Richard Macilwaine is a trainer on our live events, you can see their profile, and book a 1on1 with them or by emailing them. Richard Macilwaine welcomes your comments on this post.
Communication is Everything!
The way you are able to communicate affects your ability to get ahead in life.
Communication with yourself and with other people are both key ingredients to being happy and to exceling in life, especially if you plan on being around people. A previous student of mine seemed to be a little to relaxed for his own good, until I saw him interacting with people, especially when it came to networking. He set up an amazing partnership between a friend of his and myself where I would receive a very valuable and costly service in exchange for coaching.
My friend who was a previous client left school at the age of 14 and now at the age of 30, runs 4 or 5 businesses around the world including a few in Asia and Europe. He made his money in the stock market and he even told me how little he knew about investing. “What? You don’t know much about investing yet you made a lot of money doing it?” I was astonished and he smiled and said “Oh no, I’m not smart enough for that,” (or something to that effect) At this stage I had to ask how he made all his money?
Networking was his answer. He brought people together and got them to work towards a particular goal where he would make a fair amount of money from helping other people make a lot of money. He also has a generous outlook in business and that is to “Always leave something on the table for the next guy.” I liked this guy and his attitude to life.
I have to tell you, this guy really knew how to talk the talk and yet he was just a chilled out guy, or so it seemed. His schedule was mad! He is in 2 or 3 different countries and even continents every week. He is constantly sending and receiving emails on his blackberries… yes, he has a couple if I remember correctly.
The 2 kinds of communicators
Which Kind of communicator are you?
Being able to convey your best qualities and attributes to the people who need to see them in order to accept you in their company, business or simply for them to want to get to know you, is a skill worth a billion dollars. Being able to convince, befriend, negotiate, sell and persuade are necessary skills for people looking to be successful in business and in making money.
Some of the happiest people are those who are able to express their positivity to others and they are a centre for good feelings. People use communication as a way to express their feelings and we tend to naturally adopt the same or a similar attitude and energy as the people we spend time with. Ever noticed how some people really know how to make you smile, laugh and enjoy the moment?
Remember the times where you made someone’s day better by making them smile, feel accepted and loved? Yes, you have made a massive difference in the lives of many people you have met. By being your happy self you often make those around you happy which causes them to like and want to be around you more. Isn’t that nice… people wanting to hang out with you because they feel good whenever they are around you?
When you spread your good feelings to those you meet and sometimes those who are giving you a service, they will like you and quite often will end up giving you more and better service than if you hadn’t bothered to make it a personal conversation, interaction or relationship. Everywhere I go and whenever I buy or sell something, I make a point of being as nice to the other person as possible. One of the reasons being that it makes me feel good about myself and it will also make you feel good about yourself. If you aren’t already the friendly type who talks happily to random people, give it a try. It might even be a little hard at first but it’s worth it.
Then there are those people who seem to bring us right down, they are like energy vampires who suck the life out of us. Usually we can stand these kinds of people for a while but sometimes you feel like telling them to get a grip of themselves and start appreciating themselves and their lives a lot more. You want to get as far away from these people as possible which usually only makes them more needy… Be a giver, a giver of positive energy and attitude towards life and events that appear bad.
Anchoring positivity to yourself
Often when I revisit hotels, shops bars and restaurants that I have been to previously, I have people recognaise and feel very haapy to see me again. Even if it has been as long as 6 months and sometimes even longer, I have people with huge smiles on their faces, being very glad to see me again. They come over and feel like giving me a hug which of course is very nice and I like to continue to give people a great time because I am also having a great time and we all enjoy the experience of connection and mutual affection.
Why does a lady who works in a hotel cleaning the rooms seem so happy to see me again? Because the last time I stayed I would have made an impression on her, I would have made her day! She probably would have had a laugh (I like when people laugh when they are around me) she would have liked that I was interested in her life’s story and that I took the time to find out how things were going for her. Simply finding out how someone else is doing in a sincere manner and then listening attentively will cause them to like you because you only listen to people you like… usually, and people like people who like them.
Make the other person feel special, important and valued
This is the basic ingredient to having people like you and will help you to like and appreciate yourself more. Make people you meet feel special and watch how they return the favor by returning the positive energy you sent their way. When I say they will return the positive energy what I am referring to is similar to what happens when you genuinely smile at someone and they return the smile and it just makes you both feel good.
It’s a matter of being a happy person with more than enough happiness to be able to give some to others. It’s all about giving good energy to people and then receiving the good energy from them. People will usually always be nice, polite, friendly and happy towards someone who is first like this to them. Be the first to give! Be someone who causes a wave of positivity, laughter and happiness everywhere you go.
The key to become an effective communicator is practice
Good Luck
Richard Macilwaine
Tags: confidence
October 15th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Richard, you are so on the money. What you wrote also happens to be VERY topical for me. I have a story for you guys and it comes in two parts:
I was out running in Richmond Park on Sunday morning, and I saw, running towards me, a very beautiful young woman. Really eye-catchingly beautiful. For some reason, as she and I drew nearer, I suddenly felt a little self conscious and looked away for a second. (Unlike me, but anyway). Then as I looked back at her, and our gazes met, she flashed me the most warm and sincere smile. I barely had time to reciprocate, when our paths crossed and she was gone down the track. I was so touched by her warmth to a complete stranger, that it kept me buzzing throughout the day. I regretted that I hadn’t repaid her with an equally warm smile, but decided that I would pay it forward.
Fast forward to yesterday, and I go into my local pub, in need of refreshment after a hot and sweaty lunchtime salsa lesson. The woman at the bar was very cute and friendly in a modest kind of way. I particularly noticed her beautiful silky red-rusty coloured hair and her sparkling eyes. I realised that here was my chance. So as she gave me my change, I said, ‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, but is your hair naturally that colour?’ She said, ‘No’ with a smile. I said, ‘It looks awesome’ and gave her a very warm smile. She took the compliment very well, and I then went off to rejoin my friends, leaving her feel great about herself, and I trust, will have thought about my compliment again that day, perhaps a few times. It made me feel great that for once, rather than trying to advance the interaction, the entire purpose of it was to make a complete stranger feel good, and pass on a good feeling that another stranger had given to me, just two days before.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Very well written. I learned a lot from this post.
I like how the law of reciprocity works so well
Cheers,
John
October 17th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Hi Gusboy and JC, thanks for your nice replies…
I hope the best parts of this post remain in your subconscious and guide you in all your interactions… making people feel good about themselves is the way forward
Richard Macilwaine
October 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
ugh
well I have to comment on this… in my world, there are few essetial thing needed to walk this positive path
I’ll try to make the list short:
And if you have any ‘unfixable’ problems or errors (no such thing as impossible but let’s assume it for a moment), so if you have such, just accept them as a start. Then you can fix them.
1. be yourself 100% of the time… not that easy tho, especially if you do not accept yourself as you are
2. be emotionally 100% healthy, means to clear out all your _emotional_ problems in life. Achieving a high social status (job, friends, hobbies, skills) is a good way to start
3. be confident more than infinity
yeah nice 3 steps. I left out step 0 maybe: if you are not ‘drifting’ in life emotionally, but just following logical rules, then think abour all this again
transmission over
t0sh
December 6th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I love this mindset of giving other people value, not for the sake of getting something back, but simply for the sake of making them feel better about themselves and their day.
I’ve been experimenting with a lot more direct game recently, and am becomming completely comfortable opening women with a sincere, heartfelt complement. The interesting thing I’ve noticed is that as you start to really do this from a place of outcome independance, they actually want to give back. On Tuesday, two girls who were close friends actually invited me on an instant date with them after I complemented them when I saw them sitting outside.