“Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.”
 Edward Vernon Rickenbacker quotes (American Pilot, Businessman and Aviator. 1890-1973)
One thing that I hear so often is people saying “When i feel more confident then i’ll do x” or “when i feel ready i’ll do y”. I see it all the time from people on bootcamps. A really great looking girl or a particularly lively group gets pointed out by a trainer and the person uses one of these two excuses. Let me ask a question…will you ever be ready to run into the woman of your dreams? Will you ever be totally ready to approach the type of set you’ve always been afraid of?
Getting to the next level always involves doing something we haven’t done before, thats what makes it ‘the next level’. I.e. You’re used to approaching people on their own, but now you want to approach groups; you can approach, but now you want to start trying to go for a number; you’re used to getting the number, but now you want to get good at going for a kiss.
You can never be fully ready for something you haven’t done before can you? So why then, do we wait around to feel confident or courageous before we do the thing we’re scared of? Life doesn’t work like that.
I remember doing my skydive this year. There were no two ways about it, I was terrified. Did I feel confident beforehand? Of course not. Did that stop me from doing it? Or course not. We act in spite of fear, thats what makes us action takers, thats what makes us courageous, thats what makes us stand out from the masses. And you know what…when I landed safely on the ground, having smashed through the fear, I felt invincible. Thats what acting in spite of fear does for us, we come out the other side as if we’ve just hulked up! Always remember:
First you do the thing you’re scared of, then you get the courage
When you live by this you will find yourself taking action no matter what.
Over to you guys
Matthew
Feel free to email me at matt@puatraining.com
Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material we've got waiting for you....here
I HAVE FOUND FAULT WITH YOUR ARTICLE.
It has been known that doing something thats TOO scary creates sensitisation and actually increases the fear.
so at some level one has to be kinda off ready for it in some ways.
also.. i dunno who ‘the masses’ are but they sound just like everyone else i know.
A message for YES BUT….
There is a great little book by Paul Arden called Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite. The title is great advice in itself, even though it has no direct referrence to dating.
Anyway, there is a chapter (they’re all very brief chapters throughout) titled: It’s Better To Regret What You Have Done Than What You Haven’t.
It goes like this:
QUOTE:
Many people reach the age of forty, only to realize they have missed out on life.
In many cases they had everything going for them, except when the gauntlet was tossed their way, they lacked the courage to pick it up.
No one is going to cut off your right arm, take away your motorbike or put you in jail if you don’t succeed.
A friend of mine whose father had links with the IRA was in a spot of bother, so he went to his father for advice.
He said, ‘Dad, I’m in trouble.’
The father asked, ‘Are they going to kill you?’
He said, ‘Oh no, no.’
His father said, ‘Son, you don’t have a problem.’
Even when we want to be timid and play it safe, we should pause for a moment and imagine what we might be missing.
End of chapter. Hope it helps.
Mark David
yes that is very subjective.
what does ‘Many people reach the age of forty, only to realize they have missed out on life.’ What does missing out on life mean??? The meaning of that depends. Most people dont really realize that they are missing out on anything because they dont think they are therefore they arent.
Plus. Most people that dont miss out on life probably lived in a position where they had no real traumatic experiences that really fractured their way of living.
ALSO those that do miss out on things tend to have been fucked up in the first place meaning they lack the inner resources to have ‘courage’ whilst those who never had real damages to their psyche would find it easier to find ‘courage’ than those that generally were fucked up in the first place.
personally that author sounds like a TYPICAL author writing some wisdom within a particular uplifted philsophical state of mind which i doubt he sustains 24/7 and has a life somehow magically different than the majority of his readers. Like for example if i did something radical or amazing and i was like WOW! i could easily be like YEH this is real living man most people DAMN THOSE MOST PEOPLE are to cowards to live like this. then i could go back to a shitty life and a shitty routine again and live just like most people again.
and plus he has to sound like he has wisdom in order to sell books and have authority within the script otherwise people would be like WTF. sound he has to sound like he knows better even though he probably isnt that much different than the people reading it. (EXCEPT that he is a published author)
His father said, ‘Son, you don’t have a problem.’
I SEE A VIOLATION IN THIS.
The father is mind-reading and making assumptions based on deleted information. That is disagreeable. Because he doesnt know what the problem could develop into and thus could be potentially crippling and disagreeable.
Oh dear.
You really have missed the point haven’t you, my friend.
Though I thank you also for reminding me of the one crucial thing every ‘recovering AFC’ needs to do first and foremost (ive just recently got back from a PUA Training residential course, by the way), so listen up:
Get out of your head. And stop being so darn logical.
Logic – which is clearly a very potent forte of yours – will not serve you in pick-up. Not online. Not out in the field. Not ever. If anything, it will end up tearing you apart inside. Trust me, i know.
Happy gaming :)
Hi Matt ,I found your e-mail on, Be courageous really inspirational, thank you soooooo much ,please keep them coming! loved it
Well I think it is a matter of common sense some things you should not do and yes some things will increase the problem:
Approaching woman YES,
Rock climbing or even sky diving to get over a fear of heights YES
Picking a fight with a big bloke down the pub because you’re scared of him NO! :-)
i find the puatraining approach to self help/self improvement most innovative. RSD/Love Systems suck balls!
but the thing is i think im pretty schizoid/schiztypal or whatever since i have alot of imaginary problems so its easier to be courageous when such problems dont exist?
Matt, love the stuff you post (and the rest of the team)… your stuff has SERIOUSLY helped my ‘inner game’ throughout this process… From not approaching women beecause i felt that “i wasn’t good enough”.. Through a lot of your teachings and by going out and practicing I now firmly have the belief that, “im the prize – and if they blow me out of a set etc, then their loss”.. Like, I’ve realised my value.
and to YES BUT… just reading from your posts, OK there may be some sort of logic to your point… and yes, i dont know you from adam – but it sounds a lot like your just backwards rationalizing and finding a reason not to do it, looking for a reason to justify innactivity and not approaching. Stop it!! Just fuck the fear and approach. If you do nothing out of your comfort zone, nothing will be achieved… baptism by fire my friend.
‘When you live by this you will find yourself taking action no matter what.’
not really
‘baptism by fire my friend.’
Yeh baby!
actually i do alot of things out of my comfort zone and have been breaking my back for like years trying to get this sorted. so since i started worse that like 99.999% of the people that are in PUA it is a most treacherous predicament.
one could argue this gives people false hope because i never seen evidence of a real transformation. just improvements. but all the people that puatraining claims they transformed already got laid in the first place.
how come gambler made his so called transformation yet people his age never do? his explaination seems a bit simplistic since everyone goes through similar experiences in their life times and dont really transform.
maybe the only transformation that happened was from the image he portrays in his marketing.
but this is a good career choice though.
when people are desperate enough they will throw all their money at experts who claim that they can change their lives and reframe it into a positive when they actually dont. so capitalising on peoples desperations is big bucks!
also most of the people who come for help in this area would be shy or stupid so they wouldnt question a companys conman tactics. so more money goes into the bank! yes!
Yeh I agree with sighsigh. I went to this NLP tosser hoping to cure my general life misery and i wanted to be like ‘LOOK YOU STUPID FUCK EITHER CURE ME OF MY SUFFERING IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS OR FUCK OFF YOU CONMAN PIECE OF SHIT’ but i didnt coz im too shy and he was a conman anyway.
Thanks for your input Mark, much appreciated.
Juan you are right. There is a time when being scared is a good thing, because it acts as a safety mechanism, the key is to recognise the situations where breaking through that fear will help you to grow.
Sexyboy and Perfection, thankyou for your kind words, I will be posting more soon, stay on the lookout.
Mike, i’m glad you’ve been able to draw from my material, I’ll keep putting my best stuff out there for you I promise.
Matthew
YES BUT,
You seem to have created a lot of negative assumptions. I see this all the time when people are on a long term goal.
I personally work in the field of online business, and yesterday I gave out some free advice to my readers… one person sent me an email that was filled with negative assumptions. None of which were actually true, but he had convinced himself that they were.
As I dug deeper, it was clear that he was failing with his goals, and created, or accepted from others these assumptions as excuses, the excuses over time became his beliefs.
That then lead to being a self fulfilling profecy… you see, his excuses and assumptions prevented him from achieving his goals, and so the vicious circle continued.
Needless to say, he has not made any money in 5 years.
“It has been known that doing something thats TOO scary creates sensitisation and actually increases the fear.
so at some level one has to be kinda off ready for it in some ways.”
Can you provide some proof of this? Any examples? Or did you just hear someone say it and decided that it fitted in perfectly as a future excuse?
Both the above are negative assumptions, and quite probably, are not true either.
“i dunno who ‘the masses’ are but they sound just like everyone else i know.”
That would explain a lot. You see, it has been proven that you can tell, with a high degree of accuracy, how successful a person is in numerous parts of his life, simply by looking at his or her 5 closest friends.
Sounds like you may have some negativity vampires in your life, I recommend cutting ties with anyone who is negative or doesnt have your drive, and go out there and start hanging with people who are ALREADY successful PUAs. It will be scary at first, but you will dramatically improve by being in their company.
“Most people dont really realize that they are missing out on anything because they dont think they are therefore they arent.”
You could put a chicken in a tiny cage, where it can barely move, but on your logic, it will be really happy because it doesnt realise that 100 yards away there are free range chickens roaming around and having a great time.
Ignorance is bliss… right?
Again, that is just another self-fulfilling excuse that has become a belief for you.
If you don´t take any risks, you cannot fail… right?
Wrong, you fail by default.
I was terrified of public speaking… and I mean, hugely terrified. It was my biggest fear in life. Then, one day I realised that even if I got on stage, made a fool of myself, fell off the stage and was laughed out of the room… longterm, I would feel worse about myself by never getting on the stage in the first place.
So I had nothing to lose.
“Plus. Most people that dont miss out on life probably lived in a position where they had no real traumatic experiences that really fractured their way of living.
ALSO those that do miss out on things tend to have been fucked up in the first place meaning they lack the inner resources to have ‘courage’ whilst those who never had real damages to their psyche would find it easier to find ‘courage’ than those that generally were fucked up in the first place.”
Let´s play a game of ´Spot The Assumption´in the above. How much of the above can you absolutely, 100% prove? If you cant prove it all, then isn´t it possible that you just accepted it from ´the masses´because it fit in perfectly with the excuses you were looking for?
Anyway, I don´t want to waste my time, but if I had to sum you up in a description of two words, I would say that you are a typical “yes but” kinda person.
So quite ironic that you chose that username.
All the best in your future growth, I am on the journey myself, and can relate to what you are saying, which is why I know how dangerous the path you are on will be.
Dean