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Hey guys

It has been a while since I have written a post on here. I have been majorly busy working on the PUA Training bootcamps and residential courses, as well as doing a whole load of other things. When I write a blog post I like to write it from the heart and I believe in practicing what you preach. Out of all the stupid and crazy things I have done in my life, what I am about to embark on is probably the most extreme.

Every week people ask me about how to have interesting conversations and how to live interesting lives. I like to road test ideas before I report on them, however this one is a work in progress. If you want to have great conversations with girls, or anyone in fact, then you need to change what you are doing. It is really hard to generate interesting conversations and connections with people if you are stuck behind a computer reading pick up theory. You have to go out and interact with the world.

The whole idea of a top 40 challenge started back in January of this year, a couple of months before I turned 30. I made a list with the help of some other people (in a pub) of things to do before I hit the 12th anniversary of my 18th birthday. Of course the suggestions were absolutely crazy and unachievable, everything from walking round the rim of a volcano through to swimming with dolphins. Of course I made no attempt to carry out any of the challenges proposed by the well meaning, but very drunk, people had helped me to compose.

I made myself one promise when I turned 30, to stop drinking completely for 3 months. I like drinking, I am good at it, so setting myself a challenge to stop altogether for 3 months seemed to be a crazy idea. To my surprise I actually managed to pull it off, and it was actually much easier than I thought. I began thinking to myself, if I am able to stop drinking for 3 months then surely I can do loads of other things as well?

Three books have had a major influence on my life and have resulted in me devising this top 40 challenge. Those books are; The Dice Man, Yes Man and The Luck Factor. Strangely enough I have never even read The Dice Man but I have been told about it so much from other people and I really like the idea of it. I loved the whole premise of Yes Man and The Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman is one of the best books ever written about positive psychology. 

All three books involve to some degree the removal of free will and choice and letting fate decide your actions. All three also will radically alter your life, give you amazing experiences and stretch your comfort zone to new limits. Although I have done some crazy and stupid things in my life I am also a responsible person and if I am going to undertake a life altering journey I still need to turn up for work, not seriously harm myself or other people and set myself challenges I can actually do.

So here is the plan. I write down 40 things I have always wanted to do. All the tasks are within my financial means and can be completed relative ease. I write down the numbers 1 – 40 on identical pieces of paper and randomly choose one. I then must complete whatever task it relates to off the list before I move onto the next. I must provide some sort of evidence of task completion. Each task must be completed as soon as possible.

Below are my 40 challenges and an explanation to why I have chosen each one.

1. Have fish massage 

I remember a long time ago watching documentary about fish that eat away dead skin. These fish lived in some far flung land in special pools and all attempts to move them resulted in the fish dying. I always wanted to visit these pools and have a “fish massage”. Recently having fish nibble at your feet is becoming somewhat of a phenomenon right here in the UK. Now you can sit and relax while a team of hungry little fish nibble and chomp away at the dead skin on your feet.

2. Buy a made to measure suit/high end blazer and jeans

I like my fashion and always wear blazers and well fitting clothes. Something that I have always wanted is a made to measure suit. I would also be just as happy with a high end blazer and jeans, as I suspect that I would not actually get much use out of a full suit. Either way I am going to be spending a lot of money and looking good!

3. Go on London Eye

I have lived in London for 2 ½ years and in all that time I have never been on the London Eye (or whatever it is called, it seems to change its name every week). This is something I have wanted to do for years but have never gotten round to.

4. Go in a floatation tank

A floatation tank is a small capsule like construction filled with a few inches of high concentration salt water. The idea is that you float in the tank and it helps you to unwind and relax. My love of hypnosis and the mind has always made me curious about such an experience and after seeing them on an episode of “The Simpsons” I have always wanted to go in one.

5. Go to a candle lit pop up dinner

I love one off nights that happen around London. One that has really caught my eye is the type that set up a restaurant filled with candles with no electric lighting. You have to register online and you do not know the location until just a couple of hours before. I spoke to a client who attended a bootcamp recently who was raving about them and it convinced me that I need to go.

6. Go to an observatory

I find space absolutely fascinating. I enjoy nothing more than gazing up to the stars hoping to see a UFO. Yes I am that sad! I have always wanted to visit an observatory and see the stars and planets through a massive telescope.    

7. Hot air balloon ride

I grew up in the countryside in North Yorkshire where it seems that hot air balloon is a regular form of transport. Having spent my youth watching them, I never actually got the chance to have a ride in one. Recently I met up with an old friend of mine who had been for a “flight” and it reignited my passion to sit in a wicker basket underneath a massive bottle of gas and naked flame blowing into a silk balloon. What could possibly go wrong?   

8. Build a model plane

I will be the first to admit that I have no patience and I am useless at most practical skills. Building a model aeroplane is something that I would have a lot of trouble with, as it takes patience, dedication and attention to detail. I hope that at the end of it I will feel a sense of achievement and not go crazy half way through. 

9. Go on a massage course

I am fascinated with the mind/body connection when it comes to relaxation. I also believe that touch is an incredibly powerful and gratifying thing. I want to learn at least the basics in massage and understand better how the muscles are composed.

10. Go on a cookery course

One thing that I promise to do every year is to cook more often. I am OK at cooking, saying that I eat the vast majority of my meals out. I enjoy cooking but I have a limited range of what I can prepare. I have always wanted to attend a cooking course where you get to make totally different food and gain a greater understanding of cooking itself. Cooking is a dying art form and it is so central to our daily lives. I want to be able to cook more often for family and friends without having to rely on a lot of premade dishes. 

11. Give away a free therapy/coaching session

I am going to give away half a day of my time to help someone to improve their innergame.

12. Go and see a big West End Musical.

I live in London yet I have seen surprisingly few shows. I have the world’s best shows literally on my doorstep yet I hardly been to any. I will select a few shows and pick one at random to go and see.

13. Go to see a random band in Camden

I used to be a band promoter in Manchester and so I got to see loads of live music. Since moving to London I haven’t really seen many live bands, especially ones that I don’t previously know. So a trip to Camden to see a band that has a name that attracts me.

14. Learn how to juggle 3 balls for at least a minute

Juggling is a skill that I have always wanted to acquire, especially after reading about the recent research that has gone into it. Juggling, it seems, can really help brain growth and develop a stronger connection between the brain’s hemispheres. I also think it looks cool.

15. Go for afternoon tea at a top London hotel

I have always liked the thought of having a super posh day out and having afternoon tea at a top London hotel. I want to have the little cakes on the special 3 tier stand. Good times!

16. Get 10 postcards from around the world sent to me

For as long as I can remember, I have always loved getting postcards from people on holiday. I have no idea why. I want to get 10 postcards from people who are either on holiday or who live abroad from as far away as possible.

17. By myself a decent watch

I have always loved watches but all of mine have been rather cheap in the past. I currently don’t wear one but I want to treat myself to a decent one. It isn’t going to be a Rolex, just something that looks decent and suits my style.

18. Be in a TV audience

When watching TV shows I have always wanted to be in the audience. I have checked this out before but I have never managed to get into a show.

19. Have strawberries and champagne on Primrose Hill

Primrose Hill is one of my favourite places in London. I also love champagne and strawberries. I am thinking that all three at the same time will be an amazing experience.

20. Go to the Comedy Store

I used to watch the TV show that was recorded at the Comedy Store when I was younger and I had always wanted to go there one day. I literally work across the road from it now yet I have never ventured inside.

21. Use the Abby Road crossing

I am a big Beatles fan and I know this is so cliché to do, but I just want to do it. I need to find the right crossing as apparently people get the wrong one a lot of the time.

22. Visit an ice bar

I know loads of people who have visited an ice bar and it sounds like a great experience.

23. Try laughing gas

This just sounds like a funny thing to do. I like laughing, good times!

24. Go to burlesque show

I find burlesque quite fascinating and it seems to be really popular here in London. It will certainly make a change from a normal night out.  

25. Visit a boutique cinema

I love going to the cinema but often the 3D, engulfing surround sound and other people can ruin the experience. I have been to the Phoenix in East Finchley which I love. I want to seek out other gems across London.     

26. Go to London Zoo

Another one of London’s most famous attractions that I have failed to visit. I have walked pasted it and seen it so many times without going in.

27. View an apartment I can’t afford

This is really just to be noisy and see how the other half live. I might even be inspired to work harder so I can afford it. Probably not, but it will be a fun day out.

28. Fast for 48 hours (water allowed)

I recently met a doctor who was telling me about the benefits of fasting for a couple of days to let the body have a rest. It interests me to see how I would feel after 2 days without food.  

29. Watch the first series of “The Wire”

I have heard so much about this TV Series but I have never seen it. I don’t have a TV and I am not in all that much anyway. I do like good TV programs so I am going to make myself watch the whole first series and see what all the fuss is about.  

30. Go to Dublin for a pint of Guinness

According to a lot of people I have met, Guinness tastes much better in Dublin. I need to investigate this and find out for myself. 

31. Visit a lighthouse

If I was going to build my dream house (Grand Designs style) then I would probably build or convert a lighthouse. The idea of having a room at the top with a 360 degree view I think is amazing. 

32. Go clay pigeon shooting

I have never fired a real gun and I don’t like the idea of shooting a real animal. This sounds like a great day out and no animals will be harmed in the process.  

33. Go to an imax film

For some reason I have never actually been to see a film at an Imax cinema. Just want to go to see what it is like.

34. Buy a really nice aftershave

I have run out of nice aftershave and need to restock. I will probably use this as an opener to get girls opinions on what I should buy. I am going to go for one I have never bought before based on girls recommendations.

35. Spend a day doing volunteer work

Not sure what doing as of yet. In the past I have done quite a bit of volunteer work and I have already really enjoyed it.

36. Go to Richmond for the day

Richmond is a place that I have wanted o go to for a long time. Other things have always come up and got in the way so I have never quite made it.

37. Listen to every Beatles album, one after the other in chronological order

I am a massive Beatles fan but I haven’t ever listened to all the albums, one after another. Friends I mine have done this and apparently has it given them a greater understanding of their music. Sounds like fun! 

38. Go for a 4 handed massage

Apparently having a 4 handed massage is rather trippy. As so many areas on your body are being stimulated at once it overloads the brain. Well worth experiencing in my opinion.

39. Watch “The Godfather” trilogy

I have never watched The Godfather. Enough said. I will watch all 3 then people will stop having a go at me about it.

40. Go for a cut throat razor shave

I have these this countless times in films and I think it looks like fun.

So there are my 40 challenges. Some are more complicated and costly than others, but all are quite achievable. I am going to write down the numbers 1-40 on identical cards and pick one at a time. I will update this blog with what happens along my journey, the people I meet and experiences that I have.

If you want to change your weekly routine, then why not come up with your own list of things to do? You can use some of my ideas to get you started or simply search on Google or ask other people. You have to make the challenges of interest to you and you have to stick to it. Why not try with just 3 to get you going and build up from there?

Although a lot of these tasks seem a bit pointless and daft, there are many psychological reasons why I am carrying out this challenge. I will explain all once I have completed all 40.

Let the adventures begin!

Hypnomatt

Hey guys

A lot of the pick up world seems to focus on getting rock star lifestyle. Rocking up to some high end club with 20 girls in tow, sitting at a private table, drinking champagne and having an after party until the wee hours at some penthouse apartment. This sounds lovely, but I have found that a lot of men, including myself, have absolutely no desire to live this kind of lifestyle.

So what happens to us regular dudes who just want to meet a nice girl and have a relationship? Are we boring? If so will learning game help or hinder our success with finding a girl whom we are compatible with?

The first question to ask yourself is what do you want? Some guys do want to go out and live the rock star life, and that is cool. Learning game is certainly going to help you to achieve this to some degree. I however take a different take on this. I don’t really like clubs, I don’t drink, I don’t like people who go to clubs, I don’t like staying out that late and I like to get up the next day and do things rather than feel like crap. I like more boring activities such as exploring London, spending time with friends, going to gigs and events, organising seminars and workshops, drinking nice coffee and eating out. Hardly rock ‘n’ roll, but I like it.

If you have recently got into game and are now thinking that you have to go out to bars and clubs to meet people, then rest assured that this is not the case. If you are looking to kiss and f close girls, then yes going out to these types of venues are your best bet. But if you are looking for a relationship, then I advise using the skills you learn in game and putting them to use in other places.

One thing you can not avoid is going out and talking to people. You do not learn social skills and game by sitting and home and reading articles like this. You learn it by going out and being with people, the right sort of people. I truly believe that inner game and confidence is built upon success rather than this weird notion that we have to go out and fail 99%. I don’t like failing at things and I try to avoid it when possible. I like to plan things then put them into action.

If you are looking to make a genuine connection with a girl then you are going to have patience. Love at first sight is very rare, instead love usually takes a while to develop through spending time with someone. I have found that the vast majority of people I know in relationships met their partners in one of 4 ways. Those ways of meeting were; educational facility (school, university, college etc), social circle (friends or friends of friends), at work or through a shared hobby or passion. I don’t know many people in relationships who met their partner in a bar or club.

If you are not in education, have exhausted your social circle and there is no one at work that suits you, then you need to look at taking up some new interests and hobbies. If you continue to spend your time with the same people then you are not likely to get any different results. You need to look at what you are doing, the results it is getting you and how you can make changes.

I worked with a client a few months ago who wanted to get back into a relationship. He is a rather quite guy, works in finance and enjoys nothing more than long country walks and cooking. He was rather disheartened with his pick up results as he was meeting loud and obnoxious women who weren’t his type. To be fair he was going to dingy crap clubs and meeting very drunk women. He doesn’t like clubbing, he should never have been in that environment.

When it comes to meeting people you are likely to have a connection with, you need to focus your efforts. My favourite resource is www.meetup.com. There are other similar websites such as City Socialising and Spice. These sites are like portals, a place where you can meet people with similar interests. You can also read your weekly entertainment listings as well as checking online directories.

My best advice is to get known within some sort of scene instead of just going to general events. One guy emailed me last week to say he is going out 4 times a week but unable to build a solid social circle. He is going to singles events and after work drinks type of stuff, so there is not much substance to hold the group together. To get the best results you need to think about a scene or something more substantial to get interested and involved in.

What is important is that whatever you decide to do, you should be doing it through interest and not just to meet women. If you current go to places you don’t really enjoy just to meet girls, than this will shine through. Guys who go to salsa classes are a classic example of this. If you have a genuine interest in something then this will shine through and real and genuine connections can be made, not only with potential partners but new guy friends too.

Some great activities that I have found to work really well with guys who I have monitored over the years include;

Classes and courses. Everything from learning a new language to self development seminars.  

Arts and crafts. Taking up photography, painting, dancing and other creative activities.    

Music. Either playing an instrument or going to see gigs. People bond effortlessly over music especially when it is a love of the same kind e.g. ska, rap, acoustic etc. The more niche the better.

Charity/volunteer work. Getting involved with some sort of charity activity or event. Sponsored runs and events always bring people together.

Sport. Getting involved with a sport or outdoor pursuit helps to unite people.

If you are not a fan of bars and clubs then I advise to stay out of them. Focus your attention on meeting people in places where you are going to have a real reason to talk and let the connection form more naturally over a longer period of time.

Please remember, you meet very few people at home. The girls and the life you desire are not going to come and find you.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)

Hey guys

Thanks for all the emails and comments about the previous blogs.

Today’s blog is all about taking action and quitting your bullshit whining. This blog is going to have some basic common sense tips. If you like follow them and you are likely to get results. Alternatively you can carry on reading theory and making up pointless and ever increasing in size excuses to why you are not taking action.

As men, we don’t like making mistakes especially in front of other people or in a scenario where we could face our ultimate fear, being rejected by a girl we like. This is why only a very small percentage of people who ever get into game will actually go out and apply what they know in field. It is likely that he only time these people will ever try stuff out is when they are a bootcamp or seminar and an instructor is making them do it.

Because of our fear of rejection and doing things wrong, we spend a lot of time learning theory before we even take the first step. In game there is so much contradicting theory that we are often left feeling overwhelmed and confused with the inability to take any action at all. By reading theory it gives us the false pretence and assurance that we are actually doing something, you aren’t! You do NOT learn game by reading books. The only place to learn social skills and game is in field. No if’s, no but’s.

This post is not about being vague, it is about giving you actual action steps. These steps work. I have worked with hundreds and hundreds of clients and been able to monitor their successes over several years. I can only tell you what I have found to work, I can not make you do anything.   

Natural game is NOT just being yourself!

I have a lot of guys telling me that they want to be natural. They seem to think that by being natural it means they don’t have to change anything about themselves. Being natural at something simply means being very good at a skill set. It does not mean you keep doing what you are already doing. What you are currently doing isn’t working, if it was you would not be reading about these materials.

I do not believe in having what the industry refers to as “canned patterns” or “routines”. I do however believe in being very well prepared and being very good at the skills we teach. If you follow what we tell you, then it will improve your results. If you learn all the skills from opening, transitioning, kino, conversation, elicitation and persuasion, closing, text/email/phone game, dates and escalation then you will become “natural” at meeting women. Each part of game is broken down into small parts. You need to learn them all and practice. You simply can not expect to become a natural without actually learning these skills.

I like to think of natural game as like learning the guitar. You do not become “natural” until you learn how the instrument works and you follow the scales, chords and sequences. Only when you are very good, do you appear to be “natural”. It takes a lot of work to make something look easy.

The future is NOT going to be ok without change

A lot of people who I work with have a romantic idea of the future, which allows them to be lazy in the present. People take a bootcamp thinking it will be the complete solution, it isn’t. Taking a bootcamp is not a solution to a problem, it is a training event to show you how things work. Simply attending any training event and then going home and not making any changes, will not deliver any results. Not long term at least anyway.

If you do not start to plan for the future, then things are going to get worse and worse. The longer you leave it to take any action at all, the less likely you ever take any action. Putting of actually making tangible changes because you first of all want to attend a certain course, read a book or watch a DVD etc will always keep you stuck. There will always be another course to take and another product to buy. There will not be any new breakthroughs and learning more theory will only make you more overwhelmed than you are now.

Just remember, all the time you are at home going through theory night after night. There are other guys meeting and seducing the women that you desire.

You can not therapy your way out of this.

As a therapist I take a very strong view of taking action to get over and past problems. Most often the simplest answer is the correct one to take. If you are not meeting new people, then you need to go out more and to different places. If you are overweight, you need to lose weight. If you are badly dressed, you need to see a stylist. If you live in a boring place, you need to move. We don’t make up the rules, we simply follow them to gain maximum effect.

Therapy does have its place, especially change work (what I specialise in). However if you do not couple therapy with taking action, then once again you will not make any real changes in your life. You do not get over social anxiety by hiding away from the world, you need to integrate into society in a slow and methodical way.

What you are already doing is not working

When we work with guys, we often hear things like “this just isn’t me”, or “it feels weird”. Yes, that is because you are doing new things. If you want to change your results, you need to change your method.

Let’s take a simple scenario of going up to a girl to ask her where Starbucks is. A standard PUA functional approach. Going up to a beautiful girl and asking her where somewhere is may feel weird, only because what you usually do is see her, not approach and then beat yourself up about not approaching afterwards.

What you are dong isn’t working. You need to change your method. We help guys with step by step strategies on how to meet and speak with girls. Once you have done this a LOT and had constructive criticism then it feels fun and natural. The good feelings come as a result, not a precursor. 

No one cares about your excuses

Your excuses keep you stuck and no one cares about them. A good example is a guy I was with the other day who’s facebook profile was terrible. There were loads of pictures of him out in clubs looking really drunk. I told him he should remove 95% of all his pictures because they are likely to put high quality girls off. His response is that it is his friends who tag him. My response “it is YOUR profile, you are responsible for it!”.

When I work in therapy I charge by the hour. If the client is more than 10 minutes late I cancel their appointment but still charge them. I need the full hour with the client to be able to do my work. I am always on time and I live about an hour away from my clinic. Whatever someone’s excuse is, I do not accept it. Not knowing where the clinic is, the tube line being closed, stuck in traffic etc are all the problems of the client.

So why do I take such a harsh approach, because I see things in black or white. I have an engineering background and in my view something is either a 1 or a 0. There is absolutely no grey area. Excuses are all in the 0 category. You either approached the girl or you didn’t, you either went for the close or you didn’t. All the reasons why are meaningless, they just allow you to feel better about not taking action.

Stop giving yourself excuses and learn the art of self discipline. No one is going to take care of you, you need to man up and face reality. When I work with people and I tell them what steps to take, I always get responses like “but I am lazy”, “I procrastinate”, “I am not self disciplined”, “I can’t be bothered”. I have a standard response to all of these justifications; “I could not give a shit about your pathetic excuses. Whether you do what I show you or not, I still get paid. It is 100% up to you to get off your ass and start putting these things into action. All the time you are sitting around moping, other guys are out there seducing the girls that you desire”.

Keep it simple and one step at a time 

One of the reasons I love working on the PUA Training bootcamp is because we take things one step at a time. We teach opening, then we take guys out and get them opening. We work like this all through the weekend, teaching then applying.

When learning game men always read all the theory yet take no action. Too many options usually leads to no option being taken at all. By reading book after book, you fill your head with information but you do not take the actions to turn this into knowledge. It is time to take a step back, look at what you are doing and working on things one step at a time.

Look at the materials we provide, read Richards book and see the steps. Work on the first step, get it mastered and then move on. There is no reason to learn about transitioning, kino or escalation if you are unable to go and open a single girl.

Learning game is not an overnight success, it is an evolution. You need to take things slowly and make it part of your daily life. We live in an on demand society where we want things right away. Slow down, make realistic goals and work hard on them before moving on.

The girls you desire are not going to come and find you 

If you want top quality girls, then you are going to have to earn them. No amount of affirmation, asking the universe or learning theory will ever make this happen. The basics of PUA are all centred around biological attraction and natural selection. Attraction is not a choice, it is how the species procreates. 

Conclusion 

We can show you what works, we are not saying it is right or wrong, it is just what works. I often have guys email me saying how unfair things are and why their problems are special. I have had numerous arguments on forums over the same things. We don’t make the rules, but they apply to us all. You can either argue against them, or learn how they work and use them to your advantage.

So what needs to happen for you to start taking action? What action will you take first? If you don’t take this action, how will your life go?

This is the time to realise you are 100% responsible for your own actions and what you do in life. The world will not chance to suit your needs, you have to adapt to it.

Make a plan, get on with it, stop whinging.

Matt Kendall (Hypnomatt)