On my travels I have come across a wide variety of people. All of whom have either given me some amazing experiences, or a sharp lesson to be learnt. Sure, some can be quite tough to open, but there’s nothing like winning a girl round who was previously scowling at your audacity to start a conversation with her.

But proceed with caution young Daygamer, for there are many treacherous hidden traps that await you on your sexy quest.

Some girls are more steadfast 0n their mission to remain strictly ‘unopened’ and are, I’m not afraid to admit,  extremely difficult if not impossible to open.

Some others out there will do everything in their power to thwart your attempts at approaching the girl you want.

But by letting everyone know who these daygame villains are, hopefully it will help to give you guys a competitive edge. Once identified, maybe, just maybe, these daygame nightmares will be no match for your skill.

So who are they?

Let’s start with the easiest to overcome and make our way through to the vilest and scariest of them all.

1) The Stormtrooper

Ok, these girls are in a HURRY. Have you ever seen anyone power walking before? This is what The Stormtrooper does.

She is LATE.

For something.

I’m not sure what, but what whatever it is she needs to get there.

FAST.

Usually characterised by the panicked look on her face and the high velocity with which they travel, these characters are a very tricky breed indeed.

But all is not lost!

In my experience they are usually in a hurry for one of the following reasons:

1) they are late meeting a friend

2) they are late for work

3) they are running to catch a bus

4) they are trying to get to a job interview/casting

If you approach and you find out she’s doing one of these, there are two possibilities:

1) Tell her you’re going in the same direction and walk with her.

I think it is ideal if you can stop a moving girl and talk to her from a stationary position, but if there is no choice, as in this instance, then make sure you give a false time constraint as you start walking with her, for example, I’ve gotta go up this way but I’ve gotta head off to the right in a few minutes. The a false-time-constraint serves to intercept the thought that might pop into a girl’s mind when it is clear that you intent to stick around for a while – the thought that says “oh no, how long is this guy gonna be here for? What if he turns out to be a weirdo?”.

Of course, you’re not a weirdo, this thought just stems from a lack of information about you. She doesn’t KNOW that you’re not weird yet. So you throw in the false time constraint to navigate this social landmine, which will buy you some time to demonstrate your non-weirdness. Then when you feel the time is right you can tell you her really have to go, and go for the close. If the interaction has been short, it might be wise to go for a Facebook close rather than a number, as this is less likely to flake.

2) Go for a FAST close.

What you need to do is to voice concerns she may have, but as if they are your own concerns.

For example:

- you’re a complete stranger and she has no idea whether you’re a weirdo crazy person or not.

- this is a very unusual situation, people don’t normally do this.

- You might start texting me all the time and calling every day.

So I might say this to her:

“Look, you’re super cute – and you don’t SEEM like a crazy person ;) … I’d really like to talk properly but I’m in a MASSIVE rush, I’ve got a meeting to rush to. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m REALLY busy at the mo, but if I get a spare sec at some point I’ll shoot you a text or something. Put you’re number in here. Quick I’ve gotta go!”

Make sense?

So you’re kind of addressing all the issues she might be thinking, but you’re telling her that’s what you’re thinking about HER.

Jolly good. If you follow this advice, you’d be surprised what you can get away with.

I once stopped and number closed a very cute girl as she was about to jump into a waiting taxi! :)

2) The Blank Foreigner

The arch nemesis of the BNP (British National Party – small right wing/fascist political party here in the UK). According to Mr Griffin (the leader of the party) they represent everything that is bad about the world!

Well, Mr Griffin clearly hasn’t been to Sweden.

Or Denmark.

Or Norway.

Because if he had, he probably wouldn’t have come back (not a bad thing…).

Let’s face it, when the big cheese upstairs was dishing out the good looks, english people were in bed, with a hangover, after downing 15 pints of stella the night before due to the football match on down the pub. By the time they turned up the big man didn’t have much left in his sexy sack.

I wasn’t there at the time, but from the results of his handy-work I’d guess that camping out at the front of the line weeks before the pearly gates even opened for business, were the Swedish, Danish, Norwegians, Russians, Lithuanians, Latvians, Brazilians and Argentinians.

So, as you can probably tell, I LOVE foreign girls.

I PREFER foreign girls.

But there is one type of foreigner that evades me still.

The Blank Foreigner.

There she is. Her blonde russian locks rippling in the autumn wind as you walk towards her.

She smiles at you. You smile back.

Time to do some daygame.

“Excuse me, were you smiling at me there? Or just thinking of puppies?”

Her smile fades.

The blank look.

“eerr….. um….. no.. english….”

Shit.

“Oh… erm…. er…. I…… I SAID, YOU….. smile at me?!   um….. ”

The blank look.

Crap.

What’s the best thing to do in this situation? Well, if you have a notepad and pen with you, you could definitely have a fun interaction with her by drawing things on the pad to describe what you’re saying. I’ve done this a few times and it’s been loads of fun. I once number closed a really cute Japanese girl who literally didn’t speak a word of English by doing this. But when I called her I realised how completely pointless that was! (think about it)

I usually like to gesture my opener to the girl if she doesn’t speak english.

“I” (point to me)

“saw you” (point to my eyes, then to her)

walking” (show my fingers walking)

And I thought you looked gorgeous (put my hands on my heart and pretend im dumbstruck)

Usually gets a cool reaction :)

Saving that the best thing you can do to prepare to tackle The Blank Foreigner is to LEARN THEIR LANGUAGE. Or carry around a rucksack full of translation books everywhere you go!

3) The Psychic

Psychics are impossible to spot, until it’s too late. They look like every other girl. The act like every other girl. But there is a difference.

They can read your mind.

Allow me to elaborate:

You see a really cute girl walking in the street. You consider approaching her, but you have AA. Wait, fuck it, remember what Andy said! Just do it! Ok, let’s do it!

But the SECOND you decide that you ARE going to approach her, she hails a taxi, darts into a shop, pulls out her phone or starts running in the other direction.

Dammit! What are the chances?

This is a common occurrence for the seasoned Daygamer.

Sometimes you come across a special breed of ‘EvilPsychics’ that prefer to wait till the very second you’re about to open before they get on the phone, dart into a shop, or run for a bus. They get a kick out of knowing that they thwarted you right at the last moment.

The only way to combat a psychic in my experience is to show her that you WILL NOT BE DENIED!

“Oh you’re making a phone call? It’s too bad that I’m gonna have to interrupt the call”

“You’ve disappeared into Topshop? Well, I guess now I’ve gotta go in there after you!”

You get the idea.

Don’t let a psychic win. Show her that she can read your thoughts all she wants – you are the kind of man who doesn’t take no for answer. You see Psychic’s test men just like other girls, e.g, but putting up a bit of token resistance, only they do it before you’ve even approach! They test your INTENTION to approach. The only way to win is the APPROACH! Once she see’s that her psychic abilities are no match for your raw masculine determination you’ll have her melting all over her glass ball.

4) The Ninja

I will tell you now that closing a ninja is impossible.

Have you ever closed a Ninja?

No?

That’s because it’s impossible.

Ninja’s are out there on the streets – and like the psychics, are disguised as normal girls. Ninja’s aren’t psychic… at least I don’t think they are. All I know is.. is that they seem to know what I’m going to do and when I’m going to do it. I can only assume it’s down to their secret ninja skills.

The following is a prime example of a ninja at work.

I’ll be out teaching a student, looking for some nice girls for him to approach. In the distance there is a pedestrian clearing – a large space open to the public – it is totally deserted except for one lone girl. She is very sexy indeed.

Perfect I think.

I turn to my student and tell him to approach that sexy girl over in that clearing.

“What girl?” he says.

I point to the clearing. “That girl…….” and realise that I’m pointing into open space.

The girl has vanished.

The wind picks up, and out of the corner of my eye I see a blurred shadow pass by one of the rooftops. Nothing is left in the space where she was apart from some dust in the air, slowly settling after what looks like some kind of disturbance moments before.

That girl was a ninja. And ninja’s don’t like to talk to strangers.

5) The Mirage

We tend to trust our senses. The more hard-headed of you tend not to believe something until you see it for yourselves. I know I didn’t truly believe this pick-up stuff could work untill I saw someone else do it with my own eyes.

But sometimes our eyes can play tricks on us. What appears to be there at first, ends up not being there.

Like WMD’s in iraq (erm.. andy.. this isn’t really the time to get polital. Let’s stick to girls ok?)

Maybe things can CHANGE before your eyes. They look like one thing, then as you get closer, you realise that it’s something completely different.

This, unfortunately, occurs far too often in Daygame. So often infact you start to question your very senses.

One minute you are strolling up to who you think is Miss Sweden 2009, then just as you say hello and she turns round, you realise you’re actually talking to Miss Basildon 1983.

In your head all you can hear is your mental co-pilot screaming “EJECT” EJECT! EJECT!”, but it’s too late. You’ve opened, and now you’ve gotta stick with it. Running is an option, but definitely a rude thing to do. Best thing to do is ask for direction then politely thank her an be on your way.

You can clean your eyeballs with a wire brush when you get home.

6) The Boyfriend

I think these characters are related to Ninjas.

If not by blood, then definitely by association. They know their ways.

Dressed as regular people they move fast and unseen, camouflaged in a sea of innocent people.

Then out of nowhere they appear then vanish just as suddenly, taking with them the girl of your dreams who only seconds before you had just fallen in love with.

Sometimes they strike before you get a chance to approach.

You see  the girl, build up the courage to go and speak to her, then seconds before impact, he appears in a cloud of smoke, whisks her off her feet and carries her off into the sunset.

Other times it’s not quite so simple.

You’re walking along the highstreet.

You’ve walked this path many times before. You know every shop, every slab of pavement, every tree. You barely pay attention.

Then you see her. Suddenly you’re world comes alive. What was once a grey, dull landscape is now made up of bright vivid colours.

Life is beaufiful.

She is beautiful.

Dazzling.

You must talk to her.

But I can’t… she’s out of my league… there’s no way she’d like someone like me… no… no.. come on.. what did Andy say?  What was Matthew Hussey’s line again?….  “If you can’t, you must!”

I can’t….

so I MUST!

Fuck it, you adjust your course and head straight towards her.

Your heart suddenly decides to let you know you’re doing something silly.

Your stomach feels left out, so jumps on the jolly bandwagon.

Now your legs are in on the action.

Shit, too late to turn back now…

“Hi… excuse me…. sorry to bother you, I just saw you walking past and…”

Suddenly a caped man swoops down from the sky and embraces the beautiful girl in his arms of steel, kisses her on the lips and then turns to you with a smile.

“Hiya mate, what’s up?”

“um…. i just…… um…. wondered if you knew where Leicester Square is?”

Phew – good thing you’re quick on your toes – catastrophe averted!

(seriously though, if this ever happens to me I just tell the truth, then compliment the guy on his taste in women and say he’s a lucky guy and shake his hand. It shows the guy respect, and I’ve never had a single bad response – even if the guy did have arms of steel!)

7) The Dad

You see the girl waiting on the corner of a street, and decide to approach (hopefully thanks to my advice!). You open, she smiles – it looks like you could do quite well.

But wait…

Something’s wrong…

A disturbance in the force.

A glitch in the matrix.

Suddenly you realise.

What you had previously thought was a film poster advertising the latest brutal action film with the cage fighting lookalike lead actor glaring out from under the film title, is infact, a massive scary cage fighting man glaring at you infront of a what you can now see is a Disney film poster.

There’s no mistaking this man. It’s The Dad.

Now let’s get something clear; The Dad does not like you.

You could be the nicest guy in the world, and could have opened in the most charming way possible. It makes no difference.

Unlike her mum, sister or friends, this man knows what men are like, and will assume you are the worst of them. As you stand there trying to keep your breathing in check, he is imagine you doing things to his daughter that would definitely not make the cut in that Disney film.

His precious daughter.

His angel.

His princess.

You are in big trouble. You have seconds to act, or this interaction is over.

As far as I can see it, you have three options:

1) Run – you’ll get away, but the number is unlikely unless she runs after you!

2) Quickly revert you’re opener to an indirect opener. You’re just a friendly guy asking for directions. You definitely do NOT want to do anything with this girl that The Dad would not happily agree to. Start talking to The Dad as soon as you can. Charm him. Win him over. Make him laugh. Make him like you. Once he likes you, you are in with a chance. At the end of the interaction either ask him if it would be ok to grab his daughter’s number (risky, but can work), or better still, tell them about this party you’re having in a few weeks and both should come down. The number close should be easy from here – obviously you don’t want the dad coming to any party of yours – you can just tell her later that the party has been cancelled and game as normal. The key is that you got the number.

3) If you’ve already gone direct and the dad knows exactly what you’re up to, turn you’re attention immediately to The Dad and engage him in the interaction. Tell him the direct opener. Tell him what you’re saying about the daughter – this way it looks like you’re almost asking his permission, or seeking his approval – so he will feel you are being very respectful. If he responds well then you are in with a chance. If he doesn’t then you might want to consider reverting back to option 1.

——–

If I discover any more dastardly villains out there I will upload a revised article. For everyone reading this, If you know of another daygame foe that I’ve overlooked please let me know!

Andy Yosha
(http://www.puatraining.com/andyyosha)