I’ve been teaching daygame to hundreds of students with PUATraining since the beginning of 2009. If each student does 30 approaches on average during our session, that’s thousands of approaches I’ve watched take place as well (as well as being present during the thousands of approaches I’ve done myself!).

And after witnessing and analysing thousands of approaches, I finally discovered something amazing.

It’s something I’ve been slowly growing aware of over the last few months, and I’ve been teaching students various parts of it in bouts – but only now have I joined all the dots.

I was teaching a student today, and he was coming across the usual sticking points that most guys have when they try direct daygame for the first time, and we were slowly working our way through them until he started getting some great number closes and some very fun interactions…. but then towards the end of the day, it all started going wrong. EVERY girl he approached wouldn’t stop for him, and it was starting to get him down. I was watching every approach, and I couldn’t put my finger on what he was doing wrong. I knew exactly why he was being “rejected” – it was because every girl was immediately assuming he was a promoter/charity person, and was just saying “sorry, no thanks”. If he managed to stop a girl, they would make their excuses and leave seconds after he’d opened. It was frustrating for me as well because I really couldn’t see what he was doing wrong.

To backtrack a sec…. because I’ve gone through the whole process myself – from not even being able to stop a girl, all the way to enjoying multiple relationships with girls I have met, closed and dated from daygame approaches  – I have developed a great deal of confidence with teaching this skill set to others.

Now, every student is different. I have never taught the same lesson twice. Every student gets a unique teaching experience because I react in the moment to the student’s unique sticking points, and provide what I believe is the information/advice/teachings that is needed at that time.

Sometimes, teaching is easy. Sometimes I get a student who just has one little easily correctable thing that he’s doing wrong, and one little tweak and he starts closing models.

Sometimes I get students that a more of a challenge.

But I actually relish the challenge of getting a ‘tough student’, who keeps getting blown out, or gets numbers that consistently flake. Sometimes I can’t spot what the problem is immediately. It might take me a while to get to the core of why this is happening, but after a few approaches it usually comes to light – and it feels great. It’s like solving a puzzle you’ve been working on for a long time. It’s a eureka moment.

“Dude, I’ve got it! I know why you’re getting blown out. Ok, here’s what you need to change….”

It might be a body language issue. It might be the vocal tonality. It might be a subtlety in the way you approach. But whatever it is, I usually get there.

Anyway, me and my student had a coffee break near Covent Garden, and as we sat there trying to figure out what had changed since the start of the day…. it came to me. I realised exactly what was going through the girl’s mind, and what he needed to do to correct this. And then, just as suddenly, I realised how this ’sticking point’ related to every other sticking point we’d been working on that day. It all fitted together – I kinda saw ‘the matrix’ of direct approaching. I scrambled for my phone and started writing a text message to myself so I wouldn’t forget the idea when I attempted a brain dump in an article I’d have to write later in that evening.

Well, now I’m sitting comfortably on my sofa at home with the text message I’d sent myself in hand, I’m going to tell you what I realised as a gulped down my coffee today.

The 5 Step Psychological Reaction

Ok, when you approach a girl during the daytime and express some interest (direct), you automatically trigger a psychological process in the girl’s mind. This is not so much a ‘thought’ process, but more of an emotional reaction to a psychological evaluation process that is automatically triggered when a stranger wants to talk to engage her. This reaction is even stronger during a direct approach. I believe we all go through the exact same process whenever we are approached for whatever reason in the street. This knowledge in the hands of those charity/clip-board people would be very dangerous indeed.

So come on Andy, enough talk – what is this psychological process?

It is simply a set of ‘checkpoints’ that the girl goes through in order to assess the guy that is approaching her.

In order to successfully approach, attract and pick-up a girl during the daytime (directly), you need to pass through each check-point without raising the alarms.

Here is the process in order:

1) Does this person mean to harm me?

2) Does this person mean to persuade me?

3) Does this person have sufficient social intelligence?

4) Is this person sincere?

3) Is this person high value?

Ok, let’s explain the process, and how guys can fail on the various points and cause themselves to get blown out.

1) Does this person mean to harm me?

Ok, obviously in modern western society people don’t often always assume a stranger is automatically out to kill them. But I’ve seen so many students fail at this first hurdle that it definitely needs to be covered. We can safely assume that you aren’t a murderer or a handbag thief, so we can also assume that any assumption from a girl that you are a threat is a mistake on her part. But we can’t just blame her and move on, because this will be being caused by the specifics of your approach. Students will fail at this first checkpoint because of one of these reasons:

1) You have a very serious look on your face

You look like you may have a sinister motive for wanting to stop her. I get students to counteract this by LAUGHING as you approach – that usually does the job! Many students are concentrating so much on other aspects of the approach, like their body language, or what they’re going to say, that often their face looks quite ‘focused’ from the concentration and it doesn’t look very friendly at all. At best, smile, at worst, relax you’re facial muscles so you look pleasant.

2) You are extremely tense and agitated.

You look like you’re ‘ready for action’ because you look like the adrenaline is pumping through your system. This immediately triggers the “this person is about to steal my handbag” thought. It’s usually instigated by complete noobies who are quite literally terrified! It clears up quickly with repeated approaches (desensitization), and repeated instruction to relax his body language.

3) You open her too suddenly and scare her.

I always like to open smoothly. When I stop her by running infront of her, I glide past her and then smoothly stop her. I don’t explode into her reality, I gently ease myself there. If the girl has headphones in you need to be doubly careful of startling her as she may be daydreaming and not paying too much attention to what’s around her.

2) Does this person mean to persuade me?

No-one likes being persuaded of anything. Who likes a sales call? Everyone wants to continue believing whatever they want to believe, unless they are open-minded to the idea that they might be wrong. If you don’t want to buy a certain product, you will not stand for a salesman trying to change your mind – to ‘persuade’ you to buy it.

The most common type of blowout you’ll get approaching girls directly on the street is caused by the KNEE-JERK reaction from a girl where she thinks you are some kind of salesman. The ‘thought’ that you are a salesman might not even go through her mind… she just instinctively reacts the same way she always reacts in order to get out of similar situations she has been through. In other words, she has developed a behaviour pattern to successfully get away from previously encountered salesman, promoters and charity people – which generally involves 1) avoiding eye contact, 2) saying something like “sorry, no, I’,m in a rush” or something like that.

So as her reaction filters down to step 2 – her alarm bells ring. You are coming across like you are a salesman. Rejected.

What causes this?

Well, stopping a moving girl (which is what happens most of the time) is an art form that needs to be broken down and explained properly (in another article), but essentially it boils down to this:

Having the mindset/belief that you are bothering the girl and taking up her precious time.

This is the first belief shift that cause your results to go through the roof. The problem with believing you’re bothering them (which is completely opposite from reality – I will elaborate on this in another article) is that it is communicated in all the subtleties of your body language and voice, and how you react to her.

You will slightly betarise (is that a word now?) yourself as you approach her (since you’re bothering her).

You will also probably talk quite softly (as to not disturb her eardrums too much).

You will probably not stop her with any conviction, like you predict she’s not going to want to talk to you. If you are running infront, you will not get completely infront, but leave enough space for her to easy walk past (like you expect her to).

etc!

If she can sense (and women have far greater intuition than men) that you think you’re bothering her, what category of people, based on her past experience, is she going to put you in with. Who in the past has approached her and thought they were bothering her? Easy – salesmen, charity people & promoters! All of these guys KNOW that everyone they approach does not want to talk to them – and it’s communicated by every gesture, movement & sound they make.

The KEY is to realise that women WANT to talk to you. That’s YOU, by the way. They definitely don’t want to be sold something, but they definitely do want to hear a compliment from another man.

What do you expect her to say?

“Sorry, but I really don’t have time for compliments today”

No chance. If they KNEW that you were just a random guy coming up to show an interest in her, she would definitely at least stop to accept your compliment (more above how to STOP a girl in another article).

Once you adopt the mindset that you are infact going to make a girl’s day, that you are going to GIVE HER a cool story to tell her friends when she gets home, it will completely change the WAY you stop her.

I tell guys to imagine they have a present behind their back, and you know the girl is going to absolutely love it when you give it to them. It helps them approach with that positivity, which in-turn makes them act in a way that ASSUMES success.

ASSUMING success immediately sets you apart from the salesmen. Act like they’re an old friend who you haven’t seen in ages. Act like you’re POSITIVE they’re going to stop for you.

There is more written on other articles (or there will be) on the specifics of how to approach and stop a moving girl in a way that differentiates you from the salesmen.

3) Does this person have sufficient social intelligence?

I.e, is this person a weirdo.

Ok, so you’re not scaring the crap out of her and you’re managing to stop her due to not coming across as a salesman. Now what?

Well, this next landmine will be set off if you are lacking in social intelligence. This will, again, be explored in-depth in another article. But social intelligence is basically having a fine sense or instinct for knowing how to behave in a particular social setting. It is important to note that it is environment specific. You might be great in one environment, but terrible in another. That popular cockney lad in the local pub, but feel very odd attending a high class ball. He literally will have no idea how to behave. Likewise a posh gentleman who has never seen the inside of a traditional west london pub would probably feel a bit of a plum standing by the bar with his glass of red, surrounded by loud burly working class men.

Another unusual but hopefully enlightening example might be online computer games like world of warcraft (I used to have two level 40 paladin characters).  In this game, new players are referred to as “noobs”, and are often teased due to not knowing how to behave in the game.  Simple online social graces or commonly accepted practices are overlooked by the noob, much to the annoyance of more experienced players. But these social gaffs are slowly corrected as the new player gains experience in the game. Eventually he just ‘knows’ how to behave.

Likewise, if you haven’t spent much time meeting new people, then you will not know exactly how to behave in this new situation. It will be the subtleties in your mannerisms, the way you talk, the way you react to her and the way you express yourself. It cannot be ‘taught’. The only way to improve is to MEET PEOPLE again and again and again. And again!

The more you do it, the more you’ll start to get a feel for the right way to behave, and you’ll find you’ll have to think about ’saying the wrong’ thing less and less untill you will be able to COMPLETELY TRUST YOURSELF to behave correctly.

4) Is this person sincere?

So you can approach without her thinking you’re going to kill her, you can come across as a regular guy just wanting to talk to her, and she doesn’t think you’re weird. You’ve made it this far which means you’re probably getting into some good interactions.

“Awesome, we’re nearly there – get the condoms out….”

Wait a second, there more!

Ok, you’re doing well champ, but there’s another screening process she’s going to take you through. Are you telling the truth?

Or to put it another way, does she get a sense from you that you’re words, actions and behaviour all stack up seamlessly?

Let’s run through some examples, most of which I have experienced and had to overcome myself.

Scenario One (words and body language mismatch):

You casually walk past the girl, pretending not to notice her, then turn round and try and stop her by saying “Excuse me, I just saw you from back there and just had to come up and say hello”.

First thing that goes through her head: “what? but you just noticed me right here?!” Your words don’t match your actions, and so something just doesn’t feel right.

Solution? Never hide you’re intent with indirect body language if you are going with  a direct approach

Scenario Two (too perfect):

This will happen to everyone when they start to get a certain level of success. You do everything perfectly, without a flaw, with absolutely 1000% confidence, and at the end of the interaction she tells you she thinks you’re a player.

What’s going through her head? Well, if someone told you they thought you were beautiful, you’d appreciate the compliment. But if you suspected that person of saying to everyone, the compliment would lose it’s sparkle. The problem with pulling off the approach ‘perfectly’ like you’ve done it a million times (even if you have) is it can come across a bit scripted. If there’s no ‘ums’ and ‘aahs’ and the whole approach is like a film script she will be left with a similar feeling of “something just doesn’t feel right here”.

When this happened to me I had girls asking me if they were on TV, or if I was an actor. Many just thought I was a player and this is what I did all the time (erm… lol!).

Solution? Start approaching with nothing in your mind – it will be alot more genuine than if you go in with a set line to say. More details regarding ‘what to say’ can be found in other articles.

Scenario Three (misplaced compliment):

A girl is sitting on a park bench reading a book. You approach her by telling her she has a really great energy about her. She says “I have to get going”.

What’s going through her mind?

“My energy? If Bullshit.”

Solution:If you’re giving a girl a compliment, or telling them you really like something about them – TELL THE TRUTH!

It’s easy. Look at the girl before you approach and think “What do I really appreciate about the way this girl look?”

Has she got a nice smile? An elegant walk? A cool bag? Funky boots? Awesome dress? Amazing hair? What is it you like?

As long as you’re honest you won’t get stuck.

5) Is this person high value?

The final showdown. The big- boss. The last Mohican.

Ok the Mohican thing doesn’t make sense, but we’re nearly home dry, just a little bit further to go!

Actually, there’s still a long way to go.

Sorry guys.

We can assume you are able to stop girls and get into some short, and sometimes long conversations, but you’re finding it hard closing the deal. And it is because you are not communicating enough value. But your VALUE, is what actually attracts a girl, and it is composed of a number of things which will be explained in detail in other articles. But for now I’ll give a short list of some important things that will communicate high value:

1) Confidence (good state/emotions)

2) Having fun / being playful / not taking it too seriously

3) Masculine, but relaxed body language

4) Good Voice (relaxed pitch, slow pace, talking passionately, projecting your voice, pausing, talking with precision)

5) Smiling or laughing when the situation is funny, but not in a supplicative way just to please her

6) Rewarding her with positive body language and enthusiasm when she says or does something you like, and punishing her with less of it when she says or does something you don’t like (don’t just say “oh cool” to everything she says!)

The thing to remember, is whenever you’re getting the first 4 steps right, but she still says she has to go, she’s making a decision to leave based on very limited information, especially if you’ve only just approached. She doesn’t know how high value you are yet. I mean, CLEARLY she’s making a mistake ;-)   So we’ve gotta help her out.

Imagine it from her point of view. What constitutes value for a woman is different for a man; we’re attracted to the way a girl looks.

Let’s say you’re friend asks you if you want to have a date with his sister. The first thing you wanna know is:

“What does she look like?”.

You don’t have enough information yet to make a decision. Your friend shows you a photo of his sister, and she looks pretty cute.

“Sure, I’ll do it”, you say.

So once you have more information you can make a more informed decision.

The same thing happens when you approach a girl on the street. It can take a while to demonstrate that you are a high value guy, especially for new guys. So when a girl tells you she has to go, it’s probably due to a lull in the conversation where she feels pressure to continue it herself – and she is still unsure as to your value. And since you’re forcing her to make a decision as to whether or not to continue the interaction, if she doesn’t have sufficient information with which to make an accurate assessment of your value, she’ll be forced to make a misinformed decision – and leave.

So here’s what I want you to do: BE PERSISTENT.

If she says she’s got to go, tell her “yeah I’ve gotta shoot off as well, before you go though, one more thing…” – Then continue on the conversation as normal! You’ll be amazed the results you can get by just pushing for that extra inch. I’ve had girls tell me they have to go many many times – once every few minutes, but I wouldn’t give in! Then sure enough, i made them laugh once too many times, we connected once too many…. and she was attracted. BOOM!

So that’s the five step process a girl will cycle through when you approach directly. And if you get blown out, or she loses interest at any point during the interaction it will because of one of these road blocks.

Going back to my student I was teaching today, I discovered that his problem was that the night before he’d had about 3 hours sleep. At the start of the session, fuelled by adrenalin, coffee and push from me, he was opening with alot of enthusiasm and energy and it was coming across very nicely. But then as he started to get more and more tired as the day progressed, that’s when things started going wrong. See what was happening was my student was TRYING to be the high energy enthusiastic guy he was during the afternoon. He was FEELING really tired and low energy, but he was trying to BE high energy.

And how do you think this came across in all the subtleties we were describing above?

Insincere.

She got a feeling that something wasn’t quite right with the way he was behaving, and how it matched up to his words, actions, vibe etc. He was trying to be this high energy guy but he was just… off. It felt strange.

I told him to approach a girl LOW ENERGY. I said to even tell the girl that you’d had no sleep and are really tired. I said “Just act how you feel. Stop trying to be anything other than how you’re feeling right now. He approached super low energy, almost slurring his words he sounded so tired. He explained to her that he had hardly any sleep last night, so sorry if he seems like a deadman walking etc.

What happened?

Number close.

———

Hope this article has helped – I know it’s a bit all over the place, one day my writing skills will be bearable, for now this will have to do!

Really appreciate any comments and feedback :)

Andy Yosha
(http://www.puatraining.com/andyyosha)

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