Why does your mind go blank in front of a hot girl?

Have you even been in the situation where you walk up to a hot girl and your mind goes completely blank, only to think of the best thing to say once you have left? If this is something you have experienced then you are in good company. There is not one guy I know who that this has not happened to the in the past. This post is about why it happens and the steps you can take to prevent it from happening from you in the future.

Our brains are wired and designed for survival, especially the male brain. There are two basic parts to the brain, the cerebral cortex (the outer part of the brain) and the R complex (the inner and oldest part of the brain). We take in information through our senses and this then activates the cerebral cortex for thought or the R complex for movement. When both parts of the brain work in synchronicity they we have both thought and movement, meaning we can react to situations whilst also thinking and rationalising about it giving you options in a situation.

When both parts of the brain are working in sync all is well, however depending on the situations and stimulus, only one part of the brain often reacts. When just the cerebral cortex works alone then all you have is thought and day dreaming. When just the R complex is activated then it produces emotional and physical reactions, this is how fears and phobias are structured. Thinking without movement and reaction without thinking are both critical for survival but it can leave us in trouble when we need to do the exact opposite.

So what makes the inner and emotional brain react without communicating with the cerebral cortex? The answer is fear, or at least perceived fear. When there is a perceived threat the brain switches to survival mode, by this I mean R complex is activated. Our speech centers are not directly linked with the R complex, so when you are reacting to survive, you literally cut off your access to your cerebral cortex to think and speak. When the perceived threat is past i.e. when the hot girl goes, then the brain starts to work in synchronicity again and you once again get access to thought and speech. So when in danger your mind goes blank, when in a relaxed state you have proper access to thought and speech.

 So what does all this neuroscience nonsense mean and how can it actually help you? Put it like this, when you are with your friends or family do you ever run out of things to say? Usually not, the reason because you know there is not a perceived threat from them and usually you actually have things to talk about. There are two areas you need to work on, firstly you need to learn how to be more relaxed when talking to girls, secondly you need to improve your conversation skills and have something to talk about.

Let us take the first part of the solution, becoming more relaxed when talking to girls, or as some of you guys call it “being in set”. The advice to be more relaxed when talking to girls is about as helpful as when girls say “just be confident” or “just be yourself”. If you have not had much success with women or not that great at talking to people in general, then making cold approaches to hot girls is going to create a lot of anxiety and fear.

Most guys who get into game want to be able to walk up and seduce any girl, anytime, anywhere, but this takes a lot of skill and practice. If you have problems striking up a conversation with a man or a women you do not fancy in the queue for the bus, then you are going to have real problems talking to girls you do like. The truth is that you can not be good with hot girls if you are not great with all people. Guys who are naturally good with women always tend to be with all people!

My area of work is helping guys reduce anxiety when talking with women and build self esteem, unfortunately I can not get to the bottom of your issues in a blog post but I can give you some tips to improve your success. Follow these three simple guidelines and I guarantee that you will have improved success with girls and people in general.

1) Start to make small talk with more people. If you work in an office make a conscious effort to speak to more people, even it is just asking them about their weekend. Try to elicit good emotions, memories and feeling from people and not bad ones. For example if it has rained all weekend and on the Monday morning in work, do not moan about the weather. Instead ask them what good things they did and take it from there.

2) Create mutual rapport with people. Walking up to a girl cold without knowing anything about her is hard, so instead go to events, clubs, societies, meetings, classes or anything thing where you have shared interests with others. When you have something else to focus on it shifts the pressure off you and therefore your mind is less likely to go blank. Try www.meetup.com and find local interest groups and go! I personally attend a range of events from hypnosis meetups to internet marketing workshops. Speaking to someone at a meetup where you have shared interests is so easy and effortless.

3) Do your research and have things to talk about. Recently I meet up with a girl who is really into promoting stand-up comedy events. Before I went to meet her I simply did a quick check on google news to see what was happening in the comedy world. That week Frankie Boyle had been in trouble over making some offensive jokes about the queen, Michael McIntyre has just announced he was going to tour the UK and play the O2 arena and BBC3 were launching a new program all about new stand-up comedians. From less than 2 minutes work I had 3 solid things I could talk about and get her opinions on.

Remember that you want to elicit good memories with people and make them feel good in your company. People like each other for the way they make them feel, so become good at making people feel good about themselves. By this I do not mean suck up to people, instead get them access long term memories. For example with the girl who was into stand-up comedy some questions I asked her included; do you remember the first joke you ever heard, who is your favorite comedian and why, what are some of the best gigs you have gone to, what is the best part about running comedy nights, who would you most like to perform at your gigs etc etc.

I hope that you have found this information useful and they you go out and try it. I would love to hear how you get on, please feel free to drop me an email at hypnomatt@puatraining.com. If you are still getting approach anxiety or your mind keeps going blank, then I am available in London for 1-2-1 sessions. I am a fully qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and I specialise in working with guys to help improve their inner game

Matt Kendall AKA HypnoMatt
PUATraining Master Trainer and Clinical Hypnotherapist

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It is that time of year again when I get bombarded with people giving me their advice on New Year’s resolutions and how to really “go for it”, “smash those barriers” etc. I work with people everyday helping them to achieve their goals in a practical and methodical manor. From working with hundreds of people I have noticed what really works and what does not. By keeping in contact with clients it has allowed me to track their progress and see the differences between those who make progress and those who stay stuck.

I have put together my top tips for making sure your goals are never reached and that you stay as you are, or even end up in a worse place. Follow these rules and be frustrated forever!

Make totally unrealistic and unattainable goals
Firstly you have to make completely unrealistic and unattainable goals. If you are 15 stone overweight then aim to be skinny, if you are broke then aim to be a millionaire, if you are single and never had a partner then make sure you want to be able to approach and seduce anyone you choose.

Remember at the first sign that everything is not going to plan, jack it all in and blame everyone and everything apart from yourself.

Ensure that you believe when you reach your goal, life will be pain free and super happy
OK everyone, time to think positively. Once you are skinny life will be amazing, once you are rich you won’t have any problems and once you have a girlfriend/boyfriend life will be just peachy. As soon as you reach this massive goal, everything is going to be fine. No more pain, no more suffering, no more living like you do now. All your problems just magically disappear.

Make it one giant leap, never make milestones
Never take small steps! As this time you are going to really do it, you just know it. On Monday morning everything will just happen and you will start to live your new life. If you are currently overweight and eat far too much, don’t worry as on Monday you will eat small portions of healthy food and be skinny by Friday. Hey, in fact as you are going to start your diet on Monday, you should eat as much bad food as you can before then!

Breaking super massive goals down into milestones is boring and silly, always make sure you make massive goals so you can really get the adrenalin going just thinking about it. So what if you currently eat 5 take-a-ways a week and never exercise, that Monday morning run and porridge breakfast is defiantly going to happen. You are going to really stick at your new lifestyle this time and not fall at the first hurdle. Make massive changes that completely contradict your way of life, it is the only way to make changes that stick!

Never get professional help
Professionals, bah what do they know. Just because they have spent years studying and working with people getting proven results, you should never go near them. Professionals cost a lot of money, just because they know their subject inside out and know how to get the results you desire, it doesn’t mean you should ever go near them. Instead why not do a bit of research on the internet, or better still buy a self help book. Now you are your own expert. Simple eh!

Never plan what you are going to do and when
It is dangerous to plan ahead, especially with all the fun you will be having with your super new life. Sitting down and working out a methodical and practical step by plan and gathering the resources you will need is a complete waste of time. Instead just think of the goal e.g. I want a million pounds, and just get started. You will just learn as you go along and soon you will have a million pounds and a great pain free life you have already dreamt about.

Just think it and you will achieve it. The universe loves you!
Fans of the film “The Secret” already know this proven and completely true universal law, “just think it and it will happen”. Are you broke? Then simply think about cheques and money being delivered to you and it will happen. Single and lonely, well just cut out pictures of people you are attracted to, put them on your dream board and soon they will be walking through your door and throwing themselves at you. Massively overweight? Simply stand in front of the mirror and picture yourself as being slim, there is no need to make any changes or exercise. Not when you know “The Secret”.

The universe loves you and it is there to serve you. Everything happens for a reason and all your wishes will come true. Remember to just think about what it is you want and it will be delivered every time. Know this amazing information how could you ever fail to achieve all your dreams?

Sadly I put this on a message board a couple of weeks ago and people emailed me to thank me for the great information and they are now following my advice. They actually thought they were serious steps to goal setting. Reading the above article you may think I am just a mean person, this is not true. I have worked in the field of change work for several years and I get frustrated when I see people profiting from other people’s pain.

Every year we fall for the same old tricks. Just turn on the TV or read the newspaper and look at all the adverts offering you an amazing new life. People who are desperate will buy and do anything to achieve their goals yet they have little direction, plans or even an understanding to why they want to achieve them.

If you are serious about making changes in your life then I can offer just a few simple tips;

Make a direction instead of a destination.
Instead of wanting to be skinny, aim to live a more healthy lifestyle. Instead of wanting to seduce everyone, aim to improve your social skills and talk to one or two people a day. By making a destination people are often lost when they arrive there and do not know which direction to then take, often they go back to the start as this is what they already know. A common form of this is yo yo dieting, once the weight is lost you do not know what to do so you simply go back to how you were before and the weight starts to gain again.

Work with professionals.

If you want the best results then work with people who can really help you. Put the self help books down, stop going on the internet trying to find that little tip, secret or product that will transform everything. Personal trainers, hypnotherapists, dieticians, doctors, financial advisors etc are all available. Yes it may cost you money, but how much is achieve your goals actually worth to you? Working with professionals also makes you accountable to someone and they can save you so much time, pain and wasted effort.

Make plans.
When making a goal, remember to put plans into place and prepare. I specialise in helping people with social anxiety and weight loss and I am always amazed at how people never prepare. If you want to become more sociable then you need to actually plan things to do, start to fill up your calendar and stick to it. If you want to eat more healthily then you need to go and buy and prepare the food to take to work etc. Without proper planning we tend to fall back into old habits.

Calm down!
Everyone wants to change overnight. Unfortunately that is not going to happen, and if it does then it is build on very weak foundations. I have worked with people who have been for weight loss surgery and they are surprised that they are gaining the weight back almost straight away. The fact is that their mind and habits are that of an overweight person, they simply do not know how to act as a thin person.

Aim to make small changes that you can stick to and make part of your daily and weekly life. Sometimes you need to take larger steps, especially to get going, but then introduce small and manageable changes that are not going to revert. When you make massive changes they are hard to stick to, once you fail on one it tends to bring everything crashing down.

Change your strategy, not the amount of effort
Human behaviour is often a strange thing. One major part of our behaviour that keeps is stuck is our desire to be right. We hate to be wrong and we tend to stick to what we know, even though it does not deliver results. Instead of changing our strategy, we put more effort into what we are already doing in an attempt to be right.

People get stuck in their own patterns and this leads to frustration and depression. A classic example is people trying to lose weight. They read every new diet book and try them all, yes they might lose a few pounds but it always come back. Others will tell them that diets do not work, but they don’t listen. Instead they keep buying the books and the products hoping that one day they will find the right one and the weight will fall off.

This is another reason why working with professionals is priceless, they can look at what you are doing and make simple yet highly effective changes. It often takes someone with an objective viewpoint to see the mistakes you are making.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

If you want help with your goals this year, drop me an email at hypnomatt@puatraining.com

HypnoMatt

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Hey guys,

New Year, New Experiences, New Accomplishments. Lets make it happen!

Do you ever get that little itch sometimes which makes you just wanna go dance? I get it quite a bit and was wondering why that was…Then it clicked!

It’s because when we dance we have no restrictions and no rules; and what better feeling than just being free? It sounds so simple and it should be but sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves that it makes us back out. What I’ve found is when you go out just to have a good time and fun with no specific expectations that is when you generally attract the most attention.

With that said, here is a really cool move that can help you kill it on the dance floor. Me and my friends like to do it just for fun and we call it the ‘Chris Tucker’. This usually helps get the party started, ENJOY!

Chris Tucker Dancing

Why not be free?

Ashley Shaw

Peace, Love and Joy

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Hey guys, hope all is well! Something I just wanted to chat about real quick is your being. Its something I have been real interested in because its about who you are. If you always choose to be 2^nd best, then that’s what you’ll be.

See guys there is a lot of power we possess within ourselves. Deep down we understand this but for some reason choose to deny it and generally fear can be the catalyst for this. Whether it is fear of failing, fear of rejection or even fear of success! As humans we sometimes like to look for something to place the blame on for example “women are all ‘b**ches because one approach didn’t go well”. Trust me when I say, I am not trying to take away any important relevance to experiences that we go through in life because some experiences can be really tough and crappy at times. Though as individuals we have to take the responsibility on how we are going to react to that given experience. A good way for example maybe during a real tough and crappy time I like to try and find that nugget of gold in that given experience because for me that keeps me grounded and positive. Again it may sound easy but if you actually try doing it, it is another story but is not unattainable.

You know I feel that the lives that we live we have a massive say in how it goes and I choose to believe certain things happen for reasons, reasons that we may never discover for long periods of time but it is not so much the reason that is important in that given moment but how we choose to react to the process of that important experience. And that is where I believe the inner power lies, CHOICE and what we do with it. Its like in the Matrix where Neo is given the choice to take the red or blue pill; an experience that has been added to his life for a reason and where his next choice will significantly change the course, the process of where his life will go next. Or where in the train station where he chooses to not run but stay and fight Agent Smith because that was the beginning of where he started to believe he was the ‘One‘. He began to accept who he truly was a powerful being and nothing less. Its like George Bernard Shaw said:

Now I’m ask you, what are you waiting for?

Ashley Shaw

Peace, Love and Joy

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Hi Guys,

I recently put a blog post up about a Free Annual Christmas Event that I run. There were loads of replies and unfortunately only a small percentage of replies received were able to claim a place.

As such I am running a Free Webinar for anyone that is interested – It is being held on 23^rd December 2009 11pm and will be a Full Two Hour Q&A session Free!!

Register via the following link:

https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/403467089

See you all there ;-)

Stay kool and keep gaming.

Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)

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Hey guys, hope everyone is well!

Just a quick one here. I’ve noticed that as the holidays are fast approaching, everyone’s mood seems to be up lifted. People seem to be doing things they don’t usually do, you know, like always smiling at people, greeting one another, basically just freely expressing themselves more. It‘s brilliant! Everyone is just (vibeing) off each other. If your going out during the holidays and hitting the clubs try to bring your own unique vibe to that atmosphere and definitely to the dance floor J , if you get a chance. The dance floor is full of different vibes; and having a great and unique vibe can be vital when attracting girls because it sets you apart. As opposed to them catching your eye it will be the other way round, you’ll be stroking their curiosity to the point where they’ll force ioi’s and open you.

People often think they have to have a thing in order to be a thing and so sit still and wait until that time comes, which sometimes doesn’t happen. For a second lets try it the other way around. If you had a great and unique vibe what would it be like? Is it smooth, sexy, confident, true etc. Have a think about it, what would it be like? And then what would you do, what would be your actions, your image because of that vibe? Once you’ve visualised it and then allowed yourself to experience it, then you’ll be it. Then there you will have it, you own great and unique vibe.

Why not display it?

Ashley Shaw

Peace, Love and Joy

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I thought I’d write a short article on raised eyebrows.

Naturally.

But I don’t mean are some over-English middle-classers scoffing over their Daily Mail (all English references!) at your (nothing but short of) heroic attempt to pick up a beautiful girl in the street. Those eyebrow mutinies have no effect on the seasoned Daygamer!

No, I’m referring to another kind of eyebrow retreat – the kind that can have a dramatic effect on your ability to impress the fairer sex during the day. It’s your eyebrows.

What.

The Fuck.

Are you talking about Andy?

Read on patient Daygamer.

I was teaching a student today and I noticed that every time he opened a hot girl he was RAISING his eyebrows to that of a surprised expression.

I asked him to ‘demo’ on me, and when he did his eyebrows had cunningly stepped back in line. Too late for the eyebrows though – I’d already seen their mischief and it was time to straighten them out.

The student was actually surprised to hear, that when he approached hot girls he was looking surprised.

I’ll tell you what I told him.

From where I was standing, the perception of this guy’s value was VERY different when he had a relaxed expression on his face (no eyebrow drifting) to when he approach with ’surprised eyebrows’. Where before he looked relaxed, and UNAFFECTED emotionally by the high value person infront of them, now he looked like he was ‘really really very very sorry to both her’.

Raising your eyebrows when you approach is such a subtle thing, but it goes in the same naughty box as raising your voice tonality, laughing and smiling too much, and carrying her shopping for her. All of these things communicate that you REALLY want her to like you so are willing to supplicate and change your behaviour from your normal persona in order to try and win her favour.

Here’s the equation:

Raised eyebrows = “Please like me”.

“Please like me” = “You are much higher value than me, so I really really really really want you to like me, as my sense of self is solely reliant on people like you thinking well of me. God forbid you DON’T like me, as this would mean that I suck balls and don’t deserver to live, your majesty.”

So make sure you keep your eyebrows in check. A sharp spanking should do the trick, or if they still try and show you up a sharp death threat (with your beard trimmer) should put the issue to bed.

To conclude, just remember that one of the defining traits of a high value person is CONSISTENCY in their behaviour, no matter who they are interacting with. When you meet are approaching a beautiful woman, do with your eyebrows what you would do when approaching any one of your best friends.

Unless your best friends always greet you by jumping out from behind a wall and screaming “AAARRRRGGHHH!”

In that case, just do what you would do if you were friends with normal people.

Andy Yosha
(http://www.puatraining.com/andyyosha)

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Hey guys,

I’ve just put together this report on follow-up game, which basically tells you how to get solid numbers and then get those girls on to dates.  I think you’ll get a lot out of it.

Download it here, right click and choose “save target as”.

You can check out my last guide, get in touch with me, and watch some of my videos by going to my profile here.    Please write your comments below, i’ll read them all and reply!

Stay kool and keep gaming ;)

Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam

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Hey guys,

Thanks for all the comments on the first part of my converting friends to girlfriends video, they are really appreciated. So I was going to wait until next week, but because of all the nice comments and especially all the personal emails asking me for part 2, I am releasing it now and please feel free to leave your comments or any emails to Dharam@puatraining.com maybe on videos you would like to see in future would be kool :-)

So I hope you guys enjoy and until next time, as always……

Stay kool and keep gaming.

Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)

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Hi Guys,

Today I am discussing a topic very close to me, as I use to always be that guy who was stuck in the Friends Zone, now if any of you guys have been there you know how frustrating it can be. Getting out of it was something that I learned pretty late on in game, as it is a different situation to every cold approach i’d ever done. However, once I cracked it, I felt like I had taken the red pill and been unlocked from the Matrix -- I adopted it as my style and live in the friends zone -- and primarily this is for two reasons:

1) It makes each set easier when you are simply aiming to make new friends; thus building up your social circle -- and not hitting on every girl you see.

2) I know exactly how to get out of the Friends Zone……..

And that is what this video is about -- Interested?? Well I hope this helps -- Enjoy :-)

Stay kool and keep gaming.

Your Friendly, Neighbourhood PUA Dharam ;-)

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