Hey guys,
Its your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam here :-D
Firstly, apologies for not posting much on the blog, been working on loads of different things recently, like my daygame tour which is on the website, working on some advanced techniques and filming live in-field videos (Watch this space ;-)
Right, my life revolves around my work, my work revolves around understanding what women want in a man…..Now I asked one question to ten of my hottest, highest value female friends (ranging from model in Zoo magazine to the girl next door who has been my friend for seven years). The question was as follows: WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?
They all replied differently, but one quality was mentioned unanimously by all of them: CONFIDENCE.
Confidence, one quality that all women want – now I want to break this down, what is it?
Well according to the dictionary definition it is ‘full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing’
But what does this actually mean? Is it full trust that you can potentially close any woman you approach? Is it belief that you’re a great pua when you go in to set? Or is it trusting you are the high value prize and she wants you? None of these would be incorrect, although this week’s residential student really summed up confidence down to a tee in one instance when out with me.
Picture the scene if you will: We are in Revolutions Bar and he approaches a three set he really likes, engages them for the best part of ten minutes and walks away with some smiles and a name and a handshake.
I asked him to run me through it from the top, he begins by saying he opened with ‘Hey guys my friend went on a date with a girl and he didn’t hold the door open for her so she got offended. Do you think in this day and age a guy should still hold the door open for a woman?’ I stopped him right there and asked why he said that, when we agreed prior to opening that he would go direct as we were literally on our way out to a club. He said he got nervous, but wished he didn’t as they turned out to be the coolest chicks he’d spoken to all day and would’ve like to have just said hello and got to know them as people, not the answer to his question. So I turn to him and say ‘Tell them’ Nervous, yet excited to see what would happen, he walks back to the three women and says ‘Hey I just want to apologise as I asked you guys a question which isn’t important to me, I don’t have a friend with a girl upset he didn’t hold a door open, truth is I just wanted to say hello as you seemed friendly and wanted to get to know you, but got a little nervous and used some canned line, I apologise, and I think you guys are coolest chicks I’ve spoken to all day’. The reaction on the women’s faces was one of amazement, they replied with ‘Oh my god, that’s amazing you are so CONFIDENT, thank you’
A demonstration of true confidence, standing in front of women and being able to openly mention you get nervous, you are human and have emotions.
I hope this helps. If anyone can reply with moments they feel they displayed real confidence I would luv to hear them.
Thanks for reading guys, hope you’ve enjoyed.
Until next time, stay kool and keep gaming.
Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)
I find it interesting when I think of the word for confidence in Japanese (I’m Japanese). The Japanese word for ‘confidence’ is ‘jishin’; ‘ji’ means self and ‘shin’ means believing. So, to be confident from a Japanese perspective is to believe in/trust yourself. This nicely fits in with a good old advice one might hear from women… “Just be yourself!” And I think that “being yourself” entails embracing your nervousness as well as other emotions and feelings you have in front of the women you like.
Thanks for a great post, I liked it! :-)
Hey Dharam, good to see you’re still posting, albeit an absent blogger lately :)
Yes, I agree totally with you on this one. From the bootcamp to the residential, I always remember Yad saying to me: ‘When you’re honest you’re beautiful.’ And it just goes to show doesn’t it?
So next time I’m genuinely hungry for a Dominos pizza and horny as hell, you know what my line’s gonna be, dont’cha? lol ;)
All the best
Mark
Hi Dharam,I recently opened up a three set ,and went staright up to the girl I liked and told her, she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen in my life ,and then asked her if she had a boyfriend and she just walked away.In hindsight I think I came on a bit to strong and scared her off,I often see her on a weekly basis.Do you think I should go up to her again and say sorry for coming on so strong ,and try my luck again with her, as I feel this is showing confidence!
Hey guys,
Thanks for the comments so far and the positive vibe I am feeling from your replies to this post :-)
I would like to take the time to respond to all you guys who have commented, as you have taken the time to read my blog and write a reply, which I appreciate greatly, and so in return even if it is just a thank you, I’d like to show my appreciation and address your replies.
M – Really interesting stuff mate, and I agree being yourself is true confidence.
Mark David – Buddyyyyyy awesome to hear from you. I had loadsa fun gaming with you on the resi and glad you remembered the ‘pizza and a f*ck’ direct line ;-) Oh & I promise to blog more regularly on here as have some ideas to implement.
Perfection – This is interesting and I believe there are two main issues here, firstly though well done for approaching and having the balls to go direct.
However, dude put yourself in the girl’s shoes, a guy has come over and done two things – 1) Made a statement that she is the ‘prettiest girl he has ever seen and 2) asked a question if she has a boyfriend.
Now lets take each of these individually, part 1) The statement is slightly strong, the girl may have been pretty, but bro there are loadsa gorgeous girls out there and so one has to ask was she really the prettiest girl you have ever seen? Ok lets say she is, then it all comes down to the delivery, now I was not there when you said it, but if I were me, I would probably set it up with something like ‘Hey apologies if I come on a bit strong, but you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen…Oh and also apologies if you feel I haven’t come on strong enough :-P’ all of this would be said with a cheeky smile on my face ;-) Now I would follow that up with a conversation, but you my friend have dived into part 2) ‘Have you got a boyfriend?’ Lets not look at what you’ve said, but again putting ourselves in the girl’s shoes, what you have conveyed across to her. Right I think that if I were the girl you have just told me that because of the way I look you want to be my next boyfriend without knowing my name, who I am, what kind of person I am or what personality I have or anything. That also tells me your standards are based purely on conventional good looks, if a better looking girl walked through the door, your interest would sway in her direction. And finally, if she doesn’t walk away and answers that she doesn’t have a boyfriend then your next question will be ‘Want one?’
I hope this helps a little and you don’t misconstrue my reply as anything other than honest helpful feedback on this particular set based on the limited information you provided.
Hope it all helps.
Thanks again guys.
Stay kool and keep gaming.
Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)
Hi Dharam
I stick to direct approaches so they know my intentions from the bat. Getting real good at opening,names and handshake deliver it with confidence. After that well I just become boring, mostly just say ask them what they’re up to. And it goes nowhere. How do I improve my vibing and rapport skills? Do I just talk about myself, put myself out there or something?
Thanks
Harry
Hi Harry,
I think that you are opening well from what you have wrote, although it is the mid-game you are struggling on. I think there are a few things you can do in order to improve the vibe of the conversation:
1) Asking what they’re upto is awesome as once you’ve gone direct if they are still standing there, then it is the green light to ask a personal question such as that and there is no need to beat around the bush with anything like female opinions. However, when they answer you try and show genuine interest and the best way to do this is to acknowledge what they are saying by responding and going more personal in small steps.
2) Don’t talk about yourself too much, show a little bit of the high value guy you are, but don’t be a try hard, let her tell you about herself.
3) While she is telling you about herself, make sure she is qualifying and it isn’t just small talk. If you are struggling with the concept of qualification, then please feel free to e-mail me Dharam@puatraining.com and I will happily run through it with you, as it is something that rocketed my game!
Hope it all helps.
Stay kool and keep gaming.
Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)
I’ll be honest, using all of this canned material and so called supposed openers and stuff really doesn’t work.
Most women can tell insincerity, my take is the following get built, be successful, be smart, work in a high powered job and instead of ending up some geek who wishes he was alpha you can actually be a ball breaker who rolls into anywhere he wants.
All of this PUA stuff is about men getting validation from women, and its sad to see 15-16 year olds reading this stuff and thinking blogging on the net is a great way to meet chicks. Instead of spending time doing that go and play sports or hit the gym, then dress well, groom yourself, get a good job, do interesting things because they interest you not because you think it will impress a chick.
This them is different of others.I have nice it.Thanks..
Dharam great post,
but was this student me?? I’ve used that line before
Indy it was you ;-) Remember Monday night of the residential course when I took you to Revolutions bar and there was this three set sitting down.
How are things anyways matey…
Stay kool and keep gaming.
Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)
I go to school in the southern part of the US. The girls here are very conservative and are not impressed with an abundance of confidence. I am usually called a yankee because I can tell them straight up how I feel about them and they friends. However it seems like the biggest pussys at my school get the most attractive girls. I don’t know if it is the fratdaddy mentality that I lack or if it is something to do with how my confidence is portrayed..? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
John.
In total agreement Re: come on lines about how beautiful the girl is before even knowing her name, even before having started any conversation, even before knowing her personality, even before vibing her eye contact. Horrid. Then on top of it all, you ask if she has a BF? Terrible. There is no possible way to even pass this off in a cheeky way. Please… good job. Tell the mates to stop these types of low status behavior immediately!!!
Sometimes honesty just works. Good job
I like the way you approach, Dharam! you always come across as a friendly guy, smooth talker.. have you always been like this since young?
I watched your videos, love it man!