Here’s another one of your questions answered.
Adam Lyons
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Heya guys, Here’s another answer to one of the questions I was sent in. Remember to ask your own questions in the comments below! AFC Adam,Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material we've got waiting for you....here...
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Hey Guys, If you want to see the original AFCAdam video, it is just below, i’ve obviously got a way to go before I can recreate this, if you want me to go out and try it again, then add it an opener guys :-) Stay kool and keep gaming. Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)Enjoyed this post? Then you're...
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but im too nervuous to do that though. and plus i never enjoy being around my ‘friends’ anyway.
Adam,
If I am interested in VERY quickly expand my female social circle, is there any technique/routine/advice you use, or have heard of others using to meet female friends in nightclubs, bars, or even in daygame places?
I have thought about one, but haven´t tested yet. I would open with an opinion opener, or other forms of opening, just to break the ice, and..well..would tell people about me. About who I am. Not a “PUA” (an expression they may not like)..but a women´s lover. Someone that is always curious about them, that likes their energy, and that study´s psychology, social dynamics, relationships in general to learn more about it and bring more joy to everyone.
I would tell them that right now, around us, and, in fact, everywhere girls go, there are many interesting and funny guys that will not approach them because they have certain unsolved issues. And, as someone who choosed to get better, and help other men get better, I could change that.
But..I would need their help as women. I would like very much to discuss the subject with them, exchange experiences..and them I would say that I need to get back to my other friends, but would like very much to keep in touch. And them get the phone of one of then, something like that.
I would not necessarily use all those exact words, I am still thinking about it.
What do you think Adam?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1eiB16OlbI
AFC Adam just got married!!???
Congrats!
i got alot of imaginary problems, but what if my imaginary problems dont go away?? what if its permanent. my mind has definately check mated me for sure.
Joel, since Adam is of course on honeymoon I’d like to offer my response to your question:
The problem with your strategy is that by asking them to help you, you are taking away value rather than adding it. Try to reframe it so that it sounds like you are helping them, not vice versa (girls like to talk about sex/relationships anyway).
As for your first question, I suggest you organize a big event/party and invite all your friends to bring their friends. As the host, you will have high value and everyone will want to meet you. Then invite all of your newly made friends to another event and tell them to bring their friends too. Hosting your own event every couple of weeks is quite possibly the most effective way to rapidly expand your social circle.
not working?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
going a bit slow?
fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame.. on me???
i still need proof that ‘transformations’ because i havent seen any yet.,
I have a 20 year old nephew who is rather seriously socially retarded. He is of above average intelligence but tends toward introversion and may have some developmental delays. He is on month 6 or 7 of living outside of his mother’s home. He works for his grandfather who require very little of him. He has lost a tremendous amount of weight and is neglecting his hygene. To me this signals an apparent inability to care for himself. He is at the bottom of the pecking order in his very small social circle. He cannot have a conversation without debate and lacks basic social skills such as politeness and courtesy. He seems desperate for love and attention, and yet he is argumentative, rude and unhygenic. I don’t know how to help this kid. His mother lacks the level of interest that would make her helpful, and his father is out of the picture. The term “raised by wolves” seems to fit. Are there resources available for people like this? I am afraid he will end up a street person.
Thanks for the video. The pickup community tends to focus on the cold approach, but there’s still a lot to be said about building and working your social circle!
I went to a Hooters bar today…one thing that worked with a pretty girl..I went well dressed..doctor suit….with a male friend…not preselected…but I made her know I was Higher valuer than she was..asking her if she had really interesting things besides her work….if she was an interesting person….she was like…yeah I am….and trying to prove it…I thing it worked cuz she gave me her number! YEAH!..you know how tough that is with a hired gun…what do you think I should do next Adams…Ive read your reviews..and you rock men..I thing it´s your energy and the way you dress..
It is so much different when you are not trying to build attraction and just wanting to be friends. Even a guy with little social skills can do it. Nice Vid
Hey Adam,
How do you manage that ur group stays together once u entered the club? Is it necessary to keep the people you came with together? I can imagine the girls with whom you entered the club are going to be approached by other guys (If they are hot). So how do you prevent that “your” girls are dragged away by other guys?
My roommate, a swarthy Hungarian named Reego, is joining the military and is going to be stationed in Iraq after basic training. He’s very openly gay; it’s hard to miss even if he doesn’t tell you. The man has a lisp, is lithe in frame, and loves very effeminante music; including activites like sketching his male friends and such.
My question is; Reego will not be able to hide his homosexuality. Not at all. So, are there active social circles for gays in the military? Maybe a night club in Baghdad or something where he can let loose with other men who love men? I’m very worried about him being a complete loner, isolated and desperate because his fellow soldiers are made uncomfortable by his homosexual nature.
@hi: go read “The Power of Now” by Eckhard Tolle.
Gonna solve your kind of problems!
Cheers, Steph
>>ButerflyCollector : I was thinking about the reverse of what you are saying. What if you lose your group of female friends because you try to reach out to an outside girl you see you want to talk to? Do your friends now think you are a sleazebag? Maybe optimally you should pull that other girl and her friends into your group so they don’t get the impression that you are using them.
>>Adam / esticles / Adam’s esticles : what if in the process of trying to make female friends they see inside of you that you are also attracted to them but are not making a move on them ? How do you instead come off as a person who perhaps is the better for ‘controlling’ his feelings and not simply incapable of escalating?
@Steph : I listened to Eckhard Tolle ’s online audio. I find it takes him a massive amount of time to get to what he wants to say. Is that what his book is like ?
I feel he’s not very good at talking about his subject because of this! Not enough substance; too much talking about what you will talk about. ( kind of like many pua people actually => they want to sell the product obviously)
>> Mike: Haha I’d take Adam’s word over mine, especially since Joel’s strategy that I criticized turns out to be very similar to what Adam used to get his first super-hot entourage girls.
But your question makes a really good point, since most guy “friends” of hot girls secretly do wish they could sleep with them (and most hot girls realize this to some extent). Yes, if you are outcome-dependent about whether you sleep with them, they will sense it. But you are different from most guys, because you ACTUALLY don’t care whether you sleep with them. Why? Because 1) you have internalized the fact that attractive girls are no different from anyone else (which requires some re-framing of your societal programming), and 2) eventually, you should have so much abundance that it actually doesn’t matter. Adam did end up sleeping with many of his social circle girls, but only because they saw how much other girls wanted him and couldn’t control their attraction for him. He completely reversed the roles.
In my own entourage I treat the girls completely as friends, and lo and behold one of them recently started coming on to me and making out with me in the club. In fact this took my as such a surprise that I forgot to manage expectations beforehand (and may end up having to drop her from the group :-/ ).
>>esticles : per Joel’s strategy, what do social circle girls get in return? You say to communicate that you want to help them, but with what?
I was in a really packed bar yest with guy and girl friends. It was exceptionally well lit, making it easier for every group to see each other. Maybe the external girls I talked to saw what group I was part of or not. But most places are not like that; how do you spread yourself around spatially irregular places?
Also I don’t know how you deal with people leaving and new groups entering. Girls you may have been working up to may leave and new ones will not know about your prior achievements.
Mike: Not helping them per se, just adding value (usually in the form of a good time). To see what Adam did watch his 2009 speech at http://www.the21convention.com/. The second half of it starts with a story in which he describes the situation. Basically “I teach men the confidence they need to approach women, but I have no idea how to approach someone as hot as you–can I watch the guys that hit on you and see how they do it?” Note the difference between learning in order to get laid (needy) and learning in order to help others (not needy). So such a line would be far less effective coming from me, as I am not a professional approach coach.
As for your second question, I imagine that different puas handle this differently depending on the location. Usually at dance clubs we go smack in the middle of the dance floor and form a “circle of death” (when a bunch of girls dance in a circle, often with their purses in the middle, only in this case I am part of the exclusive circle). Then I just have fun with them, lead the group, and basically wait for girls to enter our proximity so I can open them. If there’s a hot girl not in proximity that I just have to approach, I leave the circle to open them and later invite them to meet my friends (either before or after isolation).
My female friends all quickly discovered that I am a player, and are quite amused by it. They love joking about which girl I’ll be bringing home tonight–this is not a bad thing! In fact, it reinforces the idea that you are not looking to sleep with THEM so they feel be more comfortable around you. Sometimes I’ll even say something like “wow see that girl in the red dress–I gotta go meet her!” before I approach my target. That way the peer girl I was talking to is “in the loop” and routing for me (plus when I later bring the target back to my friends and introduce them, the peer girl is impressed).
I should also mention that I always pregame with my peer girls and also hang out with them outside the club setting. It is important to actually make friends with them, not just try to make it LOOK like you’re friends–otherwise you’ll probably run into the problems that you and ButerflyCollector mentioned.
There’s a fantastic, interesting book about this kind of thing called ‘The Social Psychology of Everyday Life’ by Michael Argyle. Hard to find, but worth it. Really interesting, whether you’re studying social science or not.
Adam, I’m running through your entourage game right now and find it fascinating. Like many topics discussed in the community; I have had several “doh!” moments as you’ve pointed out more than one mistake I’ve made in the past as it relates to social circle game. I have more of a “life” question than a “game” question, but it is related as the two are hard to separate. I dated a great girl, moved away and am now in a position to either help or ignore her. She has fallen in with a bad social circle that are highly (co)dependent on her (they do hard drugs, she keeps it to mary jane). Is it within bounds to tell her to drop her friends because she’ll never be able to get a good guy because of them??? I was only able to deal with it because I was able to separate her from the group (and had the game to deal with constant cock-blocking).