PUA Training Blog

Hey Guys,

Responses to the Self-hypnosis audio have been brilliant - thanks to all of you who have emailed me or posted comments (if you want to listen you can do so here ). You can download the file here

A few of you have asked questions so I’ve decided to write some responses to answer a few of them……….

Noel asked “Does NLP / Hypnosis work with everyone?”

The thing to realise is that NLP and hypnosis use thought processes and patterns and are already part of peoples’ functioning and, in fact, most of them are modelled from people who are doing thing or being a particular way. Let me give you an example:

People sometimes say to me they don’t know if their visualisations are powerful enough and I ask “Have you ever experienced anxiety?”. The thing is, to experience anxiety a person has to imagine something happening in the future and usually make a picture of some event or situation that they wouldn’t want. So, firstly, this means they have the ability not only to make pictures internally, but also to construct pictures of things that haven’t even happened yet. And, they are able to make the pictures so vivid and lifelike that they feel real feelings (anxiety) as a result of them. So, this means a person has the ability to create pictures that are so real they feel actual feelings now. That’s quite a skill. And, of course, if they can make pictures that make them feel one way they can make them feel another way.

Regarding hypnosis, then people enter trance states all the time. A simple way to consider trance is that it is a state characterised by a narrow focus of attention, everyday examples are driving trances, have you ever been driving and absorbed in your own thougts or ’in your own world’ and nearly missed an exit or junction? The TV trance is another, someone may not even hear their name being called because their attention is focused solely on the TV, they may even have their hand dangling in mid air holding the remote. When someone is experiencing approach anxiety, they may go into trance and literally go ‘blank’ so it seems like there’s nothing there.

So, the question isn’t really whether people can experience trance, it’s more whether the trances they are experiencing are serving them well, and, if not then hypnosis is one way to change this.

Linking to the question from Alif Aka Myth. You say you can’t seem to get the audio to work for you, my question is, How do you know it’s not working? But, more importantly, how would you know if it was?

A question to ask yourself is “Do you really want to understand how to be a great pua or do you want to BE a great pua?”

The aim of the audio is NOT that you consciously know what you’ve modelled from someone else. You can do that by observing them and analysing what they do. The aim of this is to learn unconsciously (which means you don’t know what is it you are learning, you just discover that you have) - which is how you learned as a child, you never consciously set out one day to learn to walk and analysed your progress as you went along. In fact, if you had it would probably have been the very thing that would have stopped you learning it.

I’m not suggesting that analysis and logical understanding aren’t helpful, only that this audio is about helping you find an alternative way of learning. We have been conditioned by our society that we must understand things before we can do them which is sometimes a very unhelpful way to work. Do you really want to understand how to be a great pua or do you want to be a great pua? If you actually want to understand it (which I would suggest only really has a benefit if you’re a trainer and want to teach others) then analysis will be useful, but if you just want to model someone  and be how they are then this will help you massively. Here’s one of the emails I received….

Hey Ben,

This week has been pretty interesting, friday night i applied non verbal opening / forcing a IOI - followed with a direct approach straight into a kiss - the rest was easy. Saturday was more of the same - kissed a girl i was out with some mates - after lots of strong eye contact, i walked up - took hold of her belt and gently pulled her into me - kiss kiss…. the come to bed eyes are improving haha - i wasn’t sure why this side of things is suddenly clicking - then i remembered doing your audio hypnosis! and using Gambler / Maverick as a model!

many thanks   Dan

Now, I’m sure there will be some cynical people out there who say, well, maybe these things would have happened anyway. And, maybe Dan would have done them without using hypnotic modelling. Only you will really know what effects it has after you’ve listened to it and, it may be that it’s only some time afterwards when you find yourself being different that you make a connection with that experience. Feel free to let me know your feedback.

In my post The natural art of communication I described this art as interaction with another human being at the level of meaning. One way of thinking about meaning is in terms of relevance. A meaningful communication is relevant both to its initiator and its recipient. For many guys starting out in pick-up, their fundamental problem is that they are just not relevant – in a sexual way – to the girls they interact with. What pick-up teaches a guy initially is how to say things which are relevant to a girl. Because these things are modelled from men who are attractive to women – which the beginner guy is not yet – they are relevant to the girl, but not relevant to the guy – in other words they are not truthful representations of who he is. The idea is that over time, the guy gradually aligns himself with the HB-relevant things he is saying until they are relevant (truthful) also to him - problem solved. For many guys starting out this is exactly their expectation: they learn attractive things to say to a girl and then through a feedback mechanism they just become attractive themselves.

So where’s the flaw? Why do I hear things like “Game will get you as many girls as you want, but it will never make you happy?” and why do I see smart, successful PUAs out of the blue erasing their entire archive of posts and denouncing pick-up as the work of Satan? I believe the error is in supposing that human interaction can be modelled as a finite set of possibilities. It’s an easy error to make – rather than actually learning to understand what a girl means, you instead learn a winning strategy – a sequence of moves that gets you from A to B in any circumstance. But there are no winning strategies for infinite possibilities, so the model is necessarily an approximation. That means you use a generic model to get a generic girl, and you end up having a generic relationship or generic one-night stand with her. The lingering unhappiness in some of the most prolific PUAs is that in denying the possibility of a girl’s uniqueness, they also deny their own uniqueness; their life ceases to have any relevance to them.

Before I close, I wanted to add a short coda on how this discussion relates to the cult of teacher in the pick-up community. The old proverb goes that if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day but if you teach him how to fish you feed him for a lifetime. Guys who come into the pick-up community are like starving cats hungry for a fish; and there are plenty of teachers out there who’ll give them a fish, and then upon the release of their next product give them another fish, and so on. And the students will keep on coming back for more, because they’re hungry, and because it’s in the teacher’s interests to keep them hungry. But when he’s no longer able to feed them, or when another teacher somewhere else offers a tastier fish, they move on and in some cases renounce him, and rightly so because he’s been deceiving them. For me, the best teachers are the ones who teach you that they have nothing to teach you because you already know everything there is to know, and for that you might actually like them.

Hey guys, I’m currently working on a new self-hypnosis product and I’ve produced a segment for you to listen to. This short recording will be of interest if:

You would like to develop your pick up skills, develop your abilities and accelerate the way you learn

You know of someone who can things you would like to do

or you know someone who has a way of being in the world that you would like to model?

The audio below will guide you through a short experience of how to alter you own state and model someone of your choice.  A lot has been written in the pua community about hypnosis and using it for seduction but hardly anything about how you can use self-hypnosis to accelerate your own learning and development. I’m going to share with you some ideas about using hypnosis to model other people who are excellent at something (which, by the way, could be pick up or anything else).

You will get the most from this if you decide the following before listening:

1.)    Who do you want to model? Who do you know that is an example of how you would like to be? (e.g. Gambler, Mystery, Tom Cruise, a comedian, singer, presenter – it’s not important that you’ve ever met this person BUT it is necessary that you have had some experience of them, seen them on TV,  listened to, read about – the more that you have experienced this model the more effective this process will be).

2.) What specifically do you want to learn from them?

3.) What don’t you want from them i.e. Are there attributes or other things which you don’t want to learn? Be clear on this one!

Once you have briefly answered those questions for yourself you may like to find somewhere you can relax safely for 15 minutes as you listen to the following audio. This is just a ‘rough cut’ recording so don’t expect studio quality.

I’d love to hear your feedback.

Ben

To experience a full weekend of hypnosis, self-hypnosis, and hypnotic

modelling, click here

Game is a specialised set of communication skills toward the purpose of picking up women. Outside of the pick-up community, discrete units of effective and repeatable communication in this domain are known as (chat-up) lines, whilst entrants to the community proceed directly to the more sophisticated monologues and dialogues known as routines. After a while, many guys tire of routines and look for a more seamless way of getting laid. At this point they are pointed in the direction of so-called “naturals” and are urged to observe and copy many of their attributes – their clothes, their lifestyles, their attitudes, their gym memberships. These attributes are basically macro-routines, again effective at picking up women, with the added advantage of feeling more natural. Guys who are able to adopt these routines are usually pretty successful with women, wear great clothes, and have enviable lifestyles – and this is the natural endpoint on most students of the pick-up arts’ paths.

So is there anything beyond this endpoint, something which separates pick-up as an art from pick-up as a toolset for success with women; is there something in the venusian arts which parallels the spiritual dimension of the martial arts? In order to answer this question, we need to consider for a moment the fundamental problem of communication, and what constitutes skill in its domain. In a communication, there are two participants – let’s say a PUA and a HB. The PUA communicates his meaning – or his intent – by means of a symbol – perhaps an action, or some spoken words – which in turn has its meaning (intent) interpreted by the HB in order to determine what response (action) she should take. Let’s view that diagramatically:

Meaning (intent) –> action –> meaning (interpretation) -> action

The PUA’s intent is the meaning he would like the HB to interpret. Her actual interpretation may not match his intent. For example, he may throw her a neg in order to cause her to respond with more attraction; but she may just think he’s an asshole and respond with less attraction. Errors of this sort are usually referred to in the pick-up literature as “miscallibration”.

Let’s flip things the other way around and have the HB initiate the communication. Here she says something like “I’m not going to sleep with you tonight”, where her meaning is in this case exactly the opposite. If the novice PUA interprets her words literally, his error stops this romance dead in its tracks. This is the fundamental problem of communication – that people don’t always mean what they say (or do), or say (do) what they mean.

Over time, however, people develop experience in a particular area of communication and more and more are able to say the right thing, and infer the right meaning. And this is what routines are for – they’re shrinkwrapped experience packaged for rapid progress in a specific area. But what if you’re unable to develop this experience – what if the mechanism for acquiring experience through the observation and participation in social situations is broken or dysfunctional in some way? And what if this failure is not a natural way of being but a product of the social and cultural environment in which we live? To be clear, I’m not talking about the guy who’s never even spoken to a woman, but moreso the guy who encounters women on a frequent and social basis but who is not able to enjoy the type of interaction with these women that he would like. Inadvertantly he has become an expert at the set of routines and behaviours necessary for not being successful with women. This may be because the set of routines necessary for being successful in business, or in the social domain which envelops his day-to-day affairs is quite contradictory to the set of routines necessary for being successful with women. Over-enthusiastic adopters of the routines germane to the pick-up domain often find that their success in other social settings suffers – this is what is known as “weird pick-up artist” syndrome.

So if the goal is to not replace one set of routines with another set and forever having to be swapping back and forth as appropriate, but to reignite the underlying ability for natural social observation and expression in any generalised environment, then how useful are the routines of pick up? This depends on whether a specific set or model encourages or discourages one’s natural social ability. On the one hand routines are described as the training wheels of pick up, stabilisers which support the bike whilst you learn how to ride on two wheels, and on the other hand people have described – and these are the ones who are self-aware enough to notice it in thesmelves - how routines have fucked them up and how they’ve had to go back and unlearn these programs in order to progress beyond a certain plateau. The art of communication, as it applies to pick-up or any conceivable social environment, is the ability to interact with another human being at the level of meaning, that is to interpret every action and to express every sentence without bias or preconception but purely on the basis of its meaning in that place and in that moment with that other person. The endpoint of pick-up for the pick-up artist should not be the number of girls he lays, or the enviableness of his social life, but the degree to which he has perfected his art of communication.

Communication is Everything!

The way you are able to communicate affects your ability to get ahead in life.

Communication with yourself and with other people are both key ingredients to being happy and to exceling in life, especially if you plan on being around people. A previous student of mine seemed to be a little to relaxed for his own good, until I saw him interacting with people, especially when it came to networking. He set up an amazing partnership between a friend of his and myself where I would receive a very valuable and costly service in exchange for coaching.

My friend who was a previous client left school at the age of 14 and now at the age of 30, runs 4 or 5 businesses around the world including a few in Asia and Europe. He made his money in the stock market and he even told me how little he knew about investing. “What? You don’t know much about investing yet you made a lot of money doing it?” I was astonished and he smiled and said “Oh no, I’m not smart enough for that,” (or something to that effect) At this stage I had to ask how he made all his money?

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My recent post“Using ‘NOT’ Part 1 - What You Focus On Increases“ explained the concept that in communication, “What you focus on Increases”. Poker made some great comments and asked the question, “Is it better to focus on the girl or on your own development as a pua?”

Of course, the question itself implies that it’s one or the other and not both. So, a simple answer is to consider how you can expand your world to focus on the girl AND developing yourself.

Another answer is to discover your own response to this question –“What do you really want, and, much more importantly, WHY do you want it?”

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In this blog entry I’m going to explore a concept in NLP that the unconscious mind doesn’t (easily) process negation. A common example of this is as follows:

I’d like you to STOP NOW…….. and read this slowly…… try not to imagine an elephant and don’t notice the long trunk and white tusks or see the grey legs.

What happened? I’m guessing that you may have had some experience of an elephant. The thing is, in order to make sense of that sentence you have to process the word ‘elephant’ on some level. In order to ‘not’ imagine it, a person usually has to imagine it first.

It doesn’t matter whether there’s a NOT in front of it, people have to process the word and represent it to themselves because the word is in the sentence (and potentially they might represent this to themselves on a deep level if the word ‘elephant’ has some emotional connection or is wired into some important experience).

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Approaching

Day game, Night Game, Friendly, Direct, Subtle, Drunk, DHV, Social Proof, Confident, Telegraphing interest, shy, introverted, personal, impersonal, work related, comforting, helping, complimenting and the list goes on…

Bars, clubs, streets, shopping malls, cafe’s, busses, trains, parks, grocery stores… There are billions of places and ways to approach and have great interactions with women that lead to bonding and relationships.

This is my way of meeting people… I walk up to them wherever they may be and I say or do a few things that causes them to respond to me in a positive way. They like me instantly, if they don’t then I keep changing my strategy until i do something that  they do like or if I have calculated that the subject is not worth my time or that the subject is no longer worth pursuing I simply abandon that particular Approach.

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Have you ever had a night where you felt invincible?

Nights when everything that came out of your mouth was gold, where you were UNSTOPPABLE with women. We often get in this state after a really successful approach, or on birthdays, after a promotion, or a great new job opportunity, these things serve to make us feel especially high value and sky-rocket our self-esteem. You can see the change in men’s body language as they get in a state of huge confidence and certainty, when they’re feeling in such a positive place that they relish the thought set after set after set. Hell, he needs more room in his phonebook just to handle all the phone numbers he’s getting. He feels it, the girls feel it, and they react to him with attraction. He’s so busy celebrating he doesn’t; have time to get all reaction seeking and worried about women will think of him. He’s just in the moment, and if some girl gets all icy with him, psssshhh, she ain’t killing his buzz; he’s having a good time. He shrugs his shoulders and says NEXT!

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Last night I took the residential student to Kate Moss’s party at Amika… I was talking to one of the girls at the models’ table and had an epiphany which I’d like to share with you.

If you were at NLP Ben’s special bootcamp which we filmed last weekend, you’ll have learnt a lot about storytelling… I know I did! (Thanks Ben, it was awesome!!!) For the first time, I was really conscious about a story I was telling the girl and how it was taking her on an emotional ride. It was fantastic. By the end of it, she was clutching her chest, her heart thumping, trying to catch her breath! Powerful stuff.

The funny thing is, I’ve told this story to girls loads of times (pre-game), but it always ended with a massive downer. It’s a true story and it involves an old friend who died in a car accident the following year. So there I would be, telling the story about this amazing time I had with an old friend, sharing all these exciting emotions and high energy, only for me to end it with - “and the reason this story has extra importance to me is that he died the following year, yet he left me with such an unforgettable experience” etc. etc.

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