The Circle of Validation

Everybody needs validation.There is no point in achieving without validation.What is validation? Validation is the notion of giving value to a particular quality.

Validation is about uncertainty. We need validation about things that we are not 100 % certain about. When we lack certainty, we look to others to guide us. Think about it; the things that we are certain of, we don’t need validation or evidence for.
We don’t need validation or proof that we are alive.
But for validation to occur, we have to have some certainty that it is true. That is the basis of compliments, and a large part of direct game.

For example,for those of you with a masochistic streak, try opening some fugly minger with “….I had to come meet you as I think you are really gorgeous, “ and watch as the interaction goes south. This is partly because, she would not have much certainty that the compliment was true and thus could not receive genuine validation from it. Also it is difficult to be congruent with the compliment.
Again, try giving the same compliment to the she-knows-she’s-smoking-hot chick who has squeezed herself into the two sizes too small low cut tee shirt with the miniskirt belt and perfect tights…..and gushing will ensue.This is because she probably has 90% certainty that the compliment is true and the extra 10% is the diamond validation that she needs.

Of course, in our social interactions we need to consider our own need for validation and that of others. We should not be seeking validation of course, but on some level we all receive some validation of sorts from the positive feedback of socialising. Think about what validates us. Anything from someone not walking away, to smiling back at us, to giving us their phone number, to having sex with us, is a form of validation. So it we don’t appreciate that we need validation, this kind of removes the point of an interaction.

The same goes for the recipient. By giving people validation, such as compliments, or empathic touch, we may encourage them to seek it from us, and often this comes in the form of qualification. By coming from a positon of giving value, a girl may qualify herself to us, attempting to impress us, so that we may give her validation back.

As a rule

VG>VT

The validation that you give (VG) should always be greater than the validation that you take (VT).
So if you validate everyone (VG), adding value to people’s lives, the net effect is that people will be drawn to you. It also has the effect that, your own need to take validation (VT) will begin to diminish. Try it. I guarantee it will improve your day, and ultimately, your results.

This creates yet another important effect. When people are drawn to you, others will become aware of this. This works on the biggest social uncertainty of all; the question of who hold the most social power. People are always looking to be drawn towards those with the highest social power or value, but they have perpetual uncertainty as to who this may be much of the time. However, this uncertainty is fulfilled when others give you attention and thus validation, as this creates the age old factor of influence…..Social Proof.

So by giving people validation, others become more drawn to you, creating social proof. This in turn, encourages others in the environment to seek validation from you.

And so it completes the circle. Lather, rinse, repeat.

If you need some inspiration, check this out.

Stay classy,

Shamwow.