New Year, New Impression. How to cut your work in half!

By Karl on January 13, 2012 Comments: 1

Hey guys,

Wow, I can’t believe it has been so long since I last posted! Jumping on the New Year bandwagon this is actually a post I meant to put up around November but never got around to it.

 

The Background.


When with a student I like to refer to how important a first impression is. If your first impression isn’t strong, you face a battle to make up lost distance, and then prove to her that you are a cool guy worth spending time with.

Now a few people might have read that and start crying out old pick-up mantras: ‘But I’m the prize! She should want to game me!’ Let’s be honest with ourselves here, none of that is true… at least not straight away.

You only become the prize once you have proven you are the prize. Very few girls will actively view you straight away as someone to be chased and invested in without you having shown them why. It can happen, but only in special circumstances. In a regular bar, nightclub or in the street, you need to show them why you are worth the effort.

And all this comes down to making a good first impression.  By doing this you are cutting out a great deal of work for yourself, as most of the qualities you need to convey, aside from conversational ability and escalation ability, can be demonstrated in that initial moment. That’s why we are going to have a look at these qualities and go through how to show them effectively in this post.

 

The Breakdown

 
First let’s break this down into two sections, the initial look, and the initial contact. The initial look is what they see when they first look at you. The first judgement they will make. It comes in three parts:
1) Fashion.
2) Body language.
3) Value in the environment.

Each of these three things are related to your overall value. If all three (minimum two out of three) are high, then you come across as a high value guy and the girl is more likely to be open to you approaching, forcing IOI’s, etc. Without them, it will naturally be more of an uphill battle.
The initial contact comes in when you actually open your mouth and deliver the opener, and comes in four parts.
1) Eye contact.
2) Body language.
3) Vocal tonality.
4) Proximity.

 

Together these four things make the strongest impression when making contact. Strong eye contact is a sign of a comfortable, secure and confident man. This is especially true when combined with relaxed body language.

 

By having a voice that is paced (by which I mean you aren’t speaking too fast), this shows an air of dominance and authority. Notice how good public speakers pause and slow down as they say their key points. It is the same theory here.

 

Finally, your proximity (how close you are standing) to them will grab their attention and make sure they have noticed you. The ideal distance is right on the edge of their comfort zone. If you want a guide, it would be the same distance from your elbow to the tips of your fingers, if your arm were bent at your side.

 

The worst thing that can happen when you open is not for a girl to say ‘no thanks’ and then to turn away. It is for her to say ‘excuse me?’ (or much more likely in England ‘what?’). If you haven’t got her attention before you open your mouth it is an uphill struggle from there. It is far better to create a good first impression with a bit of thought and effort, and make the work later a bit easier, rather than springing a surprise opinion opener on a girl without her knowing you are going to say something beforehand.

 

So there we have a bit of a mindset (though slightly technical) first post of the New Year for you all. I plan on finishing my Strategy for Nightgame post series soon, but in the mean time if you have any questions on this or my other posts, please do not hesitate to contact me on: karl@puatraining.com

 

 

Until next time!

 

Karl

Tags: , , , , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, Attraction, Club Game, Openers & Routines, Outer Game, Seduction Tips, Uncategorized

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Approaching.

By Shamwow on January 13, 2012 Comments: 0

A Happy New Year to all, and thanks to everyone for supporting me over the last one.
Thought I’d start 2012 with a bit of a hot potato. What stops a guy from approaching? The more astute readers will notice that I didn’t categorize it immediately as approach anxiety as I do not believe that it is as simple as that.

You see, I see many students who are quick to say, “I do not get approach anxiety,” but then don’t approach anyway, citing some other excuse to not go and open. Common ones are “I’m tired”, “She’s walking too fast,”and my favourite, “She’s not hot enough.””She’s too young” also comes up but that’s an entirely different blog.
Therein lies the age old philosophical argument between instructors of, is this a legitimate excuse, or AA in disguise?

Because when guys start off practising game, it feels normal and acceptable to have a modicum of approach anxiety. Which is a feeling of tension or apprehension which kicks in just before an approach which irrationally rationalises the possibility of being rejected.Obviously.
This is fascinating when you think about it. Millions of years of evolution and we as a species have had to endure hostile conditions, predators and disease, and have have developed the feeling of anxiety, to warn us and help us to survive.Yet, the very same feeling of threat and danger kicks in before we go and talk to a girl.

What the hell is at threat here?I mean, logically, surely we all know that the vast majority of girls are not going to kill, maim, infect or devour us (in a bad way), so what is the anxiety set to serve?
Well it protects against a threat to the ego. The Male Ego.

The Male Ego works, on the most basic level, if I do X, then this makes me more of a man; if I fail, I am less of a man.So rejection tarnishes the ego. Not really cutting edge news.
But we are willing to accept a little tarnishing in the acquisition of skills and call it a learning curve. So when we start out, it is much easier to accept the odd knock of the ego.

The problem emerges when the skills become more solid and we start to look for markers of success.Then negative outcomes or rejections seem to hit harder as we adopt an ethos of “I have the skills so I should have succeeded” blah, blah, blah less of a man.

The natural reaction to this is to establish comfort zones, that is people will game or interact only in ways or environments which they are completely confident in their abilities, unwilling to risk rejection. This is terribly inhibiting to personal growth and indeed evolving one’s game.

It also results in the aforementioned resistance to approaching whilst denying approach anxiety. Call it Approach Apathy if you will. It’s just another way of protecting the ego. Incidentally the most extreme example of this that I have heard is, “I know that I can get any girl I like so I won’t even bother to approach.”That doesn’t even make any sense.
There are wider implications to this. There is an infectious state that occurs especially when you are with a group of people who are collectively not approaching. It becomes more difficult to approach when your friends around you have the reluctance to approach (or push their game), and it seems that the common denominator is to not be rejected. The idea of “not being rejected” becomes more important than the possible benefits of approaching and hooking up. Conversely, it seems easier to approach if those around you are also approaching and indeed getting success and rejections, as the concept of rejection seems less potent. Socially Proofed Rejection as it were.

We end up catching a cheeky dose of outcome dependence where we avoid approaching challenging sets to avoid rejection and/or only approach “sure things”or DTFs (you know the people who would go home with a garden tool and thus require very little game to close), to garner the evidence that we are indeed, pimp. Afraid to find out that it may not be true. We need to accept that as humans we are imperfect, and at every stage are capable of having swag-tastic awesome interactions, as well as epic blowouts of mass destruction.

So how do you become an Approach Machine? What do the best approachers have in common?

COMPLETE INDIFFERENCE TO REJECTION!!!

In fact the word “rejection! should not exist in our vocabulary. Learn to love getting blown out. Appreciate that experiences that go spectacularly wrong are more valuable (and arguably fun) than those that go spectacularly right. Hell, reprogram your markers of success in terms of the number of spectacular blow outs that you get. Try and get blown out deliberately; it’s actually quite hard. Even if you are quite advanced in the game, just like trying to lift a heavier weight to grow more muscle, you need to challenge yourself and risk losing to grow more.Your strength is not just about your awesome outcomes, it is about your tenacity to keep going through bad ones.
Here’s a little inspiration that sums it up quite well.

Until the next one.

Stay classy,

Shamwow.

Tags: , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, Communication & NLP, General, Inner Game

How To Pay A Compliment

By Hayley Quinn on August 10, 2011 Comments: 5

“You have the most beautiful smile” Nope

“Your eyes are like the ocean” Puke.

“You don’t sweat much for a fat chick” Offensive.

“You’re so hot you make me want to get a job” Not going to do you any favours.


Why do these compliments suck?

Someone has already used them. So if you reel them out on your hot date, they’re going to roll their eyes, and move on. Because you have done nothing to separate yourself from every other guy out there.

You’ll also appear insincere by using cliches; and like you’ve watched ‘The Notebook’ one too many times. Insincerity also makes it appear like you’re not giving the compliment in a genuine way, and that in fact you just want to get something from the woman in question, like a date, a kiss, or some other kind of nooky.

So how do you avoid these pitfalls? You be specific.

A specific compliment that’s tailored to the girl will seem spontaneous, sincere and feet-sweeping awesome.

The best ones are also never about looks; but about the girl’s behaviour or personality, something that is unique to her.

For instance:

“I love the way you walk” feels romantic incomparison to the cruder “I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave”.

“I love how you’re joyously walking around eating pick and mix” will catch a girl off guard when she’s not feeling at her most glamorous.

“I love how you’re still smiling when it’s so late in your shift” works a charm on waitresses and cute shop workers.

“I admire how you told me about how you used to be a chubby, goth girl at school” will seem incredibly sincere if a girl has just opened up to you about her painful school memories on a date.

Uncertain how to make one of these compliments yourself? then just follow this simple formula:

1. Really listen to what a girl is saying if you’re on a date, or observing what she’s doing if you want to use the compliment to approach her.

2. Phrase it as ‘I like x about you’ or ‘I admire x about you’

3. Be as specific as possible: if you want to say a girl has beautiful eyes say why you think they’re beautiful.

4. Use compliments sparingly. One really good, unique comment, is so much better than telling her you love EVERYTHING about her… namely the hope that if you compliment her enough she will sleep with you.

For more hints and tips on how to speak to girls check out www.puatraining.com

Tags: , , , , , , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, Openers & Routines

A Strategy for Nightgame part 2: Bar Game – Picking up Women in Bars

By Karl on May 17, 2011 Comments: 2

Hey guys,

Well I’m not sure about you but I am officially excited that summer is here! The girls instantly seem to get more attractive and people are generally more up for a party.

It also means the rise of something else…bar game! This post will be considerably shorter than my post on club game as most of the skills are the same, and tends to feel less intimidating. Without further delay then…

The Environment.

While the venue itself isn’t as hostile (no loud music, unfriendly door staff, overcrowded dance floor etc.) more social intelligence is required. In a nightclub it is easy to get away with more extrovert behaviour, but in bar it might be wiser to save that part for when you are actually speaking to them.

This is depending on the type of bar you go to of course. Over here in the UK sometimes our bar’s turn into mini clubs later in the night, at which point refer back to my previous post, but for all others this hold’s true.

The Girls.

A girl goes to a bar for a different reason than to go to a club. She goes to the club to have a night out with her friends, get some male attention and mainly forget about normal life for the night.

In a bar she is there to have a laugh and catch up with her friends. When guys say they have difficulty with bitch shields in bars. They tend to not take this fact on board and stand there trying to hit on the girl when she doesn’t particularly want to be. This is the art of bar game. Being able to pick up the girl who doesn’t want to be.

So there are two ways to open:

1)   Use a false time constraint (I can only stay a minute but I wanted to ask/say…) or pre-opener, and re-open later.

2)   Go direct.

I personally always recommend going direct for the sets you are actually interested in. The reason is simple: she knows that you are hitting on her either way. Even if you are asking her the time, why are you asking her and not the guy next to her with a watch on? Going direct owns up to this fact straight away, but you can do it in two ways.

One is to go up to her, friends be damned, and to say it loud. The other is my personal favourite. To force an IOI, smile once more and then to open her once she steps outside for a cigarette/goes to the bar/on her way back from the bathroom. Any of these methods work well so play around with them to find what works best for you.

Running the game.

Once you have opened and are in the set here is your chance to show you ‘get it’. Remember that they are there with their friends. It is important to build group comfort, which is comfort with the group as a whole. I have seen too many students who open well and then only speak to their target the minute they are in set and then get blown out.

Keep the whole group engaged, simply by making sure you give each of them attention, bring them back into the conversation with light kino or eye contact, make sure they all feel involved. Once they are asking you questions in turn it is time to break rapport with your target.

The group should them be comfortable enough with you, as long as you don’t keep ignoring them to let you hit on their friend. Aim for a contact close quickly, stay in conversation for a few more minutes and then leave. You can now go back and set up a date the next day, but if you want to extract, give them a bit of time to carry on the conversation they were having and then rejoin them, ideally with a friend or two.

After that the game run’s itself with a competent wingman. Make sure they are building group comfort as well; otherwise you look bad for bringing them over. The idea of going for an after party or drinks is the ideal method of extraction. To see if this is possible ask a logistical question like  ‘what are you guys doing once this place shuts?’ Be warned do not suggest them coming back then, instead revisit it later. A question like that let’s you know if the set is ‘on’ to go back or not and calibrate your game accordingly.

Summing up.

Bar game is where you go to have good conversations, if those skills aren’t up to scratch, spend a bit of time working on them first. Once you are competent though it is a very rewarding experience. Just bear in mind that if you see two girls and they are in an intense discussion with a scowl on their face it isn’t the best time to open!

The basic pattern is to:

1)   Open briefly, so as to not interrupt the conversation, and then return later.

2)   Build a lot of group comfort and break rapport with your target.

3)   Close, or leave and return later with some friends.

4)   Work for extraction, or close and leave the group.

Comments are always welcome and email me if you have any questions: karl@puatraining.com.

Have fun out there guys, the next in the nightgame series will be…street game!

Karl

Tags: , , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, Attraction, General, Outer Game

How to Pick-Up a Girl and Not Piss off her Best Friend

By Hayley Quinn on March 15, 2011 Comments: 2

We’ve all been there: you saunter over to the cute girl you’ve been meaning to ask out for a while, then out of nowhere comes her colossal bff with an attitude. Best friends of the girl you are into can be your worst enemy: they will drag your ‘target’ away, shoot you down and do everything to abort your chances of getting her on a date.

Here are my top three reasons why this always happens and how you can handle picking up the girl of your dreams, whilst dealing with the girl of your nightmares.

1. Look at the pair of girls you want to approach. Is one noticeably cuter than the other? If so, how do you think the less attractive girl is going to feel if you hit on her best friend and then ignore her? Exactly. Don’t feed into the less attractive girl’s insecurities, and the existing jealousy she may feel towards her cuter friend, by being too direct with the girl you like.

Walk up the pair of them and say to the cutie, ‘Hey, I just had to come over and talk to you, as I think you’re gorgeous,’ whilst ignoring her friend and you’re heading from trouble.

Instead engage, and compliment, them both:

‘I love how both of your styles are totally unique’

‘I’m curious as to what you guys are talking about? You’re totally engrossed in what you’re talking about, it’s all very Sex and the City’

‘You must be really good friends as you laugh in exactly the same way’

Will make them both feel engaged, not enraged, towards you.

2. Make the cute girl, and her friend, warm to you even more by initially dividing your attention between them. Even if you have an opener that isn’t offensive, all your good work might be destroyed if you then focus entirely on the hottie and ignore her friend. Girls are very socially aware: if her friend is bored then the girl you like will blow you out so as not to upset her friend. Even if you’re a really cool guy who she is attracted to, her bond towards her female friend is going to be a lot stronger than any obligation she may feel towards you.

So work to keep both women engaged in the interaction. Direct statements towards both of them, make eye contact with both girls and touch both of them (in a friendly not erotic way fyi!) to keep them both focused on you. If one starts to look bored, or turns away, re-engage her with a light touch to her shoulder or by specifically asking her opinion on something.

Work to keep the group together, and the friend won’t see you as a threat to her bond with her cute bff. Get her trust first, and then you can isolate the girl you’re into later. In fact if you do really well at making the girl’s friends like you they’ll often be smart enough to give you guys some alone time. So if you’re in a situation where the friends ‘pop to the restroom’ and leave the girl you like alone with you, it’s a huge green light for you to go for that kiss.

3. Show your attractive qualities with some BFF management. It’s actually going to be really attractive to a girl if you can get on with her (really dull and aggressive) best friend. So it’s time to master of the art of creating a great ‘friendly vibe’ with the friend, whilst being seductive with the girl you’re attracted.

You see, being socially attractive, and seductive are two different parts of the same puzzle. Master them both and the friend will become support your relationship; absolutely invaluable if you (inevitably) screw up later on when dating her cute friend.

Focus on creating a fun vibe with the girl you’re not attracted to. Be warm, friendly, crack jokes and be entertaining. For the girl you’re interested in be much more seductive: maintain stronger eye contact, slow things down, talk more emotively and challenge her- just be friendly towards her and you’ll end up as her friend as well. Then you’ll have to spend more time with that annoying BFF: disaster!

So remember next time you want to hit on a hottie, with a best friend ‘guarding’ her; make the dynamic work for you rather than against you:

  • Soothe the less cute friend’s insecurities by showing a warmth and interest towards them both.
  • Don’t enrage the friend’s jealousy by immediately trying to isolate the girl you like, instead win them both over.
  • Make friends with the friend: remember she has a lot of power over the girl you want to date. So make her your most powerful ally instead of your worst enemy.

Do these things and not only could you end up with a hot date… but you could also score a new, cool female friend in the process.

****

I wrote this article after a bootcamp client wrote in asking me about how to deal with this situation.

I always want to write relevant blogs so if you have any other questions fire them over to hayley@puatraining.com and I’ll try to write a blog on them,

Good luck guys

Hayley Q X

Tags: , , , , , Categories: Approaching & Opening

How to be Manlier Than Approach Anxiety

By Justin on January 28, 2011 Comments: 3

Problem:

When most guys go out, they’ll approach like they buy milk. There’s no purpose, they’re just doing another task on a list of things they feel like they have to do. It’s better than sitting at home playing the new Modern Warfare game, as far as developing a social life, but it’s still not as effective, and initially attractive, as it could be. Also, when it’s just a task, you’re more likely to succumb to the effects of approach anxiety.

Solution:

When you go out, have a purpose. I don’t mean simply goals, like, “Go approach ten women,” I mean purpose. The difference is intent. If your goal is to approach ten women, and you do so with the same amount of purpose you go grocery shopping, then it’s all for naught. Approach like you’re a man, like you’re storming the beaches of Normandy, like you might die tomorrow, and if this is your final act, then by God, you’re going out with a bang! (So to speak, of course.)

This is you

When things matter, then they should be treated as such. Don’t go through life half-assing things that matter. Give them your full attention. Be present, feel the emotions welling up inside of you. Thoughts are okay, but should not be held on to like a safety blanket. They should be like butterflies, interesting, fleeting, allowed to drift away as quickly as they come.

Most people starting to learn seduction will attempt to stop approach anxiety, but that is counter-productive. Approach anxiety is a good indication of who you should approach. If a woman can create that nervousness in you, then she’s someone you’re attracted to. A man’s deepest purpose is generally found down the path that he fears to follow. Going and approaching despite the fear will allow you to feel your purpose. It is masculine to overcome fear. Bravery is not the absence of fear, but action despite fear. Women and fortune favor the brave.

If you “destroy” approach anxiety, using some psychological trick to remove approach anxiety, you’re removing the ability to be excellent. Women know that approaching a beautiful woman is difficult, and they know when the situation is especially difficult. Woman are very emotionally intuitive. A hard approach for you might be easy for someome else, but women can feel the emotional energy within you. When you approach, she can feel the emotions you overcame to approach. When you overcome obstacles, and approach no matter the circumstance and strong emotions, she’s going to feel far more initial attraction than some guy who felt no fear, and approached her when it was “easy.” Go for the 3-pointers, take the hard shots. That which seems difficult in seduction is usually the easy way.

This is not to say that one should waste time, or make things unnecessarily complicated. Quite the contrary, seduction can be simple. Simplicity is not always ease. Approaching a woman with simple honesty, “Hello, I saw you and I wanted to talk to you,” can feel far less easy than dropping the newest opinion opener. However, it is simple, because she knows your intent, and few men have the clarity of purpose to put it out in the open like that. She’ll feel it even more strongly if you said something like that after overcoming approach anxiety. It is a simple thing to do, but it is not always easy.

Action Steps:

Now, I implore you. Go out, find the women that take your breath away, that make you do a double-take. Find the ones who you make excuses not to approach. Make it your purpose, and approach those women with nothing but truth and simplicity: “Hello, I saw you, and I want to talk to you.”

Tags: , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, Inner Game, Introductions, Openers & Routines

A strategy for nightgame part 1: Clubs

By Karl on January 27, 2011 Comments: 5

Hey guys,

For this post I want to go through with you a strategy for effectively gaming at night. This will not be heavy on technique but will help explain how to correctly navigate your way through the often confusing world of night game. This is the first of three posts in which I will cover the three locations of night game: clubs, bars and the street, and by the end of them you should have enough knowledge of the social situations that you can effectively game in them, for practice or for a goal.

The basics of Club game:

The Environment:

The most obvious point to start is the environment in a club. It has loud music, a lot of girls who have bitch shields up, a lot of drink, and not nearly enough space! While this may sound like hell to someone practicing game it is in reality the best place to practice! The atmosphere is intimidating because it is designed to be, especially to guys. The club makes it’s money on the bar, so the more uncomfortable someone is, the more likely they are to buy drinks. Once you recognise this, it is easier to deal with it, and use the environment to your advantage:

  • If it is cramped while standing it is a great excuse to open by asking someone to move up so you can sit down, or get to the bar. It is also great as a method of isolation: ‘it is too cramped/hot/loud, lets go to the smoking area for some air/more space/some quiet’.
  • As it is loud it is perfect to get close to hear and to kino!
  • If other guys are clearly uncomfortable, by being (or acting) calm and as if you are having fun you put yourself in a positive light and differentiate yourself from the rest!
  • If you can get past a girls bitch shield you not only get a huge amount of respect and feel great but it becomes easier to open her group up, and other groups around! Bitch shields are also a great source of self amusement, they allow you to be a bit inventive in getting round them and it is a good feeling to know you have broken one, and the easiest way is by giving her a positive response to her, complimenting her on her shortness etc. I will not go into a lot of detail as I know there are other posts here which are specific to dealing with disarming bitch shields and handling tests.

The Girls:


So now we know the environment we are dealing with, lets look at what we are there for, the girls! In a club it isn’t likely that people are there to talk about their jobs, childhood or hobbies! They are there for a bit of fun, a release from everyday life! Many guys learning get bogged down in trying to talk to women in a club and wonder why their success rate isn’t high! Remember to bear in mind why they are there, to have fun! Now bitch shields are prevalent in night clubs, but why is this?

When a girl goes out she knows she will be hit on, and she will enjoy some of the attention but being honest, she is most likely out for a night with her friends, and after the third or fourth guy comes up to her she will start to put the shield up. Bear this in mind when approaching her, and so don’t be surprised if you don’t get her falling into your arms as soon as you say hi! Now I am not saying to expect, and indeed dread a bitch shield, just be prepared for one, there are other blog posts which deal with this so I will not devote any time to it, other than saying the best way to handle them is positively.

So what is the best way to minimise the chance (or potency) of a bitch shield, or even just how to increase the chance of a successful opener? Remember what they are there for, to have fun! If you open with an opinion opener about if you should dye your hair then that is certainly better than nothing but why not make it a bit more calibrated. They are there to have fun, have a party, escape from their usual world for a little bit. If you open in a way which communicates you are not in that state of mind then the opener is likely to fall flat, likewise if you open with something which doesn’t add to this and increase their enjoyment of the night.

You don’t have to be super high energy, just enjoying yourself (or at least appear to be). Nice, low pressure situational openers are ideal for early on in the night, and you can have short interactions before going back and opening them later on again for longer periods of time. Another way of opening is by forcing an IOI (Indicator of Interest) with a girl before opening, this way you have a good idea of whether she will be warm or not, and if she gives a good response then approach, if she doesn’t nothing has been lost, and you can move on safe in that knowledge.

As for comfort building and escalating remember that you don’t want to be shouting in her ear all night to ask about her pet dog! Instead dance with a few push pull moves (which have been covered in another post) and if you want to speak to her for long periods of time isolate her to a quieter part of the club or outside to the smoking area/outside the club. This is true for escalating with K-closes. However tempting it is try not to K close her in front of her friends, as this can hinder your chances of a same night lay and could damage the rest of the interaction, as she does not want to be seen as ‘easy’ so show a bit of understanding and isolate her first.

The Timing:

Time passes differently in a nightclub compared to the outside world. There are really only three ‘phases’ in a club which everyone experiences relative to their time in the club.

1. Establishment: This is the first phase when everyone has just arrived and they are still settling into the night. At this point extraction is possible but unlikely if they have paid a big entry fee (e.g. in London something around £10-20, for university students £5-8, in the USA I am unaware!). If they have been looking forward and have planned to be in this club at this day then it is also very hard to extract at this point, but if neither of these two points are applicable then it is perfectly possible to extract a set to another venue. People tend to be a bit more guarded at this point in the night,as they have not yet loosened up but it is a brilliant time to do some social proofing (asking short questions and having very short interactions with almost everyone).

2. Socialising: At this point people have had a bit more to drink, have caught up with each other and feel more comfortable and are willing to start socialising! You will notice more IOI’s are given off at this stage, however it is nearly impossible to extract at this point as people have just settled in and are enjoying themselves. Now is the time to follow up on the social proofing from earlier and also to engage for longer periods of time.

3. Closing: This phase occurs in the last hour or two of the club being open. Opening new sets is a little bit more difficult as it is likely they have had a few too many guys ‘try it on’ already, but extraction with the ones you have already interacted with becomes a real possibility, and even more likely if you have been seeding the idea and building enthusiasm about it for a little while beforehand. This is a time to be in one set only with the end point in mind.

The Strategy:

So hopefully with all of this information you will be able to start to increase your understanding and enjoyment of club game. Below I have outlined a step by step strategy for you to start gaming in a club effectively:

1. Establish a base, familiarise yourself with the club by social proofing, asking questions such as ‘where are the bathrooms, other bars etc’

2. Go back in and re-open some warm sets from the social proofing stage.

3. Spend some time on a dancefloor, ideally either with a set or opening new ones.

4. Go back in and re-open the warmest sets from earlier, spending a longer and longer period of time.

5. Prepare for extraction/closing by seeding the ideas.

6. Work to extract/close.

Go out there and try to implement this basic plan and utilise the advice given. If you have a question about club game which you would like answered leave a comment or send an email!

Next in this series of posts…bar game, have fun guys!

Karl

Tags: , , , , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, Attraction, Club Game, Dance Floor Game, General, Inner Game, Seduction Tips

January Gym Game – How to Pick up Women in the Gym

By Hayley Quinn on January 11, 2011 Comments: 19

Looking for an upside to having put on forty pounds, spent all your money and miserable weather?

How about trying some gym game. That’s right, trying to pick up chicks at the same time as you lift your weights. Here are a few guidelines about how to go about picking up a girl up whilst pumping iron.

1.       Don’t ‘gym neg’: The worst lines I’ve ever got at the gym are what I like to call the ‘gym neg’. The “You shouldn’t be lifting a weight like that, here let me show you a better manoeuvre” line. Even times when this has been well meant it’s caused me to inwardly bark, “I’m a qualified fitness instructor I’ll have you know.” The problem is people don’t usually enjoy being told something about themselves by a stranger. That pesky second person ‘you’ is fantastic for teasing a girl, but I’d avoid it when opening, as people generally don’t like being told what kind of person they are by a stranger. Instead try and say, ‘I’:  I think, I believe, in my opinion etc. It’s harder to go wrong with a statement if it’s clear that it is your opinion.

2.       Approach with positivity: A compliment will always leave a much nicer impression than a correction. So scrap that ‘gym neg’ and instead create rapport by paying a specific, genuine compliment to the girl you want to start chatting to:

“Hey, I like how you’re working with a kettle ball: that’s impressive when most people just settle for sitting on an exercise bike for an hour. I don’t know about you but, cardio really bores me. I love to mix up my work outs with some free weights and even a little yoga. And yes it is acceptable for a guy to be into that!”

Loading your opening statements with comments not only about what she’s doing but how it relates to you will make it easier for her to respond to you. So she’s more likely to respond, creating a natural flow of conversation.

3.       User an opener that’s related to the gym environment: If you randomly ask a girl an opinion opener in the gym (like ‘Do you think men are better liars than women?’) it seems even more out of place at the gym than anywhere else. Don’t leave them thinking, ‘Why is that guy speaking to me instead of working out?’ Instead try an opener that uses all the situational gold that the environment gives you to open:

“I’m curious how you ever managed to do that butterfly stretch? I love doing weights but think I let the side down a little bit with my flexibility.”

“I don’t know about you but I’m kind of addicted to protein bars. Think after years of healthy eating I’ve finally tricked my body into thinking it’s a chocolate bar I’m eating!”

(whilst on a treadmill) “I’m beating you….!”

4.       Come in and out of set: Trying to stop a hardcore gym bunny mid half marathon on the treadmill to run the cube on her is unrealistic and unnatural. Try to make fun, witty comments and statements that will grasp her attention, make her smile, then get back to your work out and let her get back to hers. If you’re both members of the same gym it’s better to play slow burn game rather than compete against her aerobic’s class for her attention. Build rapport over a period of time. Keep it natural, and you’ll be able to carry on gaming even in a very closed environment (where everyone knows each other) like the gym.

By using a natural (and by that I mean something that doesn’t seem premeditated) yet indirect (don’t get chucked out of your gym for sexual harassment) style it will allow you to enter the same set, or lots of different sets, without ever giving the game away that you’re in the gym for the lycra clad ladies and not the body pump class. Get practicing your indirect, slow burn game now, and you’ll be picking up gym bunnies before they can say, ‘New Year’s Resolution.’

Tags: , , , Categories: Approaching & Opening, General