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This post is in response to replies to my last post on being (‘Free of Control in a Relationship’) An off topic came up and I also have had e-mails from people around the world worrying about the same thing. The subject being other men and a woman’s past. The general concern is relating to PUA’s. Guys worrying that PUA’s have some special powers to steal their women.

I quote a reply from previous post

“Dear Sweeney,

I have a question. Becomes you know how guys tend to present their s$x lives like they sweep women with some magic spell and f@%k them silly then toss them to the curb like they were some 20p toy.

sometimes i think shit. what if this girl im dating like got f@%ked on a one night stand or got spitroasted by some hot PUA guys like you read it in the field reports. its like gahhh. yes its great for them but i wouldnt want their left overs and sometimes i worry like could ALL women fall for that spell? because pua guys make it seem like they could casually f@%ck any woman and toss her out.”

This is really not about any other man’s sexual abilities or strengths but the route of the matter is a person’s own insecurities and lack of self worth. You really have to value yourself and realise there are things you can offer that no other man be (film star, MPUA, natural, whatever…..) can. Indentifying those qualities and embracing them in a non-egocentrically way is the way to have great inner game! However on a bigger scale the more you learn about yourself, the more you will become aware of what will make you happy in any kind of a relationship and not what you THINK will make you happy but the qualities in a person that will! The key to being able to identify the kind of partner that will actually bring something to your life and make you happy and then you will stop wasting your time trying make gorgeous loss causes work with game and manipulation. (See my last post on ‘Letting go’)

From a logical or ‘Game’ perspective other guys are really not a problem. They only become an issue if you let them in your head and then all your silly insecurities rage to the service in a needy way which repels them. The reason other guys are no competition is a thing called PAIR BONDING. When two people have s&x, oxytocin and Endorphins are released, which helps bond the relationship. This is much stronger in women. When it is released during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond — the more s*x, the greater the bond. That is why it is important not to put the stunningly beautiful, well brought up, good morals, ‘not that kind of girl’ on a pedestal and be scared of escalating out of respect. She wants a guy to lead her to that place even if she hasn’t been there often. That is all MPUA’s do because they know this and know it is all about creating sexual comfort! MPUA’s do this rapidly hence they don’t spend months like other guys getting a girl to be sexual with them. So you see others guys are just not to be worried about because they DON’T have that bond with her. So a woman can see the most sexual and stunningly good looking guy in the world and look at him in amazement but still not act on it or even want to. If a girl is totally in love with me Brad Pitt couldn’t game her off me, there are things I can offer her that Brad can’t (and vice versa but I am sure he is happy with Angie so I’m safe ;-) you should have the same attitude.

I regularly have ‘Top PUA’s’ asking me for advice, they have issues too. However what gives top PUA’s a ‘glow’ apart from over the top non-natural marketing is that they understand

Sexual dynamics and escalation

Themselves (the foundation)

And have a real sense of inner confidence because they know how to be their most attractive self.

That differs from PUA to PUA. However that is all you can hope for….. ‘To be your most attractive self,’ what more could you ask for and then you will feel happy and be coming from a place of abundance and peace. And remember, as my good friend Gambler says ‘Anything that another human can do is learnable by you’ that is why our bootcamps and events are always full of people learning these things…….. Otherwise we wouldn’t be in business.

So if……

You are able to identify and embrace your individual attractive qualities and what you’re ACTALLY looking for in a partner.

Are able to be your ‘most attractive self’ through natural game

And finally you’re having s$x with your partner therefore strengthening the bond each time.

So it does not matter if ‘Mr. Super big balls MPUA super s”x star dripping in s@x appeal’ comes along she is bonded to you not him and his presence should not affect or intimidate you just a great opportunity to display your security and strength.

Finally you CAN NOT be jealous of her past so don’t bother. One of the top 3 qualities of millionaires and leaders is they don’t spend time worrying about things that they have no control over. You can’t control her past but you can control your future together. Using the 3 things above will help to make that a brighter future and with no fear of other men.

Much Love

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Letting go and freeing you from the stress of control in a relationship

Now I mainly get e-mails off guys asking me about sexual psychology and club game but some of my clients who I have work with are now in relationships and they start to ask me about relationships. This covers all your questions……

Now relationships are a totally different game, in fact for me, it is NOT A GAME. It is also something I am really enjoying learning about. I’m very experienced at the earlier, I’m know how to get the girl but the latter takes much more work and maturity. I have had some great changes in my life in the last year and recently that has opened me up to a different, better way of living that I’d like to share with you guys.

Last night I watched a fantastic play which really reflected some issues I have been looking at recently regarding CONTROL and RELATIONSHIPS.

In ‘The Love of the Nightingale’ the lead, Tereus, is a typical controlling alpha male, a warrior, a leader of men. He is a powerful king who people and women look up to and admire. However his down fall is his lust for a younger girl and how he sees her as a possession and tries to manipulate and force her into doing what he wants. In the end he is destroyed because of this……..

One of the main problems in the world of PUA is that it hugely based on CONTROL (the situation) and SOCIAL MANIPULATION (in the coolest possible way of course ;-) The PUA is always thinking what is my next move? What shall I do to win the girl? Most mean no harm and just want to have success with women. Now I am not saying this is wrong totally, especially when someone is new to this lifestyle and is still finding themselves. We all want good outcomes in all areas of life and to look at strategies to achieve our goals and be happy. Our strategies may also help to make someone else happy and lead them on new adventures. In some situations (especially a bar/club) having a rough ‘Gameplan’ is a good thing if it helps someone to be there most attractive self. However this is all cool in early stages of an interaction if it helps to break down social barriers and get rid of the pressure so that 2 people can get to know each other however in a relationship this DOES NOT WORK!

The first problem why many top PUAs (guys who have loads of gorgeous women in their life) can’t develop healthy relationships is because they are always thinking ‘in game!’ Most of pick up is based either on PUSH or PULL. Pull the girl towards you (leading, escalation etc.) Or pushing her away (disqualifying, break rapport, freeze out etc.) in hope she will come back. Now again in a club I teach and use push-pull in a fun, playful, sexual way however in a relationship it should be neither. The key is to LET GO and stop trying to control the outcome and let things happen naturally so that if the relationship forms it has firm foundations.

The word ‘relationship’ is a loaded term, a label that can scare people, with all kinds of pressure and can seem to a women, as a way of a man controlling them. It shouldn’t. To me a relationship is simple; 2 people who love spending time together relating and maybe making a small promise not to see other people and that is it. Of course there is a spectrum, from the first kiss, to way down the line, getting married! But there should always be freedom. The man who rids himself of all needy behaviour is the man who will always let the women be free and do her own thing and does not feel the need to control her. He is not scared of losing her because he has true confidence and inner peace. If she comes back (which most of the time she will) it will have been HER CHOICE and not because you have run some game on her and manipulated her into coming back. If you do this, it might work for a while but you will have an unhappy relationship and the same issues will pop up time after time. A relationship has to be right for both and occur naturally. If one person has baggage and issues then it is best to let it go and as they need to address them and you can’t make them. Plus these kinds of people, no matter how attractive, will not really be much fun and it is better to look elsewhere.

The great thing is: WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS so don’t bother trying, it will just make you stressed, unattractive and unhappy. We cannot control where other people are at in their lives and their past experiences. If we try to control the situation or them we will just push them away. Let them go and if they come back then great, it was meant to be, if not, then great again! You have found out she was not right for you early on and you can enjoy meeting new people and finding someone who is.

A great example of this: A good and very wise friend of mine was telling me early on in his relationship after 3 weeks his girl asked him could she meet up with her good looking ex for a drink. Now most men who have been hurt and said ‘No’ or ‘him or me baby’ or just tried to persuade her into not meeting him by putting pressure on her and showing his dismay and disgust in her lack of commitment. However he did not. He actively welcomed and actually supported and encouraged her. He realised he never would want to control her. He let her know he hoped she would make the right decision and be with him and he really enjoyed being with her however she should meet this guy and see how she felt. He also let her know the same applied to him too though and he would be also free to see other girls if he pleased. This was not done as a punishment but it did let her know her actions also carried a possible consequence and she should be aware of that.

Now PUA’s would see this as the pushing part of the ‘Push-Pull’ concept. However it was not some petty punishment to tempt her back, he seriously wanted her to be free and make the choice to be with him herself and for him not to force it. It was actually a good way of him being able to TEST HER and see if she was RIGHT FOR HIM and not just the other way round. He was not scared of losing her as he has a fun, fulfilling and exciting life and she would have added to it but not made it. He WANTED her but he did not NEED her………….In the end she decided not to meet the good looking ex and 3 years on they are still together. However, it was meant to be because he allowed her the option and she chose him.

The key is to be truly NOT scared of losing her. Personally I think honestly, trust & respect are 3 musts in any kind of relationship and I will always give these. However if they are broken, they are gone forever and so am I. It is important to be always able to walk away. Now this takes time to develop and I have only achieved it recently. It is hard if you have strong feelings for a beautiful girl but the great thing about life is ‘You always get another chance’ and the world is a fun and exciting place full of amazing people. I always say to students ‘This so called perfect girl might not be right for you and a year down the line you’ll find yourself with someone more beautiful, amazing and genuinely more suited to you and more fun.’

Letting go is the only option. I see some guys pretending to let go because they know logically it is the right thing to do and looks cool….. that is actually part of their game plan. However to truly let go is to find the peace inside to truly say, for example, ‘Go and out and party with your friends’ and not be watching the other guys out of the corner of your eye. Then if she comes back, and choices not to devalue your relationship and break your trust by getting with another man it, it will have been her choice and you know you can really trust her.

All you can do is present her with choices. To be with an exciting, fun, loving person, have amazing s%x and creating something special…… or not? If not, move on and in time she will regret not taking the first option but that is her problem as you will have moved on but she has to make the choice. You can’t manipulate the situation, if you try, you will constantly trying to control her which will ultimately make you and her unhappy.

Giving a woman total freedom is the act of a truly secure, confident strong man.

Then if she chooses to be with you and no one else you will have a strong bond. The world has too many weak, possessive men trying to control women…..Don’t be one of them!

HONESTLY, RESPECT & TRUST…… as well as amazing orgasms ;-)

I hope this helps guys. I have not posted in a while so thought I’d make it a big un’.

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Guys……….

After months of asking Gambler he has finally given the go ahead to take our top teaching & newest secrets back to my home city and give Manchester a real taste of natural game!

I’m excited and I wanted to give you heads up as I have had people mailing me off my blog asking if we do training ‘up north’……… well here is your chance. We are also doing it at discount, must be the northern charm! ;-)

Anyway below are all the details – You can e-mail me on sweeney@puatraining.com or simple go to our home page a secure your place before it sells out…….

Take it easy guys and look forward to seeing you Manc pick masters up there!

______________________________________________________________________________________________

MANCHESTER BOOTCAMP

DATE: Saturday 9^th May – 1pm to 1am Sunday 10^th May 12pm to 11pm

PRICE: 395 + VAT

Due to popular demand PUA Training are coming to Manchester!

Gambler’s Master Trainers are leaving the buzz of their Central London HQ and heading up north offering a special cut-price Manchester Bootcamp!

The aim is to give Manchester a real taste of the newest and most advanced techniques in natural game and pick up that Europe’s number 1 seduction company has to offer. This is a special one-off event at a huge reduction (taking into consideration the additional travel/board costs) so that Manchester PUA community can be at the top of their game.

THE MANCHESTER BOOTCAMP

The Manchester Bootcamp is a 2 day event made up of 23 contact hours. Or the in-field sessions there will be 2 – 1 student/trainer ratio so that each student gets the detailed personal attention they require.

The teachings split into two styles Class Room style teaching and then infield demos and practice. The weekend has four infield sessions (2 day game & 2 night/bar/club game) and series of talks and practice sessions where we cover all areas of inner/outer game from meeting a girl right up until the close.

We teach you how and then take you out to the street, coffee shops, bars, clubs ….. to do it!

Teaching for this weekend will be based on NATURAL GAME but will also cover

DAY OPENERS : NIGHT OPENERS : ROUTINES : BITCH-SHIELD DESTROYER : SOCIAL PROOF : INVESTMENT : BODY LANGUAGE – : BUILDING RAPPORT : BREAKING RAPPORT : COCKY FUNNY : NEGS : KINO : SEXUAL ESCALATION : DANCE FLOOR GAME : FASHION ADVICE : LIFESTYLE IMPROVEMENTS : NLP : N-CLOSE : K-CLOSE : F-CLOSE : DHV : AVOIDING THE FRIEND ZONE : STATE and many more……..

To see the full breakdown of what we teach please visit

www.puatraining.com/bootcamps/uk

All I can say is you’ll walk out of this bootcamp armed with an arsenal of techniques and skills you’ll start using immediately on women in nearly every situation imaginable both daytime and night.

Results that take place during the bootcamp training are fast and furious. In the first four hours of the most students will get numbers. And by the end of the program every student will have gotten at least one number…over half the students will have gotten kiss closes and make outs…and 20% of students will get laid. I’m wondering if you can imagine the kind of success you will experience over the course of this life-changing weekend.

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GO DIRECT, NOT SLEAZY – READ ON

I get a lot of questions about going direct and more sexual but not wanting to come across as sleazy. I was actually talking to a student about this today so let’s look at what sleazy is?

I use to say ‘escalating aggressively without trust or sufficient invitation.’ Now this is true to an extent but I know many guys who treat everything as an IOI regardless and don’t wait for an invitation but create an invite (forcing IOI’s/leading etc)

The main thing I have researched is this area (from friends, female trainers and ‘real’ people ;-) is…….

If a guy says “Hey you’re hot, I’ve got to find my friends but I’ll find you later okay” in a confident, direct but non-approval seeking way, then it can be very powerful. This is someone who is sexually confident and knows what he want but is not doing it to impress or ‘get her to like me’ it is just a fact. You’re hot; I want to get to know you. In fact the frame is ‘I don’t want you to agree or not, I don’t even care if you agree or not (stops a long complimenting milking session as girls often do with a slight compliment, they milk it) it is just my opinion and therefore as far as I am concerned a fact.

This is hard to demonstrate on a post as you really need to hear how it is said but I will do my best…….

However some guys would go about it differently and say “Hey babe, you know what, you’re hooooooot. I got to go find my friends but I’ll find you later okay?” “Erm……NO” They try to be over confident and don’t have true conviction and belief in what they are saying. They are trying to be direct and cool but it comes across as cheesy and sleazy because their frame in not strong enough to be so direct. Also, as my good friend Tom would say ‘if it is a lie, then why are you saying it?’ Only give compliments on something that has caught your eye.

Now I know a very ‘sleazy’ public school ‘rar rar’ posh boy who is (imagine the most Lesley Phillips style delivery/’Carry On’ films) constantly saying ‘darling, how wonderful your hair is, let’s do brunch at my place’ and over kino’s touching them up. Every guy calls him sleazy but women……. love it. Now I am not saying he is a good example but it is interesting. He gets away with it for one reason. He does not apologise and has conviction. He makes no apology for hitting on women and wanting to get them into bed. He is actually very open and honest. Women say he is funny and silly where guys say he is a slime ball. He has conviction though as being honest is very powerful and attractive. A man who is not scared of the truth is a strong man; it is up to you how much you want to spin the truth though. I also know Latino guys who are very direct, escalate too fast and are constantly pulling the trigger too early by British guy’s standards. However………..they do very well!

Now to guys they seem sleazy but to women they are sexual, because they are sexually confident and have conviction in their sexuality and have alpha presence with no apology.

Sometimes guys are being sleazy, however sometimes they are just escalating fast, are direct and are sexually confident so come across as sleazy to those who are slightly more reserved.

Sometimes I have seen it where a guy k-closes a drunken girl on the dance floor and takes advantage but the girl always gets buyer’s remorse and it goes nowhere. Some guys feel intimated by the so called ‘alphas.’ In fact if a club is full of sleazy guys that will help you as you will stand out. The girl might have a bigger bitch shield up (so give her time to realise you are not like that) but she will welcome a fun, genuine guy that treats her well.

Just remember it is a fine line between being sexual and sleazy and judge it by the results the guys get appose to how they are described by other men. If a guy wants to go direct just make sure you have the frame to back it up.

Stay well

Sweeney

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Just a quick one…. I have a couple of weeks off from my busy timetable so I will try and post a little more as I don’t always manage to get to share as much as I would like guys

One of the many objectives a PUA has is to get a girl ‘in state’ as when a girl is in state it makes seduction and escalation much more rapid. The better you become at state control the less time and effort you will need. People will not see you ‘gaming’ because you will be too fast! It is called being seductive. As we all know people use many different ways to get her in the right state. Might be through NLP, kino routines, stories, a ‘YES LADDER’ etc. etc. there are so many ways. Some guys even tell a girl what they find attractive in a women or use a 3rd person and loan behold the girl then starts behaving in that way. A natural uses his frame and aura to get her in the zone without any tricks. The way he talks, touches her, eye/lip movement, smile, you name it! He has the touch.

So the place where I believe you will find girls in a positive frame?

If they have just finished watching the film ‘THE YES MAN’

Serious, go on the pick up outside there because whole film is like one big Yes ladder. People are in an adventureous state and it may not last long! Play on the sense of being open to new experiences or people. I have a feeling this is going to become a popular Day2 dvd choice.

Let me know results

Take it easy guys

Pete :-)
P.S. Hopefully you will run into HBs who have seen that film oppose to some deep Russian tragegy….. But in fact that will be cool too because they will need comfort. In fact I’ve found a cinema is a great place because people tend to feel very open and emotional in one way or another as they have been on a journey. So depending on what film they have seen, you will have to adapt the angle you are coming in at. It is great fun!

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Earlier this week I heard off a colleague of mine at PUA training that apparently he has 3 new ways to test if someone is mad. When I heard I laughed, as I cannot agree more and I have pretty much the same one’s……… So here they are, very simple and very effective

1) Do they have friends, hobbies and a strong social circle away from the PUA community?

2) Do they have direction and ultimate ambitions that are more important than becoming the ‘The World’s No.1 PUA?’

3) Do people say more positive than negative things about them in general?

If the answer is NO to ALL 3 QUESTIONS then sadly I regret to say you may well be stark raving mad and utterly insane. You could well be a danger to society and to yourself and should seriously consider booking a trip to Zürich and invest in some euthanasia. You could buy some pickup material to read on the plane though! ;-)

Pete

P.S. Always try to keep a sense of humour regarding pick up and my posts. BTW did anyone spend most of 25^thDecember reading and thinking about pick up? That could be a 4th……..

Have a Merry Christmas!

Much Love

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Some guys will be screaming at their computer at these words “NOOOOOOO! I need to game more not less, I want to concur my game!” Of course guys who are new to this or have certain areas that are weak in (e.g. Night Game etc) should immerse them self in game constantly pushing themselves out of their comfort zone to improve. However I am not talking about gaming less and getting less women, I am actually talking about GAMING LESS and getting MORE and HIGHER QUALITY WOMEN.

This relates more to night game……..

Okay, from the minute I am talking to a girl I am interested in I am trying to game her as little as possible and get her TO GAME ME! I notice that the PUA’s I seriously rate seem to go under the radar (in general) not always but mostly. They have a stealth quality. To me that is what sets the MPUA’s from the PUA’s. The average PUA (who still might be good with women, I am not doubting that) will be showing her tricks, routines, impressing her and generally putting on a great show. Sadly this is usually for the guys in the group to see. He WORKS HARD and often his closes flake because not enough of true connection is there. Whereas the top PUA’s you don’t even notice. He is cool, low key and smoothly and quietly escalates with little fuss or effort. Whilst the showman is still roaring loudly, scaring off the real prizes. The MPUA has left the club with the best girl in the bar and does not need to roar because he is full! The biggest compliment I had recently was when a student of a fellow trainer said to me “I’ve seen you out several times and I saw you with women but I didn’t think you were PUA trainer. I just thought you were quite good with girls.”

I am extremely lazy when ‘inset!’ I want to do as little work as possible. I think every guy should have standards, not just because to not have standards is low value but also to find someone who interests and excites you for the right reasons. I want to know as much about her as possible and to test her and her to prove herself to me not the other way round. In a club a top PUA can do what I always try to install in my students…….he flips the script.

Now I know this is hard and I am still learning! (As I said I’m lazy and went to do even less work ;-) but it was at the point when I realised this that I started to really feel I was worthy of being a trainer and I had something to share. It is not just about disqualification, negging, push-pull, asking qualification questions etc. This is still actively gaming her. It is about letting go and having a truly strong frame and holding back. To use some of the vulnerable qualities that once may have made a person an AFC but now can be used in a better way. However most of all though, it is about believing and trusting yourself. Easier said than done I know but that is the aim. We have all struggled with this but knowing where to go you are half way there. That is another post though………

This is a little more aimed at people who have advanced their game and find they are starting to make it more about having a life style full of beautiful, interesting women (or one in particular) and not feeling the need to constantly be actively going out ‘sarging’ or gaming because they do it always. However I would recommend all guys, at whatever level to sometimes stop and think “This seems to be going well but who is gaming who?”

Just a thought………As always hope it helps if not ignore it!

Stay Well :-)

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THE DARK SIDE OF BEING A PUA:

Don’t be a strange, social robot, living a lie!

I love the community and I see what it has done for myself and more so for others around me. I have met some fascinating people and I have seen guys develop into amazing people and find their true self that was hidden away. However PUA has a dark, sad and (dare I say it) pathetic, unattractive side that I am seeing more and more. This post may be controversial and seen as not a ‘positive contribution’ but it is what I truly believe and see and I hope this is helpful and not destructive and I hope not to offend anyone. However even if these do cause offence they are my thoughts and I stand by them.

Some ‘top PUAs’ I see are social robots. Always gaming, never living! Recently I broke my rule and took up an invite to a couple of community events a friend was talking at. I met some guys who were experienced and successful PUA’s. However talking to these guys I really started to feel I had completely outgrown the whole PUA thing. A dangerous thing for a profession trainer to think I know. However, very quickly I realised it was not being a PUA that I had outgrown it was these guys approach to pick up that I could not relate to or respect. I could not connect with them as a human being, as a real person because quite simply they were living lie. They had become so removed from themselves and numb. Living the dream but in fact living a lie, one that was soon the catch up with them. I was speaking to one of guys in particular, a nice bloke and harmless (one of the top guys apparently) and he was just a social robot. All he did was talk in PU language. He was watching everything I was doing, analysing it, commentating on it and telling me stories about his success. He was also constantly worried I was ‘gaming’ him and jokingly telling me I was AMOGing him and then coming up with some cheap tactic to counteract it from chapter 7 of The Game or something, when in fact I was just being friendly and pulling his leg as friends do to each other because that is who I am…… that is my personality and it always has been, its is my true personality! Something this guys lacked. His insecurities about himself came raging to the service and even though he had learnt routines and concepts to maybe cover them up in a bar with a girl, he was only painting over the cracks and had not really worked on himself hence his reaction to me. Another guy I was talking to opened with saying “Hey I was sarging these 2 HB8’s and my target was giving LMR so I just ‘DHV’ed the f@%k out of myself dude to my second target and NEGed my target, increased buying temperature and disqualified my target completely dude which was so cool because she keeps seeking valdation off me now.” He then went on to talk to me about the ‘social matrix’ and how he spots it instantly the minutes he walks into a room and works out how to destroy and concur it. There was no way I could ever be friends or even have respect for a person like this, someone who is a total social robot and has no natural game. I’d rather be an AFC (I’ve broke my own rule there I know) than be like him. Watching them talk to girls was like listening to an audio version of The Game. Granted it kind of worked at first, well they got a couple of flakey numbers but it was so transparent and a girl friend of mine (who knows nothing about pick up) said one of them seemed nice but strange, like there was something weird and not real about him she couldn’t explain…… and don’t get started on the dress code of these clones! I spot them a mile away which gives me time to find a fire exit. Anyway back to that night. So stupidly I mentioned I was meeting some friends in a club who were not PUAs just naturally very good with women (well there is no such thing as a nature in the true sense of the word, they have learnt it from somewhere in life, just not from a book etc.) and a couple of these PUA guys wanted to come and ‘sarge’ with us. No way! No way would I introduce these socially programmed machines to my Mother’s cat, let alone my friends……..they probably even start running routines on my goldfish! The sad thing was these guys were looked up to and it shocked and worried me some were starting to work as trainers in pick up (Not for PUA training BTW!)

More a more recently I feel some of the top guys in the community are lost souls, people who are living under a mask, with a painted on face of coolness. At first the mask can interest a girl but it is not natural and after spending time with them the mask starts to crack and then eventually crumbles because it just does not fit. I feel a lot of the guys live in a dream world of being a player, sitting around a table talking about pick up and routines and not going out there and enjoying life. They seem to always seek validation off women and it almost becomes an addiction where if they are not gaming they don’t feel a true man.

On the whole I tend to stay away from community events and most of my most of my social circles are not made up of PUA’s for the above reasons. I work for PUA training because I believe they are one of the few companies that have an ethos and a cool team of guys (and girls) who share the same beliefs as me, however except from those guys I work with  I don’t mix with PUA’s away from work. I think it is EXTREMELY unhealthy to surround yourself with purely game and also rather sad and desperate which are elements of a person’s life that need eradicating (to become masters in pick up) not indulging in. I think to be become a truly more confident, rounded, attractive person a guy needs to look for inspiration and development in other areas and not just from the seduction community and needs to be brave and look into himself to truly find the source of the problem. To ask themselves why they are looking for improvement in this area? It is about getting at the source of the issue and not papering over the cracks.

In a nut shell I’d say this: WORK ON YOUR SELF….. AND THEN BE YOUR SELF.

A ‘natural’ is really not a real term. I was discussing this with an NLP master friend of mine who said the same. A man is not born amazing with women he has learnt it from somewhere. Usually guys who are ‘naturals’ with women learn and develop this form an early age because they have been brought up around guys who are good with women or they come from social families/good at sport/good looking etc. They have still had to develop that skill and will have made mistakes along the way; just they had the advantage of learning sexual dynamics in their early teens so it is inbred in them now. However an old dog can learn new tricks, just takes a bit of work and there is no reason an older guy can’t develop these skills in a way that suites his personality which is already formed. Therefore learning routines, scripted material, concepts, sections, patterns in seduction etc. are EXCELLENT training tools and the idea for me is to use all these tools, see what fits then chuck away what does not and constantly look for inspiration in all areas of life. Concepts are also great as they are left up to the individual on how to apply that concept. A simple example – Building rapport/breaking rapport. Now that can be done thousands of different ways depending on the individual.

In the end hopefully a person will develop such a strong natural frame that they will not need any tricks and will feel confident to actually leave the whole seduction community behind and just enjoy living their life and the company of a beautiful woman or several. What I think is highly dangerous and highly sad is to hang on to these things, a person needs to let go and trust themselves.

We all have had that honeymoon period where we obsess over pick up and it is a whole new world where anything is possible. It is cool to really dedicate to it for 6 months/a year, reading/training etc. to really find your feet. I know I did but I also had lots of other areas of my life that were full so it meant I did not over obsess it and I found inspiration from other sources such as actor training, stand up comedy, club promoting, writing, travelling……all mind opening. In the end I have hung out with some amazing MPUA’s, seen lots of different styles and approaches to it and been taught dozens of concepts and routines but in the end the way I now approach and open a girl is very complex and difficult to remember so concentrate guys. I walk over, smile, look her in the eye and say “Hi my name is Pete” and shake her hand! Tricky to follow I know! ;-) Joking apart I’ve actually come full circle, it took a lot of development to get there but it was all needed and I see the people who have that confident simplicity are the most successful and the most happy which I guess is what everyone is after.

The only way I can look at it is this. In a play a good actor will spends hours every day throughout the rehearsal process processing, analysing and breaking down the script, it can actually become a science, working out every little action attached to each word! However, in the end they have to throw away all that work and just be in the moment and hope all the work has stuck and when they are on stage, it is simply about listening and reacting and nothing else. This takes trust in yourself to let go, it can be very scary, especially when your Mum is in the audience! I think self development regarding pick up should be the same. Work on yourself and then be yourself………..just don’t be a social robot scared of being them self cos it is just not cool. Being someone else on stage for 90 minutes is tough enough I couldn’t imagine doing it in everyday life!

As always, I hope this has been helpful but ‘If we shadows have offended’…….pretend it was but a dream. Just take on what helps and ignore what does not.

Take Care and stay well.

Pete

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Hi Guys

Thanks for your comments and messages regarding last week’s post. Now I had a MASSIVE response, scores of e-mails mainly regarding how to get out of the friends zone. I am sorry I have no time to respond to each one yet, I am half way through and will try to get round to the rest but I appreciate the time you have taken to share thoughts with me and details regarding sensitive areas of your lives.

There are two things that really came to my attention I that I think are worth addressing

· First being the idea of how to control and suppress feeling and emotions….? A lot of e-mailing have been asking about this topic. Now I really want to clarify I was NOT in anyway suggesting that a man should never share feelings, emotions and desires with a women he cares about. If we did not do that what would be the point of a relationship or having someone we love in our life! (I HATE IT WHEN GUYS WHO ARE ALWAYS GAMING! It is unhealthy and a person becomes a social robot I can’t connect with on any level. This is one of the reasons I don’t post anywhere except here and keep a low profile, avoiding going to ‘community events’ unless I really have to! For my own sanity. Self improvement is about going out there and having fun not sitting around a table talking about game and being a keyboard jockey.) Anyway rant over……… Back to topic. Being in love makes people vulnerable and those vulnerabilities can be attractive to your partner. In a nut shell I was just saying these feelings should be contained, controlled and should not be shared until you have created enough attraction or have already escalated and developed a bond and the relationship away from just a friendship! There is nothing wrong with needing her (although it is better to want her I’d say) just make sure she needs you a little more than you need her. It is just about making sure you have control…….not over her but over yourself! Then she will follow your lead.

· Secondly – I have received lots of e-mails regarding how to get out of the friend zone. However a lot of the situations mentioned were complex and not the situation I was addressing in my post. A lot of the guys mentioned they had kissed, slept with even had a short relationship with the girl, some even finished themselves it but now regret it. Some were being too needy in places and not taking the lead but on the whole the situations were complex. Now my previous post was aimed at people where no escalation had occurred, people who were just friends with the girl. Some of what I mentioned may well apply to these complicated circumstances but we are not social robots and where the situation is complicated maybe the opposite is the best option, each case is on its own merit and there are no set rules. Sometimes vulnerability, kindness, love and compassion can be very powerful and endearing……but only in certain cases where it has not been applied already so don’t go too soft on me guys………yet ;-)

The best piece of general advice is I can give is this: Make the situation SIMPLE! A lot of e-mails I have received have been describing complicated set of events and partly the man has to take responsibility for the situation getting so complex! It is simple: You are a MAN she is a WOMEN, you are attracted to her (she should feel something along those lines for you) so have fun together, no games, no bullshit, no problem! Sounds easy……..well it can be. I was chatting to Beckster about it last night he always talks about ‘living in your own reality’ then she will become part of it not yoru becoming part of hers. We let things get all complicated in our head and then ‘We lose the name of action’ those familiar with Shakespeare will know where that line comes from…….?

Hamlet!

He is a classic for thinking about things too much and never acting and when he finally does his actions are rash and too late. Make it simple! Don’t dredge over the past. The situation? What happened? What might happed? What if? But if? Women do this! We can’t! Don’t let her! Learn NLP and you will understand about framing negative stuff away from you, people who are confident and positive do it naturally hence their successful with relationships. If you are not, don’t worry just have fun with her, fresh start and blank canvas and this time paint a better, more fun picture on it! To do this you have to LEAD! Be strong so she feels she can trust and go with the flow…..Instead of Hamlet “Become the name of action!”

As always I hope this helps, if it f@%ks with your head just ignore it and have fun!

Take Care

P

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SHOULD I TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER!!!!?

We have all seen the films; we have all felt the wonderful frustration of having feelings for someone ‘special.’ That painful feeling of being alive and wondering ‘does she like me?’ ‘How should I play it?’ ‘Is it friendship or more…?’ and basically analysing her every move and looking for clues! Call it love, lust, 1i-tis whatever……….It can bring a smile to your face and fill you with hope or it can suck in big f***ing way! I know I have been there!

Now the frustration builds up and eventually a guy will feel he ‘needs to know one way or another’ and clumsily tells her in the most unromantic/un-seductive stupid chump way! The question I get asked nearly every bootcamp is “I have this girl I am close to…” or “I have this ‘friend’ who I kinda like and I was wondering if I should….”

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