“You can choose to do X or you can choose to don’t do X”

That way, your subject’s unconscious mind has to represent “DO X” twice and if you continue the sentence with:

“…but be careful because if you choose to don’t do X, you run certain bla bla bla”

Then “DO X” appears three times…interesting stuff!!

Thank you very much for your post
Marcos

Here’s a simple example: A girlfriend had been texting me asking what I’d been up to, and how I was feeling. I replied that I had just got home from work. I was just about to say “I had a pretty crappy day”, and I stopped myself, realising the effect this was likely to have on the next few text messages.

If I’d really wanted to talk about it, and go into what could have been a negative and boring conversational thread, I could have just continued. Instead, by changing my wording to the more positive “My day wasn’t 100% amazing”, the conversation completely avoided the old pattern of “Aww, what’s wrong?”, or similar!

‘Your subconscious mind doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, it can’t distinguish between those two and it doesn’t have a sense of humour’

They were trying to tell us how we should use positive language in conversations and how to set our goals properly. This is similar to this post. Instead of talking about something that you don’t want to lose, talk about it’s opposite that you want to have. I don’t want to sound too romantic or whatever but we are creating our realities. Yes, you can talk about your vulnerable sides with a woman you have an amount of comfort with but try and keep it positive! And when she’s being negative, re-frame that. Give her value. But if she’s one of those who are so negative that have to take positive energy from others to survive, open a different set! Honestly, use with caution!!!

See you around then!

POKER

You’ve made a couple of good points here and identified something that I may not have been clear about.

I’m not actually suggesting that it is always useful to use positive language and what I want to highlight is the importance of being deliberate with your language.

Maybe ‘negative’ words are useful sometimes and you want a person to have that representation. If I was telling a child not to touch an oven I might say “If you touch the oven it will hurt, it’s best to keep your hands away from it”. I’m being very deliberate with my language and the representation of touching it is linked to hurt and the better option is ‘keeping hands away from it’. What do many parents say? “Don’t touch the oven” – and which creates only 1 representation and it’s the unwanted one.

So, when your chatting to a girl it’s about being deliberate with your language to communicate the representations you want.

Great comments and I like your question. In fact, I like it so much I’m going to write a whole post on it. So hang on, and I’ll get back to you with my ideas. Once I’ve written it maybe you’d like to share you own answer to the question.

This concept of putting a postive spin on the subject by altering the words is core NLP theory, and it’s a really useful concept to grasp and apply. Not only is it worthwhile applying to everyday lives, like the example of the sales pitches, but I think it’s a worthwhile frame of mind to take on.

If we were to look at our approaches that we blew as ‘failures’ then it would put us off approaching again. Instead if we were to look at those blow outs as ‘successes’ (even if only mild successes) it helps to re-frame our mind, or re-program our thinking. So this post sort of leads on to postive thinking and how it works for others when we choose our words carefully, but also how it can work for us specifically by re-framing our thought process.