Archive for November, 2010

Hey Guys,

Here is the third segment of this summer’s New York Seminar.

In this video we’re going to be diving into some killer conversational tactics….

Enjoy!!

-Rich (Gambler)

While some men are happy to find ‘the one’ and settle down with a life of monogamy
stretching out before them, others remain resolute bachelors and delight in the thrill of
the chase. Some men take playing the field to a whole new level. The confidence and
magnetism of the men in this list has helped them seduce thousands of women into sharing
their bed. Of course, fame, power and riches can help things along quite a bit, too.

The following list is comprised of men who, if they kept track of their nocturnal conquests
with the traditional notches carved into their bed posts, would soon be sleeping amongst
matchwood.

Every fisherman exaggerates his catch, but even if these gents were dividing their tally by
five their scores would still be enviably substantial. They must be drinking a hell of a lot of
energy drinks.

10. Jack Nicholson

Sexploits: 2,000 easy rides

Kim Basinger said of Nicholson: “He is crazy! I haven`t met anyone so obsessed with sex like
him!” The veteran actor would agree that that’s a fair summing up of his sexual proficiency.
When asked how many children he has fathered, he responded to the interviewer: “There
could be 9,000 for all I know – I used to live so freely. Women are never enough for me.
There were days when I used to go to bed with four or more. But none of them can take
away my freedom. Until the end of my days I’ll remain a bachelor!”

Nicholson’s youthful excesses are well documented. “I’ve slept with all women, I’ve tried
every single drug and all kinds of liquor!” he has said. The womanizing never got in the way
of his stellar Hollywood career, though, as he’s won 3 Oscars and been nominated 12 times.

The 73 year-old has admitted that he is starting to wind down now and feels a little
conspicuous hitting on young women. He also apparently only uses Viagra when he’s
with more than one lucky lady. And there are still quite a number of women queuing
up for Nicholson’s attentions: “Happily, when it comes to girls hitting on me, I’m not
undernourished.”

9. Hugh Hefner

Sexploits: 2,000–5,000 bunnies bedded

Surely the most famous of today’s lady-killers, Playboy entrepreneur Hugh Hefner is
probably the most unsurprising entry in this list. An accurate figure for the number of his
sexual conquests is difficult to nail down, but estimates range from 2,000 to as much as
5,000, and not just women either – Hefner freely admits to having bisexual liaisons.

Hugh Hefner opened his account at an unexpectedly late age of 22, but since he launched
the first issue of Playboy in 1953, with Marilyn Monroe’s image gracing the front cover, he
hasn’t looked back.

Even today and well into his 80s, he is rumored to keep a bowl of Viagra next to his (well-
used) bed and even provide them for his guests. He still has orgies twice a week with various
playmates, too: “I have slept with thousands of women, and they all still like me.”

8. Julio Iglesias

Sexploits: 3,000 señoritas serenaded and then some

Spanish crooner Julio Iglesias is known for his love of the ladies almost as much as his
romantic music. It is oft-reported that Iglesias has made sweet, sweet love to more than
3,000 swooning women, a figure that the singer himself doesn’t contradict: “That probably
was until 1976,” he said, “so they didn’t count the other women.”

The Iberian Romeo started early, too: “I love the girls like crazy, really, like crazy, since I was
4 years old.” Well, his dad was a gynecologist so it must run in family.

For Iglesias, sex is just as natural and commonplace as the red wine he loves: “I am intensely erotic.

For me, sex is as vital as sleep. I do it through desire, through necessity, but always
with joy. I am a lover for sure. I love to be loved.”

7. Ron Jeremy

Sexploits: 4,000-5,000 porn partners poked

Over an amazingly successful career that has spanned decades, porn star Ron Jeremy has
sexed his way through thousands upon thousands of partners. The ‘hedgehog’ has starred
in more than 2,000 skin flicks and is quite possibly the most famous male porn star ever
to have thrust himself into the limelight. If there was ever to be a king of porn it would be
Jeremy, and if accounts of encounters with him are to be believed, he’s a rather nice fellow
to boot.

He makes up for his short stature, chubby physique and hirsute frame with a penis that
measures almost 10 inches long and a legendary sexual stamina (he once had sex with
fourteen different women in four hours). When asked about his and Gene Simmons’ (entry
number 6) conquests he said:

“We both say between four and five thousand, which is true. But he’s a rock star – they’re
doing him because they like him. They’re doing me because it’s a paycheck. Or, the other
line is, he gets girls that look like his Playboy playmate wife, and when I’m not making
movies, I get girls that look like Gene Simmons.”

6. Gene Simmons

Sexploits: 4,600 crazy, crazy nights

He’s sold over 100 million records, never been married, and counts Cher and Diana Ross
among his tally. He claims that none of his partners have ever complained, even when he
tells them he wants to bed their friends or relatives.

“I have not heard a complaint. That’s because I am straight with them. I don’t lie, like most
men do. I will tell a girl I want her and desire her, but I’ll tell her straight, ‘I want your sister
and your mommy as well’.”

It must be his famously prehensile tongue: “It’s ironic that I’m mostly known for my tongue
which is a hideous thing. But it’s every girl’s best friend – no batteries required.”

Rivaling Ron Jeremy, the KISS frontman alleges to have had fornicated with an estimated
4,600 women (many of those while he was with girlfriend Shannon Tweed, who doesn’t
seem to mind). Apart from an insatiable sexual appetite, Simmons has some home-grown
philosophy behind his enthusiasm for the ladies:

“The male species manufactures billions of sperm – it’s our duty to do what the Old
Testament says, which is ‘Spread Thy Seed’.

“The only problem with women is that they think all those sperm we make is just for them.
But the honest truth is it’s not. I would urge all guys to stop lying to women.”

5. Charlie Sheen

Sexploits: 5,000 hot shots

You’d have thought that being an attractive Hollywood movie star with a famous family,
huge properties and a substantial bank balance would be sufficient to bring enough women
to any man’s door to satisfy his loins. But not Charlie Sheen. Sheen was famously named
in the Heidi Fleiss Hollywood prostitution scandal as one of her most regular clients. He
certainly has a soft-spot for the ladies – in fact it seems like he cannot get enough of them,
and his reputation as a serial philanderer seems well deserved. Aside from frequenting
ladies of the night, it is alleged that he heavily indulges in internet porn (according to ex-
wife Denise Richards – they split after he allegedly told her she was among the hottest 1,000
women he had slept with) and still manages to make headlines with his raucous hotel-based
antics.

4. Umberto Billo

Sexploits: 8,000 guests checked out (and more)

“Who is this Umberto Billo?” I hear you cry. Well, he is an Italian so mysterious it’s hard to
even track down a photograph of this elusive Casanova. Uniquely for this list he isn’t rich
or famous but simply a hotel porter at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas. Here’s what men’s
magazine Maxim had to say about him: “Despite lacking fame, wealth, and U.S. citizenship,
this Italian hotel porter insists he’s made around 8,000 women happy sometimes
entertaining four tourists a night. Umberto, whose talents came to worldwide attention
when he appeared on the British TV show Eurotrash, claims he inspired tremendous ‘brand
loyalty.’ An American businesswoman commented: “I must have spent thousands in the
hotel because of him!”

The man himself added, “They crossed oceans to see me.” But not everything was rosy
for the permanently-tired porter as he was sacked for being too tired to carry the guests’
luggage. He claimed that he also had ‘an insatiable wife.’ No wonder he was tired!

3. Warren Beatty

Sexploits: 12,000 bonnies banged

He’s bedded some of the most desirable women in Hollywood: Natalie Wood, Brigitte
Bardot, Jane Fonda, Joan Collins, Carly Simon (Beatty is alleged to partly be the subject of
Simon’s song You’re so Vain), Faye Dunaway, Leslie Caron, Candace Bergan, Isabelle Adjani,
Julie Christie and Madonna to name a handful. But that list is, ladies and gentlemen, merely
the tip of the iceberg.

In Peter Biskind’s biography of actor Warren Beatty, the acclaimed Hollywood writer
estimates that the famous lothario has achieved a jaw-dropping 12,775 sexual
conquests: “Using simple arithmetic… 12,775 women, give or take, a figure that does not
include daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses and so on.”

Elizabeth Taylor commented of Beatty’s performance between the sheets: “Out of 10, I’d
give him 15.” Joan Collins allegedly “stumbled exhausted out of bed after a steamy session
with Beatty exclaiming: “I don’t think I can last much longer. He never stops – it must be all
those vitamins he takes.”

2. Wilt Chamberlain

Sexploits: 20,000 slam dunks

Wilt Chamberlain’s 1991 autobiography, A View from Above, goes some way to revealing
the extent of the basketball star’s sex drive. A cool 20,000 women shared Chamberlain’s
(extra long) bed at one time or another. As Seymour Goldberg puts it: “Some people collect
stamps; Wilt collected women.”

If Chamberlain did indeed bed that many lucky ladies, he certainly had the tool for the job.
Friends of the man asserted that he possessed an 11 inch member that would sometimes
pop out of his shorts during games.

Acknowledged as one of the greatest players in the history of the sport (he once scored 100
points in a single game), Chamberlain defended his astounding sexual statistics, saying that
he never bedded a married woman, and added: “I was just doing what was natural—chasing
good-looking ladies, whoever they were and wherever they were available”

Chamberlain died of congestive heart failure on October 12, 1999 in California.

1. Fidel Castro

Sexploits: 35,000 hot latinas

The ex-Cuban leader’s bedroom habits came to light in a 2008 documentary by Ian
Halperin. In it, a former official close to the Marxist politician claims that he has slept with
a staggering 35,000 women. Apparently, a ‘special security team’ would be assigned to
Havana’s beaches each day to ‘recruit’ the most attractive women.

“He slept with at least two women a day for more than four decades – one for lunch and
one for supper. Sometimes he even ordered one for breakfast.”

Castro had been in power since the 1959 overthrow of dictator Fulgencio Batista’s
government, only retiring in 2010 due to ill-health. Halperin’s source – a man named Ramon
– gives the reason for his longevity: “I don’t think he would have stayed on as long as he
did if not for all the incredible women he had access to as president.” Bedding incredible
women is certainly one of the better job bonuses.

Famously, the US has tried hard to get rid of him, but Castro has outlasted every president
that had him in their sights.

Hey guys

This blog is all about how to be more prepared when meeting girls and making conversations more fun and interesting. Loads of guys suffer from approach anxiety, but a lot of this is not to do with the approach itself, it is what happens afterwards. Not having things to talk about/running out of things to say, seems to cause as much anxiety as being rejected. Luckily this can be really minimised by taking a bit of time to prepare. I want to help guys meet women in more natural ways that where anxiety is minimised and conversation flows. I often feel that guys make game far too difficult for themselves and far too often overlook simple yet highly effective techniques. As usual this post will be quite random and full of terrible grammar. It has well been established that writing is not my strong point but I hope you can make some sense of it.

Firstly I think doing cold approaches is extremely difficult and this should only really be done once you have properly mastered warm approaching. Logistics also play a massive part in getting girls to stop and talk. Take today for example, it is freezing outside and London is packed with tourists and Christmas shoppers. Everyone is in a rush and probably the last thing girls want is to be stopped in Leister Square to be asked an opinion by some random dude. Today I was training on a PUA Training bootcamp and instead of doing street approaches we went to the National Gallery. My students were both fascinated by art and it made starting conversations very easy. People are much more likely to talk to you if you are discussing something external from yourselves (the pieces of art in this example) and if they are in a comfortable environment.

I know that we promote Natural Game and people are turning away from routines, however I do think having interesting stories, jokes, interesting information, knowledge and even things like magic tricks are all great ways of meeting people and getting rapport. When I meet people I always haves lot of things I know I am going to talk about and that they will get a good reaction. I then know that I can move into other areas of conversation very naturally. Some people may see these things as routines, but I have found that this is what real natural guys do anyway. They have their own things that work and they use them! I do not think you should have routines and stories that are not your own though.

When you meet a girl in a night club then you literally have nothing in common. The only thing you share is that you are both in the same place at the same time. Although this is not always the case, the more specialised the club the more you will have in common. For example if you go to a punk night in a little basement club in Camden, then you will have more in common with people there than a big West End club.

When you meet girls who you have nothing in common with then you are searching for commonalities. As there is no conversational glue or rapport builders, you have to put in a lot of effort and conversation can go dry very quickly. When there are uncomfortable silences in the first few minutes of a sarge (do we still use this word?) then this is the most guys tend to eject.

I am going to share some things with you that if you take on board it should make your conversations much easier and much more interesting. The first point that I want to share is that I never go out to do game, I just live my life and meet interesting people along the way. This style of meeting people serves me well, but I am looking to get into another relationship and not SNLs. If you are into K and F closing then this style may not be appropriate for you. I am much more interested in building social circles and having a genuinely great time, not just going out to a terrible club in the attempt to pull.

A few years ago now I though what being in a relationship would give me. The places I would go, the things I would do and experience. I then began to realise that I did not actually need to be in a relationship to experience a lot of what I wanted and therefore I no longer rely on having a girlfriend to make my life fulfilling. The one change in my perception totally changed my life and the way I addressed how I used my time. I was no longer waiting for someone to have fun, I was going to go out and have it anyway.

The first thing I did was to make a list of things I enjoy doing, places I want to go and things I want to do etc. I then went about researching these things and how I can get involved. An invaluable resource I came across was www.meetup.com. This is where you can meet up with people with a shared interest. It is totally free (although you do sometimes need to pay a few quid for the event or activity) and it is nation wide.

If you are like me then a lot of your friends are now doing things like settling down, getting married and having children. It was harder and harder to get people to come out and do the things I enjoyed. But it is hard to meet new friends, or so I though. Think about your current social circle and how you met the people within it. Most people have friends from school, uni, work and through shared interests (you both play 5 a-side etc). Some people keep the same friends for life, however this is restricting as people change and their activities diversify. You are not the same person you were 5 years ago at uni, your life may be different but other people change. Expecting them to want to do the same things as you will always cause frustration.

When I moved to London I only knew one person, my sister. Through my work, going to meet ups and spending time getting to know locals in cool pub, I have met a massive amount of new people. Not only do I know a lot of cool people but our activities and lifestyles are much more aligned than my previous social circle.

Let me give you a few examples of what I mean by this. The first thing I did was to let go of the notion od one big social circle. This is great to have at uni, when you send round a group text and 39 of you meet to go out. When you are older people are always busy and need good reason to meet. I also live in London and trying to meet up in large groups is bloody difficult. OK so some social circles I have now include one guy I just go the cinema with, one guy who I go to the pub with, loads of locals and bar staff at the pub (so much so that I get invited on staff nights out and for lock ins), therapists who do the same change work techniques as me and meet to discuss and practice, several female friends who I go for dinner with. I also have a great circle of friends who I work with who are much more into clubbing in the West End. Instead of trying to get one social circle to do a different activity, I instead just find people who are already doing it. An example I want to go on a cooking course, no one I know wants to come so I am going to go alone. I will have a great time and meet people there. Not having someone to do a certain activity with me does not stop me from doing it. There are always people out there who already do what you want to do, you just need to find them.

Not only do I have several types of social circles, I fill my calendar with things that I enjoy. I am literally out every night of the week, not always drinking but doing a range of activities. This week I have planned to meet a female friend for dinner, to do the local pub quiz, to meet with 2 other therapists to practice techniques, to cook for a friend, to go to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, to go shopping in Camden, going to a talk/seminar about why religion is like a virus, to go to the cinema and possibly to go away for a city break at the weekend.

The more you plan in advance, the more you do. Those who plan their time the least will typically be those who stay in and spend a lot of time alone. I make sure that I have a full and varied week and that I am not just sat at home wishing I was more social. Since I have been going out a lot more with different kinds of people, I have barely watched any TV at all. Before I used to spend a lot of times in watching TV wondering why I was bored and lonely.

I have designed my life that it is not reliant on just one person, or group of people. I have found that a lot of people in relationships spend all their free time together and even lose their independence to some degree. When I am in a relationship my life does not alter all that much. I am not doing the mentioned activities to just meet girls, I am doing them as I enjoy them. Of course there is always compromise, however I always make sure that I retain a lot of independence and live a fulfilling life in many ways.

Whenever I go into a social situation, both new and familiar, I know I have a lot to talk about. I always have a notepad and pen on me and I make notes about things I want to talk about with that person. This alleviates anxiety massively and it allows me to prepare. A good example is that I was recently invited to a private view (where artists show off their work before it goes on general display) through a new friend. I have very little knowledge of art or the art world, but just 5 minutes preparation saw me right. I simply went onto Google and looked for recent art news stories and made notes. This game me some ammo for when I met the artists and the other people there and I was able to hold decent conversations. I was then able to move the conversations onto different subjects and themes (I will write a different blog about conversation management soon).

As I am out a lot I have a lot of stories to tell. The more things you do the more interesting you become and the more people you meet. It is like a snowball effect, but it does take some effort to get momentum at the beginning. One thing I do is I always take pictures on my iPhone and show them to people. Photos I have taken recently include my friends’ dog in sunglasses, Amy Whinehouse dancing with my dad (a very random night in Camden last week), the Christmas lights in London and the stalls at German market at the South Bank. Showing photos of fun things is a great way of building rapport with people you have just met (you can make stories out of them). This also demonstrates that you do have a fun and interesting life without them having to look at your Facebook profile. Having girls look at photos on your phone is also a great way to increase comfort and do a lot of kino.

As well as taking photos I have several other things that I do to ensure interesting conversations with people. I am learning how to do bar tricks (check something called scam school on youtube), I tell people jokes (I have the sickipedia app on my phone), I also have fun iphone apps including kissing tests and games, I love reading people their horoscopes and also I do hypnosis demonstrations (moving fingers together, getting their hands locked etc). I also make sure I keep up to date with celebrity gossip and big TV shows such as X factor. If I am going to a hypnosis or NLP meet up then I will always research the news stories, latest studies, techniques and upcoming talks and seminars.

I use a 5 step system when getting to meet girls;

Step 1
I go to somewhere I will have rapport (an event or meet up etc) and make sure I am fully armed with stories, jokes, pictures and any specific information I need.

Step 2
I meet the girl, talk to her and start to build natural connections (I use a lot of specific questioning, conversational management, state elicitation, anchoring and other techniques that I will blog about at another time)

Step 3
I take their details for a specific reason. This is not usually to meet up but because I am going to give them a url, a book recommendation or something along those lines. I then do what I promised and start to build comfort and rapport with texts, emails etc.

Step 4
I invite them to something I am already doing. I only go on standard type dates (going for dinner etc) once I am going out with the girl, not before. I don’t think dating someone you don’t really know is actually a very good way of getting to know people. As I give a lot of talks and seminars in London I often invite girls along to these. It is great social proof!

Step 5
Isolate and escalation. This doesn’t need any explanation.

There is not a time frame on these steps, I see them more as milestones that I aim for. Sometimes I get from step 1 to 4 within a week, sometimes it can take months. I not only do this with girls I want to date, but also friends (not step 5).
When I first got into game I used to do cold approaches to girls in bars and clubs. Not only did I find it difficult to do, but I also realised that I don’t really want to speak to these girls anyway. I also had a lot to contend with such as loud music, other guys, her friends, alcohol etc. Now I identify where the types of people I want to be with are, and then go there. I am much happier talking to someone at a hypnotherapy meetup about PR and marketing strategies, than speaking to some drunk tourists in a club. I found that conversation with people often dries up because you don’t actually care about the answer. Now when I meet people I am actually really interested in them and what they have to say. This makes things so much easier and more fun.

The main points I want you to take away from this post are;

Think about the things you want to do and then find people who are already doing them. Use things like meetup.com and Google in general.

Make sure you plan your time so you have a full and interesting life and not just doing the same thing each night i.e. staying in and watching TV.

Introduce structure and stick to it. It is often too easy to not go out because it is too cold or dark or because you are tired. Man up and get out!

Be prepared. I always have notes with me about things I want to talk about with people. I even do this with my closest friends.

Have things to rely on such as pictures, iPhone apps, jokes, stories, celebrity gossip etc. You can even include things like the Cube and other standard PUA stuff in here.
I like to consider myself as quite interesting a good conversationalist. I do however put a lot of work into this and it isn’t something I was born with.  I believe that being interesting is a skill set that you can learn to master. Once you have all the basics then it is really easy to be spontaneous and natural.

I have always considered natural game to be like improvising on an instrument. When you learn any instrument you first do basic exercises and scales. Once you are good at the basics and understand how the instrument works, you can then start to improvise. When you gain a lot of experience speaking with people you have things in common with, then it is much easier if you want to do cold approaches. I really do suggest to make things easier on yourself and start with warm approaches and preparing things in advance.

I hope that this post is of some help to people and that you can use some of the advice. I know a lot of the content is blatantly obvious, but ask yourself if you currently do it?

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)