Hey guys
A super short post today!
A common issue when it comes to learning game is having too much information. When I first got into it I downloaded everything I could, watched hours of online videos and purchased a massive amount of books and DVD’s from Amazon. Added to that I paid to go on very expensive seminars and I started to read the forums, newsletters and websites. I spent hours a day reading about talking to girls, but not actually talking to any girls. Something very wrong there, and when I did talk to a girl I literally had no idea what to do. I would always think “what system should I use, should I break rapport, who is controlling the frame, what is my outcome etc”. By being so inside my own head trying to think of what to do and say, I was not paying attention to who was in front of me.
Learning about game is very addictive but putting that knowledge into practice is what will get you results. When I first started learning I made myself go out and do a certain amount of approaches but I was really bad. It wasn’t until I went out with a more experienced guy than me who pointed out some obvious mistakes I was making. Without this objective viewpoint I would have kept practicing what was wrong. Practice does NOT make perfect! Perfect practice makes perfect!
This is why I like our bootcamps. You learn about something then you go and put it into practice under the supervision of an instructor. Over one weekend you do something like 14 hours of theory and 9 hours of infield. Learning theory is great, but you learn so much more in the field especially when there are experienced people there helping and winging you.
Knowing what to do but not being able to do it is really frustrating. The other day I guy recognised me in a bar and was giving me a lecture on body language and eye movements, or something along those lines. After about 15 minutes of listening to him I told him to go and approach a seated 2 set, he literally froze. To say he was a “master” of body language he couldn’t actually apply anything. I worked with him for a while and actually got him doing some approaches and I game him feedback. He said he probably learned more about approaching and body language in half an hour in field than he has done in the last 2 months reading about it.
Ok I am going to keep this post short, although I could literally go on for hours on this subject. Instead of learning about game, start applying it. Take it one piece at a time and if possible go out with someone who is more advanced than you (or an instructor) as this will super charge your results.
Sitting at home and reading book after book is not going to help all that much.
Matt Kendall (HypnoMatt)
Hey Matt, I wrote a blog about guys having too much information more than a year ago! And as a fellow dating coach?
I have to agree with you: don’t be an infojockey (someone who almost gets turned on by new dating advice), be someone who learns just in time.
What I mean with “just in time learning”?
Simple: if you have a hard time approaching girls, then reading millions of newsletters, blogs and bla bla bla about how to kiss a girl won’t help you. Ever.
Because only idiots don’t know: first you approach, then you kiss. So only learn and look for information about what you need to know RIGHT NOW.
Only learn about the next step.
Can approach women but can’t get a date when you call? Get tips for calling women and nothing else…
Can call women but not make a date end well? Get tips for what to do on first dates AND NOTHING ELSE…
I think you get the picture :-)
Just in time learning. Start using it… OR… continue to waste your time and energy on stuff you don’t need (yet)
To More Dating Success,
Dennis Miedema
Win With Women
Couldn’t agree with you more. I have a couple of friends that spend all of their free time reading books and watching videos online but they never actually apply anything they’ve learned. It’s a waste of time unless you go out and approach.
I disagree that you need to cut out and stop being friends with someone you used to care about and had amazing time with just because the relasionship didnt work out as many of my EXs are still my friends and we still have a good friendship, but maybe thats because I was friends with many of them and cared about them before ever getting involved, isnt that the point? we are adults. if you or the other person is immature then thats a different story we’re not talking about those people, or if it was a SNL or FWB thats also a different story.
I do agree that if you met someone and created atraction then yes escalate the interaction and create mystery.
But I also disagree that you should look at celebs and relate to them as if you knew them or know something about them to relate to as the media and all that would lead you to beleave the storys they sell, you need to look at real people that are around and close to you that you can look up and relate to!!!