Archive for January, 2011

Problem:

When most guys go out, they’ll approach like they buy milk. There’s no purpose, they’re just doing another task on a list of things they feel like they have to do. It’s better than sitting at home playing the new Modern Warfare game, as far as developing a social life, but it’s still not as effective, and initially attractive, as it could be. Also, when it’s just a task, you’re more likely to succumb to the effects of approach anxiety.

Solution:

When you go out, have a purpose. I don’t mean simply goals, like, “Go approach ten women,” I mean purpose. The difference is intent. If your goal is to approach ten women, and you do so with the same amount of purpose you go grocery shopping, then it’s all for naught. Approach like you’re a man, like you’re storming the beaches of Normandy, like you might die tomorrow, and if this is your final act, then by God, you’re going out with a bang! (So to speak, of course.)

This is you

When things matter, then they should be treated as such. Don’t go through life half-assing things that matter. Give them your full attention. Be present, feel the emotions welling up inside of you. Thoughts are okay, but should not be held on to like a safety blanket. They should be like butterflies, interesting, fleeting, allowed to drift away as quickly as they come.

Most people starting to learn seduction will attempt to stop approach anxiety, but that is counter-productive. Approach anxiety is a good indication of who you should approach. If a woman can create that nervousness in you, then she’s someone you’re attracted to. A man’s deepest purpose is generally found down the path that he fears to follow. Going and approaching despite the fear will allow you to feel your purpose. It is masculine to overcome fear. Bravery is not the absence of fear, but action despite fear. Women and fortune favor the brave.

If you “destroy” approach anxiety, using some psychological trick to remove approach anxiety, you’re removing the ability to be excellent. Women know that approaching a beautiful woman is difficult, and they know when the situation is especially difficult. Woman are very emotionally intuitive. A hard approach for you might be easy for someome else, but women can feel the emotional energy within you. When you approach, she can feel the emotions you overcame to approach. When you overcome obstacles, and approach no matter the circumstance and strong emotions, she’s going to feel far more initial attraction than some guy who felt no fear, and approached her when it was “easy.” Go for the 3-pointers, take the hard shots. That which seems difficult in seduction is usually the easy way.

This is not to say that one should waste time, or make things unnecessarily complicated. Quite the contrary, seduction can be simple. Simplicity is not always ease. Approaching a woman with simple honesty, “Hello, I saw you and I wanted to talk to you,” can feel far less easy than dropping the newest opinion opener. However, it is simple, because she knows your intent, and few men have the clarity of purpose to put it out in the open like that. She’ll feel it even more strongly if you said something like that after overcoming approach anxiety. It is a simple thing to do, but it is not always easy.

Action Steps:

Now, I implore you. Go out, find the women that take your breath away, that make you do a double-take. Find the ones who you make excuses not to approach. Make it your purpose, and approach those women with nothing but truth and simplicity: “Hello, I saw you, and I want to talk to you.”

Now, I have not blogged for a long time. I had nothing I wanted to express strongly but now I will be blogging more. I hope you are all well and for anyone who has not read my blog before WELCOME (and read the past one’s… they’re bloody good ;)

So on with the blog… This blog is aimed more at those out there who are advanced or have been in the game for a while.

Have you felt, that even though you are getting amazing results that you are just faking it still?

That you have this identity of being a ‘leader amongst men’ or ‘top PUA’ but it is all painted on?

Have you met ‘gurus’ that you feel this might apply to?

I have spent some time with top American natural PUA whilst he has been in town. He is a very cool guy. I have pretty much met all the big names in the business. Some have been great but many have overly impressed me if I’m honest. They are just normal guys (some not so normal to be quite truthful) and my natural friends I grew up with and rolled with for so many years are much better with women, for them attraction has become effortless. However, this guy was one of the few people I wanted to meet. I liked his videos and his vibe. I could tell straight away he was the real deal. After spending time with him I started to think what was it he had that so many other top PUAs didn’t? I could see he was inspirational to men.

The last person I wanted to meet and had the chilled out coolness was Richard La Ruina back in early 2008 and very soon after that I started working with him and been good friends since.

Recently I have been revisiting some old pick up material and books. Kind of brings it back and reading my old favourite, the only PUA book I read from start to finish with ease, which is ofcourse, Neil’s book THE GAME. Now we all know it is a great beginners read on so many levels however in one section he writes

“Arbiters of cool like to say that some people have it and other people don’t. And you can tell in an instant, just from looking at them, whether they have it.”

Now, I actually agree with this on some level. I believe that being cool (what ever that is, I actually dislike the word) is not something that you can learn over night, through reading a book or attending a workshop/seminar and (like a good BJ) CAN NOT be faked! I have been doing this job for a while and come across many people and I feel I can now tell instantly on meeting a guy if someone is actually cool or if he is imitating cool.

The sad thing is many guys are happy imitating cool and taking the validation that comes with that from the easily fooled. You might have seen guys bouncing round clubs or the street, fully dressed in their PUA uniform bragging to their less-experienced wings about their skill and past sarges. So many PUA’s young and old, good and bad with women and some who are even successful trainers throughout the industry have what I call painted on coolness. On the surface they can fool someone briefly if it be a girl with a bullshit story or silly routine or even a guy with bragging. However, when you scratch away the surface the paint starts to crack and you see a weak foundation. For me ‘coolness’ only comes from within and a strong core.

So what is ‘cool?’

To be honest I cannot define fully what it is however I can define the characteristics what I believe a ‘cool guy’ has.

* A real strong understanding of people and the word.
* Wisdom not knowledge
* Self-awareness in the ability to know thy self, good points and bad and work with that they have to the best of their ability
* To truly LOVE yourself for your strengths and human weaknesses
* A strong inner confidence that does not need to be demonstrated
* To be self-reliant.
* To not rely on the validation of women, friends or the PUA community.
* Have ambitious and a clear vision and know how you are going to achieve it
* The ability to take action
* The understanding that you can roll with the punches and overcome obstacles
* Taking life in your stride
* AN IDENTITY (which is not just focused on being a PUA and being good with women)

*…..Also to know deep down and believe you can achieve great things, the world is a nice place and that you are the dog’s bollocks!)
Now I am sure there are many more but I’m not that cool to be able to tell you ;)

Some say that ‘Being passive and indifferent to emotional changes in an environment or everything’ is cool.. I feel that is a behaviour choice and subsequently an imitation of cool behaviour too.
However, having a strong identity is one I think many miss. I see too many PUA’s and (some very successful) lack this. They have all the knowledge, the tricks and the lines. They have changed their look, ways of behaving and get some great success with women. They still have NO INDENTITY. They are well-oiled robot. They dress, move, talk and act like one. They follow every new PUA idea, are always thinking in game, thinking other people are trying to ‘game them.’ They dress like their idols and even start sounding like them. For someone first trying to find himself or herself it is understandable to take inspiration from others and children often dress like their favourite pop star and character, but they grow out of it and comes a time when they truly need to find out whom they are. One has to let go of all the tricks, formulas and strategies to project cool behaviour. If you open someone up and all you find is a blank canvas with everyone else’s identity painted on it then it is never going to inspire, lead and charm.

Now I don’t believe ‘coolness’ can be taught but it can be developed over time but only through lifestyle, wisdom and maturity. It can take many years and should not be something a person focuses on because by focusing on it, the charm of true coolness eludes them even more. I truly believe wisdom is only gained through living! Through making mistakes and the growth that comes naturally with that. Knowledge can be read and learnt and some people will try to pass this off knowledge as wisdom. I find that the wise people I know have lived a varied and interesting life and have really put themselves out in the world and worked hard. They are ambitious, take risks and action, dealing with failures with the same joy as success brings.
For me the true root of what makes some guys have natural coolness is down to understanding yourself and the understanding the world and people. That only comes through putting yourself on the line. True coolness has to come from within and NOT BE A CONSCIENCE ACTION. Such as ‘I will do this because it will make me look really cool.’ It has to something you just do without that need for validation.

Cool behaviour flows from the subconscious which makes it effortless.

The best advise I could give to achieve this is to take away the barriers, the bullshit, the ego boosts and pointless validation that being seen in the community as a ‘successful PUA’ brings and spend some honest time finding out who you are and where you truly want to go. Strip away the bollocks…. Only then does an identity form and glow.

Don’t hide behind a fake painted on PUA face or rely on scripted material, routines and silly games. There is a BIG difference between ‘games’ and being in ‘The Game.’ The Game is a healthy way of life that develops an attractive person through lifestyle, it is a choice to be strong, where as ‘games’ are for children, not men.

Now this subject is slightly vague and allusive but not everything written about game involves a quick formula and easy to follow routines and magic pills. Sometime we need to dig a big deeper and take on a focus that is long term

I hope it helps and nice to be blogging again and please feel free to comment or email me questions

Sweeney

Hey guys,

For this post I want to go through with you a strategy for effectively gaming at night. This will not be heavy on technique but will help explain how to correctly navigate your way through the often confusing world of night game. This is the first of three posts in which I will cover the three locations of night game: clubs, bars and the street, and by the end of them you should have enough knowledge of the social situations that you can effectively game in them, for practice or for a goal.

The basics of Club game:

The Environment:

The most obvious point to start is the environment in a club. It has loud music, a lot of girls who have bitch shields up, a lot of drink, and not nearly enough space! While this may sound like hell to someone practicing game it is in reality the best place to practice! The atmosphere is intimidating because it is designed to be, especially to guys. The club makes it’s money on the bar, so the more uncomfortable someone is, the more likely they are to buy drinks. Once you recognise this, it is easier to deal with it, and use the environment to your advantage:

• If it is cramped while standing it is a great excuse to open by asking someone to move up so you can sit down, or get to the bar. It is also great as a method of isolation: ‘it is too cramped/hot/loud, lets go to the smoking area for some air/more space/some quiet’.
• As it is loud it is perfect to get close to hear and to kino!
• If other guys are clearly uncomfortable, by being (or acting) calm and as if you are having fun you put yourself in a positive light and differentiate yourself from the rest!
• If you can get past a girls bitch shield you not only get a huge amount of respect and feel great but it becomes easier to open her group up, and other groups around! Bitch shields are also a great source of self amusement, they allow you to be a bit inventive in getting round them and it is a good feeling to know you have broken one, and the easiest way is by giving her a positive response to her, complimenting her on her shortness etc. I will not go into a lot of detail as I know there are other posts here which are specific to dealing with disarming bitch shields and handling tests.

The Girls:

So now we know the environment we are dealing with, lets look at what we are there for, the girls! In a club it isn’t likely that people are there to talk about their jobs, childhood or hobbies! They are there for a bit of fun, a release from everyday life! Many guys learning get bogged down in trying to talk to women in a club and wonder why their success rate isn’t high! Remember to bear in mind why they are there, to have fun! Now bitch shields are prevalent in night clubs, but why is this?

When a girl goes out she knows she will be hit on, and she will enjoy some of the attention but being honest, she is most likely out for a night with her friends, and after the third or fourth guy comes up to her she will start to put the shield up. Bear this in mind when approaching her, and so don’t be surprised if you don’t get her falling into your arms as soon as you say hi! Now I am not saying to expect, and indeed dread a bitch shield, just be prepared for one, there are other blog posts which deal with this so I will not devote any time to it, other than saying the best way to handle them is positively.

So what is the best way to minimise the chance (or potency) of a bitch shield, or even just how to increase the chance of a successful opener? Remember what they are there for, to have fun! If you open with an opinion opener about if you should dye your hair then that is certainly better than nothing but why not make it a bit more calibrated. They are there to have fun, have a party, escape from their usual world for a little bit. If you open in a way which communicates you are not in that state of mind then the opener is likely to fall flat, likewise if you open with something which doesn’t add to this and increase their enjoyment of the night.

You don’t have to be super high energy, just enjoying yourself (or at least appear to be). Nice, low pressure situational openers are ideal for early on in the night, and you can have short interactions before going back and opening them later on again for longer periods of time. Another way of opening is by forcing an IOI (Indicator of Interest) with a girl before opening, this way you have a good idea of whether she will be warm or not, and if she gives a good response then approach, if she doesn’t nothing has been lost, and you can move on safe in that knowledge.

As for comfort building and escalating remember that you don’t want to be shouting in her ear all night to ask about her pet dog! Instead dance with a few push pull moves (which have been covered in another post) and if you want to speak to her for long periods of time isolate her to a quieter part of the club or outside to the smoking area/outside the club. This is true for escalating with K-closes. However tempting it is try not to K close her in front of her friends, as this can hinder your chances of a same night lay and could damage the rest of the interaction, as she does not want to be seen as ‘easy’ so show a bit of understanding and isolate her first.

The Timing:

Time passes differently in a nightclub compared to the outside world. There are really only three ‘phases’ in a club which everyone experiences relative to their time in the club.

1. Establishment: This is the first phase when everyone has just arrived and they are still settling into the night. At this point extraction is possible but unlikely if they have paid a big entry fee (e.g. in London something around £10-20, for university students £5-8, in the USA I am unaware!). If they have been looking forward and have planned to be in this club at this day then it is also very hard to extract at this point, but if neither of these two points are applicable then it is perfectly possible to extract a set to another venue. People tend to be a bit more guarded at this point in the night,as they have not yet loosened up but it is a brilliant time to do some social proofing (asking short questions and having very short interactions with almost everyone).

2. Socialising: At this point people have had a bit more to drink, have caught up with each other and feel more comfortable and are willing to start socialising! You will notice more IOI’s are given off at this stage, however it is nearly impossible to extract at this point as people have just settled in and are enjoying themselves. Now is the time to follow up on the social proofing from earlier and also to engage for longer periods of time.

3. Closing: This phase occurs in the last hour or two of the club being open. Opening new sets is a little bit more difficult as it is likely they have had a few too many guys ‘try it on’ already, but extraction with the ones you have already interacted with becomes a real possibility, and even more likely if you have been seeding the idea and building enthusiasm about it for a little while beforehand. This is a time to be in one set only with the end point in mind.

The Strategy:

So hopefully with all of this information you will be able to start to increase your understanding and enjoyment of club game. Below I have outlined a step by step strategy for you to start gaming in a club effectively:

1. Establish a base, familiarise yourself with the club by social proofing, asking questions such as ‘where are the bathrooms, other bars etc’

2. Go back in and re-open some warm sets from the social proofing stage.

3. Spend some time on a dancefloor, ideally either with a set or opening new ones.

4. Go back in and re-open the warmest sets from earlier, spending a longer and longer period of time.

5. Prepare for extraction/closing by seeding the ideas.

6. Work to extract/close.

Go out there and try to implement this basic plan and utilise the advice given. If you have a question about club game which you would like answered leave a comment or send an email!

Next in this series of posts…bar game, have fun guys!

Karl