Archive for July, 2010

Hey guys

A super short post today!

A common issue when it comes to learning game is having too much information. When I first got into it I downloaded everything I could, watched hours of online videos and purchased a massive amount of books and DVD’s from Amazon. Added to that I paid to go on very expensive seminars and I started to read the forums, newsletters and websites. I spent hours a day reading about talking to girls, but not actually talking to any girls. Something very wrong there, and when I did talk to a girl I literally had no idea what to do. I would always think “what system should I use, should I break rapport, who is controlling the frame, what is my outcome etc”. By being so inside my own head trying to think of what to do and say, I was not paying attention to who was in front of me.

Learning about game is very addictive but putting that knowledge into practice is what will get you results. When I first started learning I made myself go out and do a certain amount of approaches but I was really bad. It wasn’t until I went out with a more experienced guy than me who pointed out some obvious mistakes I was making. Without this objective viewpoint I would have kept practicing what was wrong. Practice does NOT make perfect! Perfect practice makes perfect!

This is why I like our bootcamps. You learn about something then you go and put it into practice under the supervision of an instructor. Over one weekend you do something like 14 hours of theory and 9 hours of infield. Learning theory is great, but you learn so much more in the field especially when there are experienced people there helping and winging you.

Knowing what to do but not being able to do it is really frustrating. The other day I guy recognised me in a bar and was giving me a lecture on body language and eye movements, or something along those lines. After about 15 minutes of listening to him I told him to go and approach a seated 2 set, he literally froze. To say he was a “master” of body language he couldn’t actually apply anything. I worked with him for a while and actually got him doing some approaches and I game him feedback. He said he probably learned more about approaching and body language in half an hour in field than he has done in the last 2 months reading about it.

Ok I am going to keep this post short, although I could literally go on for hours on this subject. Instead of learning about game, start applying it. Take it one piece at a time and if possible go out with someone who is more advanced than you (or an instructor) as this will super charge your results.

Sitting at home and reading book after book is not going to help all that much.

Matt Kendall (HypnoMatt)

Hey guys

Sorry I have not posted on here for a while, I have been majorly busy working and moving house. Thanks to all those who came to Effortless Attraction and I am working on getting some audio up on this blog ASAP. I need to speak to the technical wizards above to help me with this.

Ok the thing I want to address today is the whole “fix me” attitude that I see so many guys with. Every week I get emails from people all over the world saying that it is my responsibility for me to fix them. These are not short emails either, they are pages and pages of moaning trying to get me to understand how bad their lives are. I often write back a short email with a few simple things to implement in their lives. This is usually replied to with an email of excuses or why it won’t work for them. At this point I am not able to offer any assistance at all.

Before I started specialising in working with guys with social anxiety (or inner game as others refer to it as) I used to work from a clinic in a large gym in Manchester. Due to the venue I used to get a lot of referrals from the personal trainers to help clients with weight loss. When working with a client who wants to lose weight you need to careful explain to them that they are 100% in control of their food intake and exercise levels.

The most common excuses I got from weight loss clients were;

1. My parents over fed me
2. My partner cooks too much food for me
3. I don’t like the taste of fruit/veg/healthy food
4. The government puts too much sugar in foods
5. There isn’t enough time to cook properly
6. I don’t know how to eat healthily
7. It is to cold and dark to exercise
8. It is societies/the media’s fault
9. I have the type of body that stores food more easily
10.I have a slow metabolism

My standard responses to the above excuses are;

1. You are now an adult!
2. You eat it!
3. Then don’t eat it and carry on eating junk food. I don’t care.
4. You eat it!
5. Make time!
6. Learn!
7. You live in England, it is cold and dark most of the time. Move to Australia. I doubt things will be different.
8. But it is your responsibility!
9. Have you had this confirmed by a doctor? Anyway if this is the case what this means is that you will have to work harder than other people. Life is not fair, deal with it.
10.Again, have you had this confirmed by a doctor? I doubt you do have a metabolism problem, if you do then you need to work harder than those with a normal metabolism. Deal with it.

People love to give excuses to why what I am telling them will not work for them. Instead they want someone or something to blame instead of taking responsibility for their own life and therefore the results they get. This is exactly the same thing I get when trying to help guys with their social skills.

People are not prepared to work hard at something and instead they want results overnight. The problem is with massive change is that the person can not handle it and it often leads to more serious problems. People also make stupid and unrealistic goals. Last week I worked with a 34 year old man who weighed 25 stone, smoked heavily and practically lived of take-a-ways. His goal was to lose 12 stone and become a professional footballer with 6 months. He is living in a fantasy land. Later on he told me he had watched “The Secret” and is visualising himself as a thin and playing football at Old Trafford. More on this dangerous and idiotic film later.

I have found that people like the idea of change, but don’t actually want to change what they are doing. Instead they want to feel better about their miserable life and give their favourite excuses to why the rules of life do not apply to them. The best way to achieve this is antidepressants, drinking or drugs. These tried and tested methods are excellent at blocking out reality and making you feel better about not getting the things out of life that you want. After all it isn’t your fault is it.

Real change takes hard work! There is no way round it. I know that a lot of self help crap just tells you to visualise stuff or even make a wish (I have actually read this in books) and everything is easy and the universe cares about you. This is pure delusion.

I have a motivational strategy that is foolproof.

Step 1. Make a realistic goal. Break this down into very small and manageable steps.
Step 2. Get the resources, skills and training you need.
Step 3. Work with people who know what they are doing.
Step 4. Try to pre-empt issues in advance. Plan rather than react.
Step 5. Measure your progress and keep on course.

No big happy feelings, no making wishes or worst of all, asking the Universe for it. I will let you into a little secret; the Universe does not care about you! If you think the Universe is there to serve you, you are delusional.

People do not want to take ownership of their problem. Whether it be a weight issue or the fact they do not have a good life and a girlfriend. It is your responsibility, regardless of what has happened to you in the past. You are 100% responsible for your results. Life is not fair, deal with it.

I was at home the other day and I switched on the TV. It was half way through “Deal or No Deal”. The concept of the game is simple, the contestant picks a random box containing a cash value, they then chose other boxes to open and try to sell their own box to the banker. It is a game of pure chance and probability. However I was watching this and the contestants were chanting, cheering and seemingly believed that they could influence what figure are in the boxes. One lady opened her box and revealed she had a high figure (chosen at random remember), she started crying as she felt so guilty and kept apologising. It is disturbing to think that people think they can magically change a printed numerical figure in a seal box by simply wanting it to change.

Just a few words that I hate are;

Abundance
Energy
Positivity
Fate
Destiny
Universe
Karma

I know that if I am talking to someone who uses these words frequently, that they are the sort of person who gives away control of their life and won’t take responsibility. The worst offender of all the self help crap is “The Secret”. I truly believe that this film is dangerous and should be made to carry serious warning on the cover. People watch this like it is a documentary, it isn’t. Firstly the biggest fundamental error is “the law of attraction”. This is NOT a law! It is not a law in the sense of gravity or anything within the realms of science. It is pure hypothetical idealistic nonsense.

Let’s look at the steps for “The law of Attraction”

1. Be clear about what YOU want and knowing exactly what YOU really want.

2. Placing Your Order. Ask the universe for what you want. The Universe won’t ask you questions that’s why it pays to be very, VERY specific.

3. Allow the Law of Attraction to work. Fully let the law of attraction to bring it about. Don’t force your ideas of how it should happen. Let the Law of Attraction figure that out.

4. Know without doubt that what you want and have asked for will happen.
Have faith and patience that the Law of Attraction will bring it about.

5. Relax and become receptive. You have to be in a calm harmony condition to aligned to the universe and manifesting your desire.

Basically this allows you to think of what you want, ask for it and then just wait to receive it. How amazing is that? I am sure that in some occasions that this has worked, however it does not make it a reliable system. This completely gives away your personal responsibility for generating results.

I met someone the other week that runs ‘Law of Attraction workshops’. He charges £250 for a day long course where people can learn how to manifest everything they have always wanted. As you can image I had a few questions for him, the main one being “how long does it take to actually get the results?”. Of course he gave me a useless answer saying that you have to be receptive, if you are not in that state you will not get what you asked for. So when people say they are not getting results he simply tells them that they need to be more receptive. Good system this, when you do not get the results you simply keep waiting and it is your fault for not being receptive. So you either get what you want (very unlikely) or you die from waiting for it. If people get impatient then they are not in a receptive state to receive. A foolproof system that does not need to provide any evidence to the poor people who shell out £250 for this nonsense. If you are not getting results it is your own fault for not being receptive.

If you want to start getting real results then you need to take responsibility for your life and change what you are currently doing. I understand that the position you are in right now may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility. I have worked with a wide range of clients, all of whom have their own personal histories and some of the things I have heard are very disturbing. I can totally understand why they are in such a state now, however it is still the person’s responsibility to take control of their life, regardless of what they have been through.

At a recent event I did a lot of 1-2-1 work with one guy in particular. I took a shine to this guy because he told me some of the things he had been through and it wasn’t at all pleasant. He was a nice guy but he kept telling me how things were not fair and why what we teach he is not able to apply. The rules of life did not apply to him, or so he protested. I gave him a list of things to do when he got home that would have got him results, I have tried and tested this with hundreds of people. At the end of the event he thanked me and said that he hoped that it had worked for him. This is not something I wanted him to hear as straight away he moving away from responsibility.

A few weeks of I emailed the guy to see how he was. He told me how much he enjoyed coming to the event but nothing had changed. He had not taken action on any of the points I had given him. He came up with a load of excuses, all were invalid. I knew that he wanted me to say that things were alright and justify why he doesn’t need to take action. Unfortunately he is the kind of guy who will never get results out of life although he had the knowledge and potential to do so. It is extremely frustrating to work with a client like this as I have seen so many get results by applying simple principles.

So in conclusion, I want you to really analyse your life and what you are currently doing. Only by being totally honest with yourself and taking ownership of your current situation will you ever get real results. Making changes to your lifestyle does take work, but the results are worth it. I can help you and show you what to do, but I am not able to make you do it. That is your responsibility.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)