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Now, I have not blogged for a long time. I had nothing I wanted to express strongly but now I will be blogging more. I hope you are all well and for anyone who has not read my blog before WELCOME (and read the past one’s… they’re bloody good ;)

So on with the blog… This blog is aimed more at those out there who are advanced or have been in the game for a while.

Have you felt, that even though you are getting amazing results that you are just faking it still?

That you have this identity of being a ‘leader amongst men’ or ‘top PUA’ but it is all painted on?

Have you met ‘gurus’ that you feel this might apply to?

I have spent some time with top American natural PUA whilst he has been in town. He is a very cool guy. I have pretty much met all the big names in the business. Some have been great but many have overly impressed me if I’m honest. They are just normal guys (some not so normal to be quite truthful) and my natural friends I grew up with and rolled with for so many years are much better with women, for them attraction has become effortless. However, this guy was one of the few people I wanted to meet. I liked his videos and his vibe. I could tell straight away he was the real deal. After spending time with him I started to think what was it he had that so many other top PUAs didn’t? I could see he was inspirational to men.

The last person I wanted to meet and had the chilled out coolness was Richard La Ruina back in early 2008 and very soon after that I started working with him and been good friends since.

Recently I have been revisiting some old pick up material and books. Kind of brings it back and reading my old favourite, the only PUA book I read from start to finish with ease, which is ofcourse, Neil’s book THE GAME. Now we all know it is a great beginners read on so many levels however in one section he writes

“Arbiters of cool like to say that some people have it and other people don’t. And you can tell in an instant, just from looking at them, whether they have it.”

Now, I actually agree with this on some level. I believe that being cool (what ever that is, I actually dislike the word) is not something that you can learn over night, through reading a book or attending a workshop/seminar and (like a good BJ) CAN NOT be faked! I have been doing this job for a while and come across many people and I feel I can now tell instantly on meeting a guy if someone is actually cool or if he is imitating cool.

The sad thing is many guys are happy imitating cool and taking the validation that comes with that from the easily fooled. You might have seen guys bouncing round clubs or the street, fully dressed in their PUA uniform bragging to their less-experienced wings about their skill and past sarges. So many PUA’s young and old, good and bad with women and some who are even successful trainers throughout the industry have what I call painted on coolness. On the surface they can fool someone briefly if it be a girl with a bullshit story or silly routine or even a guy with bragging. However, when you scratch away the surface the paint starts to crack and you see a weak foundation. For me ‘coolness’ only comes from within and a strong core.

So what is ‘cool?’

To be honest I cannot define fully what it is however I can define the characteristics what I believe a ‘cool guy’ has.

* A real strong understanding of people and the word.
* Wisdom not knowledge
* Self-awareness in the ability to know thy self, good points and bad and work with that they have to the best of their ability
* To truly LOVE yourself for your strengths and human weaknesses
* A strong inner confidence that does not need to be demonstrated
* To be self-reliant.
* To not rely on the validation of women, friends or the PUA community.
* Have ambitious and a clear vision and know how you are going to achieve it
* The ability to take action
* The understanding that you can roll with the punches and overcome obstacles
* Taking life in your stride
* AN IDENTITY (which is not just focused on being a PUA and being good with women)

*…..Also to know deep down and believe you can achieve great things, the world is a nice place and that you are the dog’s bollocks!)
Now I am sure there are many more but I’m not that cool to be able to tell you ;)

Some say that ‘Being passive and indifferent to emotional changes in an environment or everything’ is cool.. I feel that is a behaviour choice and subsequently an imitation of cool behaviour too.
However, having a strong identity is one I think many miss. I see too many PUA’s and (some very successful) lack this. They have all the knowledge, the tricks and the lines. They have changed their look, ways of behaving and get some great success with women. They still have NO INDENTITY. They are well-oiled robot. They dress, move, talk and act like one. They follow every new PUA idea, are always thinking in game, thinking other people are trying to ‘game them.’ They dress like their idols and even start sounding like them. For someone first trying to find himself or herself it is understandable to take inspiration from others and children often dress like their favourite pop star and character, but they grow out of it and comes a time when they truly need to find out whom they are. One has to let go of all the tricks, formulas and strategies to project cool behaviour. If you open someone up and all you find is a blank canvas with everyone else’s identity painted on it then it is never going to inspire, lead and charm.

Now I don’t believe ‘coolness’ can be taught but it can be developed over time but only through lifestyle, wisdom and maturity. It can take many years and should not be something a person focuses on because by focusing on it, the charm of true coolness eludes them even more. I truly believe wisdom is only gained through living! Through making mistakes and the growth that comes naturally with that. Knowledge can be read and learnt and some people will try to pass this off knowledge as wisdom. I find that the wise people I know have lived a varied and interesting life and have really put themselves out in the world and worked hard. They are ambitious, take risks and action, dealing with failures with the same joy as success brings.
For me the true root of what makes some guys have natural coolness is down to understanding yourself and the understanding the world and people. That only comes through putting yourself on the line. True coolness has to come from within and NOT BE A CONSCIENCE ACTION. Such as ‘I will do this because it will make me look really cool.’ It has to something you just do without that need for validation.

Cool behaviour flows from the subconscious which makes it effortless.

The best advise I could give to achieve this is to take away the barriers, the bullshit, the ego boosts and pointless validation that being seen in the community as a ‘successful PUA’ brings and spend some honest time finding out who you are and where you truly want to go. Strip away the bollocks…. Only then does an identity form and glow.

Don’t hide behind a fake painted on PUA face or rely on scripted material, routines and silly games. There is a BIG difference between ‘games’ and being in ‘The Game.’ The Game is a healthy way of life that develops an attractive person through lifestyle, it is a choice to be strong, where as ‘games’ are for children, not men.

Now this subject is slightly vague and allusive but not everything written about game involves a quick formula and easy to follow routines and magic pills. Sometime we need to dig a big deeper and take on a focus that is long term

I hope it helps and nice to be blogging again and please feel free to comment or email me questions

Sweeney

This post is in response to replies to my last post on being (‘Free of Control in a Relationship’) An off topic came up and I also have had e-mails from people around the world worrying about the same thing. The subject being other men and a woman’s past. The general concern is relating to PUA’s. Guys worrying that PUA’s have some special powers to steal their women.

I quote a reply from previous post

“Dear Sweeney,

I have a question. Becomes you know how guys tend to present their s$x lives like they sweep women with some magic spell and f@%k them silly then toss them to the curb like they were some 20p toy.

sometimes i think shit. what if this girl im dating like got f@%ked on a one night stand or got spitroasted by some hot PUA guys like you read it in the field reports. its like gahhh. yes its great for them but i wouldnt want their left overs and sometimes i worry like could ALL women fall for that spell? because pua guys make it seem like they could casually f@%ck any woman and toss her out.”

This is really not about any other man’s sexual abilities or strengths but the route of the matter is a person’s own insecurities and lack of self worth. You really have to value yourself and realise there are things you can offer that no other man be (film star, MPUA, natural, whatever…..) can. Indentifying those qualities and embracing them in a non-egocentrically way is the way to have great inner game! However on a bigger scale the more you learn about yourself, the more you will become aware of what will make you happy in any kind of a relationship and not what you THINK will make you happy but the qualities in a person that will! The key to being able to identify the kind of partner that will actually bring something to your life and make you happy and then you will stop wasting your time trying make gorgeous loss causes work with game and manipulation. (See my last post on ‘Letting go’)

From a logical or ‘Game’ perspective other guys are really not a problem. They only become an issue if you let them in your head and then all your silly insecurities rage to the service in a needy way which repels them. The reason other guys are no competition is a thing called PAIR BONDING. When two people have s&x, oxytocin and Endorphins are released, which helps bond the relationship. This is much stronger in women. When it is released during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond — the more s*x, the greater the bond. That is why it is important not to put the stunningly beautiful, well brought up, good morals, ‘not that kind of girl’ on a pedestal and be scared of escalating out of respect. She wants a guy to lead her to that place even if she hasn’t been there often. That is all MPUA’s do because they know this and know it is all about creating sexual comfort! MPUA’s do this rapidly hence they don’t spend months like other guys getting a girl to be sexual with them. So you see others guys are just not to be worried about because they DON’T have that bond with her. So a woman can see the most sexual and stunningly good looking guy in the world and look at him in amazement but still not act on it or even want to. If a girl is totally in love with me Brad Pitt couldn’t game her off me, there are things I can offer her that Brad can’t (and vice versa but I am sure he is happy with Angie so I’m safe ;-) you should have the same attitude.

I regularly have ‘Top PUA’s’ asking me for advice, they have issues too. However what gives top PUA’s a ‘glow’ apart from over the top non-natural marketing is that they understand

Sexual dynamics and escalation

Themselves (the foundation)

And have a real sense of inner confidence because they know how to be their most attractive self.

That differs from PUA to PUA. However that is all you can hope for….. ‘To be your most attractive self,’ what more could you ask for and then you will feel happy and be coming from a place of abundance and peace. And remember, as my good friend Gambler says ‘Anything that another human can do is learnable by you’ that is why our bootcamps and events are always full of people learning these things…….. Otherwise we wouldn’t be in business.

So if……

You are able to identify and embrace your individual attractive qualities and what you’re ACTALLY looking for in a partner.

Are able to be your ‘most attractive self’ through natural game

And finally you’re having s$x with your partner therefore strengthening the bond each time.

So it does not matter if ‘Mr. Super big balls MPUA super s”x star dripping in s@x appeal’ comes along she is bonded to you not him and his presence should not affect or intimidate you just a great opportunity to display your security and strength.

Finally you CAN NOT be jealous of her past so don’t bother. One of the top 3 qualities of millionaires and leaders is they don’t spend time worrying about things that they have no control over. You can’t control her past but you can control your future together. Using the 3 things above will help to make that a brighter future and with no fear of other men.

Much Love

Letting go and freeing you from the stress of control in a relationship

Now I mainly get e-mails off guys asking me about sexual psychology and club game but some of my clients who I have work with are now in relationships and they start to ask me about relationships. This covers all your questions……

Now relationships are a totally different game, in fact for me, it is NOT A GAME. It is also something I am really enjoying learning about. I’m very experienced at the earlier, I’m know how to get the girl but the latter takes much more work and maturity. I have had some great changes in my life in the last year and recently that has opened me up to a different, better way of living that I’d like to share with you guys.

Last night I watched a fantastic play which really reflected some issues I have been looking at recently regarding CONTROL and RELATIONSHIPS.

In ‘The Love of the Nightingale’ the lead, Tereus, is a typical controlling alpha male, a warrior, a leader of men. He is a powerful king who people and women look up to and admire. However his down fall is his lust for a younger girl and how he sees her as a possession and tries to manipulate and force her into doing what he wants. In the end he is destroyed because of this……..

One of the main problems in the world of PUA is that it hugely based on CONTROL (the situation) and SOCIAL MANIPULATION (in the coolest possible way of course ;-) The PUA is always thinking what is my next move? What shall I do to win the girl? Most mean no harm and just want to have success with women. Now I am not saying this is wrong totally, especially when someone is new to this lifestyle and is still finding themselves. We all want good outcomes in all areas of life and to look at strategies to achieve our goals and be happy. Our strategies may also help to make someone else happy and lead them on new adventures. In some situations (especially a bar/club) having a rough ‘Gameplan’ is a good thing if it helps someone to be there most attractive self. However this is all cool in early stages of an interaction if it helps to break down social barriers and get rid of the pressure so that 2 people can get to know each other however in a relationship this DOES NOT WORK!

The first problem why many top PUAs (guys who have loads of gorgeous women in their life) can’t develop healthy relationships is because they are always thinking ‘in game!’ Most of pick up is based either on PUSH or PULL. Pull the girl towards you (leading, escalation etc.) Or pushing her away (disqualifying, break rapport, freeze out etc.) in hope she will come back. Now again in a club I teach and use push-pull in a fun, playful, sexual way however in a relationship it should be neither. The key is to LET GO and stop trying to control the outcome and let things happen naturally so that if the relationship forms it has firm foundations.

The word ‘relationship’ is a loaded term, a label that can scare people, with all kinds of pressure and can seem to a women, as a way of a man controlling them. It shouldn’t. To me a relationship is simple; 2 people who love spending time together relating and maybe making a small promise not to see other people and that is it. Of course there is a spectrum, from the first kiss, to way down the line, getting married! But there should always be freedom. The man who rids himself of all needy behaviour is the man who will always let the women be free and do her own thing and does not feel the need to control her. He is not scared of losing her because he has true confidence and inner peace. If she comes back (which most of the time she will) it will have been HER CHOICE and not because you have run some game on her and manipulated her into coming back. If you do this, it might work for a while but you will have an unhappy relationship and the same issues will pop up time after time. A relationship has to be right for both and occur naturally. If one person has baggage and issues then it is best to let it go and as they need to address them and you can’t make them. Plus these kinds of people, no matter how attractive, will not really be much fun and it is better to look elsewhere.

The great thing is: WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS so don’t bother trying, it will just make you stressed, unattractive and unhappy. We cannot control where other people are at in their lives and their past experiences. If we try to control the situation or them we will just push them away. Let them go and if they come back then great, it was meant to be, if not, then great again! You have found out she was not right for you early on and you can enjoy meeting new people and finding someone who is.

A great example of this: A good and very wise friend of mine was telling me early on in his relationship after 3 weeks his girl asked him could she meet up with her good looking ex for a drink. Now most men who have been hurt and said ‘No’ or ‘him or me baby’ or just tried to persuade her into not meeting him by putting pressure on her and showing his dismay and disgust in her lack of commitment. However he did not. He actively welcomed and actually supported and encouraged her. He realised he never would want to control her. He let her know he hoped she would make the right decision and be with him and he really enjoyed being with her however she should meet this guy and see how she felt. He also let her know the same applied to him too though and he would be also free to see other girls if he pleased. This was not done as a punishment but it did let her know her actions also carried a possible consequence and she should be aware of that.

Now PUA’s would see this as the pushing part of the ‘Push-Pull’ concept. However it was not some petty punishment to tempt her back, he seriously wanted her to be free and make the choice to be with him herself and for him not to force it. It was actually a good way of him being able to TEST HER and see if she was RIGHT FOR HIM and not just the other way round. He was not scared of losing her as he has a fun, fulfilling and exciting life and she would have added to it but not made it. He WANTED her but he did not NEED her………….In the end she decided not to meet the good looking ex and 3 years on they are still together. However, it was meant to be because he allowed her the option and she chose him.

The key is to be truly NOT scared of losing her. Personally I think honestly, trust & respect are 3 musts in any kind of relationship and I will always give these. However if they are broken, they are gone forever and so am I. It is important to be always able to walk away. Now this takes time to develop and I have only achieved it recently. It is hard if you have strong feelings for a beautiful girl but the great thing about life is ‘You always get another chance’ and the world is a fun and exciting place full of amazing people. I always say to students ‘This so called perfect girl might not be right for you and a year down the line you’ll find yourself with someone more beautiful, amazing and genuinely more suited to you and more fun.’

Letting go is the only option. I see some guys pretending to let go because they know logically it is the right thing to do and looks cool….. that is actually part of their game plan. However to truly let go is to find the peace inside to truly say, for example, ‘Go and out and party with your friends’ and not be watching the other guys out of the corner of your eye. Then if she comes back, and choices not to devalue your relationship and break your trust by getting with another man it, it will have been her choice and you know you can really trust her.

All you can do is present her with choices. To be with an exciting, fun, loving person, have amazing s%x and creating something special…… or not? If not, move on and in time she will regret not taking the first option but that is her problem as you will have moved on but she has to make the choice. You can’t manipulate the situation, if you try, you will constantly trying to control her which will ultimately make you and her unhappy.

Giving a woman total freedom is the act of a truly secure, confident strong man.

Then if she chooses to be with you and no one else you will have a strong bond. The world has too many weak, possessive men trying to control women…..Don’t be one of them!

HONESTLY, RESPECT & TRUST…… as well as amazing orgasms ;-)

I hope this helps guys. I have not posted in a while so thought I’d make it a big un’.