Archive for the ‘Outer Game’ Category

So, it’s a new year. Or, at least, it was a New Year. And we all had big expectations, resolutions, things we were going to do, people we were going to be. And then a few weeks in we miss a day at the gym, we sneak a cigarette, we fuck our ex. The same ex we promised the New Year god we’d never fuck again.

Resolutions fade. Work starts up again, unforeseeable events weasel their way into your life, the weather gets too cold, you oversleep, and all in all, life happens. It comes with the territory, but the important thing is to not let real life, daily grind, and normal human stuff come between the things you want to accomplish and your goals. And that’s what I’m writing you today about.

One of the biggest resolutions nearly every PUA makes in the new year is to practice more. In our heart of hearts, we all know the way to get better fast isn’t sitting in the warm light of a computer screen reading qualification articles and 5-step escalation ladders. It’s getting out there and talking to girls. It’s doing it. It’s building your own game, not reading about someone else’s.

But how do you do that when from 9-7 you’re working, and then you’ve got dinner plans and the only human interaction you have in the course of a day is with Tony the doorman and your barista? Well, it’s all about making the most out of the interactions you do have, and the time you can spend.

1: Practice Opening without Opening

At our bootcamps, we teach that the ideal way to start a conversation is a spontaneous, situational opener. This means that something you observe in that moment- whether it be something to do with her, someone else or the environment in general, and comment on it to your target. The difference between this and a lot of the stock openers people learn is that it has to be in the moment. It has to be current. And to do it quickly takes practice. It takes building the improvisational/observation muscles, so you can look at any situation and find something to talk about.

But what if you don’t have the time to stop and open every girl on your way to work? What if you can’t afford to open all the girls in your building? Luckily, you don’t have to actually say a word to build that muscle. What if you were to look at a girl and then in your mind decide what you would say, if you did open. Try looking at the girls who walk by you during the day and asking yourself “What would I say to open her?” This way, you don’t even have to pick the hot ones you’d actually want to talk to. You can use anyone- old women, teenagers, even guys- to get in the habit of quickly creating spontaneous openers, even when you can’t take the time to actually do it. So then, when the girl you do want to open walks by, you’ll already know exactly what to say.

2: Practice Building Commonalities with everyone

One of my favorite pieces of advice I ever heard from Adam was “Talk to people. Most people don’t actually talk to people.” It’s true, think of your day- the barista at Starbucks, the guy in the elevator who talks about the weather, the woman at the laundromat- people everywhere talk to you, all the time. And you probably nod and say some polite nothing phrase like “Yeah, gonna get colder tomorrow” or “Thanks, see you next week.” What a waste!

These are prime opportunities to practice comfort building. Some of the same stuff that you’d use throughout an interaction with the guy at the hardware store could be used just as well on the blonde ten at the bar. Where is he from? What does he do? What is his life like? Use these opportunities to enhance your conversational skills. Each time a person talks to you, whether it begins in the most obligatory, functional, or polite manner, try to find something that the two of you could, if you really wanted to, keep in touch over. You’ll soon find those little mini-practices give your game huge leaps forward when you’re actually in the field.

3: Hang out with girls you already know

Almost everyone has heard this advice, but very few people actually use it. Ironically, it’s probably one of the easiest ways to kick your game into high gear. You know girls. Even if you think you don’t know girls, you do. Your sister is a girl. Your ex-girlfriend is a girl. Your mom is even a girl. Just because a girl isn’t winging you, doesn’t mean she’s worthless to your game. Talk to her. Her interests, her perspective, her personality, are echoed throughout her entire gender. Women aren’t all the same, but a lot of them are strikingly similar.

First off, talking to girls is the quickest way to learn what women are interested in. When one girl tells you you have to check out the new Jenna Marbles video, or the new Sam Edelman’s she bought, you’re getting constantly new content for your next interactions. So when one girl in a two set gives you ‘The Face’ you’re in on the joke rather than walking away sheepishly. (and if you don’t get that, look up Jenna Marble’s ‘The Face’ so it doesn’t happen to you ;P)

Secondly, if you can hold your female friend’s attention, you need only replicate that in field. The constant calibration feedback you get from dealing with women is the reason why practice makes you good in the first place.

4: Practice.

If and when you can, practice. There’s no substitute quite as good as a good old fashioned cold approach. It’s clichéd for a reason that practice is the fastest way to get good. So do it when you can, sneak it in to your busy schedule, make it a part of your daily grind rather than inhibited by it. Just a half hour of real one on one conversation with a cold approach target and a night out on the weekend will keep you improving at a steady rate. Just don’t give up, because then next year’s resolutions will sound a hell of a lot like this year’s.

Hey guys,

Wow, I can’t believe it has been so long since I last posted! Jumping on the New Year bandwagon this is actually a post I meant to put up around November but never got around to it.

The Background.

When with a student I like to refer to how important a first impression is. If your first impression isn’t strong, you face a battle to make up lost distance, and then prove to her that you are a cool guy worth spending time with.

Now a few people might have read that and start crying out old pick-up mantras: ‘But I’m the prize! She should want to game me!’ Let’s be honest with ourselves here, none of that is true… at least not straight away.

You only become the prize once you have proven you are the prize. Very few girls will actively view you straight away as someone to be chased and invested in without you having shown them why. It can happen, but only in special circumstances. In a regular bar, nightclub or in the street, you need to show them why you are worth the effort.

And all this comes down to making a good first impression.  By doing this you are cutting out a great deal of work for yourself, as most of the qualities you need to convey, aside from conversational ability and escalation ability, can be demonstrated in that initial moment. That’s why we are going to have a look at these qualities and go through how to show them effectively in this post.

The Breakdown

 
First let’s break this down into two sections, the initial look, and the initial contact. The initial look is what they see when they first look at you. The first judgement they will make. It comes in three parts:
1) Fashion.
2) Body language.
3) Value in the environment.

Each of these three things are related to your overall value. If all three (minimum two out of three) are high, then you come across as a high value guy and the girl is more likely to be open to you approaching, forcing IOI’s, etc. Without them, it will naturally be more of an uphill battle.
The initial contact comes in when you actually open your mouth and deliver the opener, and comes in four parts.
1) Eye contact.
2) Body language.
3) Vocal tonality.
4) Proximity.

Together these four things make the strongest impression when making contact. Strong eye contact is a sign of a comfortable, secure and confident man. This is especially true when combined with relaxed body language.

By having a voice that is paced (by which I mean you aren’t speaking too fast), this shows an air of dominance and authority. Notice how good public speakers pause and slow down as they say their key points. It is the same theory here.

Finally, your proximity (how close you are standing) to them will grab their attention and make sure they have noticed you. The ideal distance is right on the edge of their comfort zone. If you want a guide, it would be the same distance from your elbow to the tips of your fingers, if your arm were bent at your side.

The worst thing that can happen when you open is not for a girl to say ‘no thanks’ and then to turn away. It is for her to say ‘excuse me?’ (or much more likely in England ‘what?’). If you haven’t got her attention before you open your mouth it is an uphill struggle from there. It is far better to create a good first impression with a bit of thought and effort, and make the work later a bit easier, rather than springing a surprise opinion opener on a girl without her knowing you are going to say something beforehand.

So there we have a bit of a mindset (though slightly technical) first post of the New Year for you all. I plan on finishing my Strategy for Nightgame post series soon, but in the mean time if you have any questions on this or my other posts, please do not hesitate to contact me on: karl@puatraining.com

Until next time!

Karl

It’s been a while since the last one. Today I want to talk about calibration, a topic constantly referred to in pickup, but never really properly addressed. More specifically, social calibration. This is effectively the skill of being attuned to your social environment to judge how others feel and react to the situation, and thus enables you to make the most appropriate decisions to maximise your outcomes.

Now social calibration is extremely hard to teach. Most people have varying degrees of social calibration and individually it may vary from situation to situation. The amount it varies would depend on many factors including social experience, lifestyle and personality. It should be said that we feel more confident when we receive more evidence of our own social calibration to a particular environment. This is why people tend to have venues of preference; one guy may feel more calibrated in coffee shops, whereas someone else may be more at home in a club. We tend to gravitate towards environments where our sense of social calibration is highest.

Now for the most part, when people talk about social calibration in pickup, the knee-jerk solution is………..anyone….Bueller……

SPEND MORE TIME IN THE FIELD!!!!!

And as much as that is a fair comment, it is not entirely helpful. What do you do in the field? How do you know if you are uncalibrated? How do you know if you are improving?

Now a lot of people gauge socially uncalibrated responses as those which are weird, awkward or creepy. As a result, many people see social calibration as an absence of weird, awkward or creepy responses.

This then creates an altogether different and more hideous beast from within. There is a middle ground, a Calibration Purgatory if you will, which exists somewhere between the darkest depths of social retardedness and actual social calibration, where many reside comfortably. And this is the Competition for Social Status.

The most subtle uncalibrated behaviours tend to exist because individuals are competing for a place in the hierarchy of social status. For example, AMOGging, putting others down to try and increase status or NEGging, flat out being rude (because they think it’s being cool), bitchiness and trying to force rapport. Aggressive and competitive behaviours also fall into this category, and also project neediness and dependence on the outcome. These are uncalibrated because they all refuse to take into account what others are feeling and/or create negativity largely to fulfill self-centered needs.

So what are we aiming for to reach Actual Social Calibration? Well if you study individuals who are successful professionally and socially, a number of qualities tend to stand out. They are non-competitive, non-judgemental, have no agenda and seem to add value to everyone. It has been suggested that selfless generosity is the key.

So here are a few things that you can do to avoid getting stuck in Calibration Purgatory.

1. Social Versatility.
Aim to immerse yourself in as many different social situations as you can. One thing I see is that some students only hang out with their Pick-Up wings (mmm wings..) and as a result “the community” defines their social behaviour, resulting in interactions and self-esteem defined by “closes” and the slow descent into narcissism. Expanding one’s repertoire gives us a more broad experience with which to base our experiences of people’s behaviour.It’s also more fun.

2.Treat everyone as equals.

Look, we want to be the high value men that we are, but that’s no excuse to belittle people with it. The goal here is to ADD VALUE (the old chestnut), and make everyone around you feel good. If anyone is down, bring them up. This also enables you to connect with everyone. Make others interact and get involved with your conversation, instead of making it just about yourself.

3.Be non-discriminatory.

A massive potential politically incorrect hot potato.However, many people discriminate to some extent, and it takes a big man to know how he does, and a bigger man to do something about it.Here’s one.Would you treat a hot girl differently to her more overweight friend?Discrimination leads to judgement. Judgement leads to competition. And competition seeks hierarchy.

4. Aim to make everyone feel at ease.

This is where weird, awkward and creepy, those ubiquitous pantomime characters, can be stamped out. Firstly, avoid the Calibration Purgatory option, where the situation becomes weird and you carry on regardless. This just makes it worse, but hey if your’re gonna go down, go down in a Blaze of Glory. Well no.

If your aim is to make everyone feel at ease, the odd challenging situation will come up anyway (which is part of the point) and you learn to deal with them. This will be minimised if everyone is already upbeat, having a good time and already connecting.

Ultimately, a Socially Calibrated person is highly attractive, and projects a potent marker of social success.

Well that’s my take on it . Any Qs E me.

Stay classy.

Shamwow.