Archive for the ‘Communication & NLP’ Category

Communication is Everything!

The way you are able to communicate affects your ability to get ahead in life.

Communication with yourself and with other people are both key ingredients to being happy and to exceling in life, especially if you plan on being around people. A previous student of mine seemed to be a little to relaxed for his own good, until I saw him interacting with people, especially when it came to networking. He set up an amazing partnership between a friend of his and myself where I would receive a very valuable and costly service in exchange for coaching.

My friend who was a previous client left school at the age of 14 and now at the age of 30, runs 4 or 5 businesses around the world including a few in Asia and Europe. He made his money in the stock market and he even told me how little he knew about investing. “What? You don’t know much about investing yet you made a lot of money doing it?” I was astonished and he smiled and said “Oh no, I’m not smart enough for that,” (or something to that effect) At this stage I had to ask how he made all his money?

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My recent post“Using ‘NOT’ Part 1 – What You Focus On Increases“ explained the concept that in communication, “What you focus on Increases”. Poker made some great comments and asked the question, “Is it better to focus on the girl or on your own development as a pua?”

Of course, the question itself implies that it’s one or the other and not both. So, a simple answer is to consider how you can expand your world to focus on the girl AND developing yourself.

Another answer is to discover your own response to this question –“What do you really want, and, much more importantly, WHY do you want it?”

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In this blog entry I’m going to explore a concept in NLP that the unconscious mind doesn’t (easily) process negation. A common example of this is as follows:

I’d like you to STOP NOW…….. and read this slowly…… try not to imagine an elephant and don’t notice the long trunk and white tusks or see the grey legs.

What happened? I’m guessing that you may have had some experience of an elephant. The thing is, in order to make sense of that sentence you have to process the word ‘elephant’ on some level. In order to ‘not’ imagine it, a person usually has to imagine it first.

It doesn’t matter whether there’s a NOT in front of it, people have to process the word and represent it to themselves because the word is in the sentence (and potentially they might represent this to themselves on a deep level if the word ‘elephant’ has some emotional connection or is wired into some important experience).

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Approaching

Day game, Night Game, Friendly, Direct, Subtle, Drunk, DHV, Social Proof, Confident, Telegraphing interest, shy, introverted, personal, impersonal, work related, comforting, helping, complimenting and the list goes on…

Bars, clubs, streets, shopping malls, cafe’s, busses, trains, parks, grocery stores… There are billions of places and ways to approach and have great interactions with women that lead to bonding and relationships.

This is my way of meeting people… I walk up to them wherever they may be and I say or do a few things that causes them to respond to me in a positive way. They like me instantly, if they don’t then I keep changing my strategy until i do something that  they do like or if I have calculated that the subject is not worth my time or that the subject is no longer worth pursuing I simply abandon that particular Approach.

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Have you ever had a night where you felt invincible?

Nights when everything that came out of your mouth was gold, where you were UNSTOPPABLE with women. We often get in this state after a really successful approach, or on birthdays, after a promotion, or a great new job opportunity, these things serve to make us feel especially high value and sky-rocket our self-esteem. You can see the change in men’s body language as they get in a state of huge confidence and certainty, when they’re feeling in such a positive place that they relish the thought set after set after set. Hell, he needs more room in his phonebook just to handle all the phone numbers he’s getting. He feels it, the girls feel it, and they react to him with attraction. He’s so busy celebrating he doesn’t; have time to get all reaction seeking and worried about women will think of him. He’s just in the moment, and if some girl gets all icy with him, psssshhh, she ain’t killing his buzz; he’s having a good time. He shrugs his shoulders and says NEXT!

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Last night I took the residential student to Kate Moss’s party at Amika… I was talking to one of the girls at the models’ table and had an epiphany which I’d like to share with you.

If you were at NLP Ben’s special bootcamp which we filmed last weekend, you’ll have learnt a lot about storytelling… I know I did! (Thanks Ben, it was awesome!!!) For the first time, I was really conscious about a story I was telling the girl and how it was taking her on an emotional ride. It was fantastic. By the end of it, she was clutching her chest, her heart thumping, trying to catch her breath! Powerful stuff.

The funny thing is, I’ve told this story to girls loads of times (pre-game), but it always ended with a massive downer. It’s a true story and it involves an old friend who died in a car accident the following year. So there I would be, telling the story about this amazing time I had with an old friend, sharing all these exciting emotions and high energy, only for me to end it with – “and the reason this story has extra importance to me is that he died the following year, yet he left me with such an unforgettable experience” etc. etc.

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We’ve just completed one of the special NLP weekends and another group of guys had a lot of fun learning a whole set of new skills around Influencing, Language use and Storytelling.

One the most popular ideas was that of flipping buts, so, I thought I’d share you this simple pattern for dealing with resistance which you can use for pick-up, business, in fact, any area of your life where you are communicating with people and want particular results.

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What is Rapport?

Rapport is what will get you laid!

You need to be a master of rapport if you want to get anywhere with girls. If you click, it’s on, if you don’t click… GAME OVER! How are you able to bond quickly with a girl so she feels really nice and comfortable around you?

Your intentions are the underlying factor which govern your behaviour, what you say, how you move, when you kino her etc. It’s all about what you think about yourself and what your intensions are.

Women are all different and they are all looking for different things, some are looking for an adventurous bad boy while others are looking for a friendly chilled out guy and some… in fact most are looking for a guy who is a combination of the two. You have to be able to understand the feedback she gives you when you approach and then keep changing your approach untill you do or say something that she likes. If you approach with a direct opener and see that she is slightly shy the you will need to change your strategy  QIUCKLY or she will be gone and you will have to find a new target.

Rapport is the main ingredient for girls to want to hang out with you and be nice around you. If you are uncalebrated… ie, you say something that isn’t true She WILL PICK IT UP… GAME OVER. Be honest at all times and try to tell stories from your own life and most importantly be interested in who she is and what she says to you. Far to many guys out there are caught up in thinking about what they are going to say next… This is no good.

When you’re hanging out with your guy  friends chatting about sport or whatever else you chat about, do you think of what to say to your friends next so they think you are a cool guy? I DOUBT IT. If so then you definitly need to get out and do about 100 approaches every day for a few months. Aim to make those approaches last as long as 5 minutes.

Rapport happens when people share similar thoughts, similar beliefs, similar style of dressing, similar music, similar places they live in… basically when people have things in common there will be rapport and thats it! Having things in common with a hot girl will make her feel more comfortable arond you.

So what you have to do is become agreeable with hot babes, become more understanding, be more agreeable and show them that somehow you understand them and you sympithise with them and watch how they like you a lot more. They will give their time to you and let you escalate the relationship… they will alow themselves to be taken by you!

For example, if you were on holiday in a totaly different country where there werent many people from your country ever and you just happended to meet someone else from your country maybe down at a beach or maybe in a bar. So you get talking to this person from your country and they tell yoy a story about their city… WHAT? They actually live in your city… the rapport deepens, you feel more conected with this person. So you ask where about in the City are they from… WOW they are from the same area as you. Which street do they live on they ask you. They live at the top of your road. They know all the same places as you do and they even know some of the same people you know. THIS IS RAPPORT. You are so deeply connected now. You will feel comfortable with this person because they are so much like yourself.

Isn’t that interesting… we like people who are like ourselves. To some up how you can build rapport with anyone from anywhere in the world you need to listen closely to what they say and try to connect on some of the words they use. Try to bond somehow or show that you know a little about their world and their experience.

In my live Approaching videos I demonstrate how to get rapport with really Attractive girls. I hope you have time to check them out as they will really help your game. You will be able to see exactly what I’m talking about when i say build rapport by having things in common and sometimes the things I have in common are really simple things but they are enough to make a connection with a girl. I get phone numbers and go on dates all the time with beautiful women who like me because I learnt how to connect with them emotionally using the techniques of rapport.

all the best

Richard Macilwaine

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“Stop talking!” has become one of my favourite sayings recently, but not my favourite. That esteemed position is held by the oft uttered (by me) “You talk too much!” I love it. It’s succinct, to the point and, more often than not, answers a common sticking point my students are dealing with.

Here’s the thing… many PUAs love to talk. It’s good to talk, right? But the problem is that you can talk too much and, at some point, there needs to be a sign that something is going on below the surface between you and the woman you are speaking to. A spark. Chemistry. Something! And no, saying “hey, we must have some kind of special connection, don’t you feel it?” simply won’t suffice if you haven’t communicated it non-verbally first. More importantly, if you have communicated it non-verbally, then you don’t need to verbalize it!

So how can we make this happen? Well, first of all let’s assume that you are the kind of guy that’s giving off good vibes. You feel good about yourself, you feel comfortable in the environment and you remain unnerved by the beautiful woman in front of you. Great! These are the strongest foundations for success with women. But where do we go from here?

Lesson 1 : SHUT UP!

That’s right. You heard me. Just shut up! For a second. Please?

Sometimes you just need to take a moment in the interaction to… well, what exactly? It can be many things. You could be taking pleasure in appreciating the beauty of the woman in front of you. You could be wondering to yourself, “She cannot be serious, can she?” after she just said something funny / ridiculous / stupid etc. In fact, it can be anything, but it has to be matched with solid eye-contact and a ‘look’ that is heavily loaded… by this, I mean it says something. Furthermore, it needs to be positive. You can still use a look to convey disapproval, but do it in a way that is subtle and playful and the result will be a positive one.
I’ve often used silence right at the beginning of a set to good effect. Done correctly, it can set the tone for the whole interaction wonderfully. I’ve walked up to the counter at Starbucks and said nothing for ages, just looking at the woman in a way that tweaks her brain and they usually love it. Also, if I get opened for directions, I’ll do a little act that involves no talking, just to really get their attention. For example, I’d act as if they’ve really offended me (by asking the way to Leicester square) or they are trying to pick me up (by asking for the time)!

The real power of it all, however, is when you are escalating with a woman and you want to kiss her. Yes, you can kiss her whilst you’re still talking, but usually it’s better to stop first. So stop. Look at her the way Mr. Completely Sexual would. Give her laser-sex-eyes. Be smooth and go for it! She’ll thank you afterwards!

So remember, “you talk too much….” and “stop talking!”

On a final note, I also like saying these same words to women… when they’re being AFC; talking their asses off trying to impress me; when I know what they really want… and I say it to them right before I kiss them. Or better yet, I’ll just motion my forefinger to my lips, as if to say “SHHHHH!”… enough said.

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Hey Guys,

In the following video I break down the core principals of NLP and how you can use them to skyrocket your game – quickly and effectively.

Hope that was useful for your guys, comments are welcome and i’ll try my best to answer questions.

Gambler.

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