GO DIRECT, NOT SLEAZY – READ ON
I get a lot of questions about going direct and more sexual but not wanting to come across as sleazy. I was actually talking to a student about this today so let’s look at what sleazy is?
I use to say ‘escalating aggressively without trust or sufficient invitation.’ Now this is true to an extent but I know many guys who treat everything as an IOI regardless and don’t wait for an invitation but create an invite (forcing IOI’s/leading etc)
The main thing I have researched is this area (from friends, female trainers and ‘real’ people ;-) is…….
If a guy says “Hey you’re hot, I’ve got to find my friends but I’ll find you later okay” in a confident, direct but non-approval seeking way, then it can be very powerful. This is someone who is sexually confident and knows what he want but is not doing it to impress or ‘get her to like me’ it is just a fact. You’re hot; I want to get to know you. In fact the frame is ‘I don’t want you to agree or not, I don’t even care if you agree or not (stops a long complimenting milking session as girls often do with a slight compliment, they milk it) it is just my opinion and therefore as far as I am concerned a fact.
This is hard to demonstrate on a post as you really need to hear how it is said but I will do my best…….
However some guys would go about it differently and say “Hey babe, you know what, you’re hooooooot. I got to go find my friends but I’ll find you later okay?” “Erm……NO” They try to be over confident and don’t have true conviction and belief in what they are saying. They are trying to be direct and cool but it comes across as cheesy and sleazy because their frame in not strong enough to be so direct. Also, as my good friend Tom would say ‘if it is a lie, then why are you saying it?’ Only give compliments on something that has caught your eye.
Now I know a very ‘sleazy’ public school ‘rar rar’ posh boy who is (imagine the most Lesley Phillips style delivery/’Carry On’ films) constantly saying ‘darling, how wonderful your hair is, let’s do brunch at my place’ and over kino’s touching them up. Every guy calls him sleazy but women……. love it. Now I am not saying he is a good example but it is interesting. He gets away with it for one reason. He does not apologise and has conviction. He makes no apology for hitting on women and wanting to get them into bed. He is actually very open and honest. Women say he is funny and silly where guys say he is a slime ball. He has conviction though as being honest is very powerful and attractive. A man who is not scared of the truth is a strong man; it is up to you how much you want to spin the truth though. I also know Latino guys who are very direct, escalate too fast and are constantly pulling the trigger too early by British guy’s standards. However………..they do very well!
Now to guys they seem sleazy but to women they are sexual, because they are sexually confident and have conviction in their sexuality and have alpha presence with no apology.
Sometimes guys are being sleazy, however sometimes they are just escalating fast, are direct and are sexually confident so come across as sleazy to those who are slightly more reserved.
Sometimes I have seen it where a guy k-closes a drunken girl on the dance floor and takes advantage but the girl always gets buyer’s remorse and it goes nowhere. Some guys feel intimated by the so called ‘alphas.’ In fact if a club is full of sleazy guys that will help you as you will stand out. The girl might have a bigger bitch shield up (so give her time to realise you are not like that) but she will welcome a fun, genuine guy that treats her well.
Just remember it is a fine line between being sexual and sleazy and judge it by the results the guys get appose to how they are described by other men. If a guy wants to go direct just make sure you have the frame to back it up.
Stay well
Sweeney
Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material we've got waiting for you....here
its always interesting hearing other peoples unique point of views and interperations of the field and the world
what does sweeny j mean i thought your name was pete?
but yeh i find this post tends to contradict itself? but i guess the word is paradoxical and 2 sided?
Hey Stuff
Yeah you are right – the world and people are often paradoxical. PUA’s often like to look for definitive answers and 100% solid rules. Thankfully people are more interesting than this and any post of mine is usually just guidence and it is up you to judge the situation correctly, which I am sure you will. There are common factors, but no rock solid rules…….
Yeah Sweeney is my nickname and sir name. I have to use that for sevaral reasons now. The J….? Well I was tired and it was a typing error. Lol
I know exactly what your saying. That sleazy is only sleazy with the wrong frame, wrong delivery and is possibly not congruent with a guys personality hence the examples of latino guy and leslie Philips style guy. I’ve also noticed this- that certain guys can ge away with being ’sleazy’, it just works for them. Its frame, confidence and congruence. Its important to be true to yourself in all situations..
Nice observations I like this a lot…
Hi Pete,
This article is the bomb!! I’m british, from Gibraltar, (South of Spain), but living in Newcastle now. People around here call me Sleazy-J just because I tend to be very direct, although back home everyone is exactly the same. I understand there is a fineline between being Direct and being Sleazy, but what i’ve realised is that when i’m with a girl, people around me, who know tend to go “Go on Sleazy-J” and then just for some reason disinterests the girl. ow can I “Recover” from this kind of an incident?
Thanks!!!
Jason
Hey Jason
I am from Manchester – live in London – Manchester is great but sadly old friends and people who have not left home can be closed minded and a little stuck in ways. I don’t know about Newcastle but maybe they are the same. Manchester is a big happening city but can have ’small town mentality.’
Regarding your friends, if it is light hearted, take it on the chin, smile, say something like “Haha, I know boys, you are right, I am terrible, I am actually working on being more sleazy, thanks for advice tho” then close the girl. Wink, smile and say “I hope I can keep this level of sleaze up though” If you don’t give a fuck they will get bored. Do not allow anyone to break your strong state. Don’t get angry, stay calm and let your game do the talking.
If they are going overboard, maybe they are jealous. People find true confidence in an area they are not intimadating and it is comfortable for them to try and drag you down to their level. I don’t know your situation but just some thoughts……
In a nutshell, never let other people break your state. True friends can joke around, advise but should support not destroy their peers
The one issue with getting into game is that the common mistake many newbies make is to hook up with the wrong groups of people. Two friends who are out on the town for a good time will naturally be more fun and more playful than guys who meet on the internet and hook up only to game. If you’re a newbie or even a natural, remember to think about the connotations of what you’re saying whenever you say it. The best girls are the ones who can detect and screen out the ass-holes by the subtlest of slip-ups. If being sleazy is working, I can almost guarantee that she is not really the kind of girl respectable guys want to hang around with.
I have a good friend I go gaming with from time to time (although really he knows nothing of the ‘game’ so to speak). If there is a hot girl (or group) he often wants me to break the ice with her and initiate convos, and then sometimes just buts in and tries to steal the glory.
although he never ever does this for me- hes basically a selfish dude when it comes to winging his friends, because essentially he doesnt understand the concept of ‘winging’.
Lesson learned..dont let this be you! meet a group of like minded guys who support each other in the field, it makes things a hell of a lot easier and we get laid a hell of a lot more!! trust me
TC has a good head on his shoulders. I fully agree with you.