when your life and schedule is busy with the things you love, you’ll find attracting women becomes a much smaller deal in the bigger picture of things. It merely becomes something to do when you have a night off from fulfilling your dreams.
Hey Matthew, great post. And I was actually going to ask you guys to write about state control and hey presto you did!!Cheers!!
You are right,
It is so important to have other things going on in your life, thats why today I made a time table for myself,obviously work then it involves going to the gym 5 times a week,also time scheduled in for fun (thursday and saturday nights) and I am currently looking for some sort of class to do that will challenge me and get me out of my comfort zone, acting or dancing classes but dunno, have to find out what classes are available where I live.
So reading your post, its good to know I am on the right track as I am improving my life and I know thats more important than women!
I look forward to part two of state control. However if you could get a chance I would appreciate your views on my problems with my state control
lets not consider game but everyday life,
There are times when I am very talkative, funny
etc. and then there are times that I just don’t want to talk,just want quiet time to think etc. Now this is probably normal, I don’t talk because I am nervous or anything, I feel really relaxed. I literally just want quiet time.
I would like to know how to snap out of this state, if I needed to. I have tried NLP listening to energetic music and snapping my fingers etc, but this doesn’t seem to work for me, are there any other methods??
Cheers, Noel
A great point about not getting obsessed with pickup and letting it run our lives. I think this is going to be kind of a long comment, but hopefully I’ll raise some good points!
If we rely on women as our primary source of self-esteem, then it is only natural that we will develop too much outcome dependency on our interactions with the opposite sex.
Look at Roger Federer’s performance in the Wimbledon final this year- he had so much pressure on him to outperform his rival and to actually win a grand slam, that he ended up losing because he played too many safe shots. Nadal on the other hand, had already won a number of tournaments and although people were expecting him to do well, he didn’t have as much pressure on him. He therefore wasn’t so constrained and was able to play risky shots that paid off.
I don’t know if that will work as a good analogy for everyone (I imagine some of you will argue that Nadal’s just a better player), but my point is this; if we put too much pressure on a situation and make it a bigger deal than it is, then there is a much higher chance we will ruin the opportunity.
If however, we DON’T look at the subject of attracting women as the most important thing in our lives, then we won’t put so much pressure on it and it will give us room to practise our seduction skills, and part of practise involves trial-and-error.
Also, when you have that buzz that Matt talks about above, you feel invincible and are much more open to taking ‘risky shots’ i.e. natural conversation rather than PUA material. And surely that is what most of us want to be able to do- learn to be comfortable enough to use natural conversation rather than routines, canned material etc.
At the same time though, if we don’t spend any time thinking about attracting women then nothing will happen. So the things that occupy our time need to be balanced. As with all things, the more we practise the better we become but there is a level where it become an obsession- If we were to make attracting women our obsession then we wouldn’t have much else going for us. And as Matt says, women are attracted to a man with an interesting and a diverse lifestyle, so even if we did perfect our seduction skills there would come a point in conversation when the girl realises you don’t have much going on in your life and will walk away.
I met a friend of mine who i haven’t seen in a few months at a local market in the centre of town last week and one of the things he noticed was my attention span when it came to seeing women on the street. The first thing he said to me was “you know what, you was never like this, what’s happened to you?”. He later invites me back to his place and upon going there, i see him working strenuously on his university project which he had to complete for his deadline last week.
We then start talking about women and dating and what he begun telling me was advice that was not only inspirational, but made a lot of sense.
He said to me how he’s been single for 3 years and the fact that its been 3 years doesn’t affect him because he knows that there is much more important things in life then to date loads of women. He then went on to say that hes been going clubbing when he was my age on a weekly basis and had a friend who became so good at ‘pulling’ chicks that he soon became embarrassed to introduce this guy to his fellow professional colleagues as everything social scenario to his friend was a ‘game’.
His advice was this. To stop seeing women as a goal in life and to focus more on the future and to treat the things you need to improve yourself as ‘your girlfriend’. It won’t cheat on you, it will improve your future and most important of all. It’s low maintenance :P
His last words was, having a life is no better way to attracting the girl of your dreams because you’re far too busy with your life and subconsciously let her know that having her in your life isn’t a be all and end all and that she’s merely an additional source of happiness in your life.
The fact is, not wanting a girl and having self control is so powerful that it makes her that much more powerful towards you and makes her seek to invest more of her time to catch her interest. Obviously when you’re young, it becomes very tempting to go on a dating spree to add to your ‘notches’ but we need to remember:
Where do you see yourself in 40 years time? As a playboy out to get hot chicks, or a successful, respectable guy who’s got his life sorted?
I’m sure it’s a question which everyone can answer correctly :)
The choice is up to you :)
Onder,
When truely believe in one’s self, then, and only then, you can be resistent against negative feedback.
Therefore inner game forms 98% of one’s total game. Only 2% is outer game.
Yeah, i had been in that state, and yeah, it feels great, you are unstoppable, inmortal like you said in your post, however is really awful when you go to bed with all the high energy and feeling so powerful, and you know next day you are not gonna feel like that, you will have to build that state from cero again, yeah, it´s frustrating.
You know, once i got into this state and i didn´t wanna loose it, so, i played and opened all night long, really great and solid sets, till 7 am or something, i was in Monterrey Mexico so the bars closes really late, or early like you wanna see it LOL, i didn´t wanna loose that again so i didn´t sleep, and start doing day game in some mall, then i went out again at night and i was still in state, then i just slept for like 3 or 4 hours, i thought that maybe if i didn´t give enough time to my brain to went out from that state i would stay on it, of course, my body paid the bill and i got sick after some more days and had to sleep, rest and i got out of state of course, but well, i just gotta thing in another way to do it, and your Idea seems pretty logical.
So, im having some goals now, im just gonna REALLY focus on those, like working out in the gym and keep going with some projects, is great that you put a post that not just gives us advice on pick up, but in other areas in our life that we should improve, and of course, this will help in your pick up finally.
POKER
This perfectly sums up what you were saying about people wanting to get in state before they do an approach. It’s pretty backwards, like someone expecting to be paid before you do your job.
Something I’ve really found is that by having something bigger going on in your life, you start to become unmovable in your core values. But you don’t just think “Okay, I’m going to be unmovable”. You seem to know that the beliefs that you’ve always held are now almost bulletproof, and that your won’t let anything come between you and your goal. I think this in turn makes someone a lot stronger in their reality, which people can obviously pick up on.
One of the things I’ve always believed is that inner game is far more powerful than outer game. More and more I’m finding this to be true.