Archive for the ‘General’ Category

It’s been a while since the last one. Today I want to talk about calibration, a topic constantly referred to in pickup, but never really properly addressed. More specifically, social calibration. This is effectively the skill of being attuned to your social environment to judge how others feel and react to the situation, and thus enables you to make the most appropriate decisions to maximise your outcomes.

Now social calibration is extremely hard to teach. Most people have varying degrees of social calibration and individually it may vary from situation to situation. The amount it varies would depend on many factors including social experience, lifestyle and personality. It should be said that we feel more confident when we receive more evidence of our own social calibration to a particular environment. This is why people tend to have venues of preference; one guy may feel more calibrated in coffee shops, whereas someone else may be more at home in a club. We tend to gravitate towards environments where our sense of social calibration is highest.

Now for the most part, when people talk about social calibration in pickup, the knee-jerk solution is………..anyone….Bueller……

SPEND MORE TIME IN THE FIELD!!!!!

And as much as that is a fair comment, it is not entirely helpful. What do you do in the field? How do you know if you are uncalibrated? How do you know if you are improving?

Now a lot of people gauge socially uncalibrated responses as those which are weird, awkward or creepy. As a result, many people see social calibration as an absence of weird, awkward or creepy responses.

This then creates an altogether different and more hideous beast from within. There is a middle ground, a Calibration Purgatory if you will, which exists somewhere between the darkest depths of social retardedness and actual social calibration, where many reside comfortably. And this is the Competition for Social Status.

The most subtle uncalibrated behaviours tend to exist because individuals are competing for a place in the hierarchy of social status. For example, AMOGging, putting others down to try and increase status or NEGging, flat out being rude (because they think it’s being cool), bitchiness and trying to force rapport. Aggressive and competitive behaviours also fall into this category, and also project neediness and dependence on the outcome. These are uncalibrated because they all refuse to take into account what others are feeling and/or create negativity largely to fulfill self-centered needs.

So what are we aiming for to reach Actual Social Calibration? Well if you study individuals who are successful professionally and socially, a number of qualities tend to stand out. They are non-competitive, non-judgemental, have no agenda and seem to add value to everyone. It has been suggested that selfless generosity is the key.

So here are a few things that you can do to avoid getting stuck in Calibration Purgatory.

1. Social Versatility.
Aim to immerse yourself in as many different social situations as you can. One thing I see is that some students only hang out with their Pick-Up wings (mmm wings..) and as a result “the community” defines their social behaviour, resulting in interactions and self-esteem defined by “closes” and the slow descent into narcissism. Expanding one’s repertoire gives us a more broad experience with which to base our experiences of people’s behaviour.It’s also more fun.

2.Treat everyone as equals.

Look, we want to be the high value men that we are, but that’s no excuse to belittle people with it. The goal here is to ADD VALUE (the old chestnut), and make everyone around you feel good. If anyone is down, bring them up. This also enables you to connect with everyone. Make others interact and get involved with your conversation, instead of making it just about yourself.

3.Be non-discriminatory.

A massive potential politically incorrect hot potato.However, many people discriminate to some extent, and it takes a big man to know how he does, and a bigger man to do something about it.Here’s one.Would you treat a hot girl differently to her more overweight friend?Discrimination leads to judgement. Judgement leads to competition. And competition seeks hierarchy.

4. Aim to make everyone feel at ease.

This is where weird, awkward and creepy, those ubiquitous pantomime characters, can be stamped out. Firstly, avoid the Calibration Purgatory option, where the situation becomes weird and you carry on regardless. This just makes it worse, but hey if your’re gonna go down, go down in a Blaze of Glory. Well no.

If your aim is to make everyone feel at ease, the odd challenging situation will come up anyway (which is part of the point) and you learn to deal with them. This will be minimised if everyone is already upbeat, having a good time and already connecting.

Ultimately, a Socially Calibrated person is highly attractive, and projects a potent marker of social success.

Well that’s my take on it . Any Qs E me.

Stay classy.

Shamwow.

Comfort Topics:

At our bootcamps, we teach guys a method to keep a conversation going forever. Even with this powerful tool, the most common problem I see for a guy coming back to me without a number or without the girl is very simply “I ran out of stuff to say.”

Relating, the skill of building rapport through conversation, is where you’ll spend about 80% of the time in a solid pick up. Basically, if you can build rapport with somebody, you can do just about anything with them while you do. Any objection, any ‘I’m not ready,’ any ‘I have a boyfriend,’ is actually little more than a way of saying ‘We don’t have enough rapport yet.’

Relating is essentially the act of finding things you have in common with somebody. It’s discovering that you have similar world views, similar experiences, that you’re on the same page. It’s everything from bloods and crypts giving each other their secret signal to husbands and wives finishing each other’s sentences.

We relate naturally to people we’re friends with. The reason being, most people we’ve known for a while we have a history with. We’ve shared experiences and have old jokes with them. We know the same people, we’ve seen the same movies, we’ve gotten too drunk together that night neither of us remembers. We have all this to talk about, to reference, to relate to. But when we meet a random girl for the first time at a bar, we have none of this.

One of the easiest ways I find to discover common experiences is to steer the conversation towards relatable topics- topics that most women find interesting, have experience with, and, most importantly topics we can share perspectives, opinions, and views on. While down the line you’ll want to find out what makes your special flower unique, starting with some common ground will easily help you to build up to the deeper stuff.

Here are five of my favorite relatable topics. You’ll find it hard to find the girl who doesn’t find at least one of these to be something she’s interested or passionate about.

Fashion

Honestly, if you know what Katy Perry nail polish and Michael Kors watches look like, you may never need another opener again. It happens to be a huge interest of mine, so I could chat about why Zac Posen is just ripping off old-styles with new cuts and how tired I am of Tori Burch flats for hours. Fashion is the lifeblood of so many women, it’s on the front of their magazines, it’s the identity by which they convey their selves to the world. If you can talk fashion, you can instantly hold the undivided attention of the hottest girls in the room and laugh as other guys watch aghast wondering what magic ability you possess.

Further studies: Nylon, W, Vogue, Elle, Instyle, Harper’s Bazzar- all about $10 subscriptions and worth a thousand times the price.

Gossip/Entertainment

If you know that Lonely Boy and Blaire hooked up a few weeks ago and why this is super important, you are now officially blessed with the ability to get about 60% of the women in the continental US to talk for about three hours straight without a breath. (I mean, how could she do that to Serena, seriously?) There’s a reason gossip rags still sell at every supermarket counter and why soap operas are still on the air after all this time. I constantly talk about my celebrity crushes (Emma Stone and Mila Kunis), my hope to now make Mila mine now that Macaulay Culkin is out of the picture, and how cool I think it is that Lindsay Lohan wrote ‘fuck you’ on the fingernails when she went to court. And if you’re unsure as to whether this works, try telling the next girl you’re talking to for a few minutes that you ‘want your pink shirt back,’ and just thank me later.

Further studies: E entertainment television, Perezhilton.com, thesuperficial.com, TMZ

Food

Earlier this year, our instructor Alex was rated this year as one of the top ten pick up artists in the world. About half the time I overhear him chatting with girls he’s talking about cupcakes, how hungry he is, or what the best burger in New York actually is (he says corner bistro, I say Shake Shack). The man is hungry all the time. It’s probably one of his greatest gifts, because girls are dieting most of the time anyway and generally damn near starving. Add in the fact that chocolate triggers most of the same hormones that sex does and you’ve got yourself a damn good topic of conversation. So, go out hungry. Know what’s good in your city, and once the two of you hit something you’ve both been meaning to try you have your date already created for you. Or better yet, just go get it right then if it’s open, and eat it back at your place ;)

Further studies: Yelp, food column of your local newspaper

Nightlife

You’re out. It’s late. You’re by definition somewhere, at some location. And chances are you’re around people who also go out. So, talk about it. What’s your favorite place to go out? Have you been to that new hotel rooftop with the pool? Or that new beer garden? For women, going out is when they strut their stuff, show off their best outfits, break in their new shoes, meet guys and hang with their girls. Going out is about social status, so if you can understand what’s hot and why, you can start to relate on it. It also helps to find people you might know in common that might overlap in terms of your social scene- a commonality that essentially turns a cold approach into a warmly introduced one. I should mention here, that this tends to work in cities where there is a big bar, lounge, and club scene, but as long as you can talk about what’s new and happening around your area, you should be fine. Chat about all the cool, trendy places you’ve been (and if you haven’t, find out where they are and go there, which ones disappointed you, and all the ones you still want to go to. Find a place you’d want to go together, and you’re well on your way to a second meeting. Or, better yet, a perfect location to bounce to.

Further studies: Yelp, Guestofaguest.com, eventful.com, going.com, but more than anything good old fashioned word of mouth.

Relationships

If you’re reading this, you have an interest in relationships. Maybe you’re looking for one, or a lot of them, but you’ve taken an active interest in learning about attraction and connection. Pick up about any women’s magazine and you’ll see rather quickly that a lot of the information advertised to women is centered around dating and guys. The exact stuff you’ve learned about dating makes for an easy topic with most women- how does she meet guys she likes? What’s her worst date? What does she do to attrct guys and what do guys do that attract her? What do they do wrong? What makes a guy become Mr. Right? You’ll find that girls know a lot more than you ever imagined they would about the exact world you’re studying- from push/pull and teasing to building commonalities. Most girls are better at pick up than most guys will ever get, the same girl you’re talking to might have a thing or two to teach you herself.

Further studies: Cosmopolitan, Maxim, PUAtraining blog, AFCadam’s Twitter account, Okcupid blog, He’s just not that into you, Sex and the City, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, the Rules

Obviously, these aren’t the only ones, but they’re tested and deliver results- mostly because they hinge on female interests. And if you don’t know about any or most of these topics, don’t be afraid to study up on one- learning and life experience are the backbones of great conversation.

Best,

Sax.

“The Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” -Lao Tzu

In the process of doing thousands of hours worth of residential training, teaching people from all over the world, helping people with a gamut of inner and outer game issues, I keep coming back to a fundamental lesson.

Learning is best done in small chunks.

Usually, what happens is something like the aspiring PUA goes out, tries everything all at once, the girls get weirded out, he gets frustrated, everyone goes home sad and alone.

I hope to save you from this terrible, expensive, time-wasting fate, and help you learn much more quickly.

So, just like that person taking a journey of a thousand steps, you’re going to take a journey of thousands of approaches. Maybe less. Probably less. It’s irrelevant, let’s move on.

First, commit to practicing regularly. twice a week for 4 hours+ is bare minimum to get better. Consider it like working out: If you work out for 3+ times a week, you’ll probably gain a lot of strength. If you’re just trying to maintain your strength, you can go to the gym less often. Starting out, go out regularly, but just like in the gym, you don’t want to go so often you burn yourself out.

Also just like the gym, some people are going to hate practicing approaching. I understand, there’s lots of times I was like, “Dude, a nap sounds way better than going out and talking to random people!” But you know what got me out of bed? Pick up buddies! Just like working out tends to happen more often if you have a buddy pushing you, the same thing will happen with pick up. You’ll hold each other responsible, and you’re more likely to go.

“But Justin!” you exclaim, “If I had any friends, I wouldn’t need this pick up stuff!” Don’t worry my introverted reader, I have a solution for you too! Take a shower, put on some nice clothes, and go to a place with a bunch of people. I’m a fan of pubs and shopping areas, but go wherever there’s a high concentration of people. Hang out for half an hour. While you’re there, you’re probably just going to get bored and talk to people just because you can. If not, if you just don’t have it in you to be social, and you put in your half hour, I give you permission to go home, but I want that half hour!

Now, when you’re out, doing your approaches, most people will try to apply everything they’ve learned. This is a quick way to get good at none of them. If you aim at every target, you aim at none. Pick one or two things you want to focus on, and drill into them. Start with opening. First, practice opening indirect. Then try opening, and then giving the women a compliment. Work your way up to a compliment opener. Getting comfortable with everything means that you can apply whatever will best suit the situation. From there, practice building rapport, story telling, breaking rapport, kino, qualification, sexual escalation. If you do it just like you did with openers, you’ll find yourself making steady improvements constantly.

Even having approached numbers of sets that get into the 5-digit range, I always fall back to these basics. And I focus on one at a time when I practice to keep my game sharp as a tack.