Heya guys,
So I’ve been pretty quiet on here as I’ve been drowning in a new project. Some of you will have heard of it, some of you definitely won’t have yet.
I’ve been making a TV show all about dating and Pick Up!
The first 2 episodes are online. It’s probably better to watch them rather than have me talk about them so Check them and let me know what you think!
AFC Adam
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Hey Guys,
Are you afraid of approaching someone you like through a fear of rejection?
Do you get that horrible feeling in your stomach and begin to formulate 100 reasons why someone wouldn’t want to talk to you?
This is a lot more common than you would believe. There are a number of different products out there which will supposedly “fix” the fear of approaching strangers, especially ones you are attracted to. However, few of them take the time to understand why we have that fear in the first place. If you understand why you have this fear or anxiety, you can take steps to counter it. This is probably the biggest topic when it comes to understanding attraction. Well, that is to say, it is the one that most people have the biggest problem with. I constantly receive the same excuses time and time again when it comes to this subject.
1) I’m scared of approaching
2) I have a fear of rejection
3) They aren’t in the mood to be spoken to
4) She won’t think I look good enough
5) I can’t meet people in a park/cinema/night club
6) I’m not good enough for him/her
7) There’s no point, it won’t work
These are probably the most common reasons I am given as to why someone can’t approach, or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour.
Anxiety is defined by Seligman, Walker and Rosenhan (2001) as a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.
There are some physical sensations that you will probably be aware of such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, shaking and perhaps headaches. These may be common to you. Some people will disguise these by making a decision not to approach. This will relieve the sensations and instead leave a sort of “numbness” to the situation.
Sigmund Freud himself believed that these anxious feelings were created by an association between a past negative experience and the current situation. These associations are often false and not related through causality – the idea that one situation directly affects another, but through correlation – one thing “tends to affect another over repeated attempts.”
When people begin to see this correlation as a fact, it is commonly referred to as “Magical Thinking.”
There are two governing principles behind magical thinking. The first is the law of similaritywhich is the notion that things that resemble each other are casually connected in some way that defies scientific testing.
For example:
Here people will typically see vertical columns of squares and circles as opposed to horizontal mixed rows of squares and circles.
The second law is the law of contagion which is the belief that “things that have been in physical contact or in spatial or temporal association with other things retain a connection after they are separated.” Contagion effects have been noted to be more effective with negative associations than with positive ones. This is probably best explained by the notion of getting “bad luck” or having a bad time every time you go to a specific venue.
Freud believed that the anxiety or fear was maintained through a form operant conditioning. Essentially the feeling of anxiety is reinforced every time you are in a similar situation. You then “learn” to remove the negative feeling of anxiety by not approaching. These connections of patterns, or “magical thinking,” are common throughout all the human societies across the world. The human brain is adept at forming these patterns, though we do not have a particularly good system for distinguishing between real and perceived connections. Theoretically this is due to a simple survival tactic. If we notice rustling behind a bush it is better for us to assume it is some form of threat and begin to prep our bodies to defend ourselves rather than ignore it and risk being eaten.
Our fear or anxiety response is actually designed to help us survive in a fight or flight scenario. Believe it or not the symptoms detailed earlier are all beneficial to us in times of survival. Perspiration occurs to help cool us down, heart rate increases to improve blood circulation and muscles tighten as they are filled with oxygen in preparation for use. Unfortunately these are not particularly beneficial when we are looking for something witty to say during a conversation with someone.
In short we learn the fear through a number of negative experiences and then reinforce them by not doing anything about it. The bodies natural reaction towards a fearful situation is the feeling we associate with approach anxiety or the fear of the approach. The way to overcome this is to reverse the learning.
All of the common problems detailed above can be directly related to either “magical thinking” in the form of a false belief that failure is almost certain due to some form of connection to a previous situation that failed. Or pure fear learnt and reinforced by not approaching. These are both forms of self fulfilled prophecy i.e. Unless you actively do something to fix it they will continue to support themselves. The good news is that this problem is far from unfixable.
The bad news is that it does take time. The easiest way to fix this is to actually go out and meet new people. The problem is that when you do this, any negative experience you receive is likely to reinforce the previous attitude or fear you had before. As I’ve mentioned before one of the easiest ways to get around this is to simply meet people for the sake of meeting people.
Most of us are actually more than happy to talk to other people, especially on boring long journeys, or when waiting in a long queue. Get used to talking to absolutely everybody, male or female, young and old. This should help you generate a great deal of positive responses to your approaches and help curb some of those negative connections.
I hope this helps guys,
Adam Lyons
(AFC Adam)
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Heya guys,
Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet on the blog recently, this world tour thing has been kinda hectic. Anyway lets cut to the chase.
I’ve been doing a few articles recently for the Daily Mirror and they asked me if I would be interested in doing a competition for them. The prize is an afternoon of free training with me and some of my top instructors, I thought it would only be fair to let you guys know about it as well. Here’s the link if you’re interested.
For a chance to win free training Click here!
And if you want to see a glimpse at one of the articles I’ve done for them Check this one out.
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Heya guys,
When I first started the game I had the pleasure of being able to devote all of my time to developing new ideas and theories based on my own experience in field and research which helped alter the way thousands of people around the world approached the game. Unfortunately I’ve been so busy teaching recently that I’m just not getting the time I wanted to write up all my new theories and findings. However there was a little something I’ve been researching recently which gives a slightly new perspective to an old game we’ve been playing.
Those who’ve studied with me will be aware of my method of starting from comfort and exploiting social proof for all it’s worth. Well it turns out that actually a lot of my methods are not only backed up in the psychological studies I’ve mentioned in my own works but also by numerous other studies that where to demonstrate something other than attraction, that of conformity.
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An explanation of value with a hint of outcome independence.
So I’ve spent the last few weeks in some interesting conversations with some guys on the essence of value. After a particularly insightful conversation last night I think I’ve come up with a few theories I thought I’d share.
Since starting the game I’ve never really had AA, I just don’t suffer from it. My desire to succeed outweighed my fear of rejection. Until talking yesterday I never really understood just how valuable this was.
As far as we understand alot of attraction is based on value.
We all want what we can’t obtain, we seek girls with higher value. A hotter girl isn’t as attractive if she’s slept with everyone as her market value decreases, unless we are lower value than her, i.e. struggle with girls, feel the need to validate ourselves by sleeping with her based on her looks alone etc.
This value however isn’t a measure of our physical or financial worth. Being rich doesn’t Automatically make you high value.
If you have a posh car and you show it to everyone you meet you’re actively seeking validation from them, therefore you don’t feel higher value, you’re seeking confirmation of your value from others, ergo you don’t recognise that you have value. If you don’t see it, then why would anyone else?
So real Value is portrayed, in our body language, in the way we speak, hell in everything you do.
You could be working in Macdonalds, yet portray incredibly high value.
eg
HB: What do you do for a living?
Maccy D Dude: I could tell you, but I don’t think you’lld understand.
HB: What do you mean?
Maccy D Dude: Well I think you may make a judgement without fully understanding the situation.
HB: I dont understand, tell me.
Maccy D Dude: Ok, I work at Macdonalds, but you need to understand why, I work here because I had a very poor upbringing and whilst here I can get aid in a catering qualification, which I plan on using to get myself work in a kitchen at a bar, with only a few years working there I hope to get my way up to being a head chef and eventually completeing all the qualifications necessary to be able to open up my own restaurant serving delicacies I like to invent in my spare time.
Now as you can tell despite the fact he currently has a job that isn’t particularly impressive he is able to convey value by having a clear ambition, he also doesn’t degrade his job, or hide it. In fact he sort of qualifies the girl before telling her what he does to get her to actually view the situation without preconceived notions (well as many as possible)
So value is capable of being translated via communication, or to be more to the point Sub-communication.
However how does this help us with regards to game aside form the obvious attraction building? More importantly how can we actually portray this value?
One of the key factors is actually outcome independence. Something I’m beginning to realise is fundamental to Value.
In any given situation, the value of that situation can be viewed differently by any two people.
E.g if a random AFC is in a conversation with an HB the value could be represented as being
Conversation value to AFC = High
Conversation Value to HB= Low
So the AFC would be needing the conversation more than her, if someone where to come and interupt to take The HB to an interview for a new modelling job then after a few moments she may forget that conversation completely, whereas the AFC would remember it for a good while to come.
Now, lets look at the situation again but add numerical values to the value.
AFC = 20
HB = 1
He is 20 times more invested in the conversation than she is.
No imagine someone who is COMPLETELY outcome independent going into the same situation.
MR Outcome Independent Conversation value = 0
HB = 1
Now even though she may only give the conversation a value of 1 it is still significantly higher than his.
Therefore she is alot more invested than he is by default! The situation means more to her than him, and therefore she has more to lose. When she sense this loss she will begin to invest in the situation to try and ensure she doesn’t lose any value. i.e the value of the conversation to her.
This investment increases her buy in to the conversation.
This Increases the value of the conversation to her.
MR Outcome Independent Conversation value = 0
HB = 2
The more she invests, the more she feels a need to maintain the situation, the more she becomes attracted to it.
Now obviously I’ve given the HB a value of 1 because If I gave her a value of 0 both parties would walk away without anything. However, when you take into account how often people actually seek validation you begin to realise that they usually do give some form of value to Absolutely any given situation. It’s just that normally it’s alot less than an AFC.
Why does negging work?
It works because it shows the girl that you haven’t given her any value, on that specific situation and she Bites back because she has given it at least some form of value.
Now obviously being completely outcome independent is easier said than done, however maybe it’ll give you something to focus on. When I first started in the game my desire to succeed outweighed my AA consequently I opened everything not with the aim of getting the girl but with the aim of learning what WOULDN’T work. Therefore I was outcome independent. I am beginning to understand just how much this was a key area of my own development.
Anyway guys just a few random ramblings,
I hope you enjoy.
AFC Adam
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We’ve been getting lots of emails lately with similar questions. Stuff like:
How do I seduce women on Facebook? How do I make a women from Facebook to come for a date with me? How do I find a pretty girl’s profile? Why seducing women on Facebook is so difficult? How to meet a girl of my dreams on online?
So I ask Adam London and he has successfully done it!
Heya guys,
I’ve recently been doing a hell of alot of direct game, as it fits in very well with the lifestyle I’m trying to create for myself.
Truly Direct works soo much easier if you have alot of value initially. In fact it’s probably the best way to go.
Anyway I was only with this one girl for like 2 mins before I had to leave so I told her to Facebook me.
She poked me and I used it to run my standard club game though over Facebook.
As it was all there written up I thought I’d Cut, Paste and share.
I had no idea she was in a relationship and therefore am NOT going to pursue it..
But I reckon it pretty much sums up my game at ther moment.
She didn’t add me as a friend she only poked me, which from my experience shows she’s either shy. (which I know she isn’t) or intended to play some kind of game with me chasing her.
Hope ya’ll enjoy.
AFC AdamLondon
Adam Lyons
Today at 11:58pm
You really should be careful who you poke.
I’m alot of trouble.
HB
Today at 11:59am
Oh really now… Lol… Why is that then? :p
Adam Lyons
Today at 12:02pm
Well because,
I’m quite possibly the biggest trouble maker in London.
And I can see you’re in a relationship so you’lld prob best stay away.
There are only two types of girls in this life.
Those that like causing trouble themselves, and are up for a few fun times, crazy nights, awesome dinners, crazy sex and then staying good friends for the rest of life.
or
those that think they can change someone and are looking for that special someone.
I promise you if you are the second type you should stay away now.
If not…welcome to my world.
HB
Today at 12:06pm
hhhmmm…. Intersting…
Well I think I’m closer to type number 1… Love the speech… :p
Where did you disappear off to the other night? x
Adam Lyons
Today at 12:15pm
Glad you liked the speech, :D
I like playing fair, I refuse to waste my time on girls that like playing games, and don’t play them myself life’s too short for messing.
My last few days have been really hectic.
So how come you’re on facebook all day?
And whats your fav food?
I would normally create a date off the back of the food thing… though this girl is outta luck.
Hope it helps,
AFC AdamLondon
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Ok We are all aware of the phrase. “Getting lucky”… well; Luck = Preparation Meeting Opportunity.
Well the other night I made a decision that made me realise just how much that statement shouldn’t apply to us.
The phrase getting lucky implies that we have no control over the results
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Social proof is essentially a means to generate Pre-selection, and Propinquity.
Pre-selection was a form of attraction that I feel was adequately outlined in a psychological test covered last year by Benedict Jones. The theory behind Pre-selection has been around since the mid 1900’s and argueably before, however I feel this test sums it up more than well enough for our purposes.
The Test
Benedict Jones Test 05.02.06 participants first viewed eight pairs of male faces and indicated which face in each pair they preferred and how strongly they preferred it. Following this, participants viewed a slideshow where they saw the same pairs of male faces, but in which a woman was shown looking at one of the men in each pair with either a happy expression ( i.e. smiling) or a relatively negative (i.e. neutral) expression. After the slide show, participants repeated the initial face preference test.
Results
For female participants, a paired samples t-test comparing the change in mean strength of preference for target faces in the happy and neutral conditions showed that the increase in preference for faces that were smiled at by women during the observation phase was greater than that for faces that were looked at by women with neutral expressions.
So we can see from the test that women generally prefere men that other women are already attracted to. As certain emotions can be ambiguous to see from a distance or without understanding the context; a harmless smile will often be perceived by others as a signature of attraction.
Therefore the more people you speak to in a room and leave feeling good about themselves with regards to you the more pre-selection you will generate. This could be done by anything from going around taking pictures of people, to getting everyone to dance, to buying everyone a drink, to just saying hi to everyone you meet.
However Social Proof is even more powerful as it also generates Propinquity, and this is a form of comfort.
Preselection = Attraction
Propinquity = Comfort
Attraction + Comfort = Lay
(Awesome formula eh? Who Said I was bad at maths.)
Propinquity is the term used to describe a physical proximity, special bond, or some form of kinship between things. Psychology views this is one of the leading triggers in interpersonal or social attraction. It roughly relates to being close to someone else in some form or another. This could be in physical terms, i.e you live in the same area as someone or not so physical, you both belong to the same association. The closer the proximity the higher the propinquity. For example those living on the same floor in a building have a higher propinquity than those on different floors.
In this Diagram we can see that A and B would both be attracted to C as C lies within both of A and B’s Circle. Likewise C would be attracted to both A and B and would have the option of choosing either. D is the outsider of the group, and therefore holds the lowest levels of attraction to any of the other parties.
The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often. In other words, relationships tend to be formed between those who have a high propinquity. It was first theorized by psychologists Leon Festinger, Stanley Schachter, Kurt Lewin and Kurt Bach in what came to be called as the Westgate studies conducted MIT university in 1950
Propinquity can be more than just physical distance. For example, residents of an apartment building living near a stairway tend to have more friends from other floors than others. Propinquity also applies to Social groups. These could consist of class mates, friendship social circles or even work colleagues, and explains the tendency for teachers to date teachers, members of the police force to date each other and so on.
In 1956 Alan C Kerckhoff conducted a study on residential propinquity, around 70% of the married couples lived within 20 blocks of their partner before marriage. This seems obvious when you think about it. Yet it is something people don’t really think about.
It seems strange to say that just being close to somebody generates attraction, yet if you notice the amount of IOI’s you get if you see a girl every morning on the same train, or from someone who lives in the apartment block opposite you. You will almost always begin to say hello every day. Obviously this isn’t the be all and end all, however it is the start. Social proof enables us to generate this regularly creating this initial spark whenever we vybe with a room showing that the room is our social circle and that they are part of it.
It is powerful because it is a passive form of game, When run correctly it enables you to get opened. My wing and best friend Jim Stark used this to close his incredibly hot current girlfriend who is a slim blonde model type and at least 6 inches taller than Jim. She actually asked him on the night.
“Who are you? Why does everyone seem to know you?”
The fact that it requires little outer game and instead primarily relies on having fun and possesing a sold Inner game frame to work from, makes it something that people can get to grips with easily without jeapodising their own personality.
It has been the basis of my game since I started in the game and is in my mind the reason I have done as well as I have so quickly. Though I am always looking to make myself better. I have seen past tutors and wings of mine stare at me as with only social proof and a few simple afc lines I have managed to close girls that blew them out previously. Then watched them completely alter their game to focus on Social Proof to amazing effect.
You want the magic pill? It doesn’t exist. Social Proof is the next best thing.
AFC AdamLondon
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The question to ask yourself is… Are you a victim of Premature Ejectulation?
What I am reffering to is leaving a set prematurely because you “feel” you have been blown out.
I have witnessed a wide range of students now who will quite happily open a set, get them hooked, and run a decent number of routines generating a great deal of interest and then eject, actually saying goodbye.
A key point here is that this should not be confused with capture – recapture. Wherebye you leave the set on a high note at the begining of the night, with a time bridge stating you will probably see them around later on, and maybe they owe you a dance/drink whatever. Just so they don’t feel trapped by you early on in the night.
I am talking about having a set hooked late into the evening, and leaving the set for a number of reasons which may seem valid in your head at the time, however upon further inspection you can see that it would have made more sense to stay in set.
The common reasons I have heard are as follows;
a) Run out of things to say
b) I was about to get blown out
c) It wasn’t going anywhere
d) I don’t know why I did it
Each of these reasons are an assumption based on the ideas of the PUA in question and not the girls in set.
a) If you have run out of things to say, go quiet for a while
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