It’s been a while since the last one. Today I want to talk about calibration, a topic constantly referred to in pickup, but never really properly addressed. More specifically, social calibration. This is effectively the skill of being attuned to your social environment to judge how others feel and react to the situation, and thus enables you to make the most appropriate decisions to maximise your outcomes.
Now social calibration is extremely hard to teach. Most people have varying degrees of social calibration and individually it may vary from situation to situation. The amount it varies would depend on many factors including social experience, lifestyle and personality. It should be said that we feel more confident when we receive more evidence of our own social calibration to a particular environment. This is why people tend to have venues of preference; one guy may feel more calibrated in coffee shops, whereas someone else may be more at home in a club. We tend to gravitate towards environments where our sense of social calibration is highest.
Now for the most part, when people talk about social calibration in pickup, the knee-jerk solution is………..anyone….Bueller……
SPEND MORE TIME IN THE FIELD!!!!!
And as much as that is a fair comment, it is not entirely helpful. What do you do in the field? How do you know if you are uncalibrated? How do you know if you are improving?
Now a lot of people gauge socially uncalibrated responses as those which are weird, awkward or creepy. As a result, many people see social calibration as an absence of weird, awkward or creepy responses.
This then creates an altogether different and more hideous beast from within. There is a middle ground, a Calibration Purgatory if you will, which exists somewhere between the darkest depths of social retardedness and actual social calibration, where many reside comfortably. And this is the Competition for Social Status.
The most subtle uncalibrated behaviours tend to exist because individuals are competing for a place in the hierarchy of social status. For example, AMOGging, putting others down to try and increase status or NEGging, flat out being rude (because they think it’s being cool), bitchiness and trying to force rapport. Aggressive and competitive behaviours also fall into this category, and also project neediness and dependence on the outcome. These are uncalibrated because they all refuse to take into account what others are feeling and/or create negativity largely to fulfill self-centered needs.
So what are we aiming for to reach Actual Social Calibration? Well if you study individuals who are successful professionally and socially, a number of qualities tend to stand out. They are non-competitive, non-judgemental, have no agenda and seem to add value to everyone. It has been suggested that selfless generosity is the key.
So here are a few things that you can do to avoid getting stuck in Calibration Purgatory.
1. Social Versatility.
Aim to immerse yourself in as many different social situations as you can. One thing I see is that some students only hang out with their Pick-Up wings (mmm wings..) and as a result “the community” defines their social behaviour, resulting in interactions and self-esteem defined by “closes” and the slow descent into narcissism. Expanding one’s repertoire gives us a more broad experience with which to base our experiences of people’s behaviour.It’s also more fun.
2.Treat everyone as equals.
Look, we want to be the high value men that we are, but that’s no excuse to belittle people with it. The goal here is to ADD VALUE (the old chestnut), and make everyone around you feel good. If anyone is down, bring them up. This also enables you to connect with everyone. Make others interact and get involved with your conversation, instead of making it just about yourself.
3.Be non-discriminatory.
A massive potential politically incorrect hot potato.However, many people discriminate to some extent, and it takes a big man to know how he does, and a bigger man to do something about it.Here’s one.Would you treat a hot girl differently to her more overweight friend?Discrimination leads to judgement. Judgement leads to competition. And competition seeks hierarchy.
4. Aim to make everyone feel at ease.
This is where weird, awkward and creepy, those ubiquitous pantomime characters, can be stamped out. Firstly, avoid the Calibration Purgatory option, where the situation becomes weird and you carry on regardless. This just makes it worse, but hey if your’re gonna go down, go down in a Blaze of Glory. Well no.
If your aim is to make everyone feel at ease, the odd challenging situation will come up anyway (which is part of the point) and you learn to deal with them. This will be minimised if everyone is already upbeat, having a good time and already connecting.
Ultimately, a Socially Calibrated person is highly attractive, and projects a potent marker of social success.
Well that’s my take on it . Any Qs E me.
Stay classy.
Shamwow.
From what I have experienced I have tried to become more socially calibrated and I still dont really enjoy myself with other people nor do I know how to be influential. I have probably tried harder than most people who learn pickup in like 3 months who probably werent really that troubled in the first place.
I have gone to an NLP ‘specialist’ who teaches at all the top seminars and I must say I was rather underwhelmed. NLP people seem to think visualisations is the solution for everything. For example I read Paul mckennas books when I was younger and I did the visualisation exercises and because I was hopeful and gullible since it came from a source of authority I thought WOW I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. But then I realised later than actually no Im not? We did a visualisation exercise and he looked at me as if expecting me to say ‘Yep Sorted No problems now’. I can imagine most people give that reaction to him since most people need is is a placebo booster. Or the failures or the people the therapist achieves no results with are not registered in their system or the result is twisted into a success.
But then again what is success?? who knows…
But I dont really talk about my issues since all it leads to is cliche positive advice. And when it comes to relationships you get advice like ‘Some one will love you just the way you are’. If that were true then there wouldnt be like 40 year old virgins etc.
And when it comes to seeing NHS psychiatrists, all they do is prescribe medications which totally dont work. How can a tiny pill contain powerful chemicals to change the brain. Or somehow make you more confidnet or socially savvy. There are more powerful mind/mood altering chemicals in an apple. Most people who say they are troubled are usually just putting it on or being dramatic or poetic.
Also at all the NLP seminars. All they do is speak metaphorically and cryptically and assume that if someone is troubled that they must hear ‘voices’. Also all hypnotists think they are really clever when they imbedd a hypnotic command ‘stop’ in their sentences and they clearly think it will somehow simply make a difference. In a video from Sean Stephenson he talks ‘write down your pain below this video and Illl write a plan’ and he ends the video ‘Thanks for STOPping by’ I was like WOW thats SURELY going to work. Not.
Also, I dont get how some people are like over the top in their ‘faith’ I was watching a show about a facially disfigured guy and he talked about how his faith was important to him. But if God exists he hardly did him any favours by making his face messed up and making him into a 32 year old virgin.
And another annoying thing is that Im overly dependent on other people. Id like to be more self reliant. But Im too mentally messed up. At this rate Im going to live with my parents until im like 50. Of course you cant live without others but Id like to have more choice in my life.