Archive for January, 2009

Hey guys I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but things have been really busy here…

I recently worked with MTV as one of the coaches for the show MADE.

Been working on social circle and entourage game, which is going great and I encourage everyone to do.

Meeting (and learning) from some of the best in the community, such as Steve P and Hypnotica.

As well as preparing to tour America with AFC Adam teaching bootcamps next month!

Last time I posted I talked about the core of what exactly attraction is, which is great for understanding but nothing you can put to use right away.  So this time I’m going to give you guys some goodies that you can immediately put to use and have a lot of fun along the way, regardless of whether you’re a newbie or advanced.  I’ve got two openers I recently came up with that work AMAZINGLY well and I decided it’s time to share.  Keep in mind that I have a very playful style so this might not be congruent with everyone, still I suggest you try these out regardless.

The first opener is for one of the most dreaded situations a PUA faces in the field. The girls who are crazy high energy, or all dancing on each other.  We know to come in with higher energy and give value to the set but when they are clearly having so much fun already it becomes daunting to try and “bring the party”.  I’m sure for those who have been out you know exactly what I’m talking about.  This bothered me for quite a while so I developed an opener SPECIFICALLY for this type of situation, and here it is.

Walk up with a big smile and place yourself in the set where you can be most viewed by everyone, you might have to gently move a girl out of the way.  Loudly and clearly, since the more members of the group who hear the better, say “Ok, which one of you ordered the male stripper?”.  Then watch as mayhem occurs.  Usually what happens is the group will role play back and pick a girl for which you can trade lap dances with, playfully begin a strip tease show, get away with tons of kino, and easily transition from there.  The only thing to watch for is staying in the super high energy and entertainer role for to long since you can easily become a dancing monkey. 

The second opener is fairly new but did amazingly well when field tested by myself, and other skilled PUAs I know.  It also opens a WHOLE NEW STYLE of openers for you guys to try out, I call them “Singing Openers”.  The idea is you go in and right from the start begin singing to the girl.  The song I chose was the song from Aladin so I’m naming it the “Aladin Opener”.  I’m not even sure if these are the right words but here’s what I sung…

“I will show you the world, shining shimmering splendor.  Over, under, together, on a magic carpet ride.”  Then simply said “Sound good?”.

Only sing one or two lines since it’s more then enough and if done right the girl will giggle like mad and blush, in some cases even join in!  This actually started as a joke that I didn’t think would seriously work, but the field proved me wrong.  It also works as a great weeding tool for me since the kind of girls I like are playful and would find the humor in that kind of opener.  It also shows tremendous confidence, unattatchment to the outcome, playfulness, being in your own reality, high energy and bringing the party, as well as something unique that brings them back to fond childhood memories.  Students of NLP can appreciate that last part.

What if it goes bad and the girl gives a negative response or looks at you weird?  Simply say “Oh that’s a shame, you’ve already been jaded by (city you live in).  I’m sure there’s still a girl wanting to be a disney princess.”  However I’ve yet to need this line yet…

Try these out guys and post your experiences with them here.  Next time I’ll be sharing with you guys proof and motivation that anyone can become amazing at this and really change, so keep a look out.

Also remember….”If you’re not having fun, you’re not playing the game”

-Psych

Guys, here is part 3 of My Free Online Bootcamp! We are probably going to get 5 or 6 parts by the time we are done here. The first two have received a total of 25,000 views at the time of writing and you can check them out here:

http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2009/01/look-what-i-dug-up-free-32-minute-presentation/

and here:

http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2009/01/free-online-bootcamp-part-2/

Your comments as always are appreciated.  I read every one, and will respond to any questions that come in.  Just scroll down to leave a comment.

Free Online Bootcamp part 3

Guys, by now, you are probably already realising that we have some killer material – especially if we can just GIVE hours and hours of high quality content like this away.  Here’s the truth, the reason we give you this great stuff is that we want to prove that our stuff is the best.  If you have $1 to spare AND want to improve your game, check out this page now, it’s the best deal I’ve ever seen in the seduction community.

If you liked the free online bootcamp, you’ll LOVE the real thing where you get live in-person training with our MPUAUs and in-field day and night game sessions with an amazing 2:1 ratio.  Check out UK Bootcamps and US Bootcamps.

Hey Guys,

Are you afraid of approaching someone you like through a fear of rejection?

Do you get that horrible feeling in your stomach and begin to formulate 100 reasons why someone wouldn’t want to talk to you?

This is a lot more common than you would believe. There are a number of different products out there which will supposedly “fix” the fear of approaching strangers, especially ones you are attracted to. However, few of them take the time to understand why we have that fear in the first place. If you understand why you have this fear or anxiety, you can take steps to counter it. This is probably the biggest topic when it comes to understanding attraction. Well, that is to say, it is the one that most people have the biggest problem with. I constantly receive the same excuses time and time again when it comes to this subject.

1) I’m scared of approaching

2) I have a fear of rejection

3) They aren’t in the mood to be spoken to

4) She won’t think I look good enough

5) I can’t meet people in a park/cinema/night club

6) I’m not good enough for him/her

7) There’s no point, it won’t work

These are probably the most common reasons I am given as to why someone can’t approach, or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour.

Anxiety is defined by Seligman, Walker and Rosenhan (2001) as a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.

There are some physical sensations that you will probably be aware of such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, shaking and perhaps headaches. These may be common to you. Some people will disguise these by making a decision not to approach. This will relieve the sensations and instead leave a sort of “numbness” to the situation.

Sigmund Freud himself believed that these anxious feelings were created by an association between a past negative experience and the current situation. These associations are often false and not related through causality – the idea that one situation directly affects another, but through correlation – one thing “tends to affect another over repeated attempts.”

When people begin to see this correlation as a fact, it is commonly referred to as “Magical Thinking.”

There are two governing principles behind magical thinking. The first is the law of similaritywhich is the notion that things that resemble each other are casually connected in some way that defies scientific testing.

For example:

Here people will typically see vertical columns of squares and circles as opposed to horizontal mixed rows of squares and circles.

The second law is the law of contagion which is the belief that “things that have been in physical contact or in spatial or temporal association with other things retain a connection after they are separated.” Contagion effects have been noted to be more effective with negative associations than with positive ones. This is probably best explained by the notion of getting “bad luck” or having a bad time every time you go to a specific venue.

Freud believed that the anxiety or fear was maintained through a form operant conditioning. Essentially the feeling of anxiety is reinforced every time you are in a similar situation. You then “learn” to remove the negative feeling of anxiety by not approaching. These connections of patterns, or “magical thinking,” are common throughout all the human societies across the world. The human brain is adept at forming these patterns, though we do not have a particularly good system for distinguishing between real and perceived connections. Theoretically this is due to a simple survival tactic. If we notice rustling behind a bush it is better for us to assume it is some form of threat and begin to prep our bodies to defend ourselves rather than ignore it and risk being eaten.

Our fear or anxiety response is actually designed to help us survive in a fight or flight scenario. Believe it or not the symptoms detailed earlier are all beneficial to us in times of survival. Perspiration occurs to help cool us down, heart rate increases to improve blood circulation and muscles tighten as they are filled with oxygen in preparation for use. Unfortunately these are not particularly beneficial when we are looking for something witty to say during a conversation with someone.

In short we learn the fear through a number of negative experiences and then reinforce them by not doing anything about it. The bodies natural reaction towards a fearful situation is the feeling we associate with approach anxiety or the fear of the approach. The way to overcome this is to reverse the learning.

All of the common problems detailed above can be directly related to either “magical thinking” in the form of a false belief that failure is almost certain due to some form of connection to a previous situation that failed. Or pure fear learnt and reinforced by not approaching. These are both forms of self fulfilled prophecy i.e. Unless you actively do something to fix it they will continue to support themselves. The good news is that this problem is far from unfixable.

The bad news is that it does take time. The easiest way to fix this is to actually go out and meet new people. The problem is that when you do this, any negative experience you receive is likely to reinforce the previous attitude or fear you had before. As I’ve mentioned before one of the easiest ways to get around this is to simply meet people for the sake of meeting people.

Most of us are actually more than happy to talk to other people, especially on boring long journeys, or when waiting in a long queue. Get used to talking to absolutely everybody, male or female, young and old. This should help you generate a great deal of positive responses to your approaches and help curb some of those negative connections.

I hope this helps guys,

Adam Lyons

(AFC Adam)