There’s a lot of subtle stuff going on there, let me try to address it:

Firstly, whenever a sequence of escalation is broken in the way you describe, you pretty much have to start from the beginning. This happens even in an established relationship – a woman (and a man) gets bored of sex pretty quickly if attraction is taken for granted. What changes on day 2, or during a relationship, is the circumstances of escalation, so when the ignition of attraction occurs escalation can progress much more quickly (with less comfort). Often times it’s the woman who breaks a sequence of escalation – she has to go home, or her friends pull her away – in which case, things are pretty much as I’ve so far described – ie you have to start from scratch but things should escalate more quickly. However, in the situation you describe where it’s you (the man) who breaks the escalation, it can actually be harder to spark the ignition (relight her fire) the next time – but, if she’s agreeing to meet you you’re still in with a chance, though you need to somehow convince her why things didn’t happen the previous time. This is a tough one, because either you have to admit you’re a pussy, or you have to admit that you didn’t find her attractive enough. In English we have an expression: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, and there’s nothing more scornful to a woman than a man to whom she’s attracted who doesn’t reciprocate. Men who maintain platonic female friendships where the dynamic of attraction is this way around have mastered the art of letting the woman believe that he’s attracted, but “doesn’t want to spoil the friendship” – ie he lets her believe that he’s a pussy.

Now to go on to your second question – “how do I get a woman to escalate me?” We really need to make it clear here that escalation is always physical but doesn’t necessarily involve physical contact. We should also be clear that escalation is a two-way thing, a sort of dance where the man and the woman alternately take responsibility for climbing one more rung of the ladder. When a man is escalating physically – through his tone of voice, his eye contact, or his body language – but without contact, an act of contact by the woman can appear to the uninitiated to come out of the blue when in fact it just follows the natural sequence of escalation. Women are just as capable of contributing physical contact to an escalation, and this can happen right from the opener if you approach in the right way – ie she can kiss you before you (or she) has even said “hello”.

I remember a situation I was watching a DVD with a girl, at the end we were cuddling like hell, sexual tension was really high, we were biting and stroking eachother all over our bodies (she reacted to my escalation, i stroked her hair and stopped, then she stroked my hair, I bited her neck, she did too), but I didn’t kiss her (and of course no sex), BECAUSE I wanted her to kiss ME. It didn’t work. Our lips were merely few millimeters apart but she didn’t do it (Why? Didn’t I show her, that I COULD do it if I wanted to). Then I got tired (now I think it was just an excuse to myself) and just said “I have to wake up tomorrow very early, better you go home. I call you tomorrow”. She was not pissed off or something else, maybe a bit sad that I was such a pussy?

Next day I called her and we met at evening for a short walk. She refused me like hell, I touched her at her upper arm and she said: “Don’t touch me I don’t like that). WHAT? Yesterday you was biting my neck and now you don’t want me to touch your upper arm? Women… She talked some bullshit to me I was bored and said “Let’s go home I’m cold”. She lived only some few hundred metres away from me I escorted her home and at the door I gave her a clap on her ass and gave her a smile, she liked that and smiled too. Women…

Umm now where am I… yes my question. I think she really lost attraction immediately, because I didn’t escalate to sex (I know it’s my job). Is there a way to turn a situation like this around, to re-attract after this big big mistake of mine? And how do I get a women to escalate ME?

I hope my questions don’t drift too much from the topic.

Löwenherz

There’s another type of delayed escalation where a man gives a woman a chance to turn him on sufficiently. However, a woman will lose attraction when it becomes clear to her that the man has not recognized he is in escalation. This happens rather often when guys are starting out, and are using some attraction routine or sequence which works, but from where they are not sufficiently experienced to realise they are in escalation.

In part I disagree. Sometimes it is better to build up tension so high that the woman is so attracted to you that she almost explodes. Women love it. Of course, this is chancy. I don’t think that women lose attraction “immediately”. I hope my english was understandable. Löwenherz, Germany