You’re walking down the street thinking about that jacket you just saw in the window display.
Next month.
Next month you’ll be able to afford it
For now you’ll have to stick with this jacket which you’ve had for a year. It’s ok, but man it’s nothing compared to that hella-cool jacket you just saw.
Then you see her.
Walking towards you, her elegent black dress and luscious black hair piercing the crowd of anonymous faces like a single rose in a garden of weeds.
You want her.
For a milla-second, you entertain the thought of approaching her. It passes like a single frame of a movie, so quick you’re not even aware of it.
But it’s enough to tell your body that “danger” is near, and your body is pumped with adrenaline. This unpleasant feeling is known to you as ‘fear’.
This is where it happens.
Fight or flight.
Before you’ve attached rational thoughts to your feelings, you’ve already made your choice.
Then you backwards rationalise with logic and reason, so it fits your emotional decision.
“I’m not looking good today.”
“I’ll approach when I get my new jacket next month”
“I dont feel like it”
“I’ll approach tomorrow”.
You see, approach anxiety, is just another phrase for fear. Even the bravest, heroic people in the world feel fear. Infact, fear to them FEELS exactly the same as fear to you. The difference is that they have learnt to act inspite of fear.
How you react to fear is a knee-jerk reaction that has been learnt over the course of your whole life. Highly successful people, through their experiences in life, have learnt to FIGHT when faced with fear. Other people who have went through different experiences have learnt to RUN AWAY when they are faced with fear.
Getting good with girls is really as simple as reconditioning yourself to react differently to fear.
Remember, approach anxiety is just fear. And fear is just the feeling of adrenaline being pumped into your system. Even the best PUAs in the world will feel a surge of adrenaline when they see the girl of their dreams walking towards them. The difference between them and you is that they have reconditioned themselves to associate a feeling of excitement with that adrenaline, rather than fear. And that comes through contantly FACING that fear again and again and again, untill you realise that your fear is completely unjustified, and talking to a hot girl is actually exciting.
Next time you leave the house, I want you to make a promise to yourself.
The next time you see THE girl. When you feel the adrenaline. That fear inside you. That terrible DREAD. The feeling that tells you to run away. The feeling that makes you choose FLIGHT.
I want you to FIGHT.
Andy Yosha
(http://www.puatraining.com/andyyosha)
Very true. How will you know how she feels about you until you actually go up and talk to her? For all you know she could be your perfect match that you just let go. But if you do approach and she turns you away, that’s OK, the physical act of you attempting the approach has astronomically improved your experience for the next time around versus running away. Think of it as a WIN WIN situation.
Exactly.
Even if you get rejected in the worse possible way, you still acted in spite of your fear. And look – you’re still breathing. You’re still alive. And you can know proudly say the you were terrified, but did it anyway. Who else do you know can do that?
This is what builds confidence and strengthens your inner-game :)
i doubt its just feelings and adrenaline surges maybe added to cognitive distortions and mental paralysis to stack ontop of that??? as well as lack of skill in escalating making the approach pointless in the first place???
Hey Stuff,
You’re right, no interaction is going to go anywhere if you don’t know how to escalate (although you can’t escalate too much on the street).
But unfortunately the only way you’re going to get good at escalation is with practice, messing it up alot, and learning from those mistakes.
Next time you see that girl and you tell yourself the approach is pointless because you don’t know how to escalate, I want you to approach anyway.
Then the next time after that. And the next time after that. etc. And so on.
Good luck :)
Wow…just wow. Your writing is as good as your game and both are simply amazing. Beautifully worded and a great message to get out, can’t wait to read the next one!
-Psych
I personally use that approaching anxiety in my favour to push me and talk to whoever i want to regardless of how good she looks…
if you doubt if u should go or not, the answer is GO.
Pick Up sucks and doesnt work. its all about being yourself. come on guys.