Curiosity is as much the parent of attention, as attention is of memory.
-Richard Whately
Some of you may find opening frustrating, I’ve included an old article from my journal that helped me a while back, and will provide context for a discussion on hooking:
“On opening:
This has been driving me mad.
I have been getting blown off SO much while opening. I’ve been trying to avoid super direct or overly breaking rapport openers in the interest of building comfort first. It’s not working and it’s making me crazy. MUCH thinking and field testing has led me to something I’m calling…
Bum Theory.
Hot girls get hit on constantly.
And just like people dismiss bums and don’t think of them as human, hot girls treat guys of lower perceived social value the same way. Indirect game teaches that to avoid this, you don’t let her know you are hitting on her.
BUT…
Hot girls ALWAYS assume guys of lower PSV (perceived social value) are hitting on them.
As long as a girl does not decide she WON’T sleep with you, you are fine; the point of indirect game is to prevent her from making that decision.
BUT…
If your perceived social value isn’t high enough, they immediately make the assumption you want them, realize they find you repugnant; and blow you off as though you are garbage rather than a human being.
Thus defeating the purpose of indirect game.
So how can we get around getting blow off like a bum?
The same way bums do.
As I see it, there are two circumstances in which a bum can cause people to perceive him as human. The first is to be an empathy inducing bum archetype, the Santa Cllaus bum or the Morgan Freeman bum, basically the bum equivalent of having high enough perceived social value that you are the exception to the rule. The second is to stand out. To be differentiated from the heard. The easiest way to do this is to bring value. To make people laugh, for example.
In any situation, the best openers are the ones that hit that particular situation’s “sweet spot.”
They are intense enough to pull every one’s attention to them and be more interesting than anything else that’s going on; but they are close enough to the intensity level of the situation that they don’t make you seem socially awkward to the people you are delivering them to. “
Once I figured out how to hook, I wrote up how it worked, hope it helps some of you:
Some people have enough PSV that everyone is just nice to them. They start out getting some of the six behaviors girls give guy who are not yet perceived as human. Who they view as beneath them. For other guys, the set must be unlocked. This is what most people refer to as the hook point.
The hook point is where the girl relaxes, it’s also where she becomes willing to invest.
Before this point, any attempt to “pass her the ball,” to ask for contribution or investment, will result in the girl acting cold and disinterested. Before the set is unlocked, she will avert eye contact, use breaking rapport tonality, give one word answers, ect. And doing things such as asking open ended questions will actually exacerbate the situation, creating negative investment as the girl exerts energy to minimize interacting with you.
To hit the hook point and “unlock” the set or the girl, you must do something that differentiates you enough to make her interested in having an interaction with you. Being very attractive allows you to do this simply by walking up. Fame has the same effect. Let’s assume you have lower PSV.
There are two ways I know of to hook.
One is to deliver a very well calibrated “opener,” a single phrase, sentence, or question that has an intensity level that meshes with the sets current intensity level (reality) and brings value.
For two girls having a quiet conversation in a bar, a current event might be enough, for girls doing shots at a club something much harsher or provocative might be necessary.
If the opener isn’t intense enough, it’s value taking, and they will eschew your company.
If the opener is too intense, it will be outside their reality, and you’ll get the same result.
Going too far tends to be better, as getting blown out takes far less time than wasting time with girls who will sit politely but have no interest. Girls like this can waste literally hours, and often they have no interest even in being friends.
The other way is to draw the set into your rhythm.
Be the music.
To do this you need to talk for long enough that you sub-communicate various things such as being self amusing, being non needy, being chill, and ideally some level of irreverence to prepare them for leading and escalation.
Walking up with a single line is like a teaser for a movie, walking up and spewing a paragraph without ever waiting for a response or asking for investment is like seeing a trailer.
An example:
Bad: Hey, this place seems hopping, is it a good place to go on a friday night?
Why it’s bad: you’re walking up and taking value, immediately asking for investment.
Good: Hey, this place seems hopping, is it a good place to go on a Friday night? I’m not sure if you noticed but I’m not from around here, I’m actually from Australia, but I’m in town and I thought I’d go out and explore the New York City nightlife. People seem very friendly here. You guys seem cool, tell me tell me what you think about this conversation I’ve been having with a friend. By buddy Sam is a doctor, and he’s been dating this girl. She wants to be his girlfriend, and he likes her a lot… but his social circle is very affluent, and she works at waffle house. Do you guys think it’s ok to be shallow like that?
Why it’s good: you have the time to show your personality. How you talk, how you move, your face and eyes, your rhythm and your un-reactiveness. You’re also bringing value by asking about something interesting and by virtue of your expressiveness and ability to vibe.
This draws some sharp parallels to old school canned game.
Even then, material was supposed to function as training wheels, and was largely present to get guys past the hook point so they could have a “real” interaction.
When the transition to “natural” game took place, one of the principles that was lost was how to hook.
Transitions were suggested, but the issue was that students would learn a structure and an interaction would look like this:
Open/wait for response
Transition/wait for response
Opinion opener/wait for response
Request for commonalities/wait for response
And this was considered ideal.
What normally happened was:
Open/girls stare blankly
Transition/girls communicate awkwardness
OO/girls call you out for being “one of those guys”
Request commonalities/ girls say they don’t “do” anything
What’s the underlying issue?
In Adam’s formula, A=(C-R)+Q+SE, you cannot begin making headway until the girl is willing to invest in the interaction.
If you ask for investment before this point (the hook point) the girl simply refuses.
If you try and build commonalities she won’t give you anything, and if you try to break rapport she just uses it as an excuse to walk away.
What allows you to actually utilize the formula? The ability to hook a set. To build just enough curiosity that the girl is willing to act treat you like a person, rather than a non entity or someone she wants to get away from. In fact, asking questions before the girl wants to talk to you can have the opposite effect of asking them after she is interested. I call this negative investment.
Negative investment is where a girls distaste for you is exacerbated by you asking for investment from her. It creates space between her opinion of you and her opinion of people she doesn’t know. You’re getting further and further away from even being considered normal.
Let’s look at a set where the girl gets pulled in, taken from a set I ran at the Galleria in Houston:
Excuse me, so sorry to bother you, do you know where the nearest restroom is? I think I may have drank too much water, or perhaps my bladder just isn’t big enough. I wonder if I could get good parking for that. How often do you have to pee?
Uh… not TOO often…
You seem pretty comfortable at the moment. I may seem a bit off, but it’s just the caffeine. No hard drugs, I drive a lot, so I can’t be doing crack or heroin, as it wouldn’t be socially responsible. What’s your favorite recreational drug?
Um… alcohol?
Really? you look like a coke girl. All skinny and such. You must not be doing drinking too much, since you’re not a fattie. Unless you just burn it all off. Are you a triathlete? Or do you just get really randy when you’re drunk? No judgement.
haha, no, I just have a good metabolism
Have you tried alcoholic whip cream?
No but I really want to!
You have to come by, what’s the best way to get in touch with you?
phone… xxx-xxx-xxxx
Cool, what are you doing right now? I want Starbucks, walk with me.
I thought you had to go to the bathroom!
I just met you! I need trust, comfort, and connection before we can “go to the bathroom.”
giggles No! that’s not what I meant
Oh yeah, I must have forgotten about it talking to you. You have magical bladder expanding properties. We’ll hit one on the way to the coffee. I’m going to get something with chocolate…
So what happened here?
When I walked up the girl was not interested in talking to me, but she was pulled in because I had time to demonstrate more of my personality that simply delivering a line and waiting to see if she likes me. Often when the initial pattern of the interaction is question/response, it becomes apparent that the guy is actually interested in the girl very quickly, but he hasn’t shown her anything that would make her be interested in him, so consequently it’s “us vs them,” we’re trying to shatter the ‘ol bitch shield while they’re trying to get out of talking to us.
This rarely works.
Most of the time the sets that go well are the sets where the girl doesn’t have to think about your motivations until after you’ve shown her you’re a cool guy. In this interaction there’s enough initial talking so that rather than me vs her, it’s both of us working together.
Me and you VS the world, girl!
The other benefit of the ramble here is that is pulls her onto my rhythm rather than the other way around.
Most of the time when a guy talks to a girl the rhythm of the interaction looks like this:
guy: blah blah blah
girl: blahblahblah
guy: blah blah blah
girl: blahblahblah
guy: blah blah blah
girl: blahblahblah
guy: blahblahblah
Here the girl pulls the guy onto her rhythm. Not attractive. Every girl wants a guy with a stronger reality than themselves, and talking is like music, people speed up or slow down to it.
Beginning the set without space between your opener, qualifying statement, and transition helps you to pull her onto your rhythm, rather then the other way around. When guys say “be the music,” this is what they mean. Her reality is affected by yours, yours is NOT affected by hers.
Till next time guys,
If you don’t know what to say, just say something.
Love ya!
-The Braeden
