THE DARK SIDE OF BEING A PUA:
Don’t be a strange, social robot, living a lie!
I love the community and I see what it has done for myself and more so for others around me. I have met some fascinating people and I have seen guys develop into amazing people and find their true self that was hidden away. However PUA has a dark, sad and (dare I say it) pathetic, unattractive side that I am seeing more and more. This post may be controversial and seen as not a ‘positive contribution’ but it is what I truly believe and see and I hope this is helpful and not destructive and I hope not to offend anyone. However even if these do cause offence they are my thoughts and I stand by them.
Some ‘top PUAs’ I see are social robots. Always gaming, never living! Recently I broke my rule and took up an invite to a couple of community events a friend was talking at. I met some guys who were experienced and successful PUA’s. However talking to these guys I really started to feel I had completely outgrown the whole PUA thing. A dangerous thing for a profession trainer to think I know. However, very quickly I realised it was not being a PUA that I had outgrown it was these guys approach to pick up that I could not relate to or respect. I could not connect with them as a human being, as a real person because quite simply they were living lie. They had become so removed from themselves and numb. Living the dream but in fact living a lie, one that was soon the catch up with them. I was speaking to one of guys in particular, a nice bloke and harmless (one of the top guys apparently) and he was just a social robot. All he did was talk in PU language. He was watching everything I was doing, analysing it, commentating on it and telling me stories about his success. He was also constantly worried I was ‘gaming’ him and jokingly telling me I was AMOGing him and then coming up with some cheap tactic to counteract it from chapter 7 of The Game or something, when in fact I was just being friendly and pulling his leg as friends do to each other because that is who I am…… that is my personality and it always has been, its is my true personality! Something this guys lacked. His insecurities about himself came raging to the service and even though he had learnt routines and concepts to maybe cover them up in a bar with a girl, he was only painting over the cracks and had not really worked on himself hence his reaction to me. Another guy I was talking to opened with saying “Hey I was sarging these 2 HB8’s and my target was giving LMR so I just ‘DHV’ed the fuck out of myself dude to my second target and NEGed my target, increased buying temperature and disqualified my target completely dude which was so cool because she keeps seeking valdation off me now.” He then went on to talk to me about the ‘social matrix’ and how he spots it instantly the minutes he walks into a room and works out how to destroy and concur it. There was no way I could ever be friends or even have respect for a person like this, someone who is a total social robot and has no natural game. I’d rather be an AFC (I’ve broke my own rule there I know) than be like him. Watching them talk to girls was like listening to an audio version of The Game. Granted it kind of worked at first, well they got a couple of flakey numbers but it was so transparent and a girl friend of mine (who knows nothing about pick up) said one of them seemed nice but strange, like there was something weird and not real about him she couldn’t explain…… and don’t get started on the dress code of these clones! I spot them a mile away which gives me time to find a fire exit. Anyway back to that night. So stupidly I mentioned I was meeting some friends in a club who were not PUAs just naturally very good with women (well there is no such thing as a nature in the true sense of the word, they have learnt it from somewhere in life, just not from a book etc.) and a couple of these PUA guys wanted to come and ‘sarge’ with us. No way! No way would I introduce these socially programmed machines to my Mother’s cat, let alone my friends……..they probably even start running routines on my goldfish! The sad thing was these guys were looked up to and it shocked and worried me some were starting to work as trainers in pick up (Not for PUA training BTW!)
More a more recently I feel some of the top guys in the community are lost souls, people who are living under a mask, with a painted on face of coolness. At first the mask can interest a girl but it is not natural and after spending time with them the mask starts to crack and then eventually crumbles because it just does not fit. I feel a lot of the guys live in a dream world of being a player, sitting around a table talking about pick up and routines and not going out there and enjoying life. They seem to always seek validation off women and it almost becomes an addiction where if they are not gaming they don’t feel a true man.
On the whole I tend to stay away from community events and most of my most of my social circles are not made up of PUA’s for the above reasons. I work for PUA training because I believe they are one of the few companies that have an ethos and a cool team of guys (and girls) who share the same beliefs as me, however except from those guys I work with I don’t mix with PUA’s away from work. I think it is EXTREMELY unhealthy to surround yourself with purely game and also rather sad and desperate which are elements of a person’s life that need eradicating (to become masters in pick up) not indulging in. I think to be become a truly more confident, rounded, attractive person a guy needs to look for inspiration and development in other areas and not just from the seduction community and needs to be brave and look into himself to truly find the source of the problem. To ask themselves why they are looking for improvement in this area? It is about getting at the source of the issue and not papering over the cracks.
In a nut shell I’d say this: WORK ON YOUR SELF….. AND THEN BE YOUR SELF.
A ‘natural’ is really not a real term. I was discussing this with an NLP master friend of mine who said the same. A man is not born amazing with women he has learnt it from somewhere. Usually guys who are ‘naturals’ with women learn and develop this form an early age because they have been brought up around guys who are good with women or they come from social families/good at sport/good looking etc. They have still had to develop that skill and will have made mistakes along the way; just they had the advantage of learning sexual dynamics in their early teens so it is inbred in them now. However an old dog can learn new tricks, just takes a bit of work and there is no reason an older guy can’t develop these skills in a way that suites his personality which is already formed. Therefore learning routines, scripted material, concepts, sections, patterns in seduction etc. are EXCELLENT training tools and the idea for me is to use all these tools, see what fits then chuck away what does not and constantly look for inspiration in all areas of life. Concepts are also great as they are left up to the individual on how to apply that concept. A simple example - Building rapport/breaking rapport. Now that can be done thousands of different ways depending on the individual.
In the end hopefully a person will develop such a strong natural frame that they will not need any tricks and will feel confident to actually leave the whole seduction community behind and just enjoy living their life and the company of a beautiful woman or several. What I think is highly dangerous and highly sad is to hang on to these things, a person needs to let go and trust themselves.
We all have had that honeymoon period where we obsess over pick up and it is a whole new world where anything is possible. It is cool to really dedicate to it for 6 months/a year, reading/training etc. to really find your feet. I know I did but I also had lots of other areas of my life that were full so it meant I did not over obsess it and I found inspiration from other sources such as actor training, stand up comedy, club promoting, writing, travelling……all mind opening. In the end I have hung out with some amazing MPUA’s, seen lots of different styles and approaches to it and been taught dozens of concepts and routines but in the end the way I now approach and open a girl is very complex and difficult to remember so concentrate guys. I walk over, smile, look her in the eye and say “Hi my name is Pete” and shake her hand! Tricky to follow I know! 
Joking apart I’ve actually come full circle, it took a lot of development to get there but it was all needed and I see the people who have that confident simplicity are the most successful and the most happy which I guess is what everyone is after.
The only way I can look at it is this. In a play a good actor will spends hours every day throughout the rehearsal process processing, analysing and breaking down the script, it can actually become a science, working out every little action attached to each word! However, in the end they have to throw away all that work and just be in the moment and hope all the work has stuck and when they are on stage, it is simply about listening and reacting and nothing else. This takes trust in yourself to let go, it can be very scary, especially when your Mum is in the audience! I think self development regarding pick up should be the same. Work on yourself and then be yourself………..just don’t be a social robot scared of being them self cos it is just not cool. Being someone else on stage for 90 minutes is tough enough I couldn’t imagine doing it in everyday life!
As always, I hope this has been helpful but ‘If we shadows have offended’…….pretend it was but a dream. Just take on what helps and ignore what does not.
Take Care and stay well.
Pete
