How to Practice without Practicing.
So, it’s a new year. Or, at least, it was a New Year. And we all had big expectations, resolutions, things we were going to do, people we were going to be. And then a few weeks in we miss a day at the gym, we sneak a cigarette, we fuck our ex. The same ex we promised the New Year god we’d never fuck again.
Resolutions fade. Work starts up again, unforeseeable events weasel their way into your life, the weather gets too cold, you oversleep, and all in all, life happens. It comes with the territory, but the important thing is to not let real life, daily grind, and normal human stuff come between the things you want to accomplish and your goals. And that’s what I’m writing you today about.
One of the biggest resolutions nearly every PUA makes in the new year is to practice more. In our heart of hearts, we all know the way to get better fast isn’t sitting in the warm light of a computer screen reading qualification articles and 5-step escalation ladders. It’s getting out there and talking to girls. It’s doing it. It’s building your own game, not reading about someone else’s.
But how do you do that when from 9-7 you’re working, and then you’ve got dinner plans and the only human interaction you have in the course of a day is with Tony the doorman and your barista? Well, it’s all about making the most out of the interactions you do have, and the time you can spend.
1: Practice Opening without Opening
At our bootcamps, we teach that the ideal way to start a conversation is a spontaneous, situational opener. This means that something you observe in that moment- whether it be something to do with her, someone else or the environment in general, and comment on it to your target. The difference between this and a lot of the stock openers people learn is that it has to be in the moment. It has to be current. And to do it quickly takes practice. It takes building the improvisational/observation muscles, so you can look at any situation and find something to talk about.
But what if you don’t have the time to stop and open every girl on your way to work? What if you can’t afford to open all the girls in your building? Luckily, you don’t have to actually say a word to build that muscle. What if you were to look at a girl and then in your mind decide what you would say, if you did open. Try looking at the girls who walk by you during the day and asking yourself “What would I say to open her?” This way, you don’t even have to pick the hot ones you’d actually want to talk to. You can use anyone- old women, teenagers, even guys- to get in the habit of quickly creating spontaneous openers, even when you can’t take the time to actually do it. So then, when the girl you do want to open walks by, you’ll already know exactly what to say.
2: Practice Building Commonalities with everyone
One of my favorite pieces of advice I ever heard from Adam was “Talk to people. Most people don’t actually talk to people.” It’s true, think of your day- the barista at Starbucks, the guy in the elevator who talks about the weather, the woman at the laundromat- people everywhere talk to you, all the time. And you probably nod and say some polite nothing phrase like “Yeah, gonna get colder tomorrow” or “Thanks, see you next week.” What a waste!
These are prime opportunities to practice comfort building. Some of the same stuff that you’d use throughout an interaction with the guy at the hardware store could be used just as well on the blonde ten at the bar. Where is he from? What does he do? What is his life like? Use these opportunities to enhance your conversational skills. Each time a person talks to you, whether it begins in the most obligatory, functional, or polite manner, try to find something that the two of you could, if you really wanted to, keep in touch over. You’ll soon find those little mini-practices give your game huge leaps forward when you’re actually in the field.
3: Hang out with girls you already know
Almost everyone has heard this advice, but very few people actually use it. Ironically, it’s probably one of the easiest ways to kick your game into high gear. You know girls. Even if you think you don’t know girls, you do. Your sister is a girl. Your ex-girlfriend is a girl. Your mom is even a girl. Just because a girl isn’t winging you, doesn’t mean she’s worthless to your game. Talk to her. Her interests, her perspective, her personality, are echoed throughout her entire gender. Women aren’t all the same, but a lot of them are strikingly similar.
First off, talking to girls is the quickest way to learn what women are interested in. When one girl tells you you have to check out the new Jenna Marbles video, or the new Sam Edelman’s she bought, you’re getting constantly new content for your next interactions. So when one girl in a two set gives you ‘The Face’ you’re in on the joke rather than walking away sheepishly. (and if you don’t get that, look up Jenna Marble’s ‘The Face’ so it doesn’t happen to you ;P)
Secondly, if you can hold your female friend’s attention, you need only replicate that in field. The constant calibration feedback you get from dealing with women is the reason why practice makes you good in the first place.
4: Practice.
If and when you can, practice. There’s no substitute quite as good as a good old fashioned cold approach. It’s clichéd for a reason that practice is the fastest way to get good. So do it when you can, sneak it in to your busy schedule, make it a part of your daily grind rather than inhibited by it. Just a half hour of real one on one conversation with a cold approach target and a night out on the weekend will keep you improving at a steady rate. Just don’t give up, because then next year’s resolutions will sound a hell of a lot like this year’s.