Richard Macilwaine is a trainer on our live events, you can see their profile, and book a 1on1 with them or by emailing them. Richard Macilwaine welcomes your comments on this post.
Learn the art of small talk
Yes, it is a wonderful skill to have, to be able to talk to absolutely anyone and make a connection with them. Not only is it nice for other people but it is a nice experience for yourself. Being able to have rapport with people quickly and to be able to have a laugh is in invaluable skill to have.
Becoming a guy who can meet any girl he wants to and begin a relationship with her is a journey that has many stages and one of those stages happens to be where you become a more outgoing and talkative person. What i mean specifically is talking to random people you come across in your day to day life. Not only is this the best way to improve your conversation so you will be equipped to talk to HB’s but it will help you understand the different ways that people respond to your approaches.
Being able to talk with hot girls without telegraphing sexual interest is very important because most guys approach hot girls with the goal of pulling them but when you come along and you are oblivious of her good looks but your actually interested in something else she will be intrigued… she might think that you are one of those cool guys who is always surrounded by beautiful women and therefore you aren’t fazed by her beauty. She might think that other hot women like being around you because you are a cool, chilled out fun guy… and this is exactly what you want!
There is nothing wrong with making friends with SHB’s as for 1. they will be more likely to want to come back to your house to see your puppy, photographs, gecko, rock collection or whatever else you tell them you have that they should come and see and 2. Once they’re back at your place and your still being cool and not telegraphing sexual interest she will be happy to sit on your bed with you to see your photographs and then you do a little kino… start to pump her state, monitor how she responds and maybe back of a little of she shows signs of discomfort (which only happens if you have not built proper rapport which is Mystery method style) carry on talking and escalate and if you do it smoothly enough without any state breaks you will be having sex with a SHB…
And it all comes back to being able to talk with hot women without showing that you want sex with them. This is not a RULE… it’s a guide line which means that this does not always apply and sometimes you must telegraph sexual interest and be unapologetic about wanting to f close her and she will like that but this is not the most common way it happens.
The way to be able to talk with hot women without telegraphing interest is to go out and practice it… go out and be friendly, talk to everyone even if they are not hot. talk to people for the fun of it and when a hot girl comes along she will be impressed by you.
SHB’s often like to be liked for who they are and not how they look just like rich men liked to be liked for who they are and not for how much money they have…
Thanks for reading this and I wish you all the best with your approaches, don’t take them to personally, just focus on being a better person and try to raise the quality of someone’s day by making them smile
Richard Macilwaine
October 5th, 2008 at 9:32 am
So true!! Talking to everyone is a path to success! I now start conversations with random people when I’m with a girl (especially if she’s shy and not comfortable with talking to strangers) and I have to admit that’s kind of a dhv judging from their reactions. You show that you are a social being, that you love meeting new people and that you’re socially savvy. That’s an attractive trait to have.
Even if you are starting out, go out and talk to old people, people that you aren’t attracted to. And congratulate yourself for getting out of your comfort zone and talking to people. That’s the first step. When I haven’t been in the field for a while that’s what I do. Start talking to everyone and I get back into a talkative mood. And when you are familiar with the feeling of approaching people, when you see an SHB that you really want to approach, you will do it!! It’s a normal routine for you. So if you’re starting out or haven’t been in the field for a while, talk to people o
in general (old, fat, unattractive etc) and feel proud of yourself. You will develop the skills you need to attract your perfect 10 in no time!!
October 5th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I used to be called quiet and was always told to speak up more at parent-teacher meetings at school and I hated it. I used to think ’so what if Im quiet?’. But I came to admit that I didn’t enjoy being quiet, I used to wish I have the comfort within my own skin to say or do anything and not care what others thought or said about it.
I’m on my way to becoming comfortable with myself and a few things that I am doing which may help others in my situation are…
- Go to a town or city where you don’t know anyone and are un-likely to see anyone there again. Just approach people, begin with simple openers such as asking for the time and then move on to complimenting people and then try some canned openers and then situational openers.
-Before a night out, go to a local bingo gala. Begin conversations with the people there, usually they are old and merry and from my experience very friendly. It’s a great way to warm up for a night out and it is also a laugh. It’s also a perfect way to practise non-sexual conversation.
-When food shopping ask someone nearby for advice for what to cook for dinner. Heck, don’t be afraid to be cheeky and ask them if they would cook dinner for you!
October 5th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Hey guys, some good pointers appearing on here. I will just add a few more here:
(1). Listen to people who are talking! It’s great just sitting on a bus and listening to all the small conversations that are going on around you. This is everyday small talk: listen to the topics and anything that makes you smile. When you hear a little joke about some current situation, think about why you found it funny. This means that you wont just go and copy the joke, but you will think of your own. Listen for the standard topics: people talk about things as mundane as the weather to topics as complicated as the nature of the universe. Listen and learn.
(2). How do you talk to your friends? Seriously, monitor how you talk to your friends. I doubt that there’s any tension — not unless you have slept with their sister or girlfriend . . . Or mum (avoid all those situations) — instead, the talk flows naturally. This is what you should be trying to achieve with other people. A natural flow of conversation.
(3). Use body language to good effect. There is nothing worse having something great to say and saying it looking like a hobbit. Concentrate on how you present yourself, it makes small talk a lot easier.
(4). Play on peoples interests and don’t be overly critical. If you are a fan of football and someone else likes Rugby, just move on. Don’t try and convince them that football is the greatest game in the world; people are entitled to their own opinion. Don’t blow a conversation by talking like a macho prick.
The four points above can be adapted for talking to anyone; however, to minimize sexual tension when talking to a girl:
(1). Don’t let your eyes wander. I know it can be difficult to not try and appreciate a girls body; however, a much stronger impression is made when we just hold eye contact. Show them that you are interested in ’them’ and not just what you can get!
(2). Don’t talk about things that have obvious sexual connotations. I once overheard a guy talking to a girl about ’animal husbandry’. In all fairness this was an agricultural college; however, talking about how animals mate should be saved for the third date (preferably never). Don’t make sexual jokes or anything that could be considered an IOI.
(3). When you start to build rapport and comfort it is important to do this is in an environment that the girl feels safe in. You can gain rapport in a club situation; however, it can be difficult to build comfort as the girl is on her guard. Instead, build comfort in a location where the girl feels at her most secure.
(4). Don’t rush. Everything takes a little time. When we rush we make mistakes, instead take your time and get it right.
These tips are all a little basic; however, they are the foundations of rapport.
Have fun guys,
JonDoe.
October 6th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Another great post, i like that point of view, just being friendly with anyone, i don´t know if you have meetings to see what you are gonna talk about guys, but if you don´t it seems like if you are telegraphing among yourselves in the team, since im looking that you are like talking about other stuff and other areas in your life, which indirectly would help to your pick up.
Thats pretty cool, here are some other areas that would help your pick up if you would improve them, and of course will help with your regular life:
1-Go to the gym, add that to your game, the hb´s will be attracted now, not only to your mind and personality as wel to your body.
2-Go to some tae kwon do, karate, jet kune do lesson, box etc, the adrenaline will help you to become a real alfa.
3-Talk to anyone, be really friendly, that would help with you AA.
4-Joke a lot, be funny, improvise, this will helps lot in your sets.
5-Take acting lessons.
6-Take pronunciation and locution lessons, that is gonna help your voice, your tone and your interactions.
7-Read good books, about lot of topics, that would give you a multiple thread skill.
8-learn something out of the common, magig, palm or rune reading, aura.
9-Do something for your style and clothes, women loves that, ask for some girl help if necessary they are gonna be glad to help.
10-Be a good guy, do something for others, kids, animals, old people, regular people.
POKER
November 12th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Another important point about just making friends with SHB’s is that they tend to have large social circles - more friends means more potential targets. And even before that stage, you would have the opportunity to practice having conversations with her friends without telegraphing sexual intent.
From an inner game perspective, I have found that the more great things I have working for me in my life, the less attatched I feel towards any kind of woman anyway. Even the SHB’s. I tend to find my internal dialogue saying things like “Yeah, she IS hot, but you have XYZ going for you. That is even hotter, because you had to really work for it!”
If I’m not mentally putting these kinds of women on pedestals, I’m less likely to act so sexually into them until they first qualify themselves to me.